occupy skype

David: (In the middle of a story)
Me: Oh, I really like your hair right now, by the way. Sorry, I got distracted.
David: Thanks! No, I like it when my hair is girl-distractable.
Me: Yep.
David: (Points to head) This could be my cleavage!

I'm skyping with David. The nice thing about skype is that you can stare at yourself the whole time in the lower right corner.

David: The other day he tried to convince us that Lady Gaga was dating an eastern european philosopher.

David's Spanish teacher sounds certifiably mad. I'm glad Brown isn't the only Ivy to have completely insane professors. I was worried it was unique to us.

David: My mother had an opinion! She's giving those away like she's going out of business.

Moms do that. David and I discussed the fact that parents tend to have this ridiculous notion that they have a right to comment and exert control over our life choices. Hogwash! Balderdash! (Frankly, though, by the time they have kids in college, they need to just trust that they raised us with good judgment.)

David: I would support the Occupy Wall Street thing, with the compassionate addendum that they bathe.

I'm not sure how I feel about Occupy Wall Street. I'm glad someone is blaming someone other than Obama for the economic shitshow. I do agree that bathing is something everyone should do (If only the 1% bathed, the world would be a smelly place). I kind of wish they would define a position, but apparently the lack of focus is what makes the movement so cohesive, in a backwards way. If no one is expected to agree on anything, there can't really be infighting, and no one gets alienated.
I just don't know how long that can last.

David: Maybe I need to sprinkle some Descartes into my cauldron.

Love always,
Clara

out with the kids

Tonight I went out.
Being home is not so bad.

Thomas and I had some pretty wonderful conversations. He kept calling everyone "Clara" by accident. Clearly this means that he'd missed me so much that he'd been pretending everyone was me. To make him less sad.

Kyle told me he had to turn the cameras in my dorm room back on when I stopped keeping well enough in touch with him.

I spent probably thirty percent of the evening making Chris feel uncomfortable (intentionally or unintentionally). You know how I do.

Thomas
you make my mind fuck
Clara
hahahahahahahhaa
Thomas
i mean
you cause a mindfuck
hbusujgfbjugbqgujbgtjubtgjutg
don't ever join the circus!

Joining the circus was actually my backup plan. Damn.

Love always,
Clara

my mother explains

Mom sent me an email this morning, defending herself. She says that I was probably six when this book got into my hands, and I had been mostly bored with whatever reading material that had been available to me at the time.

Mom

... You were just fascinated. I could not bear to pull you away. I knew all that pablum you were supposed to be reading was just too boring. I remember asking your father if maybe it was a little too grim, but he felt it was just fine. Of course. Why I asked him I will never know.
Thank god Harry Potter came along and got you off the Hindenburg. But don't chastise us, you would have done the same. You were bored. I consider that torture.

That sounds entirely plausible.

Love always,

Clara

i take it back

Daphna

sounds good
enjoy your screening which is hopefully not some other korean porn/death/incest thing
clara
we're watching 'what not to wear'
and 'made'
Daphna
HAHAH
well TLC is definitely not korean incest.
i mean..i hope not..
havent watched it in a while
but im fairly confident

I take it all back. Everything negative I ever said about my MCM class is hereby retracted. We just watched three hours of trashy reality tv.

The days feel so long here. I literally don't remember this morning. Having lunch feels like days ago. I never have any idea what day of the week it is (unless, of course, it's friday).

It's a problem.

I have so much to do too. A philosophy paper, a linguistics project, an MCM paper, and one more Econ problem set. And three finals. Of course.

Yikes.

I can't believe the first semester has gone so quickly. December starts tomorrow (rabbit rabbit rabbit) and I'll be home in eighteen days.

Ridiculous.

Love always,

Clara

stimulating

Robert
well i reckon next year i will engross myself fully in studies
this year is fun and games

Clara
hahahaha
Robert
next i will go nuts
Clara
"engross myself fully in studies" LOL AS IF THIS SCHOOL WERE INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING
Robert
i will stimulate myself
Clara
hahahahahahahahaha

Clearly I'm actually a 12 year old boy. For the record.

Love always,

Clara

kids these days, man

This just transpired on facebook. It's really bothering me.

I don't want to go around trashing random kids who are years younger than me. But can we talk for a second about their attitude? Not as a personal attack but as a gateway to a discussion about something more emblematic of society?

Who the fuck is proud of misspelling the word "Sweden"?

I mean, it kind of bothers me that they jump on my sister for her request for political correctness. The word in question bothers me too, but I've come to terms with the fact that some people feel like it's their right to use it. That's fair. I get that.

But all these acronyms bother me (What is LLS? I just want to know!). And the exclamation points. For the sake of context, let me point out that these kids are indeed educated. They definitely DO know how to spell "Sweden."

And then why talk back to me like that? I'm supposed to be the older sister that these kids want to impress.

They are just too cool for me and my knowledge-of-countries I guess.

Ugh. The whole culture of "Look how ignorant and obnoxious I can be on the internet, regardless of whether it's a reflection of my actual behavior" really pisses me off, in whatever context.

John: I hate it when people post stauses like, "The more a flame is covered up, the hotter it burns." A) WHAT? and B) Stop infiltrating my news feed with your ridiculousness. The more a flame is covered up, the faster it goes out, you idiot! Do you understand oxygen?!

Love always,

Clara

EDITED TO ADD: Apparently "LLS" means "Laughing like shit." The more you know.

John: Because excrement laughs.

maybe i should learn to cook at some point...

Chris W

At home alone and having to make dinner. This is why I need a girlfriend
Kyle M

like the last one would have be helpful in such a situation?

(Chris W and Clara B like this)

I really can't cook. I've been ridiculed for my inability to make a sandwich (turns out, I'm a failure as a woman. Who knew?).

Yesterday I made a quesadilla in the Ratty. That felt like an accomplishment.

All of this has me thinking, what the hell am I going to eat when I eventually leave this place?

I do enjoy culinary-type activities. I made bruschetta once. I felt very accomplished.

That said, I can hardly get my shit together as it is. What would I do with one other necessary task? Probably eat out a lot.

I'd say that describes most of my youth, actually. We did Pita House or Indian food or Thai food or something along those lines on a fairly regular basis. Not all the time, but a significant amount. I can't fully comprehend those families in which the parents cook a meal every night. How do they have time for that?

(Even more baffling is the family in which everyone eats together every night. We did that maybe once a week, and it was an event)

I don't know. I guess I could manage to cook for myself, but feeding a family is way outside my area. I could bake cookies, I guess. And make lots of soup. If I had access to tomatoes and feta, I could probably put together a Greek salad (minus the olives, of course, because... ew).

And bruschetta.

Oh, by the way, if anyone wants to legitimize their identities by way of print publications, you should buy a magazine from this website tonight. It's cheap, and it helps Jeanette somehow, and the future of print media is in our generation's hands.

If you feel compelled, I'd recommend that you do this within the next 24 hours.

Love always,

Clara

ophelia

There are so many things to blog today. People around me keep being either hilarious or wonderful or both. Maybe it's the coffee talking.

Thomas

ew. English has killed me.
I'm off to die in my sleep.
Tell MT I'm sorry.
And Hamlet is my hero.
Me
when i first read hamlet, it was a few months before i moved to switzerland. the degree to which i identified with ophelia's losing-her-mind-ness was actually alarming.
if ONLY anyone in that play could just die in their sleep... much less drama.
Thomas
That's true.
But then, what would it be without the drama?
A castle full of dead Scandinavians?
Probably.
ANd I like Scandinavia.
A lot.
So much, I want to study their language.
but Not Danish, obviously. Polonius is a sket. But for some reason reminds me of a certain principal. take a guess.
Anyway. I can see how you and Ophelia relate.

File this under: Thomas is my absolute hero. He should start a blog. He already twitters. He's halfway there, if he plans to have 280 character blog posts.

Do you remember when I was having my Ophelia moment? I seriously lost my mind and played in the flowers and such. There were some serious and relevant parallels.

Love always,

Clara

oh, life.

We're talking about South Korean cultural domination in eastern asia. And eye-opening surgeries. And how this isn't Westernization exactly.

(This is in Modern Culture and Media. Obviously)

Prof: So this eye surgery is a way of becoming more South Korean, the same way getting a boob job could be considered a way to become... more Californian... I love California. I had the best time there this summer, although I clearly didn't participate.

She is adorable.

In other news, my life is a JOKE. Literally one day after I had that nervous breakdown about my headphones breaking and being temporarily stuck with my crappy earbuds, my crappy earbuds are horribly mutilated by the elliptical and my carelessness.

THIS IS A PROBLEM.

I was really upset, but then I worked out with what was left of my earbuds, and the endorphins have me placated a little bit.

Still. Things seem to be conspiring against me.

Robert is taking the PSATs soon.

Robert

hehe, well my goal ideally would be to lay open some hideous truth, bankrupt collegeboard, and walk away with perfect marks and a MIT scoloarship
but thats not likely to happen
Me

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME
I hate the college board
i used to write them nasty letters
Robert
hehe
well i don't have anything against them
Clara
not yet you don't
Robert
its just my natural instinct to destroy large cooperations, and my general hatred for the world
well not really
i am rambling
i am relatively happy currently

That makes one of us.

That's a lie. I'm relatively happy as well, but I really do think that's just the endorphins.

Robert
as males do, i assumes the best possible option as a god given truth and so went about my life, thinkign of haggis, pussy and tea

... And, of course, Robert's excellent storytelling skills.

Love always,

Clara

tricky undercover seasonally affected republicans

Thomas, on my economics woes:

Maybe it's run by Republicans.
Bad Republicans
Undercover.

That would be interesting.

I had a linguistics partay up in this hizzle tonight.

Me: Oh my god, post-classical greek!

John: Does that excite you?

Me: It warms my heart!

Me

Hey double checking - did you get three rules for #2?

Benny

Nope. 3.

Me

Three = 3 ?

John: Where's your sun lamp?

Me: Over here.

John: I might be seasonally affected.

Me: You're not going to be seasonally affected on october fourth.

John: It's getting worse as the days go on though!

Me: Oh, so the stem is more reliably found in the genitive and accusative. That makes sense. The nominative is tricky.

Benny: Yeah, the nominative is a tricky little bitch.

Obviously we're all really cool.

Love always,

Clara

i just wanna dance

For the record, I totally understand international trade, so it was totally okay that I was on facebook chat during Economics this morning.

Cameron and I were discussing weekend plans.

Cameron
i wanna dance
Me
right now?
Cameron
nuh uh
lol
later tonight
Me
hahaha
Cameron
i wanna dance right now, but later tonight
lol
Me
i want to dance. in econ. right now.
econ always makes me want to dance
Cameron
that's wonderful
you should get up and do it
Me
i might dance on my way out
like ellen degeneres

Love always,

Clara

strange correspondence

I've been emailing with my parents. It's more efficient than calling.

They're both very strange people, and had very different reactions to the news that I had been ill.

Mom

I am glad you made the call on your throat- just make sure you get seen! Throat Coat is my fav. I used to drink it before the show (right after a big mug of Thinko Tea!) It gives you a sexy voice.

Dad

I am glad to hear you are healing. You are probably surrounded by more germs than at any time since St. Paul's [preschool]. The great Plague of 1918 (which killed your great-grandfather's wife and son, thank God, lest we not exist) was mostly spread by housing WWI soldiers in massive barracks, each sleeping 12 inches from the next guy. Whoosh, they carried it across the world.

No further comment. This says it all.

Love always,

Clara

poor chuck...

Sam just directed me to a startling news article regarding Taylor Momsen.

Me
hahahahaha
holy shit
wtf
Sam
i know
crazy
Me
wild
Sam
i guess we know what happens to Chuck this season

Speaking of things found on the internet, you need to check out the new concept-y Arcade Fire music video. It is actually the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life.

Click here to have your mind completely blown.

Love always,

Clara

somehow i think my google results are okay

First, a real conversation from this afternoon--

Mom: Is that you?

Me: Who?

Mom: That girl.

Me: No.

Mom: She looks like you.

Me: Mom, she's black.

Mom: She's wearing sunglasses.

This is what happens when mom looks over my shoulder as I newsfeed-stalk. She can't tell the difference between a news feed and a profile I don't think, so she thinks every item is related to me in some way.

Speaking of facebook and the internet (and the crazy way we live our lives these days), Daphna is very concerned about her google results. When one googles Daphna, the fifth result is her involvement in a facebook group called "Whenever I feel down I listen to the Enormous Penis song and everything's OK"

Daphna

WHAT WILL THE COLLEGES SAY
Clara

haha
Daphna

enormous penis = rejection
Clara

the colleges don't have time for your penises
Daphna

hahahhahaha
idk

they stalk facebook
Clara

seriously
Daphna

they can google my name
Clara

they get SO MANY applications
i feel like they only facebook stalk if they're really super not sure. or bored.
Daphna

although

if i google you

the first thing i get is

clara beyer (clarabellum) on Twitter
its been said i'm a tender spanish lover. also, naked romps lead to jail.
twitter.com/clarabellum - Cached - Similar

Clara

and somehow brown let me in

Daphna

brown might be down with the naked romps. i doubt princeton is down with orgies and enormous penises. they are less chill. they're presbyterian for god's sake.

For god's sake.

Tomorrow is my last real day in Switzerland. I'm going to school to pick up my yearbook, and getting my final shit together. And on Wednesday, I fly to Boston.

This is insane.

In other news, there's an awesome thunderstorm going on right now. I love storms.

This has been a random blog post, brought to you by Clara's tired brain and an excess of date bars.

Love always,

Clara

not even if it were in malibu!

I tried to explain the premise of The Purity Myth to Grace last night.

I'm not sure I got anywhere.

Now I'm at home wondering what to do with myself. I'm organizing a night out tomorrow night, so that's something, but right now I'm at home telling my parents that no, I wouldn't like to play cards with them, actually.

Obviously, in my spare time I talk to David about political issues.

Me
and you know the area around ground zero isn't all hallowed ground anyway
David
sometimes i think there should be stimulus spending for cocktails
Me
there's a strip club on the same block
and GOOD IDEA
boost the economy AND calm everyone down
David
are you saying strip clubs are not hallowed ground?????????????????

We are such serious pundits. There is definitely a talk show career for the both of us somewhere out there.

Now we're discussing the fact that he didn't end up going to Pepperdine.

David
im still sad i am not living in malibu though, but i realized it would be like going to rehab for 4 years
Me
i'd rather not go to rehab
even if it WERE in malibu
David
thats like amy whinehouse, only polite rich girl remix
Me
hahahaha
David
"i'd rather not go to rehab even if it were in malibu no no no!"

David comes up with the greatest song lyrics. Here's a list.

Reasons David should be a Lyricist:

1. "I aborted my crush on you! hoo hoo hoo!"
2. "Blame it on the ve-e-e-e-e-eggie cheese!"
3. "i'd rather not go to rehab even if it were in malibu no no no!"

David should put this blog post on his resume because I am recommending so many professions for him.

Kyle

i totally walked past your house today

That's not creepy at all.

Love always,

Clara

i'm so itchy

I got probably a million bug bites today.

Now I'm debating whether to go to work tomorrow. I probably should. I have things to do there.

Today I brought Chili to work. I decided he and I both needed some excitement.

He, of course, ended up sitting on the floor under my desk, bored out of his mind. I told him, welcome to office life. He made this horribly sad whining noise.

I agreed.

Now I'm talking to Chris. I'm not sure why I do that.

Me
yeah i color outside the lines too
i'm a crazy badass like that
Chris
colouring outside the lines is a sign of incompetence
Me
i'm post-competent
Chris
not bad-assness
post-competent?
Me
like, post-structuralist? or post-modern?
like, i've gone through the "competent" phase and now i've moved on to "post-competent"
Chris
like door-post?
Me
post-morality?
Chris
or fence-post
or even better
post-man
Me
(i am literally shaking my head right now)
Chris
post-card

Like... wow.

He doesn't realize that he's basically an existentialist. I've tried to explain it to him.

I spend a lot of time explaining things like existentialism and Freud and the passive-perfect-participle to the kids here. They don't seem to be absorbing much of it.

Except Simone. He's really absorbing this Freud business. I think it haunts him a little bit.

Earlier I was talking to Chris about leeches. How we get onto these topics is so beyond me.

Chris: Leeches suck.

Me: Literally!

Chris: No, figuratively.

Me: That was a pun. I was really proud of it...

Chris: Oh.

I can't wait to go to a place where people understand when they're being existentialist and will put up with my puns. I sure hope Brown is that place. I feel like it will be.

Love always,

Clara

stories of romeo

I ran into Percy's brother Romeo the other day and we had a priceless encounter that I really can't repeat here. Romeo is 14.

I'm talking to Percy now.

Percy

romeo is crazy

Clara

romeo is hilar

adi would have been like "oh hi whatever" but romeo was like "OHHHHHHH"

Percy

yea

hes just funny

one time my parents came home late

and he was standing right in front of the fridge

and like 2 am

and they are like what are you doing

?

and he says

im taking my medicine

but he was making toast

Clara

hahahahahahahahahaha

We generally run into one of Percy's brothers when we go to the pool, because they live around there.

Apparently Romeo has asked the same 8th grade girl out maybe three or four times. He will grow up to be relentless like his brother, although, by the looks of it, less successful.

Went shopping today. Wasn't I just thinking about how I have far too much clothing? Whatever. I bought very practical things like soft v neck shirts and dark wash jeans (because obviously I don't have enough of those).

(But really. All of my dark wash jeans lose their darkness after a couple months. Mom theorized that I wash them too much, but I really don't! Generally I'll wear jeans a few times before I wash them)

I also packed a suitcase of things for college. They're things I won't see until October (long story involving not-going-home-until-christmas), but it's a step.

That's what I've been up to.

Love always,

Clara

yikesss

I like my job.

I do.

Really.

However, something about the government and the standards there just don't grok well with me.

It has come to my attention that my writing style is considered "irreverent".

It has also come to my attention recently that this particular style is going underappreciated in areas other than my blog.

To which I say, to hell with that.

Fuck reverence.

I mean, I suppose reverence as a general concept is worth holding onto in society, for certain circumstances (see: childbirth, pretty sunsets, the president if he's in the room).

But reverence for the sake of reverence because the lack of reverence would be considered inappropriate? That's circular!

I hope to never work in an office. Everything is catty and messy and I want to write a big expose on all of the scandals (OMG someone borrowed our copy of that travel book without asking) except knowing me, it would be irreverent, and that won't do.

No one can step on anyone's toes, but everyone's toes are stepped upon.

And now my toes feel sore.

And I have to watch myself.

And I hate that.

I'm clumsy. I walk into things, people, if it's there, I'll probably stumble upon it somehow. And I've taken this trait and incorporated it into my persona, my affect, my unescapable Clara-ness that would be very difficult to reverse at this point in the game.

I believe I've been known to say too much and maybe that's what I'm doing now.

All of this is just proving to me that I'm not cut out for a traditional career of any kind. Anyone know any non-traditional careers that I might enjoy that would definitely without a shadow of a doubt keep me out of office life forever?

That would be awesome, thanks.

Daphna
I spent like an he subwayibf caarilus places
ok that was ibxomprehendible

I just talked to Daphna on AIM. If it helps her case, she was typing from an iPod Touch.

Love always,

Clara

ipad: useful for reading boobs

Yesterday was fun. I've decided this summer is going to be fantastic. I don't know why it took me so long to come to this conclusion, but I'm glad that I have, and I think that's all that matters really.

There was a water fight at school, so I turned up to take some pictures, which didn't turn out quite as well as I had hoped. It's hard to catch the action, interestingly enough, when thirty kids are running around a blacktop with water balloons and you're trying to stay out of the splash zone.

Then I hung out for a bit, since I didn't have much else to do.

Chris was around, but he had basketball practice, so he sort of had an excuse to be there (unlike the rest of us).

Chris: What are you guys still doing here? Don't you have lives?

Me: Well, it's chill out here or go home and play with my dog.

Anine: Yeah, it's chill here or go home and play with mySELF!

[weird looks are exchanged all around]

I don't remember what they (Emily and Anine) are theoretically pointing at in this picture. I just remember that they wanted to make that face.

Hm. Very questionable.

Then I came home and talked to David. He has successfully captured his father's iPad.

David
AND its how i want to read the newspaper next year, which means I won't have to ask for a weekend subscription to the nytimes for my birthday
THRIFTINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me
hahaha
ipad=thrifty
David
AND i will read boobs on it!
BOOKS
Me
hahahahahahahahahahahaha

b and k aren't even near each other on the keyboard. I really don't know where he was going with that.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. Google Analytics tells me how people arrive at this site, and I'm hoping some really bizarre search terms lead to this post.

"he's a handful"

Me
what a weird expression btw
"a handful"
Phil
yea like
if a child was literally a handful
if he was that tiny
he'd be easy to manage
Me
hahaha
Phil
also a handful of anything is always better than just a few
oh god put down that handful of jellybeans it must be awful
no one ever says that
Me
hahahaha
i love jellybeans
maybe if you hated jellybeans
then it would make sense
Phil
but who hates jelly beans?
Me
or like, "put down that handful of spiders!"
but no one says that either
bc we don't really measure spiders by the handful
hmmmm
Phil
ah
quite a poignant observation

Presented without comment.

Love always,
Clara