the disadvantages of being floral.

Just so you know, the title is supposed to be a reference to "The Perks of being a Wallflower," but I'm not sure it worked, because people don't immediately link the words "disadvantage" and "perk". If the book were called "The Advantages of being a Wallflower," that would be a lot better for the purposes of my attempts at humor.

Anyway, I tried. Insert cleverness above, if you are not satisfied.

I went out last night, wearing a skirt that I borrowed from Grace. Or, rather, I bought it for her for christmas, and she didn't like it, so I asked her a couple weeks ago if I could have it. So now it's mine. And I really like this skirt- it's one of those banded ones, and it's black with red flower-looking-things and little green leaf-looking-things. It's great.

So I'm wearing this with my legitimately-comfortable-heels (which I wear everywhere) and a white t shirt.

I should have counted the number of awkward come-ons I got from the rando swiss guys. Walking through kleine schanze, I had to pass through a group of older men who went dead silent.

Then one offered me money. Great.

Chris: I really like that skirt.

Me: Good. So does every guy in kleine schanze.

Speaking of counting things, I counted 119 DSLRs in Venice on our second day. It was really fun. I told Dad about the count after lunch; he said that counting things is pretty characteristically OCD, not that I have any of that or anything. Then he helped.

We did a walking tour the other day, and then a boat tour in the evening. One couple that was on our walking tour was also on our boat, so when we were getting off, dad asked jokingly, "So, what are we doing tomorrow?" because I think slightly-creepy-questions is his sense of humor sometimes.

And we start chatting with this couple while trying not to fall into the Adriatic. And then I see a camera and I go "Oh dad, by the way, 117" or something. And then I have to explain myself.

Me: See, I'm counting hardcore cameras that I see on tourists today. It's fun; it's like being on a scavenger hunt all the time! Not that I sound like a huge dork or anything...

Couple: *Slowly back away*

Anyway, that's been the past couple days. I spent almost all of yesterday on trains.

Love always,
Clara

venezia

... is a beautiful city.

I just woke up and dad's in the shower so let me just do a brief recap of yesterday because it was fun, but probably not that interesting to other people.

1. Wake up
2. Crazy family drama
3. Dad and I get on train
4. Switch trains
5. Get on different train
6. Eat lunch on said train
7. Get off train
8. Take a boat somewhere
9. Locate hotel
10. Wander around
11. Have dinner

While we were at dinner, we made friends with the couple next to us . The man was celebrating his 70th birthday, and they'd been married fifty years, and they were Icelandic. The woman (who I think had Alzheimer's or something) kept reminding us of that.

"Oh no, we're not from here... We're from iceland"

She also kept reminding us of the fact that she was eighteen when she married her husband.

That's a weird thought. I could get married right now.

No thank you.

Anyway, we ate and then we came back to the hotel room and watched 2012 and then we went to sleep.

Fun day.

Today we're going on a thousand tours of various kinds. It'll be sweet.

Love always,
Clara

back me up?

Problems with dating a Canadian: they're deeply jealous of their neighbors to the south, and so, due to reaction-formation (holla, Freud) (double holla, AP Psych) (is 'double holla' a thing?) (whoa there parentheticals), do a lot of hating on the US of A.

I got in an argument today.

And so, I have compiled a list of good things about America.

1. Americans are really friendly. In the summer of 2007, I went to Chicago with my parents. One night while my dad was at a dinner or a meeting or something (we were there for "work"), Mom and I went to explore Michigan Ave, shop, eat, do tourist things, et cetera. We literally somehow managed to strike up conversation with a stranger on a street corner, and she ended up GIVING us a POLAROID that she had taken of one of her favorite restaurants. Which was great, for the record. That doesn't happen in other places.
2. America is huge. So we have a lot of climates. Are there beaches in Canada? Okay, maybe. But are they nice? No.
3. Also, America is huge, so we have a lot of cultures. Being in New England and being in Mississippi and being in Los Angeles are not the same thing. And there are about a thousand places in between.
4. We're remarkably entrepreneurial. Bill Gates couldn't happen anywhere else. Neither could Google. Neither could Barack Obama.
5. I'm under the impression that we basically invented the middle class. Which is pretty cool.
6. We definitely invented suburbia (oh hey, Levittown). And usually I'm not a fan of sprawling nothingness, but I can explain why it could be considered a good thing: People who don't make a huge amount of money can have really nice houses. What I'm really trying to say, is that in America, you don't have to be wealthy to have a great life. And I feel like part of that phenomenon is due to the rise of suburbs.
7. We also invented the Bill of Rights. And while I'm still not a huge fan of bearing arms, freedom of religion is pretty sweet. Switzerland could have uses some of that a few months back, when the ban on minarets was voted-on. I'd like to believe such a resolution would never pass in America, although I can't be sure.
8. We have Michael Phelps.
9. We, collectively, really love our country.
10. I think the Revolutionary War was pretty badass. Also, I think the actual Boston Tea Party is something we should model our lives after (although, these people who would say they agree with me, are completely missing the point and need to suck it up. They are represented in Congress [unfortunately, but that's our awesome government that gives everyone a voice]. The colonists weren't bitching because they didn't get their way.) (Oh wait but some state did right before the Civil war.... Hey Tea Parties! Secede! I won't mind!) [Note: I don't actually think that's a good idea. Just clarifying.]
11. Our economy keeps everyone else's economies going. If we disappeared... that's a huge market, gone.
12. Hollywood is ours.
13. Americans are innovative.
14. Yeah we're fat... but... we don't smoke? Literally there's a direct inverse proportion between our smoking over time and our obesity over time. So, rock on for that.
15. Star Spangled Banner, apple pie, all of the cliches that we've grown to love.
16. We had a lot of wilderness that had yet to be explored.

Do you think I meant country matters?

I sat at Starbucks for two hours this afternoon finishing a math exam.

Then I watched Skins.

Love always,
Clara

kleine schanze

This is the park otherwise known as "Hooker Park", but that's only at night.

I knew if I came home today, I'd get distracted from my math exam (and here I am, blogging, so yeah, I was definitely right) so I spent a bit of time trying to make progress on it in the park.

So I walk into this park and there are benches everywhere and most of them are occupied, and I see the absolute perfect thing, which is a picnic table (and there's only one). So I start walking towards it, and then this random 20-something couple decides to sit down. So I have to awkwardly turn around and sit down at like, the closest possible place, which happened to be this weird quasi-bench thing. I figured they probably wanted to have a picnic or read a map or something, and I'd steal the picnic table away when they were done. So I pulled out my exam.

And it turns out, they don't use the table part of it at all; they're just nuzzling each other and whatnot, which they could totally have done on any old bench, including the one I was using, so I would have been happy to trade.

The only reason I know this is that every time I lost my math-focus I'd start wondering when they'd give up the table, or whether they'd left it yet, and I'd look over, and they'd be making out, and I'd feel like a giant creeper. I almost wanted to say to them, "I'm not trying to stalk your lovefest; I just really want that table."

Eventually my quasi-bench got unbearably uncomfortable so I figured I might as well sit in the grass, and I found this great spot against a tree. And then I realized that positioned that way, I was literally staring right at them every time I looked up.

And eventually they left and I stole the table but I figured out about thirty seconds later was that the reason they left was that the sun had moved so the table was in the shade. And it was freezing. They completely hogged the sunny table, which would have been lovely for math-exam-taking. I was (read: still am) bitter (read: randomly furious).

I seriously considered asking them to move so that I could have the table (which they totally weren't using), but I don't have enough faith in my german. I envisioned it going down something like this-

Me: Can I table use?

Couple: *confused looks*

Me: Can I... Your table?

Couple: *bewilderment*

Me: Ummmmm Auf Wiedersehen?

I also entertained the idea that I might sit down at the same table (because they were ONLY USING ONE SIDE OF THE BENCH-PART, SO THEY TOTALLY COULD HAVE BEEN ON A BENCH) and just start working and see if they felt awkward.

I was seriously *this* close.

And now I'm really angry that I didn't, because I really wanted to pleasantly do math work in the sun.

The only reason I'm not completely suicidal about this whole mess is that I saw a man with a beard and a top hat (a metal-looking top hat, if that makes sense. Not like it looked like it was made out of metal, but it was the sort of top hat that indicated that its wearer liked metal) riding a bicycle on my way home.

Also, random real conversation of the day-

Thomas: Is this in any way connected to what we were talking about?

Me: Yeah I'm getting to that part. Outdoor parties, is the point of this.

Thomas: Then why are you talking about Darfur?

Bonus points to the Potomac kids who can figure out where I was going with that.

Love always,
Clara

so um even more music?

I'm having a giant crazy music moment this week/month/year/life.

You know the drill.

Your Heart Is an Empty Room - Death Cab for Cutie

Broken Horse - Freelance Whales

Our Younger Noise - Letting Up Despite Great Faults

I Think You Know - Julia Nunes

Your Side Now - Trent Dabbs

August - Julia Nunes

North By North - Faded Paper Figures

One Thousand Nine Hundred and One Foks (immuzikation blend) - Phoenix, Peter, Bjorn, and John

Skinny Genes - Eliza Doolittle

I like that I started doing this in Nantucket in summer of 2008, because I was having a giant camp moment and wanted to download a whole sackful of music, and I was simultaneously going through my I-must-blog-every-single-thing-I-do phase.

And it stuck.

I like that.

Love always,
Clara

so profesh

I subbed a class today. Not even joking.

I'm sitting there by myself in the student lounge doing physics work (which is going to end up killing me, by the way) and I see Mr. B walk by and I sort of make friendly eye contact.

About three minutes later, he comes back and into the student lounge.

Mr B: Hey, what are you working on?

Me: Physics.

Mr B: Cool. I'm going to ask you something, and it's going to sound really bizarre.

Me: Alright.

Mr B: Will you sit and watch a class of eighth graders do their English as a Second Language work? I was looking for teachers to sub but everyone's busy, and I've got to go sub for a class myself, because four or five teachers haven't come in today. Sick or something.

Me: Ah, yes, the first day back from break. I think I pulled that once, in like, fourth grade.

Mr B: Yeah. So can you help me out?

I was already getting up. I figured, I could read my textbook just as well in a room full of eighth graders as I could by myself.

I get there; there are four of them. That's actually a pretty average class size at my school. I sit down and Mr B. introduces me as "You remember our... well, I was going to say student council member, but she was our talent show winner!" and the eighth grade guys sort of nod. They know me. I recognize some of them. One of them is Linus, this kid who was in my ski group for a couple days, the one that we all wanted to smack.

Super.

The first half hour was pretty uneventful. Then they finished their worksheets, and their other assignment was to study for a test they had the next day. The studying they were supposed to do, apparently, was to read stories from these little booklets and answer exceedingly obvious questions, such as "How did Miko feel when he saw the shark? a) afraid b) angry c) cheerful."

I decided it was time to intervene.

First I tried to read one of these (horribly written) stories aloud and critique the style. I couldn't even get through it.

Me: Okay, what's your test on?

Kid: Grammar. Prepositions.

Other kid: Can we play hangman?

Me: No. You guys should study. I'm going to tell you about Ms. Allen and the Scotty Dog and the Tree.

I think they were anticipating some kind of horrible condescending story.

Me: When I was in... sixth grade, our english teacher was named Ms. Allen. She was kind of retarded [sorry Ms. Allen. I really didn't like you] So this one day, we were learning about prepositions, and she had these little paper scottish terriers and she handed them out and she drew a tree on the board. And she wrote on the board, "The Scotty Dog runs _____ the tree." And we all had to think of words to fill in the blank, and those were the prepositions. But we were like, "what the hell is this? We're twelve. We are way too cool for this" because it really did seem pretty condescending. But we all went up and said useless things like "the scotty dog runs around the tree" and "the scotty dog runs beneath the tree" and... well, it does help you remember whether something is a preposition. It seemed pretty useless, but I do still remember it...

Then someone started singing Tik Tok, so I decided the best course of action would be to write the lyrics on the board, and have them identify the prepositions.

Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy

Grab my glasses; I'm out the door; I'm gonna hit this city.

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of jack

Cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back.

After that we did "Right Round."

Kid: You should be a teacher.

Me: I'd get fired.

I feel like a lesson was learned today. That lesson being that if these kids were legitimately stimulated and educated by twenty minutes of humoring my ADD, there is a serious problem with this school.

Love always,
Clara

i guess my mom thinks i'm incapable of doing laundry

I got college papers and forms and such the other day, in the mail, which was awesome because I had literally been asking my dad every single day whether a package had arrived for me, for the past two weeks. International mail, by the way, is not ideal.

Anyway, the other night I was going through said forms with the parents and figuring out what to do with each of them. Mom got ahold of a pamphlet that mentioned a laundry service that's available.

Mom: Clara, there's a laundry service!

Me: Oh. Yeah. I'm going to do my own laundry though... I don't want to be like, the posh kid who can't do laundry.

Mom: Clara...

Me: What?

Mom: Is that realistic?

Apparently my mom doesn't think I have the ability/discipline/whatever-it-is-one-needs to do laundry on a regular basis. I told her I've been to camp, which means I've probably done laundry on my own five or six times.

It's not like it's hard!

She kept giving me these "Are you serious right now?" looks like it was so inconceivable that I would

a) Even know how to do laundry

b) Want to do it on my own when there is the option to have someone else do it for me.

Isn't college about learning life skills?

I told her Davidson had a near-mandatory laundry service. She said I should have gone there.

Today I did two physics labs, both involving a laser pointer. Chilidog and I had fun with that. Or, rather, I had fun with that, at Chilidog's expense.

Love always,
Clara

an awesome birthday and self-tanner

Apparently, wearing a slightly sparkly dress in a grocery store at 9 o'clock is a sketchy thing to do, judging by the creepy looks that just about every guy in the Migros gave me.

I was just buying a Coke!

I discovered a cool thing today that I will share, not because I think I'm some kind of expert beauty blogger or something, but because it's legit useful for the useless people among us. Myself included.

I have this tanning moisturizer. And it works. Well. Maybe a little too well, because I never rub it in enough, or the right way, or something, and I end up looking half-tan-half-not like some kind of freaky orange zebra.

I haven't had good experiences with self-tanners in general. I had always assumed the spray ones were more even, but I have had a chemical phobia since I was like, eleven, so spraying potentially toxic molecules all over my 8-square-foot bathroom did not ever feel like a good idea.

But it was spring of eighth grade, and the peer pressure was beginning to take hold. I'd gone skiing that spring break, so obviously that wasn't the best opportunity to work on remedying my paleness, so I figured I'd give tan-in-a-can a go.

I wake up the next morning looking like my legs got into a fight, but the bruises turned orange.

Now, if most people had such a disastrous self-tanning fail, they'd just cover up until it faded. I didn't even have that option. The school uniform in eighth grade was a kilt and a polo shirt.

And in the afternoon I had to play softball.

It was embarrassing.

Anyway, that was the worst, but not the last of my epic self-tanner escapades (because I have my mom's terrible pale irish skin, and I don't really tan naturally at all).

The point of this whole rant, is that I discovered today that if your tanning moisturizer is too legit, you can mix it with regular moisturizer, and then it's easier to rub it in because there's more of it.

Cool, right?

Anyway, I'm totally unashamed of the fact that I spend time thinking about these things.

Also, I'm wiped. Goodnight.

Love always,
Clara

notes on today

Grace has informed me that she is a "atheist liberal mormon" because she has, and I quote, "Mormon values."

This was a surprise to me. But... okay.

This was my last day of being seventeen. I went out to the brewery in Worb and had two beers and felt quite dizzy, because I'm one of the biggest lightweights in the world. It was fun.

I realized, walking home, that I never actually expected to ever be eighteen. I don't remember feeling this way about any other age- eighteen seems so foreign. It's in this weird realm of adulthood that, in relation to me, must be a huge joke.

Me? Adult? Excuse me, world, have we met?

That's what I was thinking about today, walking home from the tram stop in the twilight, still feeling a little lightheaded.

Tomorrow will be fun (aside from my 3 hour math midterm- online classes are super great, guys). Sunday too.

I'm just going to post one of my favorite songs right here, because I feel like it sums things up pretty well right now-

et cetera. I love that song. Independence, Indiana - Eddie from Ohio

I'm seriously listening to it on repeat right now. If you know me at all, you know what a big deal that is.

Anyway, I'm very tired and so I'm going to bed. Goodnight, bloglings.

Love always,
Clara

another withdrawal from my reserves of thomas-music

Thomas says he should get his own tag. He might be right. I will call it "Thomas's tunes" and it will be a cousin of "Samlet says" because both have undue influence on this blog.

Anyway, the latest batch:

Are You Satisfied - Marina and the Diamonds

Wish I Stayed - Ellie Goulding

Sigh No More - Mumford & Sons

Shampain - Marina and the Diamonds

Moneybox - Eliza Doolittle

Lump Sum - Bon Iver

Flume - Bon Iver

Come Back Home - Two Door Cinema Club

The Cave - Mumford & Sons

Blood Bank - Bon Iver

Beach Baby - Bon Iver

I Have Nothing - Noah And the Whale

Simplify - Marina and the Diamonds

I'm a fan. Also, Daphna has renewed my interest in Magic Man, so I've legit downloaded their album (it's free!). I still highly recommend it.

Love always,
Clara

FOUR DIGITS

This will be my thousandth post, according to my blogger dashboard.

Hot damn.

I remember starting this. I'd just come home from CTY in the summer of '08, and I had an internship with a venture capital fund, and I spent most of my days trying to figure out how much a clinical trial costs. That was literally my job- finding out how much clinical trials cost. For three weeks.

It was super.

At that same time, I was in the National American Miss state pageant (Junior Teen division), about which I lied to all of my friends and colleagues.

Venture Capitalist: So how was your weekend?

Me: Oh it was cool... I went on a trip... A college trip! I visited... UVA?

The pageant had an effect on me. At the very least, it drove home the point in my head that I am a spotlight-seeking attention-craving person, which is fine by me. It was about time I stopped denying it, anyway.

And then I read this article in Wired about Julia Allison and internet fame and I thought, "Well, I can do that." And I started a blog. This one.

So it was all an attention thing to begin with. And those beginning posts were awful. I had no idea what to say.

"Here's a youtube video I found of a lemur!"

"I'm only a little bit ashamed to be watching the Teen Choice Awards? I'm not sure whether I'm an entertainment blogger?"

"I bought shoes!"

"I'm in a bad mood. Oh wait, jk. I'm not wearing underwear."

That was my first month in a nutshell. And somewhere between then and now I think I've found my voice, and developed it quite a bit, and now here I am.

I feel so much more confident. Maybe that would have happened anyway. Correlation does not imply causality, after all. But I can't help but attribute a lot of my personality to this experience.

Example: I've always been a really awkward person. Ask anyone who's known me long enough (or anyone who's met me at all) and they will confirm this fact. But there was a point over the course of writing this blog when I realized that my awkward moments would be entertaining for someone who didn't have to endure them. And suddenly, the first thought I have after randomly changing my clothes in the middle of a grocery store* is "Well, that'll make a good 'Doing weird things in public' tag"

Ironically, although half the reason I started doing this was to get people to notice me, I've stopped caring so much what people think. The blog (and its readership) has become a trusted friend, and I'm going to tell you everything, no matter who's going to judge me for it. I don't care.

It helps that most of my readers are good friends anyway, but I know there are people out there, who I've never met, who read this with some consistency, and I feel like I can let them in.

It's made me honest.

And if I'm honest here, I might as well be honest in the real world too. Otherwise, what if I said something to one person, and then contradicted it over here, and then the person read about my contradiction? That would be awkward, and not in an "awkward anecdote of the day" kind of way, and so I'd rather avoid it.

So... I'm real with people.

Then there was this spring, and there was this summer, and I moved... and that marked the creation of the "mentally unstable clara" tag. I had so many nervous breakdowns, and you got to read about most of them. I'm almost proud of that- I'd never been one for appearing vulnerable. Who wants to do that?

But I did. I am vulnerable, and I revealed it over here, several times. And the world didn't crumble.

And who knew I'd love writing so much? I'd always been a math nerd, or a science nerd, or some other kind of distinctly non-english nerd. And here I go, writing away like some kind of... writer.

(Although the coherency of that last sentence should be proof that I am most certainly overestimating my abilities.)

In any case, whether I'm actually good at this or not, I like it a lot.

And so, dear readers, however many of you that there may be, thanks for reading. You guys keep me accountable, and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this ridiculous compulsion to blog every day, at least once.

It's been a good thousand posts.

Here's looking forward to the next thousand.

Love always,
Clara

*I should explain this.

So, yesterday I went bowling with an assorted crowd, and it was really hot in Bern. I was wearing a jacket, a white flowy tanktop, and a black tanktop under the white one. So Chris and Danny and Robert and I walked up to the tram stop to meet Oren, and I took off my jacket. And I was still hot, and so someone suggested I take off my top-layer tanktop, which doesn't seem like that bad an idea. So I take it off and I put it in my purse.

About fifteen minutes later I decide I don't like the look of wearing jeans and a black wifebeater... I don't know. It just didn't suit me. So we went into the grocery store to buy red bull or something, and I was standing in line by myself (because we were racing, obviously). And I decide to put my other tanktop back on, so I take it out of my purse, set down my red bull(s) (don't judge) and pull it over my head.

The woman standing in line behind me gave me this bewildered look. I sort of smiled, in a "oh, you know how it is" kind of way, although I'm fairly certain she had no idea "how it is".

It was awkward. It was a weird thing done in public. And I blogged about it.

life is weird

Edward Burger: Did you know that there are people out there who absolutely hate having a square root in the denominator? Yeah. Those people are wacko. But suppose you're one of those people...

Thanks a lot, Edward Burger. Way to force the root-haters back into the closet. If I were one (which I'm not), I certainly wouldn't own up to it now.

Sorry I've been busy lately. Between having guests here and spring break and work stuff, I haven't had that much spare time on my hands lately. I've been blogging, but I haven't been doing interesting things for the past few days, and what I've found is that the blogging is better when I have something to say.

I've been eating chocolate and watching math videos. I'm now on a schedule to get all of my work done before I leave, which means I can have a week or so to study for APs when I go back to America.
I'm excited to go back, really.
But I was talking to someone about this the other day (I think she prefers to be unnamed but if she doesn't she can comment!) about this. We're both really excited for college, both going to places we are going to love. But at the same time, I for one feel myself wanting to drag my feet right now. College will come, but I'd kind of like to stay where I am for a little bit longer. I'm excited, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready. If everything would just slow down a little before the end of the year, that would be great.
But it's not going to.
And soon enough, I'll be thinking, "Oh thank god high school is over. College is awesome and I had nothing to worry about! Silly me!"
That's what I'm hoping will happen. That's what happened freshman year, after I spent the whole second semester of eighth grade freaking out.

So that's what's been going on with me lately. Crises all over the place.

Love always,
Clara

new computer!

Hooray!

The as-of-yet-unnamed 15" Macbook Pro was welcomed to the family yesterday, and his (her?) older brother Patrick has been showing him/her the ropes.

They got in a bit of a fight over transferring music, but I think they've mostly worked it out. I had to bribe them.

So now I've got skype back and I've got a disk drive (which I haven't had for months) and I've got super awesome video editing software so what I think I'm going to do is go bowling today, take lots of videos of that, and then make a tribute to ISB music vid, similar in many ways to St. Panther's School for the Insane, which youtube has decided to be a bitch about, which I am posting here.

Anyway, remember that? Good times. And I'm going to make another one. With my super-duper-editing-software.

I'm really excited.

I really should do more work though. Hm. What a predicament.

Love always,

Clara

presented without comment

(Via Jezebel)

o.m.g.

Love always,
Clara

ashamed of myself

I have too high expectations of my music taste.
First, a confession: I had never heard the Justin Bieber song "Baby" until today. I watched this (below).

I have to say, I love this guy's swagger while playing the recorder to a song originally performed by a 12 year old. But it's hard to fully appreciate this kind of cover unless you know the original, so I found this (below) in the "Related Videos"


I expected to dislike it. I don't know why. I like other Justin Bieber songs. I always expect not to like songs by Miley Cyrus, and then I listen to them, and then they get stuck in my head. Same for Demi Lovato, such that I think her songs have some kind of subconscious messaging telling me to do bad things (such as listen to Demi Lovato).
But I found this video completely adorable.

First of all, do all 8th-grade-dates take place in bowling alleys? It reminded me of the "Say OK" music video that I was in love with at the end of 9th grade (That's right, my musical sophistication started early)


And the dynamic between the poor heartbroken kid and Ludacris is adorable. It should be an advertisement for Big Brother/Big Sister. I've never seen Ludacris as cute as he is here, talking about his first love when he was 13 (Starbucks references! So culturally relevant!). And then he gives Justin Bieber a headlock! I kind of want to give both of them a hug.
And then there's a dance-off! Between the boys and the girls! Right there in the bowling alley! It all reminds me of West Side Story.
The words are so sweet too. I remember back in the day when everyone was as naive as I am, and we were all in love with each other, and we thought we'd figured things out. Good times, although it couldn't last, as Bieber finds out.
Of course our protagonist gets his 'Baby' back in the end of the video. I find it hard to imagine there is a 13 year old girl on the planet who would turn down Justin Bieber.
The moral of the story is that I need to stop overestimating my taste and just go with the flow. Clearly there is a 13 year old girl still living inside me, and she has very specific demands.
[For example, she demands that I mention that if I were in fact thirteen, I would find Justin Bieber adorable/sexy/whatever the kids are calling it these days. He's the Jesse McCartney of our times. I want you and your beautiful soul!]

Love always,
Clara

for the record, this is post 995

And it's a music binge!
I've recently been introduced to Freelance Whales. And by "been introduced," I mean "become obsessed."
So I highly recommend you give them a listen. They're well good.

Maybe I'll start picking up Thomas's verbal mannerisms. That could be interesting. I could be falsely southern ("y'all") and falsely british ("proper good") at the same time.

Anyway, without further ado, my new music:

Set Yourself on Fire - Stars
Hannah - Freelance Whales
Location - Freelance Whales
Ghosting - Freelance Whales
Metropolis - Faded Paper Figures
Starring - Freelance Whales
Make Light - Passion Pit
Moth's Wings - Passion Pit

Oh, and also for the record, I won the argument with my parents. They're currently in the car on their way to wherever they're going, and I'm at home. Hooray for that. I'm taking care of the dog and welcoming my cousin. I was definitely needed here.

Love always,
Clara

i'm tired and ranting

I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night, so forgive my over-emotional rambling.

So my parents want me to go to Europark with the family.

That's about as sad as going to Disney world with your parents, above the age of 12. Which is pretty sad, in my opinion.

I'm lobbying to stay home, especially because I'm only in Switzerland for another month and I'd like to hang out with my swiss friends as much as possible during that time. And I'm swamped with work.

The complication to this is that my mother, I think, might be some kind of sexist.

She's decided that the singular reason I want to stay home is because I want to hang out with Chris. Or because Chris is "pressuring" me into staying home. Or because he wants to kidnap me and drag me away from my family into his evil canadian lair.

I find this insulting.

Seriously, is it that hard to conceive that I would have a thought of my own, despite the fact that I'm in a relationship? My mom knew me when I was 13 and boy-crazy and I'm not sure she's aware that I'm aware that being a silly 13 year old girl really only works when you're 13.

I have original thoughts!

She's underestimating me.

I hate being underestimated.

I also just don't want to spend several days stuck with my family. I'm sorry. I like my family. I do. But, as I've tried to explain, I'm seventeen and the way it works is that I'm going to value my relationships with my friends more than my family for a little while.

And I really don't want to lose touch with these kids. I'm not getting rid of my family any time soon, but when I go off to college, who knows whether I'll talk to the swiss crew again?

So that's something. God, I hate moving. I did it once, and I went through all of that, and it sucked, and I got here and I hated it, and then I got used to it, and then I got to really like it, and now I'm leaving again.

As much as I'm excited to get back to the 703, I'm going to miss Switzerland more than I'd anticipated.

I turn eighteen in a week. Expect all sorts of adventures.

Love always,
Clara

there aren't really words

... to describe today.

Here are the general events-

• Wake up
• Go to video rental place
• Go to chocolate store
• Eat lunch
• Go home.
• Meet people at the train station.
• Come back to my house; watch Jennifer's Body
• Be generally awkward, chillin at my home
• Go to a barbeque and play pool
• Hang out in Bern

That's the day, in a very small nutshell.

Jennifer's Body was a phenomenal movie, by the way. It was the perfect combination of hilarious, terrifying, and sexual.

Really great movie.

Also, I am sick and tired of people being disrespectful to my dog. Just because he's a little tiny teddy bear, that doesn't mean he's not a real dog!

Remember guys, no dogs means "no dogs".

Love always,
Clara

caution: "really" random "blogpost"

Me: Sweet, the roommate questionnaire comes out tomorrow!

Daphna: Can I do it with you? I love questionnaires!

Me: Me too. I like talking about myself.

Daphna: Of course you do-- you're a blogger.

She's right, of course.

The talent show was epic and most certainly not corrupt.

Videos will be appearing shortly.

Daphna and I are listening to Two Door Cinema Club and reading the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks.

There was a party in a car today, but it wasn't the kind of party you would want to be invited to, because it involved two high school guys and a father, and a lot of tension.

Love always,
Clara

a few notes that are mostly unrelated to each other

1. I think my blog post title names are getting less coherent by the day.
2. The talent show is today! Daph and I are rolling into school at around two to help set up, and of course, to appreciate the splendor that is my school. (Hear that? Splendor) I'll put videos up if anything interesting happens, so if you happen to be participating (wouldn't that be cool?), your worldwide fame is probably inevitable.
3. This is my 991st post. That means I have 9 to go until I have 1000, at which point I will write some kind of nostalgic sentimental self-indulgent blogging-commemorative post. Sounds like fun, right?
4. Yesterday I ended up getting coffee with Daphna and Chris. As much as I enjoy the worlds colliding, that is better done when there is no awkward third-wheeling involved. Daphna plays second fiddle to no man, so there was definitely a weird vibe there. Not sure what that was about.
5. There's an easter egg hunt thing at my house today. I'm excited for that. Little kids are cute. I want some. Fact.
6. But not right now?
7. I have so much work to do and my parents have decided this is a good time to plan crazy trips everywhere. As much as I'm looking forward to going to Venice, the timing could be better. Oh, life is hard when you don't have time to go to Venice.

Love always,
Clara

adventures, such as walking

Day three of Daphna's presence is coming along swimmingly. She's getting a massage right now. I'm next. I spent most of yesterday working on a physics lab, but later today we're going to school since I've got student council obligations and such, and tomorrow is the epic-awesome-school-talent-show (in which I am singing a song that I wrote).

I'm acting like I'm nervous, and I really am nervous actually, but I'm also sort of acting like that so that I don't sound like I'm too fond of myself. I don't want to sound like "Oh, I'm singing tomorrow, it's going to be awesome." So there's that, too.

I'm really liking the word "swimmingly" lately. I haven't been swimming in ages. I think I'd like to go swimming, except the river is freezing and the pools are closed and it's just an irrational desire.

Damn those irrational desires, such as swimming.

I had really great gelato last night. I don't even want to think about how much I've eaten in the past few days. Having guests is generally a great excuse to eat great food that you wouldn't really eat by yourself. Case in point: The whole family is going out for fondue tonight. I'm pumped.

So that's what's been up lately. I also discovered that you can make folders for your playlists in itunes. This was a mind-blowing discovery. I now have two folders: times, and moods. Times are like, "june 12" or "2009 drivemix", and moods are like, "monday morning" or "chill mellowness" or "teatime".

That basically encompasses all of my playlists. But I have a lot of them, so putting them all in one place is really convenient.

This has been a really random blogpost.

Love always,
Clara

worlds collide!

Forget crime novel; my life is a scifi.

Daphna is here, and AJ was here until yesterday, and seeing my american camp friends, my american school friends, and my switzerland friends together is trippy.

Planets, hurdling towards each other! Suspense!

But success. Everyone is getting along swimmingly.

We went out last night, which was fun, and this morning Daphna and I watched P.S. I Love You, which would be better titled P.S. What The Fuck? because it was really depressing and didn't make much sense.

Daphna: That's why you're not laughing at my jokes!

Me: I'm laughing at your joke about me not laughing about your jokes...?

Daphna: That's ironic. That's like having a Model UN conference in Taiwan!

These are the intelligent conversations we've been having.

Daphna has just come up with the band name, "The Yesterday Shirt Dilemma"

I could really go for some tea.

Love always,
Clara

the list of things that fascinate me

The other day I was walking around with Chris and happened to stumble upon a gorgeous Swiss landscape. This happens all the time. I had a brief wannabe-Walt-Whitman moment, and Chris thought I was a nutjob, and nothing was out of the ordinary.

A bit later on, he literally walked down someone else's driveway to look at a car. That fascination flew over my head.

He explained himself this way: "I appreciate three things. Beautiful cars, beautiful women, and beautiful guitars... and food. So that's four, actually." At which point I called him typical and he did not argue.

Later, as we were walking around, I realized I recognized some buildings in the distance, which was pretty cool, because it means I'm getting my bearings.

Me: I love figuring out where stuff is.

Chris: You are so weird.

Me: See, you've got your four things... the list of things that fascinate me is a lot longer, and a lot more random.

So, without further ado, an abridged list of the things that fascinate me-

• Figuring out where stuff is
• Gorgeous landscapes, preferably in some sort of twilight
• Running water (in nature, not in your sink)
• My puppy
• People and their interactions with each other. Especially random and unexpected moments of empathy. Look out for those, because they happen and they're fascinating.
• Social constructs such as "school"
• What is art?
• Can I wear black and brown at the same time? I plan to.
• Breaking the rules!
• Identities
• Stereotypes and their causes, and their reinforcements
• All the things that can go wrong within the brain
• All the things that can go wrong in general
• What is society?
• Language, and the fact that I am conveying ideas with weird squiggly shapes, and you know exactly what I'm talking about, and can infer so much more than just the literal meaning, somehow, in your brain. Whoa.
• Humor. What's that about?
• Personalities
• Friendship, and how that happens, and how it doesn't
• How people change and why and to what end
• Sunlight
• Yes, food
• And yes, guitar

There's more.

There's a lot of interesting stuff out there, besides food and guys and guitar and cars (which don't even make it onto my list, although driving might).

So, is that a gender thing?

Or was I just brought up in a more contemplative environment?

So many questions!

Daphna is probably already at the airport. So excited for that.

Love always,
Clara

i am so randomly proud of this

This cracked me up.

Chris, you really don't seem to understand how stubborn I am.

Love always,
Clara

i've been thrown into a crime novel

Protagonist: The charming young artistic student council member, who has made copious signage regarding the school talent show.

Setting: An international school with an attitude problem, that seemed to be coming around.

The Crime: Serial sign-snatching.

Suspects: A teacher with a vendetta against student council productions? An immature freshman, trying to prove himself to his friends? Something even more sinister?

Seriously. Someone is taking down my signs and throwing them in the garbage.

Obviously, our criminal does not know how borderline-impossible it is to shut me up. Which rules out just about everyone I'm friends with.

I took the ones I could find out of the garbage bins, and taped them back up. I even added additional signs below them, saying "Why did this happen?" on the crumpled ones and "Why was this in the garbage bin?" on the ones that looked fine.

When I couldn't find the discarded signs (which I worked hard on!) I put up more signs, that said "There used to be a sign here. Why is it gone?"

This criminal does not know who he's messing with.

Me: *puts up a crumpled sign that had been in the garbage*

Robert: Clara, have you heard of Sisyphus?

Me: *cracks up*

Robert: No one else at this school would get that joke...

Me: My nemesis will find that it is his task that is Sisyphean!

And I think that was the moment that I outweirded Robert.

But seriously. I will not quit. I am gravity/the rock in this situation.

Love always,
Clara

wake up, wake up

Matt: What night are people going out this weekend?

Me: Saturday. It's going to be great.

Simone (who is a guy): [sung] wake up, wake up, on a saturday night

Emily and I: [laughter]

Me: That's a Hilary Duff song...

I love Simone. He's hilarious.

Talent show advertisement posters are going up tomorrow. I'll take pictures of the better ones and put them up here so that you can appropriately convey your support for my excellent graphic design skills (SPOILER: they include stick figures).

There is so much work that needs to be done by me. That sentence would have sounded a lot more eloquent in latin. Damn it, english language, why are you so hostile to the passive periphrastic?

(I love the passive periphrastic. Partially for the name, and partially for the way it allows me to convey my upcoming busy schedule without actually saying that "I" need to do anything. It's the work that needs to be done by me. Come on work. Get yourself done by me.)

(Did that last sentence sound weirdly sexual?)

(Maybe I just thought so?)

(This is embarrassing. Feel free to ignore these parenthetical bits)

Ironic funfact: On the May 08 German Ab Initio IB exam, one of the texts was on preparing for exams and reducing stress. I feel like if I had been taking the real exam, I'd be annoyed at that. Like, "Oh thanks, IB, you gave me this advice a little too late, and in the wrong language. Thanks a lot."

Me: You guys, text C is sort of ironic

Room: *continues to be silent*

I've been having a lot of quarrels with the english language recently, actually. Just today, Daphna was saying how she can't quite get used to me saying "y'all." I maintain that it's more efficient than "you guys" and more clear than "you." English really needs a designated word for the second-person-plural, and at the moment, "y'all" is all I have.

It's out of a respect for the finer points of language that I speak the way I do.

Or, sometimes, it's a "word-salad."

I discovered that term, "word-salad," while reading about schizophrenia for psychology. What was alarming was that some of the examples they gave were also examples of things I would say in real life.

I can't think of a good example right now, because I'm in writing-mode, which is one of my more coherent modes, but something will come to me soon enough.

Oh, today my shoe came off when I was walking to the tram. I was feeling so confident in my high-waisted skirt and then I walked along the old brick and my shoe got stuck and suddenly my foot was still going and my shoe was left behind and I was barefoot.

It was awkward.

However: I've realized that keeping this blog has taught me to laugh at myself. Or, maybe I always laughed at myself, but now I do so with enthusiasm and vigor and attention-whore-ness. That's cool too.

And speaking of cool things and awkward moments, click here for a funny story (that sounds alarmingly like something that would happen to me, if swiss guys were that creepy, because I'm definitely that friendly)!

Love always,
Clara

surreal

Snowboarding was fun but I fell on my ass about a thousand times. Andreas the snowboard teacher said it was good for the first day but I don't know how that's even possible, because I can't imagine someone falling more than I did.

Regardless, a good experience.

Came home, had lunch, and decided to go to school to get some work done and go to the student council meeting. Getting work done didn't really happen, because almost as soon as I got there, I was reminded that there was a rare assembly today, so I went to that. I saw Mr. T taking pictures for yearbook and stole his camera. It was nice, a nikon D3000. Spent the rest of the time running around taking stalker pics of various divisions of the student body. I'm probably going to do more of this tomorrow. DSLRs are fun.

Also, we watched a video by the same woman who did that "The Story of Stuff" presentation at Potomac last year. It was about the evils of bottled water. I found it, as I found the first presentation, patronizing and not very informative. Yes, we know bottled water is bad.

It's a point especially wasted on people who live in a country with some of the best tap water in the world. This shit is Evian. That's almost not even an exaggeration. If we lived in Lausanne, it probably would be Evian.

Then, student council. I don't remember what was said. I remember joking with Robert about bottled water "seducing" us, and how I'm glad tap water keeps our relationship platonic, where it should be. I also remember Mr. B saying everything got a little more "legit" when I got here, which I've decided to take as the highest compliment.

(I'm not sure why my memories of this are so vague, because it was like, an hour ago)

And at that point I got on the tram to go home. And something surreal happened.

I got to talking to this girl in 10th grade who I don't really know that well. We were just on the same tram, so we started talking about school and such. We both got off at the end stop, and wound up on the same next tram as well (I take one tram from school to town, and then another from town to get even closer to my house).

Girl: Are you on this one?

Me: Yeah.

Girl: Me too. Mind if I join you?

Me: *laugh* I'm not going to like, throw you off! Like, "No, this is my tram. Take the next one"

Girl: *giggles* You never know at this school!

So then we start talking about this school, and how she's right, things like that happen sometimes, when you get on a tram and you have a weird feeling that the other people on the tram don't want you there, or you run into someone in the hallway and they don't say hi, or you say hi, and they give you a look like, "why are you talking to me?"

It happens.

And I hate it. I say hi to everyone.

I'm also not-good at not-having conversations. So of course I talk to everyone as well. And somehow I've gotten a reputation as talkative. I guess I've had that since Mr C started calling me "loquax" (which, for the non-latin-nerds out there, means "talkative").

So then this girl says,

"Were you always as... present as you are here? Like, people are always like "Clara's doing this" or "Clara's doing that" or "Clara's so cool"... were you always like that?"

To which my first reaction was, "I'm like that?!"

I told her the truth, which was that I was invisible to the max in 9th and 10th grade, intimidated by the upperclassmen and all, and finally came out of my shell around 11th grade. I told her that there were a lot of things I'd wanted to do at my old school but either hadn't had time for, or had been intimidated by, and when I came here I sort of threw caution to the wind.

But the best part was this-

Girl: I think it's that... you're so accepting of everyone, you know? You're always nice. This school doesn't have that. This sounds so cheesy, but you're like, the missing piece of the puzzle.

I wanted to give this girl a hug. It was flattering to the max, and I tried to defer whatever of it that I could.

The summer before 11th grade, I was determined to be different. That was partly the reason I started this blog. I knew I'd spent two years basically hiding under the floorboards of the school. The class of 08 had just graduated, and they were awesome, so I knew there was going to be an awesomeness void in their place.

And I wanted to change.

I had a specific model: The platonic ideal of Zoe Williams. For those unaware, she was in the class that graduated when I was a freshman, she was in the musical, she was an editor of the cooler (but less informative! I try not to pick sides) student newspaper, and she was chill with the faculty. I wanted to be her. Or, I didn't know her well enough to want to be her, but I wanted to be what I thought she was.

And now, it's two years later, and... I think I am. Or at least, I come off the same way.

I'm not perfect.

But... according to this girl, people see me the way I wanted to be seen.

It's surreal.

I've got to go eat dinner.

Mom: Sarah's serving that soup we like!

Me: Awesome. It's a shame I don't have a hangover.

Mom: There's time! Tequila!

Love always,
Clara

even more music from thomas!

I love this kid and his music.

At last, I have his USB stick and access to his music that isn't on the American iTunes store.

I was given this vast treasure, and I realized I couldn't deal with it. So I've made arrangements.

He gave me maybe sixty songs or something. And I took twenty and put them in my itunes and i took the other forty and put them in a folder. I can't deal with getting more than 20 new songs at once. I need to appreciate them.

The ones I've selected to appreciate first-

Cigarettes In The Theatre - Two Door Cinema Club

You Are Not Stubborn - Two Door Cinema Club

The First Days of Spring - Noah And The Whale

Our Window - Noah And The Whale

I Gave You All - Mumford & Sons

White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons

Hollywood - Marina and the Diamonds

Seventeen - Marina and the Diamonds

I Am Not A Robot - Marina and the Diamonds

Caesar - I Blame Coco

This Love (Will Be Your Downfall) - Ellie Goulding

Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding

Under The Sheets - Ellie Goulding

The Wolves - Ellie Goulding

Number One Enemy - Daisy Dares You

For Emma - Bon Iver

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Hummingbird - Alessi's Ark

Memory Box - Alessi's Ark

Rollerblades - Eliza Doolittle

That's what I'm listening to right now.

I had a crepe with ham and cheese and spinach for lunch today.

Basically my life is british music and swiss food.

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode seven

And the final installment of the ski days series.

We had a student council meeting on the train and worked out talent show logistics. I'm singing in it. I'm nervous but not too nervous because at that point, I'll only have another two weeks or so left in this school anyway.

Which is pretty mind-blowing, actually.

Also, we had an epic snowfight after lunch. It was really warm today so I stripped down to my underarmor (with my Jason Mraz t-shirt which is both pink and awesome) and we slid down this hill by the restaurant on the mountain in our snowpants (so many prepositions!). And then people started throwing snow at us so we retaliated but it was refreshing in a way similar to having a waterfight on a hot summer day. It was absurdly warm for a ski day, and we were all relatively bundled up, so the snow felt fantastic.

We did jumps again, and I crashed pretty epically, but it was fun. There's this box thing, and you have to ski up it, ski over the top (like, 1 meter), and then drop down the other side (which is really steep). The other times I'd done it, I hadn't gotten quite enough speed (and almost didn't make it to the top of the box, both times,) so today I was determined to get the necessary speed to get over it. I even said to myself, "speed speed speed speed speed" because I totally talk to myself when I ski.

And I got speed, and then I was airborne, and then I was falling, and then I realized it was probably a little more speed than I needed.

It was actually pretty fun though.

Also, I am going to have a really awkward ski-goggle-tan, because currently I have a really awkward ski-goggle sunburn.

Super.

Love always,
Clara

non-euclidian geometry and a hammer

Mr T is the art teacher for the younger grades, but more importantly, he's the yearbook supervisor. He and I are tight.

Me: Oh, I can't make it to the meeting that day. My friend from America is coming into town. Although if she wants to sleep for that first day, I could possibly come by... Probably not though.

Mr T: Or... you could use a hammer!

He was suggesting, I think, that I knock Daphna unconscious so that I'd be free to work on the yearbook. Priorities, guys.

I bought a capo today! Also I sang/played guitar in front of people, which is not something I do very often, and there was a long dramatic buildup, but it was fun.

(If you want to hear the song yourself, you can stalk me on youtube, but I'm not going to give you a link because that would be too easy. Figure something out.)

Tomorrow is the last ski day... And the last time fries and mayo will taste so good.

I am getting really fed up with the government not sending me my laptop. International shipping is not supposed to take this long, but apparently they've got twenty huge crates that are being held up for some reason.

Ugh.

I got home from school today and had dinner and hung out in my dad's office. He needed help with a math problem.

Or rather, he needed to know whether the shortest distance between Denver and Istanbul crossed over the Atlantic Ocean (for his crazy almanac competition thing). You had to find the coordinates of the cities in the almanac, and then think about non-euclidian geometry.

Fun fact that I learned today: The shortest distance between two points on a sphere is an arc; the arc is the intersection of the sphere and the plane that passes through the center of the sphere and the two points, such that the plane cuts the sphere in half.

So we had to find out whether that arc passed over the Atlantic or the Arctic ocean. It turned out sort of ambiguous anyway, because the midpoint is somewhere near Iceland, but it seemed Atlantic enough.

Anyway, that took a good hour of my evening.

So that's why I don't have a lot to say today. If that's any indication of how interesting my life is.

Love always,
Clara

some more songs

Tomorrow I need to finish my physics exam.

Tonight, I downloaded music!

Them That Do Nothing - Field Music

The Rest Is Noise - Field Music [this is actually the second song I've downloaded almost solely for the potential Hamlet reference. See: Oh Horatio - Tiger Lao]

That Summer At Home I Had Become the Invisible Boy - The Twilight Sad

Quiet Little Voices - We Were Promised Jetpacks

Animal - Neon Trees [free on iTunes this week, and highly recommended]

The Mall and Misery - Broken Bells

Anywhere But Here - Mayday Parade

Black Cat - Mayday Parade

Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

I don't like how some songs are on the British iTunes but not the American iTunes. That really bothers me.

Just saying. Come on, iTunes. Globalization is here. Let's just cut to the chase.

Love always,
Clara

to screnzy or not to screnzy?

I just had an idea for a novel which turned into visiting the nanowrimo website which turned into contemplating Script Frenzy

For the uninitiated, this is nanowrimo's edgier sister, which requires you to write 100 pages of a script in 30 days (April)

Pros:

• It would be fun.
• I like having something to do.
• I've never done it before.

Cons:

• I am already super busy.
• April is going to be an insane month for me.
• I would need to do some intense planning in the next two weeks.

So, we'll see about that.

Love always,
Clara

um... spoiler alert?

Want to hear a funny story? I have a subscription to Seventeen magazine.

See, as you may know, back in the olden days when I lived in America, I used to go to CVS a lot. Sometimes every day for a week. Sometimes more. Usually I'd walk out with one or two cheap items (which is why 95% of my makeup says something like "WET AND WILD!!" on it, but it works fine so I don't care much). Sometimes one of these items was a trashy magazine.

And so reading Seventeen every month (don't judge) became a sort of ritual, a thing to do on saturday afternoons when I didn't want to start my homework and wanted fresh air and wanted iced tea (another frequent CVS purchase).

[Tangent- I found a place to buy Arizona iced tea here!]

So when we moved, my dad said to get subscriptions to all the magazines that I read and enjoyed (besides the ones that they were ordering for themselves), so I did. That was Wired (which I really do enjoy, because I'm a dork like that) and Seventeen.

(I'm feeling really parenthetical today. I'm not sure why. Sorry about that; I know it makes my sentence structure even harder to follow than usual.)

Now, when Wired comes every month, I'm generally pretty excited. When Seventeen comes... let's just say I never quite know what to expect. I'm just going to make a list of things that ticked me off reading it today (because, yes, of course I read it still. I just have stopped enjoying it in any [authentic OR ironic] way.)

• Whenever they talk about making clothes "work for you," they assume everyone has one of three body shapes: Tall, Petite, or Curvy. What if you're a just-taller-than-average person with curves but not overweight? Or a flat-chested normal-height person? Or anything else that an actual person would be?
• They always find the most wholesome couples in the world to give like, "date ideas." They're like, "Oh, invite him over with your friends to play bingo with jellybeans that you made yourself because you're so domestic, and he'll think that's sexy... um... I mean... cute!"
• Real Headline: "Change your hair, change your face!"
• 21 pages later: "Find your beauty peace! beauty peace treaty!" Also, one of the celebrities they got to sign their "peace treaty" is Beyonce. I'm sure she feels really insecure, so I'm glad the editors of Seventeen can be there for her.
• Question: What would the editors of Seventeen say if Beyonce told them she wanted to change her hair and change her face? Would they give her advice, or would they point her toward the "peace treaty"? Or both?!
• Be eco-friendly! Buy more things! That's how it works, right?
• There is an inexplicably placed ad for "Splat rebellious colors: long lasting, semi permanent hair paint" right next to a Britney Spears/Candie's spread. Good job, marketing department.
• I couldn't bring myself to care about the cover story, about the actress in The Vampire Diaries. I'm sure I know some people who really enjoy this show, but it seems like jumping on the Twilight bandwagon, and I'm not a huge bandwagon person. (Wait, what? I invented jumping onto bandwagons! All I want in my day is a good bandwagon to jump onto. Hm. I'm going to have to explore this contradiction.)
• "New Trends!" that I've been doing for a while were all over this issue. Leather jacket with florals? Try this November, fools!
• Related- I think the "trends" discussed above fall into one of two categories: Obvious or Ridiculous.
• 17 New Things to do with your Hair! includes "Rock a side braid" (been there), "Straighten out" (done that), and "Supersize your bow!" (didn't buy the t-shirt myself, because Julia Allison invented it)
• I did not hate the "Traumarama" section. Nothing can ruin that for me. These stories make me want someone to die (depending on the story, either the author, or myself). Highlights: Someone let a girl go a whole party (one of those bowling-with-blacklights affairs) without telling her that her Powerpuff Girls bra was glowing through her shirt. Someone's dad catches her making out with her boyfriend at school, and she seems to be more embarrassed that she forgot her lunch money. Someone took a crazy stalker picture of her "crush" and made it the background on her phone... it ended badly.

So that's my girly rant.

Here's a haiku about godzilla to make you change your mind about me.

Love always,
Clara

in the library

The library here is not the same thing as the library at my old school. It's maybe 1/5 the size, and there are no comfy chairs (and definitely no random beanbags) and the printer only works half the time.
That's why I'm here- the printer. It works more often than the printer that's connected to the student lounge computers, which works about 0% of the time, and hasn't worked for months. I'm not sure why it hasn't been fixed or replaced or something. I imagine it's a combination of financial issues and a burning desire to keep us down on the part of the administration. I imagine their meetings going something like this-

Someone: The seniors always complain about printer C18 being broken.
Someone else: Hah! Students unhappy about something we could fix? Perfect! If they're complaining so much, they don't deserve a new printer! Men, I think we're doing a hell of a job here. Who's up for another beer?

I also imagine the meetings taking place at the brewery in Worb, which has 1 franc beers on friday afternoons. I imagine this would be one of the school's more effective cost-cutting efforts.

Anyway, that's what I'm doing in the library. Yesterday I didn't blog because I. Am. Lame. But that ends now. I feel like I've been a bad blogger lately so I'll try to keep you updated more religiously. I could say I've been busy but I really haven't, so I don't have much of an excuse.
Now, I should be busy, because I have a physics exam to take, but I'm procrastinating. Funny how things work out that way.
Yesterday was also the ides of march. I made a Julius Caesar joke as my facebook status ("Clara is: avoiding the senate today") but I can't be sure it made sense to anyone not already thinking about the ides, because no one responded, which is frustrating a little bit.
I like it when people respond to my facebook statuses!
I also like showing off what a nerd I am!
Mostly I just like attention!

I'm going to Papa Joe's (American [read: Mexican] restaurant) today. Hooray for that.

Love always,
Clara

hey look! time... passes!

I've been having weird realizations lately. These realizations generally consist of the thought, "Holy shit! We're like, old!" disguised by vaguely more eloquent sentence structure.

Ponder this: In five or six months, I'm going to college (along with the rest of the class of 2010/2014). I'll start college, a teenager. And I'll come out of it, in almost every respect, an adult.

I remember hanging out in Katie's backyard before 7th grade started, marveling that it was just two short years until high school, at the time, the epitome of adulthood and maturity and everything cool and independent. High school kids weren't kids, really.

And now I'm at the end of that, so I shouldn't still see myself as a kid. But I do.

My email signature has a quote from spongebob squarepants, for god's sake.

So there are four short years until I have to do things like get a real job. Only a little bit more than that before 'dating' turns into 'finding a husband' (which I think takes away some of the fun). At a certain point, getting drunk won't be fun anymore (and I'm allowed to say that on the internet because I'm in Switzerland where I'm legal.) And all of that is really hard to imagine.

But I know just how quickly four years, six years, seventeen years, can pass.

When I was younger, say, 14, I used to think every once in a while how interesting it was to be that particular age, because any particular age is the minority, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. (I was an existential kid.)

And I haven't even thought that way for a while because I've been so wrapped up in everything else.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is,

"Holy shit! We're like, old!"

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode six, and pirates!

We went skiing yesterday.

We did jumps!

It was fun. I didn't fall. Or, I didn't fall on the jumps. I fell other times. But not hard. Anyway, my point is, jumping is great.

I had a great ski train moment where I was trying to tell some 10th graders that they were sitting in the designated senior area of the train and my authority was undermined by a fellow senior saying I was being a douche. And then the 10th graders continued to sit there, and then we were crowded, which is just silly because we are supposed to have privileges and such.

It was very frustrating.

I don't pull the seniority card often, mostly because I don't think I can really pull off intimidating. But come on. To a certain degree, what's the point of being a senior if you can't occasionally be a bitch to underclassmen?

I wasn't even being mean!

Anyway, it's been on my mind.

I've been doing work mostly today. Also, made myself an awesome sandwich for lunch. I'm inordinately proud of that.

Now, at Chris's recommendation, I'm listening to pirate metal, and surprisingly really enjoying it. Check it out:

Love always,
Clara

the snow is falling in the lilies

I went home after lunch today. I didn't have any classes, and I went into the student lounge and it kind of made me want to die, so I left. It was great.

I didn't actually go home though. I wandered around town looking for a graduation dress, making a point to go into every single clothing store I passed (I limited myself to one side of the street and skipped shoe stores, but still). Found some pretty cool places, but ended up finding what I wanted at the big department store (the Nordstrom of Switzerland, essentially).

I texted my mom.

Me: Found gorgeous graduation dress at globus. xxx francs. Whats my next move?

Mom: Buy!!!!!

Mom: Dear Clara, the snow is falling in the lilies and my thoughts run like water to retail...

That's a real conversation.

I've been semi-obsessed with graduation lately. It's so close! I have... 49 days left in Switzerland before I head back to the 703. It's bittersweet, but emphasis on the sweet. Especially now that I have a dress (because the most important part of any life event is what you wear).

Oh, also, if you want to ask me questions or something, and are buying into that silly formspring.me thing... so am I.

Just talked to Samlet.

Sam
ok
clara
yeppp
Sam
conversation dead
ciao
clara
you killed it
bye
Sam
you did
clara
with the candlestick in the living room
Sam
only the killer could know that
guilt proven
clara
miss scarlet saw you
she told me
Sam
miss scarlet is a whore
clara
maybe
but she doesn't lie
Sam
fine

He definitely killed the conversation first. I might have brought it to the coroner.

Love always,
Clara

you'll never become... darth vader

Mariam: Pinkster! You're so mean! You'll never become... Darth Vader...

Me: Darth Vader?

Mariam: Yeah! He's sort of charming... and black. I like his smile.

Me: When I think of charming black gentlemen, my first thought is definitely Darth Vader.

Pinkster, by the way, is Julien, because he's pink. I'm pink too, and so is Larissa. Mariam is white, apparently, Percy is black, and Bouyan is yellow. Halima is... dark white.

According to Mariam.

There's a lot of racial tension in this class, but we talk about it.

Mariam: The hypothalamus? I don't know. I don't do the brain.

Julien: I know.

Mom drove me to school today. It was a frustrating adventure.

Mariam keeps going on about Darth Vader.

Love always,
Clara

shakespearean verse

I was pretty sure I was better and ready to go to school today, except when I got there and felt like a zombie. I'm better, I am, but I'm still worn out.

Laaaame.

Me: [Recites some Shakespeare from memory.... i'm sure I was doing this for a reason besides being obnoxious... but on second thought... maybe not]

Me: ...Wow, I am such a dork. Jesus.

Matt E: But why? Why do you share that with us? You could keep it to yourself... but you break into Shakespearean verse!

He's right. I could pretend not to be a dork. It would be pretty easy, I think. I'm so used to not needing to hide it though. Potomac was so conducive to expressions of dorkiness. Or maybe that was all in my head.

Maybe life is conducive to expressions of dorkiness!

I don't know.

I want a nap.

Love always,
Clara

music is the best medicine

I'm feeling better than I was feeling yesterday, which was better than I was feeling on sunday, so tomorrow I should be totally fine.

That's the plan. I can't be sure my body will cooperate. A tragic nap set me back in the health-feeling department. Naps always make me feel sick. It's really frustrating. I would much prefer that they make me feel better; that would be more intuitive. But no. I wake up from a nap, not refreshed, but feeling quite ill.

Not sure what that's about.

Also, I've become really frustrated by a lot of random things lately. I think it has to do with being sick.

But I've discovered something: I'd rather be the only one who likes my taste in music than have everyone freaking out over Florence + the Machine and being a member of that crowd. I see you guys on facebook, liking each other's song-lyric statuses, and I'm a perpetrator, I participate, all of it, but I resent it. I'd rather think that I'm the only one who really feels the lyrics of "Elevator Love Letter" than be in some kind of corny fan club.

For a while my music taste was something that set me apart, in my mind, and I'm discovering that's not the case really, and it's frustrating. When listening to whatever was on the radio was cool, I was not. Now, indie music is cool... but I don't feel cooler for it? I feel like my pre-existing inherent coolness has been eroded by the masses! You kids get off my experimental (probably canadian) musical lawn!

The worst is that I think it's okay for some people to like "my" music, but not okay for others. Only the people who seem like they authentically shared my taste to begin with (at least a year ago, guys) are "worthy" of it to begin with. And those people are a little intimidating, and I'm afraid I come off as trend-seeking to them.

Question: When did I get so pretentious?

Answer: No idea. But I'm probably destined to be a hipster or something. Hm.

I just downloaded a bunch of music though. I feel like it had been a while since I'd done this, so that's refreshing in its own way.

Scenic World - Beirut

Jezebel - Iron and Wine

With Whiskey - Tunng

Hurricane Drunk - Florence + the Machine

Hustle - Tunng

Lovesong of the Buzzard - Iron and Wine

Collect Call - Metric

The Twist - Metric

Crystalised - The XX

California - Rogue Wave

I realized just after purchasing Scenic World that I already had the same song, but a different version, off of Gulag Orkestar (which I briefly stole from a long chain of people which I believe began with Lily, correct me if I'm wrong). I knew it sounded familiar. It's no loss though- it's a great song, and I like this Lon Gisland version better anyway I think. It might be too soon to say.

Tunng has this great song "Bullets" that I was slightly obsessed with a for period of time. Highly recommended, along with these two songs I just bought. "Hustle" is a great monday morning song, too, in an energetic way. I have a playlist called "Monday Morning" and it's all perky happy music (which is generally the opposite of how I feel in the mornings) that puts me in a good mood before I get to school. This song is definitely going to be on that playlist.

And The XX was on Gossip Girl last night. This song Crystalised is the song that's playing when Serena and Nate disappear into the coat room. I was excited (because I like Serena and Nate, and I like The XX, and I like recognizing songs, so it was like a trifecta of making-clara-happy).

So that's what I did today.

Love always,
Clara

illin'

I don't remember whether I mentioned it here, but last week my entire family (excluding myself) got the flu. I was pretty smug about it.

Until yesterday.

Apologies for not blogging, but I spent most of the day asleep. I managed to eat an orange and a couple saltine crackers all day, and that was my proudest achievement.

Today was better. Had a killer headache, but stayed awake most of the day and caught up on The Office. Hooray for that.

Probably not going to school tomorrow either. I'm really not a fan of being sick. Oh well.

Nothing interesting has happened because I can probably count the number of times I left my room today on one hand.

I have, however, renewed my absolute love for Dinosaur Comics. So that's something.

Love always,
Clara

the superego and the id

Today was sort of boring, but I went out tonight, so that was pretty chill. Low-key but fun.

I did a lot of psych work though, which led me to this video:


I'll leave that without comment.
Just watch the whole thing.

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode five

Today was a relatively uneventful ski day, actually.

Except that after lunch I had a Red Bull "Energy Shot" thing which didn't taste so bad, actually. And right after that, Anita, our instructor showed us to a steep black slope with moguls galore.

Anita: Should we try?

Sheena: Um...

Natasha: I'm not sure.

Me: BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES, GUYS! BRING IT ON! LET'S DO IT! YEAH! BELIEVE!

That was fun. We did end up doing it, and I only fell once, so I was proud of that.

I was the only senior skiing, because everyone else was taking their language oral exams. I told Herr M that, if it was okay with him, I'd rather go skiing for a whole day than spend that day taking a 10 minute test that I didn't technically need to take (unlike everyone else, who was taking them for their IB diplomas). I'm taking it on Monday or Tuesday I believe.

Anyway, it meant I was chilling with the 11th graders on the train ride home.

They decided it would be cool to show me "blue waffle."

Don't google that unless you're a masochist. It's nasty.

Also, "lemon party."

These things sound so innocent! And yet... they are not. You have been warned.

We also had a vaguely intellectual conversation (started by Kajus the German) about how the German are always criticized for the Holocaust (a criticism with which none of us disagreed) but they didn't invent mass genocide, so why aren't we hating on the British for how they treated the Aborigines in Australia or the Americans for how we treated the Native Americans or the USSR for all of those people they killed or the Spanish for wiping out the Mayans?

It was an interesting discussing but I feel like none of us were fully informed on the issues at hand. No one had any statistics, and those would probably be relevant to the matter. Also, intentions. The desire to create a master race will generally step on some toes.

I had really good Chinese food tonight. Also, ran around suburban neighborhoods like the teenage deviant that I am (or would be, if I were in a movie, which I always pretend I am.)

Love always,
Clara

this is a bad joke

Disclaimer: I made up this joke when I was talking to my dog the other day. When I talk to Chili I tend to think/say pretty ridiculous things.

So a man walks into a bakery, leading a huge snake by a leash. The girl behind the counter at the bakery, she's taken aback by this unusual sight. It's her first day on the job though, and she's determined to make a sale.

The man approaches the counter and says, "I'd like to buy a cinnamon bun."

The girl is immediately crestfallen. The bakery only sells the decisively sweet pastries, such as cupcakes, and the decisively ambiguous pastries, such as croissants. All those buns fall weirdly in-between those categories, sweet and yet potentially breakfast foods, and the owner of the bakery is obsessive-compulsive, so that will not do. Cinnamon buns do not fit into his strictly defined concepts of what should be sold in a bakery (although they are clearly bakery-food) and thus they cannot be sold.

The girl does not explain all of this. She simply says, "Sir, I'm sorry, we do not have any cinnamon buns at the moment." She is a bit ashamed of her boss's strange habits. Optimistic, and hopeful that she can make a sale regardless, she offers him a nice loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread, or perhaps a box of iced ginger snaps.

The man says, "Alas, only a cinnamon bun will do. Are you sure there isn't a day-old one in the back or something? I don't mind."

The girl shakes her head. "We actually don't sell cinnamon buns. I'm terribly sorry. Are you sure I can't interest you in a pecan pie? It has cinnamon in it, I believe."

The man sighs. He nods his head to the snake, who is lying on the ground, mostly disinterested in their conversation. "That sounds delicious, but it's not for me, it's for the snake. And I'm afraid my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun."

The end.

Yes, I just rambled for several minutes, just to end the joke with a line from a song about asses. Because I'm classy like that.

Love always,
Clara

rules of the bakery

There is a certain code of conduct that must be observed when bread is being sliced with a knife. I will list the main tenants here.

• A machete, for the purposes of slicing bread, is probably overkill.
• On the other hand, a Swiss army knife on a keychain is pretty useless if it doesn't at least get to the center of your bread roll.
• It does not matter how big your knife is, if you have no bread to cut.
• If you have no bread, you may sharpen your knife yourself, but don't brag about it.
• You may not slice previously-unsliced bread if that bread is soggy. Soggy knives are not especially useful either.
• Slicing soggy bread is okay if you have sliced that bread before. If the bread has been sliced, but by another knife, things become ambiguous.
• You may eat soggy bread but it may not be appetizing.
• You may poke at soggy bread if you so choose.
• Buying pre-sliced bread is lazy and crude.
• Buying unsliced bread is also lazy, and probably more expensive. It is classier to bake your own bread. It is more effort, but the bread ends up being more satisfying.
• Do not cut bread that has any sort of fungus on it, and do not use a knife that is moldy (nota bene: bread that you buy often has fungus)
• Different kinds of bread suit different kinds of knives. For example, it takes a large knife to slice the darker kinds of wheat bread.
• Always keep your knife clean.
• You don't really slice a tortilla.
• Yellow bread is difficult to cut, or so I hear.
• Sword swallowers are incredibly talented.

Those are the rules of the bakery. Comment (here or on the facebook page) if I've forgotten any.

Love always,
Clara

soymilk

Simone bought a carton of soy milk at lunch today. He hated it, but felt the need to drink it because it would be wasteful not to.

Then Kajus told him that soy beans increase your estrogen levels.

Everyone was thrilled by that for a little while.

I wandered around Brunnadernstrasse (not sure how to spell that) for a bit before I went home today. Epic plans. Not naked plans, because naked plans lead to epic fails.

If that last bit went over your head, click the "Videos" tag and look for a song that Vivian and I sing.

I was basically useless today. I took a physics test though! Hooray for that?

I guess so.

Love always,
Clara

what i'm excited about

I was so boring today. I don't get why I've been so boring lately. I keep getting distracted in random things and forgetting that I'm in the real world and must participate.

Me: Do you ever get that feeling that you're not actually where you are, and if you spoke no one could hear you, and all of your actions are fruitless, and everything's sort of blurry?

Oren: Um... No. No, not really.

Anyway, to bring myself back into existence, I'm trying to get myself excited about things. Here it goes:

• I wrote/recorded a song today! And I'm going to put it on youtube! I'm not saying it's going to be good, I'm saying I did it. Hooray for creativity!
• I bought a scarf today!
• I go home in two months and read! And take APs...
• Yearbook is coming along nicely!
• My new computer should arrive pretty soon!
• I bought film today, and I put some of it on the oven, and it will be heat-damaged which is a very desirable thing in the film world, let me tell you.
• It's been warm out lately!

So that's cool.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. It's really bothering me that the title of this post ends in a preposition, even though I'm pretty sure that's okay to do in titles. Regardless, this post should be called, "That about which I am excited"

rabbit rabbit rabbit

Welcome to the first day of meteorological spring!

I'm not talking about astronomical spring, here. That'll have to wait another twenty one days.

Today was also day one of my anti-stress diet. I'm exhausted, but feeling calm, so that's a good thing.

So badly wanted to buy Red Bull today. Made a friend at the grocery though!

Me: [checking out, buying yogurt] Kann ich einen loffel haben?

Coop woman: Ja! Bravo! Gut! Anfang ist schwerig... sehr gut!

Me: Danke! Aha, danke! Schone Tag!

Basically, what happened there was that I asked for a spoon using vaguely correct German grammar, the checkout woman reacted as if I'd given some kind of Oscar-worthy performance (and basically said it was okay that it had taken me this long to figure it out, because "beginning is hard,") and my ego exploded.

Me: YOU GUYS! I MADE A FRIEND!

Danny: She was laughing at you.

Me: BUT LAUGHING AT ME IN A FRIENDLY WAY!

As opposed to the is-she-retarded? way they tend to laugh at me when I ask for a "spoon fork spoon fork spoon fork spoon."

That's a true story. That happened one time. I had forgotten which word was which, so I figured if I just said both, they'd know which one I meant. It didn't really go so well.

So tired.

Sleeping in tomorrow. That'll help.

Today I wore a dress with tights. As I was walking home, I cut through Loeb department store (because it's warmer than walking around the block).

Loeb lady: Ihr Sackli!--

Me: Sorry?

Loeb lady: [pulls on my dress] [stumbles with english] ... I see your ass!

Me: Oh! Um... Thanks then! Wow... Okay... Thanks!

My dress had ridden up and stuck itself under my bookbag while I walked. I don't know how long I was walking around Bern like that. Pretty awkward, if I do say so myself.

However, I like that the Loeb worker didn't speak much english, but could figure out, "I see your ass!"

I'm sure that one comes in handy a lot.

Love always,
Clara