Lightsabers and the like

Someone asks me a question-

Dear Clara,

I have a problem. I seem to be obsessed with my new lightsaber, and I'm not entirely sure how I should handle it. My brother and I have considered making a short Star Wars film using said lightsaber. I would like CTY children to be in this film, but it appears as though they're all FUCKING LEAVING ME. What do I do?

Dear Vivian,

I understand your obsession with this lightsaber for many reasons. The first is that lightsabers are cool, and the second is that I have lived with a person who has been completely and totally obsessed with star wars. I don't know who this CTY child thinks she is, abandoning you when there are clearly star wars things to be done, but she does not know what she is missing.

Or perhaps she does. In which case, she thinks that you two should also write a song about light sabers, right after you write a song about naked romps.

But this is all made more complicated by the fact that she is, in fact, leaving on friday.

Not that I know who she is or anything.

Love always,
Clara