Musicality

Between last night and tonight, I have discovered a whole new frontier of musical taste. Behold!

Consequence - The Notwist
One Step Inside Doesn't Mean You Understand - The Notwist
Lily Two - Matt Pond PA
Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare - Matt & Kim
Dollhouse - Priscilla Renea*
Playing God - Paramore
1901 - Phoenix (I'm downloading this album slowly. To savor it)
Skinny Boy - Amy Millan
Present of Future End - The Most Serene Republic
Through the Backyards - Au Revoir Simone
Stay Golden - Au Revoir Simone
Get Better - Mates of State
Can You Tell - Ra Ra Riot
... and of course...
To Fall in Love (A Winter Dream) - Jeeae**

*OKAY DAVID, HAPPY NOW? I actually really like this song though. Her voice is somehow really charming
**I am astounded by the awesomeness of this. Not surprised, of course, but still astounded.

The song "Get Better" is another one of those like "We are Golden" that makes you want to sing the chorus really loudly-
"Everything is gonna get lighter, even if it doesn't get better!"
The music makes it feel more hopeful than it sounds.

Love always,
Clara

Ab Initio

These are the sorts of conversations we have in Ab Initio German class-

Sourabh: Was ist eine "staatsbürgerin"?
Herr M: Take a guess
Sourabh: State... burger?
Herr M: ... Yes. With extra cheese.

It actually means female citizen. If you were curious.

Me: HABEN SIE KEIN SLURPIES IN DER SCHWEIZ?

We (meaning my parents, of course) got good press in 20 minuten again today. We did last week for our vegetable garden, and the other day my parents planted a tree for 9/11. The Swiss population probably thinks we were intense gardeners at home.
My brother gave me a cactus, and I couldn't even take care of that.

Love always,
Clara

That gosh darn creative impulse.

I sort of live in fear that one day it will not be important to me to blog. I'm afraid that if/when that day comes, I will have lost a part of myself.
But I don't think that's true, so much, right now.

I looked at my bookmarks bar and saw the 'Create Post' link that I use to get here, to this post-creating box that I'm looking at. I saw it and thought "Oh, I should, but I have nothing to say."
And I asked myself, why not?
And myself answered, "I've already been creative TWICE today"
[Note- the side of me in quotation marks is the subconscious bit. Just FYI]

It's true! I had art class, in which I spent an hour trying to sketch Vivian in charcoal (which, by the way, Vivian, is hard. Why do we all sit in such awkward positions when we're hanging out with esuds? Daphna's hiding her chin behind her arm which makes my drawing of her look really super awkward too).
And then, when I came home, I was playing with dad's guitar and I wrote a song. A pretty good one, too, if you ask me, and that actually does mean a lot because (SECRET ON THE INTERNET ALERT!) I do this all the time. But usually I end up putting the guitar down thinking "wow, that was crap"
This time, I thought "Hey, that was pretty sweet. I need to write another verse, but I like where it's going"

Once I get a little further with it, I'll put some version up here. Not yet. It's in its infancy.

Anyway, I'd had two bursts of creativity today and I was afraid I was out of juice. But then I realized that in the course of contemplating this, I'd written a hypothetical blog post in my head. It occurred to me that this writing thing is the kind of curse I'll probably be stuck with for the rest of my life, in some form.
Hm... I don't mind.

Love always,
Clara

In two hundred meters...

George: [about Obama] That guy is pretty awesome.
Me: I know, right?
George: The thing is, some people think he's the antichrist.

George has this baffling french/british accent that no one can quite place. It occurred to me that he sounds like our GPS system.
"In two hundred meters, turn left"

I somehow lost my purse this morning. Mom found it. I don't know whether I left it in dad's car, and she found it there, or I left it on the tram, and she called the tram people and got it from them. I just got a text message that said "FOUND IT!! xoxox" and figured I could rest easy, except the fact that I have no money for lunch.

Love always,
Clara

... is it food?

Mom just approached me with a small bag of very dried apple slices. Apparently it was a gift.

Mom: Now, Clara, if someone gave this to you, what would you do with it? Is it potpourri? Is it food?
Me: Hm, that's apples? I don't know. They smell like apples.
[I break one open to find it had a weird Tempurpedic-mattress texture]
Me: Yeah I don't think this is food
Mom: [is already eating one] Well, I'm eating one...
Me: How does it taste?
Mom: ... Not too bad.

I had two hours and twenty minutes of straight art class today, from 9:40 to 12:00. It was phenomenal and put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Love always,
Clara

This weekend, in conversations

Daphna: I don't know what to do with my life
Me: Ich verstehe
Daphna: I love it when you give me advice in languages I don't understand.

We're skyping it up, yo.
Felt the need to share that little tidbit of our awesomeness.

Last night we tried to watch Yes Man, my parents and their friends and I. The projector didn't work, but we listened to the first few minutes.
Yes-Man Movie: I am gone-orrhea
Mrs M: Hah! I like that! That's going to be my new phrase!
Mr M: No it isn't.

My parents' friends are hilarious and intelligent people.

Mrs M: You don't know how many people I've told to pull their kids out of these terrible schools. They're all like, "Oh, we support our public schools." Well, why? Do you support public hospitals? Public toilets?? I know we're supposed to be democrats, but sheesh!

Love always,
Clara

Flea Market!

Flea markets are really fun, and they have really good food.

I bought a polaroid camera for five francs. That does not happen in america. Finding film for it (besides the one cartridge that I got for free) will be another story, but still. I am excited.

Also, new sunglasses, a pearl necklace, (both for ten francs), and a birthday present.

More music as well:

Dancing Choose - TV On the Radio

Run This Town - Jay-Z

Blame It On the Girls - MIKA

Look Up - Stars

The Night Starts Here - Stars

Let's Get Out of This Country - Camera Obscura

French Navy - Camera Obscura

Camera Obscura just reminds me of France. Or francophone Switzerland (which is just like going to france, to be honest, sunflowers and all)

I really want to learn french. We were in the french bit of Switzerland for this flea market (although everyone spoke either English or German anyways, except this one woman who spoke only French and Italian. We communicated with hand motions). I felt completely incompetent. I hate that feeling.

And hearing everyone around me speak French made me want to learn even more. It's such a pretty language.

Love always,
Clara

The bad mood persists

This sucks.

I really need to get a life so I can stop being concerned about how I have no life.
And I really need to get used to this place. Except I don't want to. I don't want to be okay with this, because my real home is in Virginia, and I don't want that to change.

I am stubborn and difficult to reason with.
Blegh.

Love always,
Clara

Turns out...

I was bleeding.

Went to the nurse. Or sort of. She's more of a receptionist and I doubt she has any medical training but she had me lie down with an ice pack and she sprayed some disinfectant stuff on my head. Sweet.

I lay down for about an hour and people came and went. Mr T, the yearbook guy and other art teacher, who is Chinese and also completely insane, came in to say hello.

Mr T: WHAT HAPPENED???!

Me: There was a cupboard, not unlike that one up there, and I dropped something, and then I stood up, and [I gesticulate]

Mr T: Oh no! That kind of thing happens to me all the time!

Me: Me too!

So he left and then he came back. And he had this little piece of chocolate and he told me it was from one of the best small chocolate factories in Switzerland, and it was really good.

Mom doesn't want me to fall asleep. Still fears of concussion. I am not sure and thus I am going to look up 'concussion' on wikipedia.

Physical

Headache is the most common MTBI symptom.^[18] Other symptoms include dizziness, vomiting, nausea, lack of motor coordination, difficulty balancing,^[18] or other problems with movement or sensation.

Hm. Headache? Check. Dizziness? Check. Vomiting? No, thank goodness. Nausea however? Yep. Also the movement problems. Walking to the tram I had to run my fingers along the fence to stay in a straight line, and this was a couple hours after the impact.

Cognitive and emotional

Cognitive symptoms include confusion, disorientation, and difficulty focusing attention. Loss of consciousness may occur but is not necessarily correlated with the severity of the concussion if it is brief

... What was I doing here again?

Well, I didn't lose consciousness. That's a good thing. No amnesia either. That means that according to the Colorado Medical Society guidelines, mine is only a Grade I concussion. (Although according to the American Academy of Neurology guidelines, it's Grade II. Whatever. It's only Grade II because symptoms are lasting more than fifteen minutes. If it's less than fifteen minutes, it's just a bump on the head).

Speaking of cognitive confusion,

Patients may be released from the hospital to the care of a trusted person with orders to return if they display worsening symptoms^[8] or those which might indicate an emergent condition, like unconsciousness or altered mental status; convulsions; severe, persistent headache; extremity weakness; vomiting; or new bleeding or deafness in either or both ears.

When I first read that bit (under 'Treatment'), I thought "mental status" said "marital status". As in, "If you get married while under the symptoms of a concussion, we will want to hold you at the hospital until you've un-confused yourself, because you definitely don't want to be married. Same goes for divorce. Nobody gets divorced with a concussion"

I thought that was funny.

Love always,
Clara

Ouch.

I just hit my head. Pretty hard.

See, I had tried to throw my red bull can into the trash can, but I missed, so I got up and bent down to pick it up, and then I stood back up with too much enthusiasm. And to greet my enthusiasm, there was a cupboard.

It hurt.

I'm thinking it's possible that I have a concussion. I'm all jittery from the adrenaline and the red bull so right now it's hard to say.

But I keep forgetting what I'm doing. And making a lot of typos.

Owww...

Love always,
Clara

Being a dork.

My daily dorkiness reminder. I need to keep myself from being fooled into thinking I'm cool, just because the freshman girls are afraid of me (and they better be. I forcefully bumped into one in the hallway today. I said sorry, but I said it with derision).

Love always,
Clara

Stick up for the Health Insurance Executives.

Do the right thing.

Love always,
Clara

Better now.

This morning I was legit in the single worst mood I've been in for six months, and the last six months have been a mad six months.

But I fixed it.

I have added a class.

Art.

I was thinking (as I lay on the red chair on the corner with my jacket over myself, pretending to sleep and trying to keep tears from actually falling), what makes school bearable? And I thought, hm, friends, but I don't really have those yet, not real ones (although everyone here is really nice to me). So what else? And then I remembered this quote I'd seen one time:

“No one has ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell.”

Hm, I felt like hell, and I wanted to get out... Art it is!

So I went to Mr. M-T after english class, and I asked him about signing up for an art class, and he sent me to Mr. S-L, and he said I was welcome.

I start tomorrow.

Very excited.

English class was weird today. As always.

Herr M-T: Are there still more sheep than people in New Zealand?

Julien: Eh, it's about equal now

Herr M-T: Ah

Julien: They mate with them too. Or we like to say that.

Herr M-T: (very seriously) Well that's a pastoral tradition in other parts of the world as well, even here. You know... lonely shepherds.

Me: ... That's more than I ever wanted to know about Switzerland...

Love always,
Clara

Worst mood in history

This is the first time such a bad mood has struck me at school. Every third song on my ipod makes me want to go hide in the girls bathroom and cry.

Fuck this shit.

Mr. L says that I probably won't be able to do anything about my stupid German class situation. Right now, I'm in both intro and B, both 12th grade classes. See, IB is retarded and they don't place people in classes by their ability, but by their grade level. 12 grade intro, which is the second year of intro, is too easy for me (because I am a language nerd). But 12th grade German B, which is the second year of B, is over my head. I'm not learning anything in either of these classes because neither of them are at the right level for me.

So I've decided where I really belong is 11th grade German B. That should be between the two, right?

Right.

Except the IB system doesn't like letting that happen. But I'm not doing this for the IB system, I'm doing this to learn German. So it shouldn't be relevant, but these bitches like arbitrary things, so I might have to fight someone, and then get my parents to call, because that is literally how things get done here.

I miss you all like crazy. Every single person who I wasn't even that close with, I'm thinking of the funny/interesting conversations we've had and missing it. Every time someone says "Wondebar" here, I think of Yar in math class and Mr. H and the insanity that was H block Precalc. And today I was listening to "Stand up" (that old Ludacris song) and started thinking about my middle school flirtations with Tristan at Ms. Simpson's.

This is really not okay. I want to go home. I know that's irrational, but right now I really just want to go with you guys to wherever in Virginia you're going.

I'm dying over here. I'm afraid I'm going to fall into the pit of apathy where everyone else is chilling.

Love always,
Clara

Another bad mood, another bout of insomnia

The usual.

Things I hate:

• Fourteen year old flat chested bitches who make life hell for awkward people
• When Chili bites me when I try to take something from him
• Stupid IB essays that make no sense for me to write because they are irrelevant to my education
• The fact that there are no randomly intellectual conversations here
• Having everyone stare at me at the train station. I do not understand why they do this, but they do. Maybe I'm just insane.
• When the parents don't listen to me, and then get all offended when they do.
• Not being able to sleep
• Missing camp and those friends
• The fact that home people are going on senior trip and I'm not
• Still not being good at guitar, and not being able to play in the student lounge, because Julien and Aksil are actually good and I can't compete with them
• Being in the wrong German classes
• Not speaking a language other than English
• People who take student council way too seriously and get really concerned about things like swearing on the facebook group when it is SO COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TO THE PURPOSE OF STUDENT COUNCIL.
• Missing everyone at home, and the weird complicated interactions that I was used to having on a daily basis that simply don't happen here. Like, nobody here gets excited about Plato's cave allegory or fields of buttercups or issues of school politics or anything half-interesting. No one wants to go to the Lee St. Park with me to get excited about Coleridge.

I miss home like crazy.

It really isn't that bad here.

But I can't even go into my own goddamn kitchen for a snack. There are always people around and I can't be in a bad mood in front of them, because I want to prove that we're not just spoiled Americans who don't appreciate the awesomeness of living here.

And we always eat with such nice f-ing silverware and I hate it all.

I wish I were going on senior trip. In my head senior trip is like junior retreat, but better. Actually, here's a formal request: Can everyone try to avoid telling me how much they loved senior trip? Because I really don't want to hear it.

Although isabella, there is a letter from March 2009 Clara on the back of your March 2009 Isabella letter, and I do want you do remind me what that said, because I really don't remember.

You know what this school needs? It needs a protest. Today I wore this black dress that I wore during the whole protest situation last february (the one that makes me feel like a secret agent) because I was angry (at the aforementioned freshman girls).

It got me thinking.

We were so much more united as a grade after that protest, after we'd asserted our group identity. Junior retreat showed that, I think. We were all so chill at that point. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that we'd proved to each other that we had each other's backs. If one person was in trouble, the rest of us would step up and do something about it.

I don't get that feeling here. But I think all we need is a good controversy, and then, a good protest.

Love always,
Clara

Cuteness

I've decided to take ice skating lessons for my final athletic credit. Take that, athletic department. I am capable of taking your worst mandates, adding a little hot chocolate, and making it wonderful.

Max already knew that my dad had nine fingers. He said it was on the wikipedia page. Well, I just checked and it's not, or maybe not anymore. So I googled "Don Beyer fingers" to see where else that information would be.

Then I found this article from the '97 election. The beginning has some discussion of the car tax issue that was so pivotal to that race (and why we lost, although upon reading the article I realized the situation was more complicated than what I was told at the time- to be fair, I was five)

The second half of the article, on the other hand, basically explains exactly why people like my dad. My mom and I were reading it just now and we were like, "Yep, he is that awesome in real life"

But I just found out today that he scored ten points higher than me on the SATs. That bastard. He would.

Also, it had this picture-

Woman in red? My mother, twelve years ago.

And that kid in the blue dress? Five-year-old Clara. I think I was stepping on her feet or something.

EDIT: Dad says the article had it wrong, and he actually got a 712 on the Critical Reading section, so I beat him. He says these are not the kinds of numbers one forgets. I didn't know they used to give scores that weren't multiples of ten.

Love always,
Clara

Music... again.

The latest playlist:

Blue Suitcase - Erin McCarley

Steer - Missy Higgins

Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen

Bruised - Jack's Mannequin

July, July! - The Decemberists

Spectacular Views - Rilo Kiley

We are Golden - MIKA

The chorus of "We are Golden" makes me want to jump up and down and scream it. Some songs make me want to assert my existence. This is one of those songs. Also, "Our Time" and "Brat Pack" and "Face Down" and "Come on Eileen" and of course "American Pie" by Imperial Teen, The Rocket Summer, Katie Todd Band, Save Ferris, and Don McLean, respectively.

I sort of miss McLean, speaking of McLean. Last time I went to Greenberry's was the tuesday before I left. I haven't had an adequate iced latte in longer than that. In fact, last time I was there I spilled my Italian soda on myself and it was really embarrassing because I was already sitting there by myself being completely spastic.

Well, I've done far weirder things at Greenberry's.

I also miss CVS. I keep getting these weird flashes, images of places in Old Town. CVS turns up a lot. They're kind of weird, these flashes, actually.

My theory- my mind can't handle being truly separated from home, so it gives me just enough stimulation to remember where I really live. Like I have to fill a quota of thoughts about America, and so my brain just flashes these pictures in front of my eyes to trick me into thinking I'm back for a moment.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I need to get my head checked.

Love always,
Clara

A tour of my room

I'm super bored right now and have resolved to take my math test tomorrow, so I am going to give you a tour of my room, item by item.

I'm on my bed. Directly to my left is my (left) bedside table, which has a lamp, a phone, and two clocks. Only one of these clocks has batteries. Also, on this table there is an unused "Pomegranate & Passion Flower Peel-Off Mask" which I basically bought because of the great combination of pomegranate and passion flower (which I can only assume is related to passion fruit). One day my face will smell like a combination of these things, and it will be a great day. But I haven't really had a time to use it yet. I have to wait until the time is right to unleash pomegranate-clara. Because there is a pomegranate-clara, and she's really cool.

I sound like I have a mental disorder right now, but it doesn't particularly bother me.

Further along that wall are some books, my CTY tray, and some shoes. On the wall, hanging, is a big "HOPE" Obama poster. It's in a frame and looks very nice up there. The shade of blue used in that poster is just darker than the shade of blue that is my walls, so it all coordinates very nicely.

Then there is my closet, also on that wall. There are three closet doors- two have shelves and one has hangers. The one with hangers behind it, in the middle, has a large display of holga-pics and miscellaneous items (such as my Common Sense tribute [I love you guys] and a picture of myself at the age of eight with a Simone de Beauvoir quote, which Katie put together for a recent birthday). It is really quite wonderful, having all my potomac friends up on one 2-square-meter space.

In the corner there are several stacks of books. One of these days I'm going to get a bookshelf to solve that problem. Right now they're just sitting there.

On the wall opposite my bed, there is my window and my desk. My desk, like my desk at home, is messy. Very messy. I'm basically okay with that. I have some pictures on that desk too, pictures in frames. There's that one of myself, Katie, Isabella, and Cath from homecoming day last year, and one from prom with me, Nick, David, Eleni, and Will. It is very typical-high-school. I miss the typical-ness of Potomac.

In the other corner there is my keyboard. I do not know where the power cord is for this keyboard. If I really want to, I can use the too-short cord that came with my alarm clock, but that means unplugging my alarm clock. I really just need to order a 9V DC power cord. They're definitely standardized; it shouldn't be hard to find one online.

There is also my pink chair. Right now my dad's guitar is resting on it. I should put that back in its case. My own guitar (which I have resolved to start playing again, for real) currently is in a dismal situation in regards to its strings. Something will be done about that.

I have a whiteboard and a dresser, and on the dresser I have sunglasses and more pictures. I also have my NAMiss Junior Teen Virginia competition trophies. That's right, multiple. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this on the blog, because it was a bit of a secret for a while, but last summer I was in this beauty pageant and it was insane and out of character but really fun, and I was the 3rd runner up for the photogenic competition, which shocked me, because I always look really bad in pictures.

I guess not the one we submitted... That would make sense, after all.

Anyway, I have that trophy, the 'spirit of america' trophy which means I signed up for every competition ever, and the general participant trophy, and they are displayed proudly on my dresser with my 2004 "Best Effort" basketball trophy. The "Best Effort" may as well read "Most worthless to the team" because I can promise you I did not give the best effort. I gave hardly effort at all, because by 2004 I had realized I was terrible at this sport.

Regardless, it was one of those each-player-gets-some-kind-of-trophy situations, and it's still pretty cool looking until you read the plaque.

Then there's the door, outside of which you can find the rest of the house.

And then there's another table to the right of the door, which is holding Holga and Stephanie's old camera which I borrowed to take Photo in freshman year and have been meaning to give back literally since then. I'm going to bring it to her wedding, I swear to god.

That is all.

I'm listening to music and waiting for my hair to dry and contemplating the fact that I have two essays to write and no idea what the International Baccalaureate would want, hypothetically, because I'm writing for their standards, even though they won't be grading me. Ridiculous or ridiculous?

I would say, probably ridiculous.

Love always,
Clara

Cookies.

Daphna: Now that I've changed my clock, Skype thinks we've been talking for twelve and a half hours.

Me: That would not be unlike us.

Forget ice cream. Cookies are in style.

We're talking about every boy on the planet. Because we are Clara and Daphna and we're going to start a cupcake bakery.

Me: Hm, yes, bros before hoes. You would probably have to leave.

Daphna: Did you just call me a ho?

Love always,
Clara

More on families.

My dad was telling Grace this morning why a lot of Germans like to go to Thailand. Apparently it's for the prostitutes. He told her that the prostitutes in Thailand were built like our mother.

Grace: Mom, Dad says you look like a Taiwanese prostitute!

Dad: What?

Grace: Remember this morning? You said...

Dad: Oh, I said a Thai prostitute

Mom: WHAT?

It's their anniversary. 22 years of conversations similar to that one.

I guess only fourteen years of conversations similar to that one. Grace tends to instigate these things.

We all watched Little Miss Sunshine after dinner. God, I love that movie.

I am almost ashamed of how much I enjoy a quiet night at home. What a loser. I should get some cats and call it a day.

But I went out last night, and going out two nights in a row is pointless if it's cold and raining and you'd rather be playing guitar or making fun of your parents or generally being a hermit.

Love always,
Clara

Again, I rant on education.

(via SoulPancake)

This is so true and you should just watch it because it's great and insightful and wonderful.

Real Conversation-

Me: Hey, do you guys think school kills creativity?

Clemens: School kills my sex life.

Me: Huh. Interesting.

Clemens: Yeah. Hey, do you know what happens when you put a book in the freezer?

I'm thinking somehow he's managed to retain his... creativity... or... something. I'm not sure what prompts someone to put a book into a freezer but I can promise you it is nothing advocated by the modern educational system.

Which I'm going to say is a good thing.

Did you know that for your Theory of Knowledge Essay you can't alter a single word of the question when you present it?

Or that you're not to staple the aforementioned essay either?

We spent a solid twenty minutes changing topics such as "Paranormal clams" or "H1N1" to questions like "How can we know that the knowledge presented by paranormal witnesses can be acknowledged, with knowledge?" or "To what extent to we know that Swine flu is going to kill off the IB completely and make the world a better, less arbitrary place"

Love always,
Clara

I love it when people think I'm clever...

It makes me feel good about myself. Hooray for self-esteem!

To make that obvious statement slightly relevant, let me provide the context:

First read this.

Then read this.

Guess who this 'Clara' is who now needs to send Cary Randolph her mailing address?

Now I'm in a really good mood. Thank you, Nonsociety, for making me not want to think about the giant mess that is International School of Berne.

Love always,
[Mystery Girl]

This school has some problems.

And I am not afraid to say it.

We had homeroom today- a great conversation with Mr L (who reminds me quite a bit of Mr P) regarding the complete lack of respect in this school.

I'm not complaining about my peers (if you must call them that. 'Peer' is such a pretentious word) so much as the teachers. My own teachers aren't so bad, but I've heard others come into the student lounge and just start yelling, like "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE COMPLAINING! IF YOU GUYS CAN'T GET THESE PROJECTS IN BY FRIDAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU EXPECT TO PASS YOUR IB EXAMS!"

It's really jarring for me. And it's disheartening for everyone else. The teachers complain about us in the student lounge, which really is our space.

I've heard some terrible stories. One teacher (who shall go unnamed) has said that he actually expected more people in our class to fail 11th grade and was almost disappointed to find that only two people failed.

I'm horrified that two people failed, by the way. That's ten percent of the student body. That shouldn't happen.

The side of this that no one wants to admit is that to some extent, we bring this on ourselves. People don't do their homework. They're dumbasses in the student lounge, fighting with chairs and shit. It's really immature.

Yesterday this random German teacher kept coming in every ten minutes saying "Oh can you guys in here tidy up before the end of the period?" which was really frustrating and condescending and hovering-ish. But when Jelena and I actually did clean the room up, we ended up more pissed off with the stupid people who leave their crap everywhere than the fact that this teacher was breathing down our necks. The student lounge being messy stresses me out anyway, so why don't we just keep it nice? Because people don't respect the school.

We don't like it here.

But why don't we like it here? Because the teachers do nothing but bring us down.

Chicken, meet egg.

In completely unrelated news, a quote without context-

Me: (at the TV) Oh shut up, military! I want to watch the models!

Love always,

Clara

Items and polysyndetons.

During late July/early August, I began to call my things 'items'.

i.e. "No I can't pack right now, I need these items!" or "Oh crap, why do I have so many freaking... items!" or "How can this box hold my items?"

Today, I got my items.

The sea shipment has arrived!

I am so happy. I spent the afternoon (which had an inauspicious start due to Mom not being able to find Grace after school and having a mini-panic-attack, while I tried to listen to my ipod and was generally unpleasant to everyone involved) unpacking my items, and realizing I have no bookshelf here, which is most certainly a problem, because I am a person who reads books.

But mostly, hooray for winter clothes!

Real conversation involving me being a person who reads books (and is a nerd)-

Herr M-T: In this poem there are two prominent literary devices...

Someone: Personification? of death?

Herr M-T: Good. And the other?

*silence*

Me: ... Well, there's a polysyndeton in there.

*another silence*

Herr M-T: Hm. Yes, yes there is. Does anyone else know what that means?

*HUGE silence*

(The other literary device, by the way, was a paradox. Pish posh, I liked my polysyndeton. Four of the last five lines of Donne's Holy Sonnet X begin with the word "and")

My god, I bet they think I'm from another planet. The planet of literary-device-discussing crazy-nerds. At least sourabh said I don't look like a nerd. So that's something.

Although he asked me to stop using words like "loquacious". Damn it, I like the word "loquacious"!

Another possible downside to my newly arrived clothing and such is that now, it is way more complicated trying to figure out what to wear. These decisions are easy when your options are limited.

Love always,
Clara

Families... hm.

Those are... fun.

Or something.

It's been quite a night over here. It always is.

This morning Mom drove us to school. She doesn't drive in Switzerland much. The laws are different, and she hasn't had a great need to do a whole lot of driving anyways, but today someone decided that she needed to be comfortable on the road, and so the solution to that problem was to put the entire family at risk.

I had a field day with it actually, because it was a very satisfying role-reversal.

Real Conversation-

Dad: Now, there's construction here, so the road gets narrower.

Mom: No, really?

Me: OH MY GOD, DON'T KILL THAT MAN! JESUS CHRIST! THERE'S A CAR THERE'S A CAR THERE'S A CAR WATCH THE ROAD!

Mom: Clara stop it!

Me: I had to drive with you like that for nine months. I think I earned this.

We pulled up to the school somehow in one piece. There's this thing painted on the road where the school-zone starts. It looks like a boy, sort of, with the 30 km/h limit painted on his head. We always comment on it, but Grace is never paying attention and tends to miss it. I think today was the first day she saw the thing.

Mom: See, there's the boy painted on the road!

Grace: That doesn't look like a boy

Me: It looks more like a deranged boy

Mom: And he's got a 30 on his head! Like "Hi, I'm thirty years old, I'm a pedophile, and I'm here for your children!"

Sanna has this cool watch that tells you the time (out loud) if you press the right button.

Sanna's watch: IT IS NINE O CLOCK!

Herr M-T: You should let her out; she sounds unhappy.

Love always,
Clara

School days

Curiously, my two major classes, English and German, have become otherwise identifiable as Sex and Alcohol (because Alkohol ist das dressing fur deinen kopfsalat).

Real conversations afoot-

Halima: Does Donne have the same intentions with his more religious poetry?

Herr M-T: Well, I don't think he had THAT kind of interest in Jesus Christ...

We're reading Break of Day by Donne. The speaker of the poem is a woman, although the author was a man.

Herr M-T: Of course, it's only a man's perception of the woman's voice

Julien: And it's kind of inaccurate. The arguments are too... logical

Every girl in the room: *gasp* Excuse me?

Oh the misogyny.

The a cappella group that I'm starting has a sign-up flyer, and that sign-up flyer goes up tomorrow. I'm really hoping

1) There is interest. I've heard about three people tell me for sure that they want to join, but I'm hoping more will sign up

2) That the people who are interested are reasonably able. Not that I in any way doubt my fellow International-schoolers, but we can't afford auditions, so we take what we can get. That's a royal 'we', because right now it's still just me.

Now I also want to start a STAND chapter here, because we would be the first in Switzerland, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.

Anyone at Potomac want to remind me that I was not in any of these clubs/activities when I was at home and should stop being such a goddamn overachiever?

Also, I have a student council meeting tomorrow and yearbook meeting soon after.

Why am I doing this? Because I have literally nothing better to do.

Love always,
Clara

You know you're in a weird mood...

... when you get the sudden inspiration to write a song about your ceiling fan, because it has begun to make weird noises

Hey there ceiling fan

What's it like up on the ceiling

You're about twelve feet away but oh

Right now your blades are spinning

Yes they do

My room is cold because of you

I swear it's true

Hey there ceiling fan

What's that noise that you are making?

I cant see if anything is wrong

but surely you're not breaking?

That's okay

The winter's coming anyway

So it's okay...

I-I won't need you anymore,

I won't need you anymore

I-I won't need you anymore,

I won't need you anymore,

Need you anymore

Sometimes you have to give into temptation and steal the musical creativity of the Plain White Ts and just sing to your ceiling fan.

In other news, I decided today that I should probably get my head checked.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. I'm tagging this 'i am a dork', but I don't think that even begins to cover it.

More of the same...

I've realized a lot of my recent blog posts have been about either music or nostalgia.

Well guess what I have for you today? Music and nostalgia!

The new playlist of choice-

Face Down - Katie Todd Band

Spinning - Katie Todd

Engine Heart - Mirah

Pardon Me - The Blow

Parentheses - The Blow (this song is but one component of the epic Fish Tacos song that Sam made me obsessed with)

Blame it On Me - Parachute

On the Radio - Regina Spektor

Off I Go - Greg Laswell

Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

One Love (feat. Estelle) - David Guetta

When Love Takes Over (feat. Kelly Rowland) - David Guetta

Fake Empire - The National

Keep the Car Running - Arcade Fire

Celebration Guns (remixed by Camouflage Nights) (feat. Kevin Drew) - Stars

Calendar Girl - Stars

Now for the nostalgia!

That first song- Face Down- is an incredible song and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes songs, which I believe is most everyone.*

I first discovered Pandora.com freshman year. Mr P told the advisory about it. So I went on and said I liked Vanessa Carlton and that was that. We had a lot of really good times together, freshman-year Pandora and I.

Pandora's great because it recommends music you would never have even encountered otherwise. It send along the song Face Down by Katie Todd Band, for example, and I loved it. It spoke to me, I suppose. So I went on iTunes to download it and it wasn't there. So I thought, okay, no big deal, I can find it on limewire (because this was back in the days that I downloaded music illegally, before it ended up making patrick quite sick). But it wasn't on limewire either. So to listen to this song on command, I had to go to the Katie Todd Band website and click the damn button over and over again, which I did, because I loved the song.

I loved it so much that I blogged about it on May 20, 2007.

5.20.2007
Peace of mind...
...is all i want
I wanna make some time for wasting
(FACE DOWN by Katie Todd Band)

the stress got to me. and i freaked out. and i yelled at my parents. and they deserved it. and they took away my phone. and then they gave it back. and i don't think you're allowed to start a sentence with the word "and".
basically, i freaked out.
my parents were being idiots.
end of story.

End of freshman year blog post. I don't remember why my parents deserved it, or why they thought they could take my phone away, or any of these things, but I remember that line of that song bouncing around in my head, shouting almost.

So today I was having an iTunes binge, and guess what I stumble upon? Katie Todd Band. Totally randomly, too- it was a 'related artist' to Mirah, who was a 'related artist' to The Blow, which I had only looked up for the Fish-Tacos connection.

Basically, life is dragging me in circles. But I love this song and am so thrilled about it.

Also, today I bought new shoes.

It's been a really good day.

Love always,
Clara

*tangent of the day! This one time, even before I listened to Pandora, I was thirteen, and I was at Isabella's house. Or rather, I think she was having some kind of party, because there were a lot of people there, and we had to take several cars to get to wherever we were going. I was in the car with her brother and also the incredibly musically sophisticated Cath. So they were having this incredibly musically sophisticated conversation, and I was feeling very ignored.**

So I resolve to jump into the conversation somehow. And I say, "Yeah... songs are great."

Which definitely impressed John. I could tell.

**Does saying 'tangent of the day' imply that there's only one? Because I feel that I must add, this was only months after this Real Conversation over the phone, in seventh or eighth grade-

Isabella: Hold on, let me put my brother on the phone

Me: What? Why? No!

Isabella: Okay here he is!

John: Who am I talking to?

Isabella: (in the background) IT'S CLARA! SHE THINKS YOU'RE HOT!

Me: ... um... hi John...

At the time, very embarrassing. Now? Still kind of embarrassing, but also hilarious.

New Label

I've realized I spend enough time on this blog being a lunatic to warrant a new label: mentally unstable clara.

Ironically, when going through the archives looking for posts that fit this category, I realized something interesting.

I searched the 700+ posts for the word "unhappy" and nothing came up.

I find that fascinating.

Anyway, if you want to see a general overview of my mental breakdowns, without all this semi-normal blogging in the way, there's now a link on the side for that kind of thing.

If that's what you're into.

(Note to Daphna- THAT'S THE WEIRDEST FETISH EVER!)

Love always,
Clara

Watch out, world.

I am in a supremely bad mood.

And if you are a person who has ever EVER pissed me off, chances are my bad mood has something to do with you.

It's like, you know when you have a fight with someone, and you/they bring up every single annoying thing they/you have ever done, and it's completely irrational and counterproductive?

I'm having that fight with the universe.

Here is my thought process-

I was initially upset because Chili bit my hand (I'm the last in the family to experience this, and I had always supposed it was because he liked me best. Apparently I had just been lucky).

Then I was upset with Grace, because the whole reason Chili was in a bad mood was that she had been pulling burrs out of his fur (because they get stuck when he runs around in the bushes, and she feels this intense desire to pull them out which I do not understand) and she doesn't do it gently.

Then I was just upset with Grace in general, because she's not adjusting to Swiss life half as well as I am, and everyone seems so caught up about it, and it's all bullshit if you ask me. She wants to be homeschooled but there is no way that's happening. Also I am a person who would rather the attention be on me than her. I know my weaknesses.

So then I was angry with my parents for paying more attention to her and her stupid problems than to me and how good I am at adjusting and making friends and such (because, as you can tell, I am just so mentally stable). And then I was mad because none of them had realized I wasn't mentally stable, because they were too busy with the other one's problems, and no matter how you slice it, I'd been wronged.

And then it dissolved into "oh she was mean to me in eighth grade, this is all HER fault" random angry thoughts.

And then I blogged about it and felt pretty silly.

But still, I feel punching someone in the face right now, and it could be any random person, because chances are I could think of a reason to blame my bad mood on them.

Love always,
Clara

What did you make? I DREW YOU UP!

I don't think it's in any way unethical to post this on the internet.
This is word-lingo's translation of my German homework. It makes me seriously doubt the abilities of online translators, as well as the abilities of my brain. Both are definitely in peril.

The assignment, for some vague context, is a class project. We are to write a short skit about the problems associated with underage drinking in Europe (continuing our baffling theme of alcohol abuse discussions in German class. You think they're trying to say something?). Dhruv and I are writing scene three-

Scene 3, police station

Policeman 1: Ok one. Can you explain me why you age lady geschlagt?
Alex: I was drunk.
Sophie: I also.
Policeman 1: Why did you drink so much?
Alex: We had problems at school.
Sophie: The other children are bad. The other children say that we blöd are, and that we do not look so good. Alex is my only friend.
Alex: This girl is my UNITY befriends!
Sophie: , Also today we have Maths Classe. The other children made project, but we do not have. Our teacher was very zornig with us… it is me voil-lie all the same. I hate school.
Alex: My nut/mother me does not love. She says that I is too thickly. Never cook you mean favourite eat.
Policeman 1: Do you often drink?
Sophie: (Long one traces)… Yes
Alex: Are one year. Please they do not call our parents!
((Parents occurs))
Father: Why did you make that? Why did you entäuscht us?
Nut/mother: (schluchzend) my small girl! What did you make? I drew you up!
Policeman 2: When I was young, I had experimented also with alcohol. It was a short phase. Each young person has it. From now on, you must control yourself.

There will be more. But midway through I wanted to check it, to be sure we were on the right track.
Well, either we're way off, or wordlingo.com has some pretty serious problems. Or both.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. I'm labeling this 'real conversations', although the conversation did not actually take place, to the best of my knowledge.

Ramblings

You know what's weird?

This just occurred to me.

People whose music I listen to, they live in the same world I do. They drive cars and turn out the light before they go to bed and they have parents and they wear shoes.

It always seems bands like Death Cab for Cutie live in this cartoonish world of grey and blue. But no, it's ours, this world.

Forgive me, I'm tired and making no sense at all.

I'm also perpetually hungry here, or perpetually wanting of food, and it's most certainly not healthy.

Love always,
Clara

This looks like a solid life goal to me.

I hereby declare, one day I will join this club-

Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists

I just need to become a legit scientist and get luxuriant flowing hair. I think those are two things I can do.

I wore teal tights today.

WHAT NOW, SOCIETAL NORMS?

I'm in something of a mood.

Love always,
Clara

The iPhone self portraits

Narcissism in abundance.











Basically this is what inevitably happens when you give a teenage girl an app called 'camera bag.'

Love always,
Clara

Something to try

When Mom and I were at the movies last night, the pre-movie ads (not previews, but the other random ones before that) were all in german (whereas the movie and previews were mostly english with german and french subtitles).

It made no sense.

At first, I thought it was just some quirky swiss marketing strategy of making no goddamn sense.

Then I wondered what American ads would be like with no words.

At that point I realized how ridiculous advertisements are. When you take out the narration you realize exactly how ludicrous these things are.

Like that one for that insurance company where people are standing on red circles and talking about important life changes? Imagine that, minus the talking about life changes. What the hell?

Just something to think about.

I don't get proper advertisements over here anyway. If I watch TV I watch the american channel on our TV that has ads sponsored by the U.S. Government, mostly military interest. So that's different.

Love always,
Clara

Notes on not-sleeping

More new music! Hooray!

Burn Your Life Down - Tegan and Sara

Nineteen - Tegan and Sara

Back in Your Head - Tegan and Sara

Gray or Blue - Jaymay

Blindfold - Tristan Prettyman

Piano Song - Meiko

Moodswings and Melodies - Sparky's Flaw

Be Here - Parachute

The Mess I Made - Parachute

Falling Hard - The Crystal Method (I basically find that name awesomely clever)

New Road - AM & Meiko

Under My Bed - Meiko

You may notice I have a bit of a singer/songwriter thing going on.

I'm in school right now. Got very little sleep last night. I was on facebook chat, and then i tried to go to bed but I couldn't, so I got back online and skyped with Daphna for a bit, and then it was suddenly three in the morning.

I've decided I shouldn't facebook chat before bed. It's not good for sleeping purposes. It's like, you have to be very alert to facebook chat, and I should be winding down instead, reading a book or drinking tea or something.

I'm such an old woman. I should have cats.

But I'd rather not be an insomniac, because it sucks the next morning.

Love always,
Clara

Me forcing music on you and hoping you enjoy it.

That's right. I went there.

(Sorry, the quality of that one isn't fantastic. Hard to find anything better though)

(This was on Clara Wants a Tree, a mix CD brought to you by Daphna)

Okay that's enough. I'm just being a selfish narcissist.

I'm having a musical-angst moment though, because Pandora doesn't work here (and neither does Hulu. My life is over). Post new music in comments for me?

Love always,
Clara

Quick update

I was sick yesterday, and it sucked. But now I feel better.

Last night I was feeling okay-ish so I decided to go out with people, but it was kind of stupid and rainy and so I went home after like an hour, and then I had to walk home in the rain all by myself, and it was a sad state of affairs. But then once I got past the gate a guard came out to meet me with an umbrella and I remembered why I like it here.

Now my dad is sick (after playing golf in the rain, and being in a house with germs flying around). I told him that what I did to get better was sleep a lot and bother mom. Both seemed to help.

This morning mom and I went out and sat at a little cafe by the clocktower and ate pastries and drank coffee like real european people. The clocktower is funny because it's just what you would stereotypically expect from Switzerland. On the hour the bell rings and there's this little king and he shakes his head and the bears run around. Like a cuckoo clock. But huge. No joke.

I've found a new use for my driving mixes (which of course I brought with me). We have a 5-CD stereo system that goes to the whole first floor. And right now, the whole first floor is playing 'Summertime' by Sublime, which was on my driving mix sometime in April or May or something. I remember having quite a nervous breakdown to this CD.

My god, I was a mess this spring/summer, but I think I enjoyed it more than any other season. It was when I figured out the best way to deal with stress was to be irrational and emotional and irresponsible in a fun way, as opposed to a secret-emochild way. Which, I'll admit, had been my modus operandi for quite a while. Which is weird and feels counter-intuitive, seeing as I spend so much time smiling, and so little time actually angry, even when I should be.

I think I'm getting over that. I need to have my healthy dose of outrage every once in a while.

Speaking of outrage, I read this awesome article in the International Herald-Tribune about the lack of playtime for kids these days, as opposed to twenty years ago, and how it's terrible for society and all. I agree. I don't think kids should have daily homework, especially before seventh grade. Projects, sure. Those are kind of fun anyway. But not the spelling-sentences-math-worksheet hell that sucks the soul out of children.

And I also think we should kick kids off their xboxes. Sorry but they need to go outside every once in a while. I think it's a fair trade- homework for video games. Yes, I'm speaking as a kid who you couldn't drag off of The Sims or Rollercoaster Tycoon 2, but I look most fondly on the afternoons spent at the Lee St. park.

This is lengthier than I thought it would be. Maybe it's because I'm listening to music and not really editing myself. Hm.

Love always,
Clara

Finally, the weather is swiss.

And by that I mean neutral (and also characteristic of Switzerland).

It's grey and chilly.

There was a pretty huge thunderstorm last night though. It was awesome.

I worked all morning and now it's eleven thirty and I say to hell with it, I'm blogging.

Unfortunately I have not that much to say.

Until next time I'm feeling really bored,

Love always,
Clara

Things I learned today

In german, a hangover is the same word as a male cat.

Me: Mom, you know what I learned today? That in germany they call a hangover a male cat, a 'Kater'

Mom: Oh, like bitch is a female dog. I'm glad there's a male... negative term... that refers to a pet...

Me: Yeah that had to happen one of these days.

The IB system is horribly impersonal. Hey you kids at Potomac: Relish the fact that the people grading your essays are people you know! There is nothing at all personal about it. The IB does not know that you are charming or that you are showing improvement from last semester. It only knows that you are probably not good enough.

Although with that Potomac education, I bet we could all take those tests and rock them.

Still. It's like having an entire educational system based on the SAT. Makes no sense.

Maybe it's just that way here, at my little disorganized but endearing school outside the city by the warehouses. I don't know.

Love always,

Clara

B! PICK B!

Me: Okay, hypothetically, if I were to apply to x college, I'd have to write another essay. Mom which should I pick. A, B, or C? Oh, let me read them...

Mom: What? B! PICK B!

Me: Oh but B is terrible. 'What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why?' I guess it could be okay if I had any advice...

Mom: Pick B!

Me: But no one's ever given me advice!

Mom: That is the advice! "Once, my mother told me to write this essay, and I think it was a very good choice." I could never go back to school. You have to be serious.

Me: I'm not!

Mom: And you might not get into school!

This is why I usually talk to my Dad about the college process. She is not helpful. Although she likes my essay.

Love always,
Clara

I definitely have a cold.

Or perhaps some sort of allergy-related event.

Me: Mom why do you always put stuff on chairs?

Mom: Because I'm a bad, bad person.

I came home and took another accidental-nap. And as always, I felt terrible upon waking up. Why do I always do that?

Mom: I like it when you're sick. You get all childish and dependent

Me: That sounds suspicious

Mom: I understand why those Munchausen women do it.

What she meant, of course, is Munchausen by Proxy. Duh.

Today I discovered the Ig Nobel Prize. It's hilarious and I can't describe it so instead I'll just link to wikipedia.

I have written a college application and my Mom likes it. So there, world. You can't mess with me, my Mom likes my essays!

German class was fun today. We read a newspaper article about teen drinking in Germany.

Dhruv: Gibt es drinking games in Deutchland?

Herr M: There are no drinking games. They don't need a reason to get drunk, they just do.

Then we listened to a song called "Alkohol" which in Germany is apparently very famous. It actually contains the line, "Alkohol ist das dressing fur deinen kopfsalat!" which basically means "Alcohol is the dressing for your head-salad."

The Germans really like their beer. I think they're second only to Ireland in terms of beer-consumption-per-capita

Love always,
Clara

If I were still in America...

... Probably every one of my guy friends would be getting a 'can I tap that?' text message.
This is one of the funniest websites I have ever seen.

FUN WITH PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION: I left my purse on the tram today. I realized it and had to sprint back to get it before the tram pulled away. It was scary.

I hate this keyboard. To prove that point, the next paragraph will be written the way my muscles say it should:
(EDIT: I tried. Really. But blogger won't let me post it because it looks too much like HTML. That's how messed up it was)

Just looking at what I had written made me want to die a little. I feel like one of those people who adds 'z's to things to look cool. IT'S NOT MY FAULT! They've switched the z and the y here.
I'm too tired to make any sense.

Love always,
Clara

MSN

That's what people do here. They're less facebook-oriented and more msn-chatty. It reminds me of 8th grade when we were all on AIM all the time.

I remember some of the most exciting/terrifying moments of my young life were over AIM, on my old laptop. We had some good times, old-laptop and I. I had him (it was a him, although he had no name) during my list-making phase, in which I would make lists and plans and outlines of every little thing.

It was also the very beginning of my very elementary video-making.

Now I'm also skype-messaging my calculus teacher. Just try to tell me that's not super cool.

I feel so ridiculously plugged in right now. My fingers are like, flying all over the keyboard between three different instant messages and this. I'm tempted to start using ridiculous chat abbreviations here. Like, 'idk yeh im just chillin. hahaha'

My god, I'm losing respect for myself. I'm okay with it when I abbrive in real life, because I figure that's for efficiency's sake on both ends of the conversation. But sometimes this chatspeak nonsense is completely unintelligible.

And those damn kids better get off my lawn.

Love always,
Clara