caution: "really" random "blogpost"

Me: Sweet, the roommate questionnaire comes out tomorrow!

Daphna: Can I do it with you? I love questionnaires!

Me: Me too. I like talking about myself.

Daphna: Of course you do-- you're a blogger.

She's right, of course.

The talent show was epic and most certainly not corrupt.

Videos will be appearing shortly.

Daphna and I are listening to Two Door Cinema Club and reading the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks.

There was a party in a car today, but it wasn't the kind of party you would want to be invited to, because it involved two high school guys and a father, and a lot of tension.

Love always,
Clara

a few notes that are mostly unrelated to each other

1. I think my blog post title names are getting less coherent by the day.
2. The talent show is today! Daph and I are rolling into school at around two to help set up, and of course, to appreciate the splendor that is my school. (Hear that? Splendor) I'll put videos up if anything interesting happens, so if you happen to be participating (wouldn't that be cool?), your worldwide fame is probably inevitable.
3. This is my 991st post. That means I have 9 to go until I have 1000, at which point I will write some kind of nostalgic sentimental self-indulgent blogging-commemorative post. Sounds like fun, right?
4. Yesterday I ended up getting coffee with Daphna and Chris. As much as I enjoy the worlds colliding, that is better done when there is no awkward third-wheeling involved. Daphna plays second fiddle to no man, so there was definitely a weird vibe there. Not sure what that was about.
5. There's an easter egg hunt thing at my house today. I'm excited for that. Little kids are cute. I want some. Fact.
6. But not right now?
7. I have so much work to do and my parents have decided this is a good time to plan crazy trips everywhere. As much as I'm looking forward to going to Venice, the timing could be better. Oh, life is hard when you don't have time to go to Venice.

Love always,
Clara

adventures, such as walking

Day three of Daphna's presence is coming along swimmingly. She's getting a massage right now. I'm next. I spent most of yesterday working on a physics lab, but later today we're going to school since I've got student council obligations and such, and tomorrow is the epic-awesome-school-talent-show (in which I am singing a song that I wrote).

I'm acting like I'm nervous, and I really am nervous actually, but I'm also sort of acting like that so that I don't sound like I'm too fond of myself. I don't want to sound like "Oh, I'm singing tomorrow, it's going to be awesome." So there's that, too.

I'm really liking the word "swimmingly" lately. I haven't been swimming in ages. I think I'd like to go swimming, except the river is freezing and the pools are closed and it's just an irrational desire.

Damn those irrational desires, such as swimming.

I had really great gelato last night. I don't even want to think about how much I've eaten in the past few days. Having guests is generally a great excuse to eat great food that you wouldn't really eat by yourself. Case in point: The whole family is going out for fondue tonight. I'm pumped.

So that's what's been up lately. I also discovered that you can make folders for your playlists in itunes. This was a mind-blowing discovery. I now have two folders: times, and moods. Times are like, "june 12" or "2009 drivemix", and moods are like, "monday morning" or "chill mellowness" or "teatime".

That basically encompasses all of my playlists. But I have a lot of them, so putting them all in one place is really convenient.

This has been a really random blogpost.

Love always,
Clara

worlds collide!

Forget crime novel; my life is a scifi.

Daphna is here, and AJ was here until yesterday, and seeing my american camp friends, my american school friends, and my switzerland friends together is trippy.

Planets, hurdling towards each other! Suspense!

But success. Everyone is getting along swimmingly.

We went out last night, which was fun, and this morning Daphna and I watched P.S. I Love You, which would be better titled P.S. What The Fuck? because it was really depressing and didn't make much sense.

Daphna: That's why you're not laughing at my jokes!

Me: I'm laughing at your joke about me not laughing about your jokes...?

Daphna: That's ironic. That's like having a Model UN conference in Taiwan!

These are the intelligent conversations we've been having.

Daphna has just come up with the band name, "The Yesterday Shirt Dilemma"

I could really go for some tea.

Love always,
Clara

the list of things that fascinate me

The other day I was walking around with Chris and happened to stumble upon a gorgeous Swiss landscape. This happens all the time. I had a brief wannabe-Walt-Whitman moment, and Chris thought I was a nutjob, and nothing was out of the ordinary.

A bit later on, he literally walked down someone else's driveway to look at a car. That fascination flew over my head.

He explained himself this way: "I appreciate three things. Beautiful cars, beautiful women, and beautiful guitars... and food. So that's four, actually." At which point I called him typical and he did not argue.

Later, as we were walking around, I realized I recognized some buildings in the distance, which was pretty cool, because it means I'm getting my bearings.

Me: I love figuring out where stuff is.

Chris: You are so weird.

Me: See, you've got your four things... the list of things that fascinate me is a lot longer, and a lot more random.

So, without further ado, an abridged list of the things that fascinate me-

• Figuring out where stuff is
• Gorgeous landscapes, preferably in some sort of twilight
• Running water (in nature, not in your sink)
• My puppy
• People and their interactions with each other. Especially random and unexpected moments of empathy. Look out for those, because they happen and they're fascinating.
• Social constructs such as "school"
• What is art?
• Can I wear black and brown at the same time? I plan to.
• Breaking the rules!
• Identities
• Stereotypes and their causes, and their reinforcements
• All the things that can go wrong within the brain
• All the things that can go wrong in general
• What is society?
• Language, and the fact that I am conveying ideas with weird squiggly shapes, and you know exactly what I'm talking about, and can infer so much more than just the literal meaning, somehow, in your brain. Whoa.
• Humor. What's that about?
• Personalities
• Friendship, and how that happens, and how it doesn't
• How people change and why and to what end
• Sunlight
• Yes, food
• And yes, guitar

There's more.

There's a lot of interesting stuff out there, besides food and guys and guitar and cars (which don't even make it onto my list, although driving might).

So, is that a gender thing?

Or was I just brought up in a more contemplative environment?

So many questions!

Daphna is probably already at the airport. So excited for that.

Love always,
Clara

i am so randomly proud of this

This cracked me up.

Chris, you really don't seem to understand how stubborn I am.

Love always,
Clara

i've been thrown into a crime novel

Protagonist: The charming young artistic student council member, who has made copious signage regarding the school talent show.

Setting: An international school with an attitude problem, that seemed to be coming around.

The Crime: Serial sign-snatching.

Suspects: A teacher with a vendetta against student council productions? An immature freshman, trying to prove himself to his friends? Something even more sinister?

Seriously. Someone is taking down my signs and throwing them in the garbage.

Obviously, our criminal does not know how borderline-impossible it is to shut me up. Which rules out just about everyone I'm friends with.

I took the ones I could find out of the garbage bins, and taped them back up. I even added additional signs below them, saying "Why did this happen?" on the crumpled ones and "Why was this in the garbage bin?" on the ones that looked fine.

When I couldn't find the discarded signs (which I worked hard on!) I put up more signs, that said "There used to be a sign here. Why is it gone?"

This criminal does not know who he's messing with.

Me: *puts up a crumpled sign that had been in the garbage*

Robert: Clara, have you heard of Sisyphus?

Me: *cracks up*

Robert: No one else at this school would get that joke...

Me: My nemesis will find that it is his task that is Sisyphean!

And I think that was the moment that I outweirded Robert.

But seriously. I will not quit. I am gravity/the rock in this situation.

Love always,
Clara

wake up, wake up

Matt: What night are people going out this weekend?

Me: Saturday. It's going to be great.

Simone (who is a guy): [sung] wake up, wake up, on a saturday night

Emily and I: [laughter]

Me: That's a Hilary Duff song...

I love Simone. He's hilarious.

Talent show advertisement posters are going up tomorrow. I'll take pictures of the better ones and put them up here so that you can appropriately convey your support for my excellent graphic design skills (SPOILER: they include stick figures).

There is so much work that needs to be done by me. That sentence would have sounded a lot more eloquent in latin. Damn it, english language, why are you so hostile to the passive periphrastic?

(I love the passive periphrastic. Partially for the name, and partially for the way it allows me to convey my upcoming busy schedule without actually saying that "I" need to do anything. It's the work that needs to be done by me. Come on work. Get yourself done by me.)

(Did that last sentence sound weirdly sexual?)

(Maybe I just thought so?)

(This is embarrassing. Feel free to ignore these parenthetical bits)

Ironic funfact: On the May 08 German Ab Initio IB exam, one of the texts was on preparing for exams and reducing stress. I feel like if I had been taking the real exam, I'd be annoyed at that. Like, "Oh thanks, IB, you gave me this advice a little too late, and in the wrong language. Thanks a lot."

Me: You guys, text C is sort of ironic

Room: *continues to be silent*

I've been having a lot of quarrels with the english language recently, actually. Just today, Daphna was saying how she can't quite get used to me saying "y'all." I maintain that it's more efficient than "you guys" and more clear than "you." English really needs a designated word for the second-person-plural, and at the moment, "y'all" is all I have.

It's out of a respect for the finer points of language that I speak the way I do.

Or, sometimes, it's a "word-salad."

I discovered that term, "word-salad," while reading about schizophrenia for psychology. What was alarming was that some of the examples they gave were also examples of things I would say in real life.

I can't think of a good example right now, because I'm in writing-mode, which is one of my more coherent modes, but something will come to me soon enough.

Oh, today my shoe came off when I was walking to the tram. I was feeling so confident in my high-waisted skirt and then I walked along the old brick and my shoe got stuck and suddenly my foot was still going and my shoe was left behind and I was barefoot.

It was awkward.

However: I've realized that keeping this blog has taught me to laugh at myself. Or, maybe I always laughed at myself, but now I do so with enthusiasm and vigor and attention-whore-ness. That's cool too.

And speaking of cool things and awkward moments, click here for a funny story (that sounds alarmingly like something that would happen to me, if swiss guys were that creepy, because I'm definitely that friendly)!

Love always,
Clara

surreal

Snowboarding was fun but I fell on my ass about a thousand times. Andreas the snowboard teacher said it was good for the first day but I don't know how that's even possible, because I can't imagine someone falling more than I did.

Regardless, a good experience.

Came home, had lunch, and decided to go to school to get some work done and go to the student council meeting. Getting work done didn't really happen, because almost as soon as I got there, I was reminded that there was a rare assembly today, so I went to that. I saw Mr. T taking pictures for yearbook and stole his camera. It was nice, a nikon D3000. Spent the rest of the time running around taking stalker pics of various divisions of the student body. I'm probably going to do more of this tomorrow. DSLRs are fun.

Also, we watched a video by the same woman who did that "The Story of Stuff" presentation at Potomac last year. It was about the evils of bottled water. I found it, as I found the first presentation, patronizing and not very informative. Yes, we know bottled water is bad.

It's a point especially wasted on people who live in a country with some of the best tap water in the world. This shit is Evian. That's almost not even an exaggeration. If we lived in Lausanne, it probably would be Evian.

Then, student council. I don't remember what was said. I remember joking with Robert about bottled water "seducing" us, and how I'm glad tap water keeps our relationship platonic, where it should be. I also remember Mr. B saying everything got a little more "legit" when I got here, which I've decided to take as the highest compliment.

(I'm not sure why my memories of this are so vague, because it was like, an hour ago)

And at that point I got on the tram to go home. And something surreal happened.

I got to talking to this girl in 10th grade who I don't really know that well. We were just on the same tram, so we started talking about school and such. We both got off at the end stop, and wound up on the same next tram as well (I take one tram from school to town, and then another from town to get even closer to my house).

Girl: Are you on this one?

Me: Yeah.

Girl: Me too. Mind if I join you?

Me: *laugh* I'm not going to like, throw you off! Like, "No, this is my tram. Take the next one"

Girl: *giggles* You never know at this school!

So then we start talking about this school, and how she's right, things like that happen sometimes, when you get on a tram and you have a weird feeling that the other people on the tram don't want you there, or you run into someone in the hallway and they don't say hi, or you say hi, and they give you a look like, "why are you talking to me?"

It happens.

And I hate it. I say hi to everyone.

I'm also not-good at not-having conversations. So of course I talk to everyone as well. And somehow I've gotten a reputation as talkative. I guess I've had that since Mr C started calling me "loquax" (which, for the non-latin-nerds out there, means "talkative").

So then this girl says,

"Were you always as... present as you are here? Like, people are always like "Clara's doing this" or "Clara's doing that" or "Clara's so cool"... were you always like that?"

To which my first reaction was, "I'm like that?!"

I told her the truth, which was that I was invisible to the max in 9th and 10th grade, intimidated by the upperclassmen and all, and finally came out of my shell around 11th grade. I told her that there were a lot of things I'd wanted to do at my old school but either hadn't had time for, or had been intimidated by, and when I came here I sort of threw caution to the wind.

But the best part was this-

Girl: I think it's that... you're so accepting of everyone, you know? You're always nice. This school doesn't have that. This sounds so cheesy, but you're like, the missing piece of the puzzle.

I wanted to give this girl a hug. It was flattering to the max, and I tried to defer whatever of it that I could.

The summer before 11th grade, I was determined to be different. That was partly the reason I started this blog. I knew I'd spent two years basically hiding under the floorboards of the school. The class of 08 had just graduated, and they were awesome, so I knew there was going to be an awesomeness void in their place.

And I wanted to change.

I had a specific model: The platonic ideal of Zoe Williams. For those unaware, she was in the class that graduated when I was a freshman, she was in the musical, she was an editor of the cooler (but less informative! I try not to pick sides) student newspaper, and she was chill with the faculty. I wanted to be her. Or, I didn't know her well enough to want to be her, but I wanted to be what I thought she was.

And now, it's two years later, and... I think I am. Or at least, I come off the same way.

I'm not perfect.

But... according to this girl, people see me the way I wanted to be seen.

It's surreal.

I've got to go eat dinner.

Mom: Sarah's serving that soup we like!

Me: Awesome. It's a shame I don't have a hangover.

Mom: There's time! Tequila!

Love always,
Clara

even more music from thomas!

I love this kid and his music.

At last, I have his USB stick and access to his music that isn't on the American iTunes store.

I was given this vast treasure, and I realized I couldn't deal with it. So I've made arrangements.

He gave me maybe sixty songs or something. And I took twenty and put them in my itunes and i took the other forty and put them in a folder. I can't deal with getting more than 20 new songs at once. I need to appreciate them.

The ones I've selected to appreciate first-

Cigarettes In The Theatre - Two Door Cinema Club

You Are Not Stubborn - Two Door Cinema Club

The First Days of Spring - Noah And The Whale

Our Window - Noah And The Whale

I Gave You All - Mumford & Sons

White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons

Hollywood - Marina and the Diamonds

Seventeen - Marina and the Diamonds

I Am Not A Robot - Marina and the Diamonds

Caesar - I Blame Coco

This Love (Will Be Your Downfall) - Ellie Goulding

Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding

Under The Sheets - Ellie Goulding

The Wolves - Ellie Goulding

Number One Enemy - Daisy Dares You

For Emma - Bon Iver

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Hummingbird - Alessi's Ark

Memory Box - Alessi's Ark

Rollerblades - Eliza Doolittle

That's what I'm listening to right now.

I had a crepe with ham and cheese and spinach for lunch today.

Basically my life is british music and swiss food.

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode seven

And the final installment of the ski days series.

We had a student council meeting on the train and worked out talent show logistics. I'm singing in it. I'm nervous but not too nervous because at that point, I'll only have another two weeks or so left in this school anyway.

Which is pretty mind-blowing, actually.

Also, we had an epic snowfight after lunch. It was really warm today so I stripped down to my underarmor (with my Jason Mraz t-shirt which is both pink and awesome) and we slid down this hill by the restaurant on the mountain in our snowpants (so many prepositions!). And then people started throwing snow at us so we retaliated but it was refreshing in a way similar to having a waterfight on a hot summer day. It was absurdly warm for a ski day, and we were all relatively bundled up, so the snow felt fantastic.

We did jumps again, and I crashed pretty epically, but it was fun. There's this box thing, and you have to ski up it, ski over the top (like, 1 meter), and then drop down the other side (which is really steep). The other times I'd done it, I hadn't gotten quite enough speed (and almost didn't make it to the top of the box, both times,) so today I was determined to get the necessary speed to get over it. I even said to myself, "speed speed speed speed speed" because I totally talk to myself when I ski.

And I got speed, and then I was airborne, and then I was falling, and then I realized it was probably a little more speed than I needed.

It was actually pretty fun though.

Also, I am going to have a really awkward ski-goggle-tan, because currently I have a really awkward ski-goggle sunburn.

Super.

Love always,
Clara

non-euclidian geometry and a hammer

Mr T is the art teacher for the younger grades, but more importantly, he's the yearbook supervisor. He and I are tight.

Me: Oh, I can't make it to the meeting that day. My friend from America is coming into town. Although if she wants to sleep for that first day, I could possibly come by... Probably not though.

Mr T: Or... you could use a hammer!

He was suggesting, I think, that I knock Daphna unconscious so that I'd be free to work on the yearbook. Priorities, guys.

I bought a capo today! Also I sang/played guitar in front of people, which is not something I do very often, and there was a long dramatic buildup, but it was fun.

(If you want to hear the song yourself, you can stalk me on youtube, but I'm not going to give you a link because that would be too easy. Figure something out.)

Tomorrow is the last ski day... And the last time fries and mayo will taste so good.

I am getting really fed up with the government not sending me my laptop. International shipping is not supposed to take this long, but apparently they've got twenty huge crates that are being held up for some reason.

Ugh.

I got home from school today and had dinner and hung out in my dad's office. He needed help with a math problem.

Or rather, he needed to know whether the shortest distance between Denver and Istanbul crossed over the Atlantic Ocean (for his crazy almanac competition thing). You had to find the coordinates of the cities in the almanac, and then think about non-euclidian geometry.

Fun fact that I learned today: The shortest distance between two points on a sphere is an arc; the arc is the intersection of the sphere and the plane that passes through the center of the sphere and the two points, such that the plane cuts the sphere in half.

So we had to find out whether that arc passed over the Atlantic or the Arctic ocean. It turned out sort of ambiguous anyway, because the midpoint is somewhere near Iceland, but it seemed Atlantic enough.

Anyway, that took a good hour of my evening.

So that's why I don't have a lot to say today. If that's any indication of how interesting my life is.

Love always,
Clara

some more songs

Tomorrow I need to finish my physics exam.

Tonight, I downloaded music!

Them That Do Nothing - Field Music

The Rest Is Noise - Field Music [this is actually the second song I've downloaded almost solely for the potential Hamlet reference. See: Oh Horatio - Tiger Lao]

That Summer At Home I Had Become the Invisible Boy - The Twilight Sad

Quiet Little Voices - We Were Promised Jetpacks

Animal - Neon Trees [free on iTunes this week, and highly recommended]

The Mall and Misery - Broken Bells

Anywhere But Here - Mayday Parade

Black Cat - Mayday Parade

Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

I don't like how some songs are on the British iTunes but not the American iTunes. That really bothers me.

Just saying. Come on, iTunes. Globalization is here. Let's just cut to the chase.

Love always,
Clara

to screnzy or not to screnzy?

I just had an idea for a novel which turned into visiting the nanowrimo website which turned into contemplating Script Frenzy

For the uninitiated, this is nanowrimo's edgier sister, which requires you to write 100 pages of a script in 30 days (April)

Pros:

• It would be fun.
• I like having something to do.
• I've never done it before.

Cons:

• I am already super busy.
• April is going to be an insane month for me.
• I would need to do some intense planning in the next two weeks.

So, we'll see about that.

Love always,
Clara

um... spoiler alert?

Want to hear a funny story? I have a subscription to Seventeen magazine.

See, as you may know, back in the olden days when I lived in America, I used to go to CVS a lot. Sometimes every day for a week. Sometimes more. Usually I'd walk out with one or two cheap items (which is why 95% of my makeup says something like "WET AND WILD!!" on it, but it works fine so I don't care much). Sometimes one of these items was a trashy magazine.

And so reading Seventeen every month (don't judge) became a sort of ritual, a thing to do on saturday afternoons when I didn't want to start my homework and wanted fresh air and wanted iced tea (another frequent CVS purchase).

[Tangent- I found a place to buy Arizona iced tea here!]

So when we moved, my dad said to get subscriptions to all the magazines that I read and enjoyed (besides the ones that they were ordering for themselves), so I did. That was Wired (which I really do enjoy, because I'm a dork like that) and Seventeen.

(I'm feeling really parenthetical today. I'm not sure why. Sorry about that; I know it makes my sentence structure even harder to follow than usual.)

Now, when Wired comes every month, I'm generally pretty excited. When Seventeen comes... let's just say I never quite know what to expect. I'm just going to make a list of things that ticked me off reading it today (because, yes, of course I read it still. I just have stopped enjoying it in any [authentic OR ironic] way.)

• Whenever they talk about making clothes "work for you," they assume everyone has one of three body shapes: Tall, Petite, or Curvy. What if you're a just-taller-than-average person with curves but not overweight? Or a flat-chested normal-height person? Or anything else that an actual person would be?
• They always find the most wholesome couples in the world to give like, "date ideas." They're like, "Oh, invite him over with your friends to play bingo with jellybeans that you made yourself because you're so domestic, and he'll think that's sexy... um... I mean... cute!"
• Real Headline: "Change your hair, change your face!"
• 21 pages later: "Find your beauty peace! beauty peace treaty!" Also, one of the celebrities they got to sign their "peace treaty" is Beyonce. I'm sure she feels really insecure, so I'm glad the editors of Seventeen can be there for her.
• Question: What would the editors of Seventeen say if Beyonce told them she wanted to change her hair and change her face? Would they give her advice, or would they point her toward the "peace treaty"? Or both?!
• Be eco-friendly! Buy more things! That's how it works, right?
• There is an inexplicably placed ad for "Splat rebellious colors: long lasting, semi permanent hair paint" right next to a Britney Spears/Candie's spread. Good job, marketing department.
• I couldn't bring myself to care about the cover story, about the actress in The Vampire Diaries. I'm sure I know some people who really enjoy this show, but it seems like jumping on the Twilight bandwagon, and I'm not a huge bandwagon person. (Wait, what? I invented jumping onto bandwagons! All I want in my day is a good bandwagon to jump onto. Hm. I'm going to have to explore this contradiction.)
• "New Trends!" that I've been doing for a while were all over this issue. Leather jacket with florals? Try this November, fools!
• Related- I think the "trends" discussed above fall into one of two categories: Obvious or Ridiculous.
• 17 New Things to do with your Hair! includes "Rock a side braid" (been there), "Straighten out" (done that), and "Supersize your bow!" (didn't buy the t-shirt myself, because Julia Allison invented it)
• I did not hate the "Traumarama" section. Nothing can ruin that for me. These stories make me want someone to die (depending on the story, either the author, or myself). Highlights: Someone let a girl go a whole party (one of those bowling-with-blacklights affairs) without telling her that her Powerpuff Girls bra was glowing through her shirt. Someone's dad catches her making out with her boyfriend at school, and she seems to be more embarrassed that she forgot her lunch money. Someone took a crazy stalker picture of her "crush" and made it the background on her phone... it ended badly.

So that's my girly rant.

Here's a haiku about godzilla to make you change your mind about me.

Love always,
Clara

in the library

The library here is not the same thing as the library at my old school. It's maybe 1/5 the size, and there are no comfy chairs (and definitely no random beanbags) and the printer only works half the time.
That's why I'm here- the printer. It works more often than the printer that's connected to the student lounge computers, which works about 0% of the time, and hasn't worked for months. I'm not sure why it hasn't been fixed or replaced or something. I imagine it's a combination of financial issues and a burning desire to keep us down on the part of the administration. I imagine their meetings going something like this-

Someone: The seniors always complain about printer C18 being broken.
Someone else: Hah! Students unhappy about something we could fix? Perfect! If they're complaining so much, they don't deserve a new printer! Men, I think we're doing a hell of a job here. Who's up for another beer?

I also imagine the meetings taking place at the brewery in Worb, which has 1 franc beers on friday afternoons. I imagine this would be one of the school's more effective cost-cutting efforts.

Anyway, that's what I'm doing in the library. Yesterday I didn't blog because I. Am. Lame. But that ends now. I feel like I've been a bad blogger lately so I'll try to keep you updated more religiously. I could say I've been busy but I really haven't, so I don't have much of an excuse.
Now, I should be busy, because I have a physics exam to take, but I'm procrastinating. Funny how things work out that way.
Yesterday was also the ides of march. I made a Julius Caesar joke as my facebook status ("Clara is: avoiding the senate today") but I can't be sure it made sense to anyone not already thinking about the ides, because no one responded, which is frustrating a little bit.
I like it when people respond to my facebook statuses!
I also like showing off what a nerd I am!
Mostly I just like attention!

I'm going to Papa Joe's (American [read: Mexican] restaurant) today. Hooray for that.

Love always,
Clara

hey look! time... passes!

I've been having weird realizations lately. These realizations generally consist of the thought, "Holy shit! We're like, old!" disguised by vaguely more eloquent sentence structure.

Ponder this: In five or six months, I'm going to college (along with the rest of the class of 2010/2014). I'll start college, a teenager. And I'll come out of it, in almost every respect, an adult.

I remember hanging out in Katie's backyard before 7th grade started, marveling that it was just two short years until high school, at the time, the epitome of adulthood and maturity and everything cool and independent. High school kids weren't kids, really.

And now I'm at the end of that, so I shouldn't still see myself as a kid. But I do.

My email signature has a quote from spongebob squarepants, for god's sake.

So there are four short years until I have to do things like get a real job. Only a little bit more than that before 'dating' turns into 'finding a husband' (which I think takes away some of the fun). At a certain point, getting drunk won't be fun anymore (and I'm allowed to say that on the internet because I'm in Switzerland where I'm legal.) And all of that is really hard to imagine.

But I know just how quickly four years, six years, seventeen years, can pass.

When I was younger, say, 14, I used to think every once in a while how interesting it was to be that particular age, because any particular age is the minority, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. (I was an existential kid.)

And I haven't even thought that way for a while because I've been so wrapped up in everything else.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is,

"Holy shit! We're like, old!"

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode six, and pirates!

We went skiing yesterday.

We did jumps!

It was fun. I didn't fall. Or, I didn't fall on the jumps. I fell other times. But not hard. Anyway, my point is, jumping is great.

I had a great ski train moment where I was trying to tell some 10th graders that they were sitting in the designated senior area of the train and my authority was undermined by a fellow senior saying I was being a douche. And then the 10th graders continued to sit there, and then we were crowded, which is just silly because we are supposed to have privileges and such.

It was very frustrating.

I don't pull the seniority card often, mostly because I don't think I can really pull off intimidating. But come on. To a certain degree, what's the point of being a senior if you can't occasionally be a bitch to underclassmen?

I wasn't even being mean!

Anyway, it's been on my mind.

I've been doing work mostly today. Also, made myself an awesome sandwich for lunch. I'm inordinately proud of that.

Now, at Chris's recommendation, I'm listening to pirate metal, and surprisingly really enjoying it. Check it out:

Love always,
Clara

the snow is falling in the lilies

I went home after lunch today. I didn't have any classes, and I went into the student lounge and it kind of made me want to die, so I left. It was great.

I didn't actually go home though. I wandered around town looking for a graduation dress, making a point to go into every single clothing store I passed (I limited myself to one side of the street and skipped shoe stores, but still). Found some pretty cool places, but ended up finding what I wanted at the big department store (the Nordstrom of Switzerland, essentially).

I texted my mom.

Me: Found gorgeous graduation dress at globus. xxx francs. Whats my next move?

Mom: Buy!!!!!

Mom: Dear Clara, the snow is falling in the lilies and my thoughts run like water to retail...

That's a real conversation.

I've been semi-obsessed with graduation lately. It's so close! I have... 49 days left in Switzerland before I head back to the 703. It's bittersweet, but emphasis on the sweet. Especially now that I have a dress (because the most important part of any life event is what you wear).

Oh, also, if you want to ask me questions or something, and are buying into that silly formspring.me thing... so am I.

Just talked to Samlet.

Sam
ok
clara
yeppp
Sam
conversation dead
ciao
clara
you killed it
bye
Sam
you did
clara
with the candlestick in the living room
Sam
only the killer could know that
guilt proven
clara
miss scarlet saw you
she told me
Sam
miss scarlet is a whore
clara
maybe
but she doesn't lie
Sam
fine

He definitely killed the conversation first. I might have brought it to the coroner.

Love always,
Clara

you'll never become... darth vader

Mariam: Pinkster! You're so mean! You'll never become... Darth Vader...

Me: Darth Vader?

Mariam: Yeah! He's sort of charming... and black. I like his smile.

Me: When I think of charming black gentlemen, my first thought is definitely Darth Vader.

Pinkster, by the way, is Julien, because he's pink. I'm pink too, and so is Larissa. Mariam is white, apparently, Percy is black, and Bouyan is yellow. Halima is... dark white.

According to Mariam.

There's a lot of racial tension in this class, but we talk about it.

Mariam: The hypothalamus? I don't know. I don't do the brain.

Julien: I know.

Mom drove me to school today. It was a frustrating adventure.

Mariam keeps going on about Darth Vader.

Love always,
Clara

shakespearean verse

I was pretty sure I was better and ready to go to school today, except when I got there and felt like a zombie. I'm better, I am, but I'm still worn out.

Laaaame.

Me: [Recites some Shakespeare from memory.... i'm sure I was doing this for a reason besides being obnoxious... but on second thought... maybe not]

Me: ...Wow, I am such a dork. Jesus.

Matt E: But why? Why do you share that with us? You could keep it to yourself... but you break into Shakespearean verse!

He's right. I could pretend not to be a dork. It would be pretty easy, I think. I'm so used to not needing to hide it though. Potomac was so conducive to expressions of dorkiness. Or maybe that was all in my head.

Maybe life is conducive to expressions of dorkiness!

I don't know.

I want a nap.

Love always,
Clara

music is the best medicine

I'm feeling better than I was feeling yesterday, which was better than I was feeling on sunday, so tomorrow I should be totally fine.

That's the plan. I can't be sure my body will cooperate. A tragic nap set me back in the health-feeling department. Naps always make me feel sick. It's really frustrating. I would much prefer that they make me feel better; that would be more intuitive. But no. I wake up from a nap, not refreshed, but feeling quite ill.

Not sure what that's about.

Also, I've become really frustrated by a lot of random things lately. I think it has to do with being sick.

But I've discovered something: I'd rather be the only one who likes my taste in music than have everyone freaking out over Florence + the Machine and being a member of that crowd. I see you guys on facebook, liking each other's song-lyric statuses, and I'm a perpetrator, I participate, all of it, but I resent it. I'd rather think that I'm the only one who really feels the lyrics of "Elevator Love Letter" than be in some kind of corny fan club.

For a while my music taste was something that set me apart, in my mind, and I'm discovering that's not the case really, and it's frustrating. When listening to whatever was on the radio was cool, I was not. Now, indie music is cool... but I don't feel cooler for it? I feel like my pre-existing inherent coolness has been eroded by the masses! You kids get off my experimental (probably canadian) musical lawn!

The worst is that I think it's okay for some people to like "my" music, but not okay for others. Only the people who seem like they authentically shared my taste to begin with (at least a year ago, guys) are "worthy" of it to begin with. And those people are a little intimidating, and I'm afraid I come off as trend-seeking to them.

Question: When did I get so pretentious?

Answer: No idea. But I'm probably destined to be a hipster or something. Hm.

I just downloaded a bunch of music though. I feel like it had been a while since I'd done this, so that's refreshing in its own way.

Scenic World - Beirut

Jezebel - Iron and Wine

With Whiskey - Tunng

Hurricane Drunk - Florence + the Machine

Hustle - Tunng

Lovesong of the Buzzard - Iron and Wine

Collect Call - Metric

The Twist - Metric

Crystalised - The XX

California - Rogue Wave

I realized just after purchasing Scenic World that I already had the same song, but a different version, off of Gulag Orkestar (which I briefly stole from a long chain of people which I believe began with Lily, correct me if I'm wrong). I knew it sounded familiar. It's no loss though- it's a great song, and I like this Lon Gisland version better anyway I think. It might be too soon to say.

Tunng has this great song "Bullets" that I was slightly obsessed with a for period of time. Highly recommended, along with these two songs I just bought. "Hustle" is a great monday morning song, too, in an energetic way. I have a playlist called "Monday Morning" and it's all perky happy music (which is generally the opposite of how I feel in the mornings) that puts me in a good mood before I get to school. This song is definitely going to be on that playlist.

And The XX was on Gossip Girl last night. This song Crystalised is the song that's playing when Serena and Nate disappear into the coat room. I was excited (because I like Serena and Nate, and I like The XX, and I like recognizing songs, so it was like a trifecta of making-clara-happy).

So that's what I did today.

Love always,
Clara

illin'

I don't remember whether I mentioned it here, but last week my entire family (excluding myself) got the flu. I was pretty smug about it.

Until yesterday.

Apologies for not blogging, but I spent most of the day asleep. I managed to eat an orange and a couple saltine crackers all day, and that was my proudest achievement.

Today was better. Had a killer headache, but stayed awake most of the day and caught up on The Office. Hooray for that.

Probably not going to school tomorrow either. I'm really not a fan of being sick. Oh well.

Nothing interesting has happened because I can probably count the number of times I left my room today on one hand.

I have, however, renewed my absolute love for Dinosaur Comics. So that's something.

Love always,
Clara

the superego and the id

Today was sort of boring, but I went out tonight, so that was pretty chill. Low-key but fun.

I did a lot of psych work though, which led me to this video:


I'll leave that without comment.
Just watch the whole thing.

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode five

Today was a relatively uneventful ski day, actually.

Except that after lunch I had a Red Bull "Energy Shot" thing which didn't taste so bad, actually. And right after that, Anita, our instructor showed us to a steep black slope with moguls galore.

Anita: Should we try?

Sheena: Um...

Natasha: I'm not sure.

Me: BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES, GUYS! BRING IT ON! LET'S DO IT! YEAH! BELIEVE!

That was fun. We did end up doing it, and I only fell once, so I was proud of that.

I was the only senior skiing, because everyone else was taking their language oral exams. I told Herr M that, if it was okay with him, I'd rather go skiing for a whole day than spend that day taking a 10 minute test that I didn't technically need to take (unlike everyone else, who was taking them for their IB diplomas). I'm taking it on Monday or Tuesday I believe.

Anyway, it meant I was chilling with the 11th graders on the train ride home.

They decided it would be cool to show me "blue waffle."

Don't google that unless you're a masochist. It's nasty.

Also, "lemon party."

These things sound so innocent! And yet... they are not. You have been warned.

We also had a vaguely intellectual conversation (started by Kajus the German) about how the German are always criticized for the Holocaust (a criticism with which none of us disagreed) but they didn't invent mass genocide, so why aren't we hating on the British for how they treated the Aborigines in Australia or the Americans for how we treated the Native Americans or the USSR for all of those people they killed or the Spanish for wiping out the Mayans?

It was an interesting discussing but I feel like none of us were fully informed on the issues at hand. No one had any statistics, and those would probably be relevant to the matter. Also, intentions. The desire to create a master race will generally step on some toes.

I had really good Chinese food tonight. Also, ran around suburban neighborhoods like the teenage deviant that I am (or would be, if I were in a movie, which I always pretend I am.)

Love always,
Clara

this is a bad joke

Disclaimer: I made up this joke when I was talking to my dog the other day. When I talk to Chili I tend to think/say pretty ridiculous things.

So a man walks into a bakery, leading a huge snake by a leash. The girl behind the counter at the bakery, she's taken aback by this unusual sight. It's her first day on the job though, and she's determined to make a sale.

The man approaches the counter and says, "I'd like to buy a cinnamon bun."

The girl is immediately crestfallen. The bakery only sells the decisively sweet pastries, such as cupcakes, and the decisively ambiguous pastries, such as croissants. All those buns fall weirdly in-between those categories, sweet and yet potentially breakfast foods, and the owner of the bakery is obsessive-compulsive, so that will not do. Cinnamon buns do not fit into his strictly defined concepts of what should be sold in a bakery (although they are clearly bakery-food) and thus they cannot be sold.

The girl does not explain all of this. She simply says, "Sir, I'm sorry, we do not have any cinnamon buns at the moment." She is a bit ashamed of her boss's strange habits. Optimistic, and hopeful that she can make a sale regardless, she offers him a nice loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread, or perhaps a box of iced ginger snaps.

The man says, "Alas, only a cinnamon bun will do. Are you sure there isn't a day-old one in the back or something? I don't mind."

The girl shakes her head. "We actually don't sell cinnamon buns. I'm terribly sorry. Are you sure I can't interest you in a pecan pie? It has cinnamon in it, I believe."

The man sighs. He nods his head to the snake, who is lying on the ground, mostly disinterested in their conversation. "That sounds delicious, but it's not for me, it's for the snake. And I'm afraid my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun."

The end.

Yes, I just rambled for several minutes, just to end the joke with a line from a song about asses. Because I'm classy like that.

Love always,
Clara

rules of the bakery

There is a certain code of conduct that must be observed when bread is being sliced with a knife. I will list the main tenants here.

• A machete, for the purposes of slicing bread, is probably overkill.
• On the other hand, a Swiss army knife on a keychain is pretty useless if it doesn't at least get to the center of your bread roll.
• It does not matter how big your knife is, if you have no bread to cut.
• If you have no bread, you may sharpen your knife yourself, but don't brag about it.
• You may not slice previously-unsliced bread if that bread is soggy. Soggy knives are not especially useful either.
• Slicing soggy bread is okay if you have sliced that bread before. If the bread has been sliced, but by another knife, things become ambiguous.
• You may eat soggy bread but it may not be appetizing.
• You may poke at soggy bread if you so choose.
• Buying pre-sliced bread is lazy and crude.
• Buying unsliced bread is also lazy, and probably more expensive. It is classier to bake your own bread. It is more effort, but the bread ends up being more satisfying.
• Do not cut bread that has any sort of fungus on it, and do not use a knife that is moldy (nota bene: bread that you buy often has fungus)
• Different kinds of bread suit different kinds of knives. For example, it takes a large knife to slice the darker kinds of wheat bread.
• Always keep your knife clean.
• You don't really slice a tortilla.
• Yellow bread is difficult to cut, or so I hear.
• Sword swallowers are incredibly talented.

Those are the rules of the bakery. Comment (here or on the facebook page) if I've forgotten any.

Love always,
Clara

soymilk

Simone bought a carton of soy milk at lunch today. He hated it, but felt the need to drink it because it would be wasteful not to.

Then Kajus told him that soy beans increase your estrogen levels.

Everyone was thrilled by that for a little while.

I wandered around Brunnadernstrasse (not sure how to spell that) for a bit before I went home today. Epic plans. Not naked plans, because naked plans lead to epic fails.

If that last bit went over your head, click the "Videos" tag and look for a song that Vivian and I sing.

I was basically useless today. I took a physics test though! Hooray for that?

I guess so.

Love always,
Clara

what i'm excited about

I was so boring today. I don't get why I've been so boring lately. I keep getting distracted in random things and forgetting that I'm in the real world and must participate.

Me: Do you ever get that feeling that you're not actually where you are, and if you spoke no one could hear you, and all of your actions are fruitless, and everything's sort of blurry?

Oren: Um... No. No, not really.

Anyway, to bring myself back into existence, I'm trying to get myself excited about things. Here it goes:

• I wrote/recorded a song today! And I'm going to put it on youtube! I'm not saying it's going to be good, I'm saying I did it. Hooray for creativity!
• I bought a scarf today!
• I go home in two months and read! And take APs...
• Yearbook is coming along nicely!
• My new computer should arrive pretty soon!
• I bought film today, and I put some of it on the oven, and it will be heat-damaged which is a very desirable thing in the film world, let me tell you.
• It's been warm out lately!

So that's cool.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. It's really bothering me that the title of this post ends in a preposition, even though I'm pretty sure that's okay to do in titles. Regardless, this post should be called, "That about which I am excited"

rabbit rabbit rabbit

Welcome to the first day of meteorological spring!

I'm not talking about astronomical spring, here. That'll have to wait another twenty one days.

Today was also day one of my anti-stress diet. I'm exhausted, but feeling calm, so that's a good thing.

So badly wanted to buy Red Bull today. Made a friend at the grocery though!

Me: [checking out, buying yogurt] Kann ich einen loffel haben?

Coop woman: Ja! Bravo! Gut! Anfang ist schwerig... sehr gut!

Me: Danke! Aha, danke! Schone Tag!

Basically, what happened there was that I asked for a spoon using vaguely correct German grammar, the checkout woman reacted as if I'd given some kind of Oscar-worthy performance (and basically said it was okay that it had taken me this long to figure it out, because "beginning is hard,") and my ego exploded.

Me: YOU GUYS! I MADE A FRIEND!

Danny: She was laughing at you.

Me: BUT LAUGHING AT ME IN A FRIENDLY WAY!

As opposed to the is-she-retarded? way they tend to laugh at me when I ask for a "spoon fork spoon fork spoon fork spoon."

That's a true story. That happened one time. I had forgotten which word was which, so I figured if I just said both, they'd know which one I meant. It didn't really go so well.

So tired.

Sleeping in tomorrow. That'll help.

Today I wore a dress with tights. As I was walking home, I cut through Loeb department store (because it's warmer than walking around the block).

Loeb lady: Ihr Sackli!--

Me: Sorry?

Loeb lady: [pulls on my dress] [stumbles with english] ... I see your ass!

Me: Oh! Um... Thanks then! Wow... Okay... Thanks!

My dress had ridden up and stuck itself under my bookbag while I walked. I don't know how long I was walking around Bern like that. Pretty awkward, if I do say so myself.

However, I like that the Loeb worker didn't speak much english, but could figure out, "I see your ass!"

I'm sure that one comes in handy a lot.

Love always,
Clara