dietary guidelines

I saw this video a few days ago and laughed out loud. It is also relevant to what I'm thinking about lately.

Right now, I'm eating Craisins and trying to do work in Faunce. I was reading the back of the bag (it's that or Trends and Indicators in the Changing Health Care Marketplace). I discovered two interesting things.

1. The first ingredient is cranberries, and the second ingredient is sugar. There are also some other ingredients (pomegranate juice, elderberry juice, "natural flavor," the usual)
2. It is somehow billed as a healthy food.

Is something allowed to be called healthy if the second ingredient is sugar? They even have a little box on the back saying

"A 1/3 cup serving of Craisins Dried Cranberries = 1 full serving of fruit.

Diets rich in fruits and vegetables may reduce the risk of some types of cancer and other chronic diseases."

"Eat Craisins, and sugar, or you will probably get cancer."

I just find all of this so ridiculous. If you want to eat fruit and be healthy, eat fruit and be healthy. Do that. It's a good thing to do. If you want Craisins, eat Craisins. They're yummy. But I'm pretty sure they're not going to cure your cancer.

I am inclined to blame Americans as a general group for this kind of thing. Also, corporations. Somehow I think corporations are involved, just because it's easy to see something questionable and say "Aha! The corporations!" and people will generally believe you.

Love always,

Clara

somewhat deranged

First of all, you all need to watch this:

I always make fun of AOL's content (because my mom gets a surprising amount of her fluff-type news there), but this is genius.

Anyway. Moving on.

Last night may go down in history as the night it was established that every man has his price, and mine is 500 monopoly dollars.

Monopoly is my new second favorite board game. Scrabble is the first.

Life has been chaos lately, which is why I've been somewhat absent.

Me: This is something I think I got from my mom. Whenever a bad thing or at least an unforeseen thing happens, I start going through all the great other things that might also happen. I think it's a good thing, but also kind of deranged. This also describes my mother.

Hi mom!

Love always,

Clara

this is how thomas feels about sunglasses

I went to school today. By that I mean ISB, naturally. I don't even go there anymore, but I'm never sure I quite attended last year either.

I'd forgotten what the place was really like, to be honest. And then today I stepped inside C building and it all came rushing back and I thought, "Wow, I was here for a whole year and this was my school."

It was a very strange thought.

I turned up because the kids told me to, and because I wanted to see Mr. Tom. I did see Mr. Tom, and I hung out with the kids for a while, so it was a good day.

I've taken to calling them "the kids" because

1. They're still in high school which makes me laugh-out-loud.
2. No other names have really stuck.

We all watched some cool videos on youtube. I feel like they spend a fair amount of time watching cool videos on youtube. This one is my favorite:

Sometimes I think I am far too sophisticated to be entertained by random nonsense, and then I encounter random nonsense and I am very much entertained, and then I remember that I'm not actually sophisticated.

Love always,

Clara

with the parents again

Mom: Want some vino? Your dad and I are going to watch Rome.

Sometimes it occurs to me that I may as well not have left college. Things are actually not all that different over here.

Although watching graphic sex scenes at school is totally okay, and watching graphic sex scenes with my parents is totally not okay.

In related news, we watched The Kids are All Right tonight. It was great, except for all of those graphic sex scenes with my parents in the room.

There is something decidedly gross about that.

I, naturally, thought the happy ending was when the oldest daughter got to go away to college and escape the madness that was her domestic situation. I was literally cheering for it.

I think that every day for the next week, I'm going to post a quote without context from new years, because there are so many great ones.

So, here we go.

Quotes without context: Holiday edition #1

"If you let her film you, she'll tell you about her vagina in winter"

Love always,

Clara

december has been a bad blogging month for me

I so apologize. I'll blog twice today, because last night we watched Eclipse and I had a lot to say about it and then I got tired and went to bed instead of releasing my thoughts to the internet.

I have to say, I find both the male leads in that movie remarkably attractive. The thought occurred to all of us, more than once, that it was downright unfair that Bella should have two such fine specimens of the male form both head over heels in love with her.

Can we talk for a second about how Bella has basically no attractive/interesting qualities?

Amanda: Maybe I should start speaking in a monotone and tripping over things.

Me: I trip over things all the time! It doesn't help!

Seriously, she spends the entire movie blinking at people. She has one expression, and it is blankness.

Bella: [looks blank] I'm so glad you're safe.

... later...

Bella: [looks blank] I never wanted to hurt you.

... later...

Bella: [looks blank] I punched a werewolf.

I actually wish I were joking about that.

It's as if she's trying to be mysterious, except she has basically nothing to hide. There is no actual mystery. She's just boring.

So that bothered me. Also, the mormon undertones were out in full force in this installment. Edward has a long speech about how, while his soul is already a lost cause, he would never risk Bella's soul by sleeping with her. Because, obviously, sleeping with someone steals their soul. Just like making someone a vampire steals their soul. Vampires and non-virgins are basically the same thing, right?

Yeah. Thought so.

That bit was awkward mostly because we were watching with a couple little boys around the age of ten (we'd told them it was kind of an action movie). And their mother. She had been hoping the whole bit would go over their heads, but then we hear the older one ask, "MOM, WHAT'S A VIRGIN?"

Too funny. Anyway, Twilight continues to be a waste of time, except that Jacob is super hot, and Edward has this twisted romantic side at which I cannot help but swoon. Fifteen was the perfect age to read those books.

Love always,

Clara

this chick is super cool

This is a cover of "Whip My Hair" and you should watch it.

I found it on Jezebel, which is where I find a lot of things.

The thing about Jezebel is that it's an incredibly politically correct place. Moreso than Brown, I would venture, and that's a big deal. So I read the comments on this particular post, and they're all mostly concerned with the possibility that this is emblematic of some larger cultural tendency to "whiten" things and display them and say "look how much better that is!" and it's all very racist indeed.

I have two thoughts on this:

1. People ought not be racist. And there definitely is a tendency to make "whiter" versions of songs by black people. And maybe that does say something about society, but the people involved aren't to blame necessarily. This girl didn't wake up and say "Hey, I could improve this Willow Smith song by making it sound white," she woke up and said "I like that song. I've got a voice that kills. I should do a cover."

Maybe she didn't say exactly that. I don't know. I don't think it's overall making things homogenous, I think it's having a different creative interpretation, and it's easy to strip a complicated song down to guitar chords and vocal harmonies.

2. I love Willow Smith's swagger, I do, but I can't help but acknowledge that this cover is more likely to wind up on my ipod and I sure hope that doesn't make me racist.

Love always,

Clara

phenomenal!

I stubbed my toe on the way to class this morning. It was very upsetting.

Me: You guyssss I stubbed my tooooooe and it hurrrrrts. [note: I think that this is actually how I speak when I'm in a bad mood]

Benny: I'm sorry.

Me: Ugh. This day has had a phenomenal start.

Benny: Maybe that's because today is a phenomenon.

It's hard to be in a bad mood when you've been told that your day is a phenomenon.

Speaking of things that will alleviate a bad mood, if any of you are in the mood for some ribaldry, you should watch this because it is worthwhile and rather saucy.

Thursdays always get me in the mood for ribaldry, because thursdays are before fridays, and fridays tend to be quite saucy indeed.

Love always,

Clara

speaking american

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I'm mad jeal of all of yall going to the Deathly Hallows premier tonight.

Can I just say though that one of these people goes to my school?

Um, Boo-yah.

Love always,

Clara

*I know a decent number of you guys won't watch the video because, let's face it, videos take time and a minute and a half of commitment. I want you guys to know that I don't actually say "boo-yah." It's a reference to the video.

I just needed to clear that up.

the day gossip girl made the wrong point about feminism

I'm shocked about it, really.

If you haven't seen this week's episode, probably don't read this, but I'll try to avoid any major plot points anyway.

Blair is trying to get into some kind of position of power. This is nothing new. The particular position of power in question this week is the "face" of Girls Inc., a position held by Nate's cousin or aunt or secret mormon wife or something at the moment. She's getting old (like, maybe 30 ish but who can even tell on this show?) so she approaches Blair and is like "I want you to be the face of my company because you dated someone with my last name and you go to an Ivy League school and you're Blair." And Blair is like, "Super." And the woman is like "But wait. There's more. We're concerned about your personal relationships. You need to be an empowered woman."

So Blair explains emphatically that she and Chuck are nothing and that there is nothing to worry about and she is SO empowered.

Then some other things happen and it becomes clear to the Girls Inc. woman that Chuck and Blair are, in fact, not nothing. So she goes up to Blair and is like "We don't want you anymore!" and Blair is like "That's not fair! An empowered woman should be able to do whatever she damn pleases!" and the bitchy woman says "That's life."

So Blair got it right, except then she goes up to Chuck and says "Bitch woman is right. I need to be empowered before I can be with you. I want to be the secretary of state, not first lady. Clearly I can accomplish nothing if you're in the picture. See ya later."

Which is just wrong. Come on, Blair! Seriously?

She's buying into this whole bullshit notion that one must be hostile to men to be competent. It's this rampant either/or-ism that is so popular among older feminists and so frequently called out as nonsense by the younger of us. One must be feminine or a feminist, apparently. No middle ground.

Nonsense.

It reminds me, actually, of this article that I was reading yesterday. A professor of civil liberties and feminist history was mad that a student was dressing in a way that displayed her "assets." She immediately made the assumption that the girl in question didn't think she had anything else to offer. Can we all acknowledge for a second what a ridiculous leap that is?

One can be with Chuck Bass and be an "empowered woman." One can dress scantily and also be intelligent and capable.

Any "feminist" who says otherwise is completely missing the point.

As is Gossip Girl.

Love always,

Clara

adjacent to the ship

Kid: [asks question]

Professor L: Wow. You've jumped ship here. Well, you've jumped ship to an adjacent ship.

I found this hilarious for some reason.

Speaking of things I found hilarious, last night when I decided I really ought to watch the damn film for MCM, I discovered that it's in spanish. It's hard to find a spanish movie with english subtitles for free online. And the quality of said subtitles is not the greatest.

It's like everything went through Google translator... twice.

Professor C: Why Web 2.0 Suicide? Why this obsession with ending it all? Why do I want to retire in ten years and become a survivalist in British Columbia?

I swear, at the end of this class the professor is going to have a whole lecture saying, essentially, "GOTCHA! This doesn't mean anything!"

Love always,

Clara

slutty and weird

Last night, the Jameson kids (i.e. the kids down the hall who live in a building called Jameson, while I live in a building called Poland. Hint: It's actually all one building!) were watching music videos. They started off slutty.

Then they got just a little weird.

Some were weird and slutty.



And then this happened.

The moral of the story: Music videos are strange. And I'm lazy today. This post made a lot more sense in my head.

Love always,

Clara

holy sheep

So this just blew my mind.

Although, to be fair, a lot of things have been blowing my mind lately. I'm in this weirdly mentally unstable state lately, which I'm blaming on my headcold.

It's cold outside? AAAAHHH! NOOO!

There are vegan nuggets in the Ratty? OH MY GOD YESSSSS BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Something is funny? OH MY GOD I JUST DIED.

There is a person in my path? EEEAAHHHH?

I just can't seem to use my words.

Anyway, my reaction to this video was "AAAAH? WHAAAAT? THAT IS THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD!!!! EVER!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!"

Behold.

Love always,

Clara

oh my god puppy

Going to DC today. Not bringing my laptop. Will take lots of pictures.

Here's a blog post.

I'm obsessed with this dog.

His name is Boo and he is very famous.

Love always,

Clara

songs to distract me from scarring korean films

So today for Modern Culture and Media, we watched a highly relevant and critically acclaimed Korean film called "Oldboy". Basically, people lose limbs and tongues and teeth and incest is everywhere, and I don't recommend it.

So instead of talking about that any further, I decided it would be worthwhile to wander around youtube and post songs I like, and some intermittent real conversations.

John: They were so cute. I basically stalked them.

Genevieve: I stalked a couple in high school too. It was an interracial couple.

John: Were you friends with them?

Genevieve: No.

Alex: Does it rain when it snows?

Genevieve: It doesn't rain. It snows.

Alex: OH! The rain IS the snow!

In the process of writing this blog post, my headphones broke. This is not okay!

I am so angry. I've only had these headphones for like, a year, and they were fairly expensive, and I loved them so much because they were blue and I felt so cool when I wore them, and now they only play sound in one ear, which gives me basically the biggest headache in the world. Thanks a lot, Urban Outfitters. Now I'm using crappy earbuds which fall apart all the time.

Before I was in college, I'd complain for a bit and I'd buy some new ones but now I have to think about my purchases. So I'm tempted to just stay with my crappy earbuds or buy other crappy headphones, but those will just break just as quickly. And I'll be angry again, and they won't even be as good to begin with. And there's no solution, because I wouldn't be able to afford legitimately nice ones. And mine looked cool, and let's be real for a moment- the hardcore audiophile quality headphones all look ridiculous, and not in the way that I tend to strive for. Fuck this. I need happy music even more now.

No luck. The bad mood persists.

Love always,

Clara

the bird is the word

So right now I'm excited because twitter used a Freelance Whales song in their new-format-unveil video.

Can I just talk about twitter for a second?

I am a little bit obsessed with it. The twitter app on my phone was broken for a little while back there, and it made me so sad. Let me tell you why-

1. Remembering things. A lot of times something funny happens, I tweet about it so that I remember to mention it on the blog later.
2. Communicating with my awesome twitter-buds. This is also useful when I have a twitter-based nervous breakdown and people who know me in real life ask whither my mind has gone.
3. Showcasing my brilliant iPhone photography. Ish.
4. Drunk tweets.
5. Stalking people on their own terms. On twitter, people are sort of asking to be stalked, but they're the ones feeding the information in, so I think it's okay.
6. A reminder that Justin Bieber is still relevant in many parts of the world. Actually wait, I'd rather not have that all over my home page, thanks.

Anyway. All of yall should join twitter. It's phenomenal.

Also, listen to Freelance Whales.

That's all for tonight. Maybe I'll give you more authoritarian demands tomorrow. We'll see.

Love always,

Clara

hey there sydney dalton i think you're chill

This is when you know you spend too much time on the internet. I'm ashamed to even be aware of this debacle.

So here's the story. I'm paraphrasing Jezebel's coverage of the nonsense. This girl that you see above decided she would make an anti-Justin-Bieber video. It's sort of cute. In any case, I am well acquainted with awkward early-teen youtube moments, and am completely sympathetic to the way she will look back on herself later.

But you know those Bieber fans. They're not the most rational people. And by that I mean, I'm almost concerned that there are subliminal messages in his songs.

Which brings me to this video:

THIS GIRL ISN'T EVEN UNIQUE. Sydney Dalton and #slutneydalton were trending topics on twitter today. There is a massive army of awkward tween girls, and they're all pissed off at one person. And sending her DEATH THREATS.

For just about no reason.

I am so glad I'm older than this/not mentally unstable (oh wait, yes I am, but in different ways).

I'm cracking up right now.

Like... wow.

What is the world coming to?

There is also a point to be made about cyberbullying and such but this is too much of a joke for me to take anything seriously at the moment.

For the record (because I don't want to receive any death threats), I rather enjoy some of Justin Bieber's songs, but sometimes I have really bad taste in music, and I totally accept that.

Love always,

Clara

dancing panda

Enough with the real world.

Check out this panda.

He's going to find the guy who's climbing in your windows, snatching your people up. HE'S GONN FIND YOU.

Love always,

Clara

russian winnie the pooh!

The degree to which I enjoyed this is almost embarrassing.

Not that I speak russian or anything. But it was (for the most part) not that hard to figure out what was going on.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. At 1:52, when the fishes jump? I giggle every time!

do you have money?

Honestly, let's face it: if you have a computer, you probably have $25 to spare.
You should send it here. In the next four days.
You know why?



Because I want this movie to happen. And they're doing the fundraising on Kickstart, which is probably one of the better things about the internet to date. It's a fund raising website, where you set a time limit and a goal, and people donate money, but you're only charged for your donation if they reach the goal. The goal is $10000. The deadline is the end of the month. They've got $9,500 already.
This needs to happen!

So. Donate some money?

I think this issue is an important one, to be honest. I stole The Purity Myth from Katie and it sent me on this feminist streak that's been really interesting. Society is so weird when it comes to girls and anything sexual- it's all or nothing in most cases in the media, and that's ridiculous.
This documentary looks like it could really bring all the strangeness to light.

More info from one of my favorite blogs, here.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. If you donate $25, they can send you a signed copy of the DVD. So you're basically buying a DVD in advance, but if the DVD is never made, you don't pay for it.

you're watching afn

I've been watching a lot of TV lately, basically because summer is the only season that I have the spare time.

Watching TV here necessarily means watching AFN. We have like, 15 channels, which isn't bad, but they're pretty bizarre channels. Although, as long as I can get my fill of Law and Order SVU and trashy movies (currently watching: The House Bunny), I'm solid.

The commercials are all military-interest, which means they're all low budget and fairly strange. They advertise things like army chaplains or online courses or saving water, and they use comic sans ms with zero irony.

(There is, of course, a time and a place for Comic Sans MS. That time is 2008, and the place is my AIM default font, in magenta. That is all.)

I'd say the most bizarre part of all of this though are the ads that sort of, declare the channel. You know the ones, that are like, "You're watching this channel!" which are completely redundant, by the way, because who doesn't know what channel they're watching these days?

Anyway, they have these ads that I can only describe as absurdist.

Example 1:

A man is standing far away in a field. He runs up to the camera (stationary) and, panting, says "You're watching AFN!"

Example 2:

A man in a military uniform says something incomprehensible and then says "and you're watching AFN." There's a subtitle at the bottom of the screen, and it says, "whattheheckisthisguysaying?"

Example 3:

A man (dressed in plain clothes) approaches a man in a scuba suit and asks him, "Hey, which way to the commissary?" The scuba man says, "It's just that way," and the normal man thanks him and he's on his way. And then the scuba man faces the camera and says, "You're watching AFN!"

Just try to make sense of this.

Love always,

Clara