standards

Standardized testing, in particular. Did you know that the most recent SAT essay was about reality TV? Is that not ridiculous?

I, for one, am insulted. I think the College Board and I both sighed with relief when I finally ended my entanglement with them (they get tired of nasty letters on scratch paper, I presume). I've always been of the opinion that the College Board is the primary force responsible for squishing those of my age group into the role little bubble filling lab rats (hit correct button, get pellet) that we're told will bring us life success (the greatest little pellet of all!).
The real fact of the matter, of course, is that the things that lead us to life success are the things that we are doing when we are not studying for the SAT.

I feel that this essay question debacle has provided some insight on the matter though. Perhaps the College Board does not even realize what they are doing wrong (although I have tried to explain it to them. Perhaps they do not read my letters). Maybe they think that we don't do fulfilling things for their own sake. Maybe they think we spend all of our time watching Jersey Shore and studying for their tests and doing school. The notable exception is sports; they seem to assume that we all play sports, and there seem to be sports-oriented questions on every test (I am bitter because I am not good at sports).

All of this would explain their choice of essay question. I can just picture them in their boardroom. "I hear the whippersnappers are watching this reality TV thing. Shall we bring this test to their level? I think we shall." It's out of touch and condescending.

So, College Board decision makers, if you read this (as you clearly did not read my letters), I hope you've learned something. You won't get tested on it, but I trust that you don't need that kind of threat to retain vital information in your peculiar little heads.

And for those of you who are still taking SATs, a slice of college life for you to look forward to. I just heard this conversation outside my door:

Girl: If I were a guy, I would get my butt waxed.
Girl 2: What, like on a weekly basis?

Love always,
Clara

threaded

Mary-Evelyn started a facebook thread of musical recommendations. It's the second best thing that's happened to me all week. I've downloaded all kinds of new music.

Lately - The Helio Sequence

Shadows - Au Revoir Simone

Who Knows Who Cares - Local Natives

Wide Eyes - Local Natives

Punching In a Dream - The Naked & Famous

Pa Pa Power - Dead Man's Bones

Schizophrenia - Jukebox the Ghost

It's Thunder and It's Lightning - We Were Promised Jetpacks

Hoorah.

Speaking of wonderful things, I finished my econ exam. Which was my last exam. My first semester of college is officially done. Hoooray!

I'm actually not entirely sure how to feel about that. I'm one-eighth done with college. That's not okay with me, honestly. I'd like more time thanks, because college is great. This semester has been awesome and I'm still not sure how much I want to go home.

That said, fondue.

Skiing.

Christmas.

Eating meat without guilt.

My own shower.

There are, in fact, reasons to want to go home.

Love always,

Clara

i'm free!

At 11:50, I entered tutorial room 208. And at 3:37, I was done with high school physics forever.
Could not be happier right now.

John: I saw your golden sunglasses and immediately identified you, Clara.

I'm wearing my gold sunglasses today. I think they're pretty fly.

Jonathan: Look at you with your gold shades and your gold hair and your gold... sandals.
Me: And my toes! I'm matching!
Tom: You've always been golden to me.

I have missed my completely weird/dysfunctional relationship with Tom.

Tonight we've got a health and safety seminar for the college-bound among us. That's sure to be a bucket of laughs.
I'll keep you posted.

So happy.

Love always,
Clara

busy day!

Sorry for not blogging yesterday. Or the day before.

Friday I didn't have much of an excuse, except that I went to dinner with Cath and Isabella and Eleni and we were too busy eating hummus for me to blog. And I didn't bring my computer to school. I should do that.

Yesterday I had an awesome excuse, because I was literally at Isabella's house for about 2 hours between 9 am (when I woke up) and 10 pm (when we got home).

I woke up at Cath's, actually, which was chill. I drove over to Isabella's (I'm feeling so capable lately, with all of my driving around DC) and then we went to Tyson's and I bought a dress at Forever 21 that is blue and strapless and too short to wear to school. I'm considering that to be a good thing. I have quite enough dresses that are long enough for school.

So then we rolled back over to Cath's and I tried on said dress and Sam judged me but that's quite alright.

And then we had iced cappuccinos at Open City and freaked out the waiter with sketchy conversations and that was cool too.

And then Isabella and I went to Pasa Thai and ate dinner and then we went to see a horrible movie with some hilarious moments.

"The Back-up Plan" was based on a trashy novel. I know this for a fact. There was a brief period of time, that summer my family went to Spain, when I read a few trashy chick-lit novels, and they read exactly like this movie. The main character was sort of perfect but yet sort of annoying, and she had vast amounts of money that weren't really explained, except that she used to work in "the corporate world," except that it didn't fulfill her, and so she bought a pet store. Animal rights are discussed. Puppy mills are bad. Et cetera.

This morning we watched The Hills.

I feel so weird watching that show. It's sadistic, really. At the beginning, it was just watching random people's lives, which I found a little weird. Now, it's all about watching what happens to someone's life when you watch it; we're only seeing the effects of the reality show on these people, on the reality show. I feel like by watching, I'm helping to fuck up these people's lives.

What are they going to do when people stop watching?

Anyway, that's what I've been up to. I promise that when APs are over, I'll have more time to blog, and more to say. My reading starts soon, so that'll be nice.

Here's what I'm reading: The 10 Best Books of 2009

Love always,

Clara

problem: solved

There are some things that my parents are better at than I am. One of these things is throwing bitchfits. I think it's my mom, specifically.

I told them my AP situation.

And I took the BC Calc exam, at school, this morning.

Hooray. My rant was for naught. I'm not even disappointed for the sake of the rant; that's how happy I am.

(I will admit that sometimes when something bad happens, I rant about it here, and then if it's resolved, I'm a little bit sad because I liked the rant so much. This is not one of those times.)

The exam itself wasn't that bad. I wrote the college board more letters. I've stopped capitalizing their names.

dear college board,

I will not capitalize your letters. I can even spell things wrong. This may be childish, but I just need to convey how little respect I feel for you.

sincerely, Clara

I also drew some things. A banana, and a chicken hang-gliding over Lake Geneva. I wrote, "this is Switzerland. You should go there."

dear college board,

it is sunny outside and you may not ruin my mood.

sincerely, Clara

I spent the afternoon outdoors, chilling with a pretty random crew. Then I went into a tree to read Nietzche. I found it strangely fitting.

I had so many funny conversations today, but I can't remember any of them. It's a shame; I wish I could recount them here.

Oh, here's one.

David: It would be like yelling at a panda.

Me: Oh, why would you yell at a panda?

David: Because he's my AP Stat teacher.

Me: Oh.

Me: Douchetastic Senior isn't much like Douchetastic Junior I don't think. Douchetastic Senior is just like, 'oh yeah, there isn't a lot going on in my life' whereas junior is like "I AM SPECIAL!"

I really can't elaborate on that one, unfortunately, but I really liked those nicknames.

Me: Nick, do you not understand code words at all?

Nick: I do, but what would 'sex' be a code word for?

Me: No. [redacted] means sex. Seriously?

Nick: Ohhh.

There are so many more Real Conversations at this school.

Love always,

Clara

Spring!

So seeing as it's mid-july, this is late.

But better late than never!

Without further ado, the Exam Week Spring 09 Music Video

Song: Daylight by Matt & Kim

Love always,
Clara

Why I liked English this year

The English exam was today.

Studying might have been a good idea, but regardless it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. We got to read a Coleridge poem that we'd nver seen before, and I might say it's my favorite of his (although Kubla Kahn is pretty kinky). "The AEolean Harp".

It's really great and it's all about the wind and the nature and the interconnectedness of it all, and how... oh he says it better:

"O! the one Life within us and abroad,
Which meets all motion and becomes its soul,
A light in sound, a sound-like power in light,
Rhythm in all thought, and joyance every where-
Methinks, it should have been impossible
Not to love all things in a world so fill'd;
Where the breeze warbles, and the mute still air
Is Music slumbering on her instrument."

That's my favorite part. It is impossible not to love everything when we are all one thing alive, driven by "one intellectual breeze, At once the soul of each, the God of all". 

Katie and Isabella and Cath and I were on the swing set at the Lee St. Park (having had a picnic with Sam and Eleni and Nick also) and we began to talk about this and it was all so exciting and that intellectual breeze was blowing boldlier. 

Then someone mentioned a question on the actual exam about Sara, Coleridge's lover, and how she was more strictly Christian and told Coleridge to stop having these wild thoughts that were inconsistent with the bible, and "walk humbly with my God". 

Besides Isabella, we mostly thought she was being a hater, and I much preferred the idea that we are all harps, played upon by the same inexplicable powers, creating wild and unpredictable fairy music.

New way to sound cool and make a poetic allusion: "Stop being the Sara to my Coleridge"

It occurred to me that at the age of five or six, I remember being on that same swing set and looking at the same trees and twilight and seeing birds and thinking "You are free and happy. Why am I not you?"

I said this out loud, and it was immediately decided that I was Keats in "Ode to a Nightengale", minus the bit about contemplating my own mortality.

I was born to be this way. I am either a Romantic era poet or a total hippie at heart. Maybe both. 

On an entirely different note, I have pinpointed the occasion when Sam and I became friends. Ms. Simpson's Cotillion, 7th grade, 50's themed night. There were contests and what not, and one was for the twist. I don't know if we won, but we were in the top three. It was impressive.

Also, I am good at making many grilled cheese sandwiches in a short period of time.

Love always,
Clara

I have a headache

Damn pollen.

I was in entirely too much nature today. I think the only solid time I spent inside was the AP latin exam and the spring play.

During the AP Latin exam, I wrote my final letter:

Dear College Board/ETS,

Hello again. Last night when I wasn't studying for this exam, I had an interesting conversation about Plato and the cave. It was quickly established that your institution operates completely and fully in the shadows.

But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun.

Sincerely,

Clara

The spring play was amazing. I love you guys.

Oh, then I went to McDonalds. I actually really hate McDonalds, but Sam made me feel guilty for pushing him out of coffee yesterday because I wanted to study latin (although I ended up having a conversation about Plato and the cave, which I just mentioned), so I went.

Sam made some rudeish comment about [redacted school] skanks, and how their school must not have a fitness program. He, I suppose, would describe these girls as 'corpulent'. Or, similar to a dirigible (or however it's spelled. It was a spring play term, and it means hot air balloon). Something like that.

Then I went home.

Funny that spellcheck doesn't recognize the word "skanks".

Love always,
Clara

I love Mr C.

Mr C: I'm going to let us have this day to work on the lab analysis.

Me: Mr C, you are a god among men.

Mr C: Actually, I am. Or a goddess, according to Hanna.

We're singing "Love is Little" in chorus. This strikes us as funny.

Tristan: Size doesn't matter.

Harris: It's about the motion in the ocean.

...

Mr R: The Shakers died out because they didn't believe in reproduction

Me: Because their love was little?!

Mr R: *lists things that the younger chorus did today that irritated him*

Mr R: Thank you for not taking off your shoes, whistling...

Tristan: I could take off my shirt if you want me to.

Me: I want you to.

Tristan: ... that was decisive.

Yazzy says- yay blog! clara is sexy.

I never told you about my chem letter! Or rather, the letter I wrote to the College Board/ETS during my AP Chem exam.

Dear College Board/ETS,

I hope this exam went well. Honestly, I can't care anymore. I hope you know apathy is the only thing keeping me sane right now. Fine scholarly folk as you are, I'm sure your goal is not to extinguish the spark of curiosity in the younger generations. I hope you see what you're doing.

Cordially,

Clara

Sam just tried to give me wings with a yardstick because he's an idiot.

Love always,
Clara

College-ing

I'm at Swarthmore right now.

I must say, I had forgotten how much I liked this place.

I'm trying to figure out what to say, because I know I had something to say. It's infuriating when that happens.

I think I've just been doing so much sentence-composing that my writing capacity is fried. Today in the history AP, I wrote something like "In Kansas, with popular sovereignty, fought over slavery" and then realized that was definitely NOT a real sentence.

Not that I just gave anything away about the AP questions or answers or whatever. I swear. It was one stentence out of context and OH PLEASE COLLEGE BOARD DON'T DECEND ON MY HOME WITH YOUR HELICOPTERS.

So yeah.

I wrote them another letter today. It went something like this:

Dear College Board/ETS

I hope I did well on this test, but my friend pointed something out to me. Her logic is extraordinary. It goes like this: A lot of things happen in America. The important things that happen are on the AP US History exam. The AP US History exam will never be on the AP US History exam. Therefore, the AP US History exam is not important. She is very smart, and you should give us both 5s, but it's okay if you don't.

Cordially,

Clara

I didn't write "love always" because I've never loved the College Board and I probably never will. We have a mutual toleration I think.

You, on the other hand, blog world, I love. That was an anastrophe.

Today I had an argument with Sam because I tried to use an ablative absolute in english. It made perfect sense, if you think in latin.

That sentence above, the anastrophe, I did it on purpose. I wanted to build the suspense, saving the most important bit of the sentence for last. You can do that in latin. Not so much in english, without sounding like a lunatic.

What a shame.

I wonder how often I talk about latin in this lovely blog.

Probably, in proportion to my posts and in comparison to other blogs, pretty frequently.

There I go again, saving the point for the end of the sentence. My god.

Learn english, Clara.

Love always,
Clara

So.

1. I live for coffee. Greenberry's, specifically. I am such a fan.
2. If you put milk in iced coffee you are a girl. Or sam. I'm a man.
3. I should take Lily's advice and avoid falling off the earth. She is incredible.
4. AP English was actually fun. I had not anticipated that.
5. APUSH tomorrow will not be fun. This I know for sure. (If you know what I'm referencing you're awesome)
6. I've had about seventeen nervous breakdowns in the past four days, and I am actually literally on the brink of madness.
7. I really should get around to learning german.
8. Walking to CVS never fails to stabilize me.
9. Rain helps.
10. I wrote a letter to the College Board on my 'scratch paper' today.

It read like this:

Dear College Board/ETS,

I will play your games, but know that some of my peers take them seriously. I would recommend you make it more clear that this is not a matter of life and death, but rather numbers and bubbles.

Real Conversations with coffee-

Sam: Claire, you're crazy. I don't even know you, but you're crazy.

Me: Actually, if you did know her, that might be an okay thing to say.

Me: So he made a mix CD and the first letter of every song spelled "MARGOPROM"

Claire: Margoprom?

Sam: It's supposed to be "Margo, prom?" not "MARGOPROM". That sounds like a transformer or something.

Sam: "I'll be back"

So that was funny.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part five

THEY'RE OVER!

YAY!

Today was fun actually. Chem was not bad. The first problem was not kind. The following eight or so were just fine.

Two hours of chorus is strangely relaxing in the morning, especially when you get to sing raucous drinking songs.

"Wassail and wassail all over the town

Our cup it is white and our ale it is brown

our cup it is made of the good ashen tree

and so is the malt of the best barley!"

Or rather, "happy holidays! Give me alcohol!"

In jolly song form.

Just watched 21. That is a good movie. I enjoyed it. 

Okay bye. Stuff to do tomorrow. Need sleep.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part four

Physics and Latin were today. Physics legitimately took me 45 minutes (out of 2 hours) and after checking over several times, I drew something elaborate. I'll upload a picture of it if I get a chance. I was proud of my handiwork.

Latin wasn't too bad either. I wrote like, four pages (about catullan poetry, no less) and my hand wanted to fall off. The thing about me and writing is that I write big. Which means my hand has to exert a lot of energy. But if I try to write smaller, I end up tensing up my hand, and that makes it hurt too. So... I just scribble.

Curiously, my hand doesn't cramp up when I'm doing elaborate doodles.

I just watched a bunch of my footage from yesterday and today. Legitimately, watching my grade do nothing and screw around like that gives me faith in humanity. I'm not sure why, but I find myself giggling like crazy with tears in my eyes when I watch this stuff. 

Especially the old ones. I have a nostalgic disposition, I suppose. But watching the exam week video from freshman year, I almost always get thrown into some kind of crazy mental state.

Tomorrow I am among the nerdy few who have to take a sixth exam. Actually there are a lot of us. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. And if that weren't cool enough, I get to go to a two-hour-long chorus practice in the morning.

At least I'm going to get bagels with the Strings kids. That should be fun. I like bagels, and I like the strings kids.

Love always,
Clara

OH FACEBOOK!

I am pissed off. I will not go into why. But for those who will understand what I mean, the anger stems from a blatant disrespect of vegetarians from certain meat products.

That's right.

I shouldn't blame facebook. I'm shooting the messenger. I brought this on myself, thinking "oh, I'll just take an innocent study break, I wonder what [person] is up to at college?"

Oh dear.

Whatever.

I feel like Maggie the fictional character from my novel. She once said "Facebook will be the death of me"

I am her.

Funny thing happened today. Sam called me a dork. I was twittering, and he said, "Clara, I'm beginning to think you're a dork. I mean, you twitter, you have a blog, you write novels... if you were a guy, you'd have glasses and your name would be Francis"

I couldn't exactly argue. Except that if I were a guy, I'd still have perfect vision.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part three

English- done. rocked it.

I love it when they give you an essay question you can get excited about. Like, "Oh snap, Dimmesdale DID want to be caught on the scaffold! He would prefer ignominy to torturous guilt! You go Nathaniel Hawthorne!"

Took more interesting video today. This is going to be an exam week video to go down in history.

Latin and Physics tomorrow. Tomorrow will probably be the hardest day. I really ought to get to studying, but I'm too busy reading Julia Allison and thinking about college. Not that I think about college. Because I'm a junior.

But... I want to go. Now. Please. High school is retarded.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living on "The Hills". Life is so much more dramatic than it needs to be. Ugh.

Went to Madison Deli today. Or rather, drove to Marvelous Market thinking "Oh, I'm going to the sandwich place that begins with the letter M. Of course it is Madison Deli" and then arrived wondering why I was in the wrong place. Then I realized I'd never even been to Madison Deli and had no idea where it was. Cath and the GPS to the rescue!

We made it, but Isabella and Katie thought we were retarded.

I'd rather be retarded than a McLean native. I'm sorry. I would die if I became any more familiar with that place.

Love always,
Clara

Oh wow. That woman

Real conversation with a woman who is clearly not my mother, or fit to be anyone's mother at all-

Me: Oh no! House and Gossip Girl are scheduled to be on at the same time in January! Alas!

Strange Woman: It will be like... an orgy of multiple affections!

Me: ... wait, what?

I've decided on the song to use for this winter's exam video

We are birds - Chris Ayer

I was thinking Love Today - Mika, but this one fits the theme better.

The theme being: There is something in the world better and more interesting than exams, but this is what we've got, so we're going with it and enjoying it if it kills us.

Maybe I shouldn't pluralize. I might be the only one. This worries me.

My generation has a lot of stress. I want to like, snap them out of it. But I'm kind of powerless at this point... which is incredibly frustrating.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part two

History- not bad

Math- not bad either

English- tomorrow

I'm one-third done with my exams. Usually at this point I'm 40%, but this year I'm taking 6 classes... which means six exams. Chem is on friday afternoon... but it won't be that bad. Not to be annoying or anything, but I'm pretty good at chemistry.

Besides the exams, today was kind of bad. Is that backwards?

I wanted to go home at like, 2:30, so I went to the transportation office to see if I could get a ride to the junior parking lot (which is like, two miles away... I'll explain in a sec) and not only does the transportation guy say no (which I would understand), but he laughs at me. Not cool. So I was like "oh okay sorry" and turned around and walked back and I kind of wanted to cry. I hate it when people are randomly mean to me. So I got back to the building and I was like "I HATE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT, SO I'M GOING TO STEAL SOME PEANUT BUTTER FROM THE PANTHER PIT". Which I did. It wasn't really stealing, seeing as the peanut butter is free, but usually it's assumed that you're going to buy something with it. I didn't. I just took the little cup of peanut butter and left.

The thing about the parking lot:

My school is in a neighborhood. Or actually, a neighborhood was built around my school. School was there first. Used to be surrounded by farmland, now surrounded by moderately-priced homes. All well and good. Except that the people who built the houses next to the school don't like the fact that there is a school next to their houses. So they complain about the traffic to the city. If we were a public school, the city would say 'okay deal with it', but we're not, so they can get mad at us, instead of the whiny residents. 

So they set a limit on the number of cars that could drive onto campus each month. And we failed. Consistently.

So now the juniors have to park at this church a couple miles away and take a bus to school from there. Which usually isn't that bad, but sometimes the shuttles decide... not to exist. And that's when you're standing in the cold for twenty minutes trying to get a ride to your car that should be on campus anyway. Or wanting to go home because you have no reason to be at school, and being laughed at by the mean transportation man.

Grrrrrr.

Whatever. House is on tonight. I should study for latin before that happens.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part one

I just wrote a song in the style of 'Robot Love'. I can't tell you exactly what it says, but I can reveal that it has to do with boy scout camp, pedophilia, and things in common.

Today was review day.

i.e. stress out about exams day.

Tomorrow the real fun begins. APUSH (history) and Acc Precalc. Sweetness.

I'm going to make a video, like I always do. And it's going to be awesome.

Any song suggestions? I need something that says: Hey we all think we're going to die, but the thing is we're not, so let's chill out.

For the video, of course.

Although if you have random music suggestions too, I would very much like that.

Here's my plan for tonight:

4 to 4:30- waste time

4:30- study for history (go over old notes)

5:30- eat dinner

6:00- study for math (retake parts of old tests, finish making notecard)

6:30- study for history (go over flash cards)

8:00- watch gossip girl

9:00- take shower, go to bed, get good night's sleep

Which gives me half an hour of math studying and two and a half of history studying.

If that's not enough, it's the teachers' fault, not mine.

I should be retaining this stuff. Otherwise what is the point of education? If the information couldn't stick with me for two months, there's no way it's going to stick around for the rest of my life. Hell no.

I'd prefer to get something meaningful out of my education, thanks. like, idk, knowledge?

So we'll see. I can't imagine exams will be that bad.

They're overhyped.

Today in the car, I listened to the first car-mix-cd I made this school year. It was a lot of songs from nantucket and other such things. It put me in a glorious summer mood. I plan to keep that cd in my car for possibly the next week.

Love always,
Clara