dancing panda

Enough with the real world.

Check out this panda.

He's going to find the guy who's climbing in your windows, snatching your people up. HE'S GONN FIND YOU.

Love always,

Clara

new songs, and me being a stresscase

I had an interesting night. Instead of going into it, I'm going to show you the music I downloaded today.

Internet Killed the Video Star - The Limousines

Young Blood - The Naked & Famous

Corporation Town - Thomas Patrick Maguire

Kiss With a Fist - Florence + The Machine

Sorrow - The National

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

When I'm Alone - Lissie

I've decided I need to make a playlist for "Things in general are not so bad or scary". I've always been a crazy stresscase. I try to pretend that I used to be a crazy stresscase, but that's a lie. I've just gotten better at talking myself down from things.

Sometimes though, I can't totally talk myself down. And I go straight back into stresscase-mode.

When I was younger, I'd get sent into this state by little random things (that my mother would tell you were just projections of greater issues). If I didn't think I'd unplugged the glue gun, I'd stay up at night in a cold sweat with a stomach ache just thinking about my impending doom, and plotting possible ways to get down to the basement/craft room without alerting my parents to my insanity.

Getting slightly older, this would be prompted by an unprovoked certainty that I was failing 10th-grade-world-history (because I got a B on the last essay and haven't done my reading for this week and it's already thursday OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS OVER). And there was no unplugged glue-gun that I could check. I could get up at two in the morning and do the reading, but that wasn't a done deal.

Anyway, I think that I need a playlist to combat these moods. One can't always get up in the middle of the night and run to check the glue gun or do a week's worth of World History reading or dash off to the emergency room.

Sometimes, you need to sleep.

Maybe one of these days I'll get a good night sleep. Perhaps on the airplane back.

Perhaps not.

Love always,

Clara

four days until i leave, and this is what i've got

Things found in one of my college suitcases:

1. No fewer than four scarves
2. Hooker boots
3. Several white T shirts
4. A leopard print Snuggie (tm)
5. A little globe. (It's blue!)
6. Some anarchist art
7. My Mclean Youth Lacross windbreaker from sixth grade.

Still the only windbreaker I own. I can't imagine how big that must have been on my 6th-grade self.

I feel like college is a joke.

A very funny one, at that.

Love always,

Clara

not even if it were in malibu!

I tried to explain the premise of The Purity Myth to Grace last night.

I'm not sure I got anywhere.

Now I'm at home wondering what to do with myself. I'm organizing a night out tomorrow night, so that's something, but right now I'm at home telling my parents that no, I wouldn't like to play cards with them, actually.

Obviously, in my spare time I talk to David about political issues.

Me
and you know the area around ground zero isn't all hallowed ground anyway
David
sometimes i think there should be stimulus spending for cocktails
Me
there's a strip club on the same block
and GOOD IDEA
boost the economy AND calm everyone down
David
are you saying strip clubs are not hallowed ground?????????????????

We are such serious pundits. There is definitely a talk show career for the both of us somewhere out there.

Now we're discussing the fact that he didn't end up going to Pepperdine.

David
im still sad i am not living in malibu though, but i realized it would be like going to rehab for 4 years
Me
i'd rather not go to rehab
even if it WERE in malibu
David
thats like amy whinehouse, only polite rich girl remix
Me
hahahaha
David
"i'd rather not go to rehab even if it were in malibu no no no!"

David comes up with the greatest song lyrics. Here's a list.

Reasons David should be a Lyricist:

1. "I aborted my crush on you! hoo hoo hoo!"
2. "Blame it on the ve-e-e-e-e-eggie cheese!"
3. "i'd rather not go to rehab even if it were in malibu no no no!"

David should put this blog post on his resume because I am recommending so many professions for him.

Kyle

i totally walked past your house today

That's not creepy at all.

Love always,

Clara

real live humans

It's been a wonderful day for a skype-chat. I'm telling Mackenzie about our crazy house-guests.

Me: They're like, real live humans now, not just random fetuses.

Mackenzie just found out that her campus is dry, and fairly serious about it, but not too serious, thankfully.

Me: At least you're not going to Brigham Young.

Mackenzie: What?

Me: The mormon university?

Mackenzie: Oh. I thought you said Bring-Him-Yum. Like, bring him the goods. I was like... what?

She would.

On an unrelated note, tonight at dinner, we got into a conversation about Star Wars with the "real live humans".

Me: Are the Jedi humans though? I'm not really sure.

Addison: They are, they are! Um... but... they are but they aren't.

Me: Exactly.

Someone gave us a flamboyant Bern-themed flask. It's got Bern-pride tassels and a Bern bear and Bern colors everywhere. I kind of want to bring it to college with me, as the requisite swiss-paraphernalia.

Mom is not sure that this is a good idea.

I think it's a great idea.

I could just put it in my dorm room and admire it from a distance. It could go right next to my globe and my postcards because I am just so international.

I hope I don't become obsessed with my world travels.

It seems likely, unfortunately.

Mackenzie: My singing lumberjack man... the man of my dreams.

I can't even comment on that.

Love always,

Clara

things that make me smile

This seems like a valid and worthwhile exercise.

• Proper grammar.
• Marina and the Diamonds
• Postcards (but not sending them)
• Pretty photography
• Ellie Goulding
• Being obsessed with my music statistics on last.fm (link on the right, for the curious)
• There's this bouncy ball that my boss had on her desk and I've stolen it and now it's on my desk and I play with it when my attention span crashes and burns (as it tends to do)
• My iPhone
• When grown women read Twilight as if it were some kind of legitimate literature
• Coleridge
• Keats
• Kerouac
• Camus
• Alliterations that make me sound perhaps more intellectual than I am
• "Indeed." "Indeed what?" "Indeed speaks for itself!" "Oh? And what does it have to say?"
• An Alaskan Silverwolf typing up a quick confidentiality agreement on his treehouse iMac
• Little Weirdo stories
• Big dogs
• Little dogs
• Chili dog
• Wikipedia
• Beans on toast, and the associations this snack now has
• Naked romps that lead to jail (Buy yourself some clothes at a rummage sale! Naked plans lead to epic fails!)

I acknowledge that this list probably stopped making sense about halfway through.
That's okay. This is my blog and I don't have to be comprehensible if I don't feel like it.

Love always,
Clara

um guys packing is hard

So I just started legitimately packing. I've managed to fit probably half my wardrobe into one pink (monstrous) suitcase. I'm impressed by my ability to increase the density of my apparel.

Speaking of things that are only impressive to me, check out my ability to make packing skills sound like some kind of scientific achievement!

I'm not sure about this whole college thing. Packing my clothes sort of reminded me that it would in fact be me going to Brown in twelve days, and not some idealized super-capable future version of myself. If this college-attending person is wearing my clothes, she's probably me.

The problem is that I can't visualize it. Every time I picture college, I picture myself alone in my room, without friends, without any involvement in anything, and without good grades, trying to watch Gossip Girl and pretend life isn't happening.

I know this is preposterous.

I managed to make friends this year (after a few, shall we say, false starts), and I was probably involved in every extracurricular group short of the basketball team (and, I was involved with a member of the basketball team, and I think that counts). And hey, my grades were good enough to get me into Brown in the first place.

So obviously I'm not a friendless boring sloth in real life.

But I have this horrible irrational fear that I will become an incredibly drab person as soon as I arrive at this wonderful place.

Anyone else freaking out?

Love always,

Clara

P.S. The weird part about this is that I know at least a couple future classmates of mine read this, and hopefully I'll develop something of an audience once I get to college.

What if they eventually read this post and become aware of my insecurities? Heaven forbid.

These are the paranoid thoughts I have. Hi, future classmates.

gotta get my shit together gotta gather my shit

I downloaded some new music today.

Nothing But Change, Pt. 2 - Harlem Shakes

Challengers - The New Pornographers

A Message - Coldplay

Signs - Bloc Party

Slow Show - The National

Warning Sign - Coldplay

Not a huge load, but I'm a fan of all of it, and that's what matters, right?

Our houseguests are freaking me out.

They're wonderful people, really. My mom's old assistant (from an absurdly long time ago) is here with her husband and three young daughters, all of whom are completely adorable, by the way.

The issue is, when I was about twelve, I sort of semi-babysat for them, as a summer job. She was pregnant with her youngest. Her oldest was three.

Now, this girl whom I knew only as a baby bump is six years old. The oldest is nine! And they're all adorable and charming.

What the hell?!

In other news, I've been in Switzerland for a year today.

Also, I leave for America in ten days.

I need to start packing...

Love always,

Clara

we should all be more like bananas

I was reading the back of my cereal box this morning (as I tend to do), and came across this line--

"We should all be more like bananas."

Apparently bananas have the ideal lifestyle, and we should aspire to be more like them.

I hadn't realized this was the case.

Didn't bananas cause some serious civil unrest in South America?

Not sure I want to be like a banana.

Yesterday I skyped with David. When he's at his summer house, he tends to skype with me from his bathroom for various architectural reasons.

Me: David!

David: Yep, here I am, in a dimly lit room, sitting on the toilet. You know how I roll.

He had some pretty funny stories about girls with dry hair and kids who are just discovering parties and being a high-class chauffeur. Then we talked about America's problems. It was awesome.

I've got to go, because I'm only on chapter 8 of my current Pretty Little Liars book, and I want to know what's going to happen next.

Love always,

Clara

cool photo, yeah?

the lights that turn me into stone, originally uploaded by csb324.

I just really like this picture and wanted to post it.
Yeah I took that.

Love always,
Clara

i'm so itchy

I got probably a million bug bites today.

Now I'm debating whether to go to work tomorrow. I probably should. I have things to do there.

Today I brought Chili to work. I decided he and I both needed some excitement.

He, of course, ended up sitting on the floor under my desk, bored out of his mind. I told him, welcome to office life. He made this horribly sad whining noise.

I agreed.

Now I'm talking to Chris. I'm not sure why I do that.

Me
yeah i color outside the lines too
i'm a crazy badass like that
Chris
colouring outside the lines is a sign of incompetence
Me
i'm post-competent
Chris
not bad-assness
post-competent?
Me
like, post-structuralist? or post-modern?
like, i've gone through the "competent" phase and now i've moved on to "post-competent"
Chris
like door-post?
Me
post-morality?
Chris
or fence-post
or even better
post-man
Me
(i am literally shaking my head right now)
Chris
post-card

Like... wow.

He doesn't realize that he's basically an existentialist. I've tried to explain it to him.

I spend a lot of time explaining things like existentialism and Freud and the passive-perfect-participle to the kids here. They don't seem to be absorbing much of it.

Except Simone. He's really absorbing this Freud business. I think it haunts him a little bit.

Earlier I was talking to Chris about leeches. How we get onto these topics is so beyond me.

Chris: Leeches suck.

Me: Literally!

Chris: No, figuratively.

Me: That was a pun. I was really proud of it...

Chris: Oh.

I can't wait to go to a place where people understand when they're being existentialist and will put up with my puns. I sure hope Brown is that place. I feel like it will be.

Love always,

Clara

stories of romeo

I ran into Percy's brother Romeo the other day and we had a priceless encounter that I really can't repeat here. Romeo is 14.

I'm talking to Percy now.

Percy

romeo is crazy

Clara

romeo is hilar

adi would have been like "oh hi whatever" but romeo was like "OHHHHHHH"

Percy

yea

hes just funny

one time my parents came home late

and he was standing right in front of the fridge

and like 2 am

and they are like what are you doing

?

and he says

im taking my medicine

but he was making toast

Clara

hahahahahahahahahaha

We generally run into one of Percy's brothers when we go to the pool, because they live around there.

Apparently Romeo has asked the same 8th grade girl out maybe three or four times. He will grow up to be relentless like his brother, although, by the looks of it, less successful.

Went shopping today. Wasn't I just thinking about how I have far too much clothing? Whatever. I bought very practical things like soft v neck shirts and dark wash jeans (because obviously I don't have enough of those).

(But really. All of my dark wash jeans lose their darkness after a couple months. Mom theorized that I wash them too much, but I really don't! Generally I'll wear jeans a few times before I wash them)

I also packed a suitcase of things for college. They're things I won't see until October (long story involving not-going-home-until-christmas), but it's a step.

That's what I've been up to.

Love always,

Clara

last night

i get knocked down, originally uploaded by csb324.

I spent almost the whole time taking sweet pictures like this one.

Love always,
Clara

some songs

I bought some songs!

Jump In the Pool - Friendly Fires

Black & Blue - Miike Snow

Always Like This - Bombay Bicycle Club

I Don't Know What to Do - Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson

Green Eyes - Coldplay

Let Your Love Grow Tall - Passion Pit

Runaway - The National

Ready to Start - Arcade Fire

Mine - Taylor Swift

I don't know why it took me this long to download Jump In the Pool. I sing it in my head every time I jump into a pool, or someone else jumps into a pool, or someone even tangentially mentions swimming pools.

Also, my love for TSwift will never die.

Love always,

Clara

i like being smacked around a little bit.

I went out tonight and took a million cool pictures. I learned how to drag the shutter all by myself, using the power of logic and absolutely no outside instruction.

I was very proud.

Totally stole the concept from Ella B (who obviously invented it). I've been stalking her photos on facebook because apparently she went to super-cool-photo-camp.

Anyway, I felt the need to disclose that.

Amelia: Cacy's drunk! She says her poodle has bunions!

Cacy: That's a lie! I don't even have a poodle!

We went to the park and spun people around on these playground toys. I mostly photographed.

Now I'm skyping with David. He's telling me about a pretty sad attempt at being served underage. The girl would, upon being asked for ID, pretend she had no idea what was going on.

David: So I was like, did you want the waitress to think you were already retarded, so she couldn't damage you any further with some alcohol?

David: So after she'd been smacked around by the waves a bit, she decided it was too much for her. I think that's the fun part though.

Me: Yeah, I like being smacked around a little bit.

It's true. There are very few things I enjoy more than going into the ocean and getting knocked around by nature.

I really should go to bed now though. I've got work tomorrow.

David's telling me about wordplay though, and I'm finding it hard to drag myself away.

David: So here's the mad sick nasty wordplay. I mean, I don't want to build it up too much. It's just wordplay.

That's wordplay, bitches.

Love always,

Clara

russian winnie the pooh!

The degree to which I enjoyed this is almost embarrassing.

Not that I speak russian or anything. But it was (for the most part) not that hard to figure out what was going on.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. At 1:52, when the fishes jump? I giggle every time!

simone meets freud meets my mother

Kyle and I tried to explain Freud to Simone last night.

That went well.

Simone: That fucking guy is so fucked, man!

Somehow, being told that he secretly wanted to get nasty with his own mother didn't go over so well. I can't imagine why.

I was actually out with my cousin and his harem of Georgia boys last night, but they decided to go in early and watch Zoolander. I wasn't going to question that decision; Zoolander is unquestionably one of the greatest movies of the last twenty years. I wasn't in the mood for an early night though, so I stayed out a bit longer.

This resulted in extreme judgment from my mother. What else is new?

I really don't know what her issue is lately. I'm sure she or some other family member will read this and have their own comments, and I welcome that below (see: Comments). She's spent the past few months being as judgmental as humanly possible, perhaps in a misguided attempt to preserve my 16 year old self before I go to college. I'm not sixteen though, and I don't think she would actually ask me to regress if I asked her explicitly.

Dad has said that she's just worried because I'm going to college and she won't be around to monitor my activities anymore. I'm of the opinion, naturally, that she's in no position to monitor my activities anyway, seeing as I'm legally an adult, and I have pretty good judgment anyway.

I've made far more good decisions than bad ones. They should all trust me by now.

But, for whatever reason, she doesn't.

This is bothering me.

Back to Freud.

In the Oedipus Complex, the child in question feels that to become powerful, he must overthrow the current dictator, his father. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that this is what's going on right now. My mother thinks she should be the one calling the shots for me, and I'm going to reject that.

(I would call that an Electra Complex, but I really don't want to get penis envy involved in any of this)

Anyway, that's been my life lately.

Love always,

Clara

i'm so judgmental (?!)

I've realized something startling about myself.
I am really judgmental in one particular area.
I'd always considered myself a pretty easy-going non-judgmental person. To each his own, right?
Apparently I've been lying to myself. Because if someone is walking around with an "@yahoo.com" email address, I'm going to assume they're a fourth grader. And if you still have a "@aol.com" address that you use on a regular basis, I want you to know that you don't have to pay for dial up anymore, so it's okay to switch. And if your email address in any way references tigger, and you're on my spouse-list, I'm going to wonder who you are and why you're doing this to yourself.

I'm an email-address bitch.

I just spent fifteen minutes plugging email addresses into my contact list so that I can inform the spouses about things when my boss is gone, and I spent the whole time judging people. I've found that the only email addresses I respect are ones that end in "@gmail.com" or ".gov". I suppose I would also respect a ".edu", but I didn't see any of those so I'm going to say that's irrelevant.

Why do so many people use yahoo? Or hotmail?
Gmail is so much better! Come on, guys! Join the 21st century! We're a whole decade into the 2000s! You do not need to be using Yahoo!

I may make this my new personal cause-- to spread the word of Gmail and convert the heathens. Wish me luck.

Love always,
Clara

living arrangements!

I know where I'm living next year!

And it's a cool place!

And I know with whom I'm living too!

Hooray!

Such a good mood. I checked my email at chris's house, because I'm a freak, and all the info was there. I'm living on Keeney quad, which is full of freshman and apparently really lively, and my roommate is from Massachusetts and her name is Genevieve and she likes Passion Pit. That's basically all I know about her, because she hasn't accepted my facebook friend request yet.

I also sent her an email.

Perhaps I'm a little too enthusiastic.

I should calm down.

This is so exciting though.

So exciting that it's kept me up 45 minutes past my bedtime. I should really sleep at some point, preferably soon.

I started rambling to Chris and his brother about the importance of mini-fridges for the purpose of buying little iced coffees and keeping them cold.

Me: So, if I want an iced coffee in the morning instead of a proper breakfast, I can take it from my mini fridge and not have to buy one! It's so useful!

Chris: *looks at me as if I am mad*

Me: It's a normal thing to do! Andrew, you're in college. Isn't keeping iced coffees in your mini fridge a normal thing to do, if you like iced coffee?

Andrew: What? I don't know. I mostly kept beer in mine freshman year.

Me: Oh... my country doesn't really let you do that...

I was serious about the iced coffee. Also, diet coke. I'd really only like a mini-fridge for the purpose of keeping my caffeine chilled.

I love college already.

Love always,

Clara

wooosh!

Okay, I'm home and sort of rested.
Let's talk about europe.

Best vacation ever. Paris was gorgeous. We went to museums and went shopping and avoided most of the touristy areas. And we cooked. I made bruscetta. Eleni and I ran around with false identities calling everyone grapefruits. It was awesome.
Then we went to Berlin and became obsessed with their traffic-man, the Ampelmann. I bought some art from this anarchist community in an abandoned warehouse. We ate currywurst. I discovered that canadians are strangely drawn to me. Not sure what that's about, but it's a bit alarming.
The train from Berlin to Prague was a mess but we made it and that's what's important. Prague is absolutely beautiful. We went to a castle and a bar crawl and a classical music concert. We came back to our hotel room and ate breakfast cake with nutella.
Three short flights later we're in Santorini, in the back of a taxicab with a madman, with whom I was probably rude. Worth it. We discuss my entitlement. I would say "entitlement issues" but I don't see any issue with thinking I deserve not to be killed in the back of a taxi or be overcharged for margharitas or forced to stand on a public bus. If all the seats are taken, fine, but if there are free seats, who says anyone else deserves to sit any more than I do?
We swim in the water. We go to a volcano. We swim in hot springs. We take naps, we take busses, we learn to like tomatoes. That last one was just me.
I walk into a potted plant. That's what you get for trying to walk and text at the same time.

All the while, we're reading Pretty Little Liars out loud, reading epic lines like "Hanna's adam's apple bobbed" and "Rain made Aria think of rainy days" and "woosh!"
We are entertained.

Now I'm home and I'm actually at work.
Promise me that if I ever begin to think a job in an office sounds like fun, you will all find me and smack me and redirect me to these recent blog posts. It's all bitterness and bitchiness and obsession with protocol. And I am not a fan.

Yesterday I went for coffee with Chris because I needed to get out of the house. I'm in this state of mind that I'm an independent person, and being in my home just puts me in the jurisdiction of people whom I don't need. Being out of the house means I'm on my own.
I leave for college in 22 days though.
I really need that.

Love always,
Clara