ugh world exploding fail

Honestly, physics is going to kill me. This is a problem. I usually like physics.

But I just spent three hours doing the theoretically easiest lab on the planet (accelerations of things on ramps. Hooray for that).

I blame technology.

DID YOU KNOW:

• Microsoft Excel doesn't let you change the x-axis of your graphs? You can change the "labels" but it doesn't change the values. Your y-values are ALWAYS EVENLY SPACED, EVEN WHEN THAT MAKES NO SENSE IN CONTEXT.
• Microsoft Word doesn't like letting you shrink your charts a little, so they always take up a page and a half when it's wholly unnecessary?
• I need to check my email more often?
• I'M STRESSED OUT OF MY MIND RIGHT NOW?

I can feel the stress. Literally. It's in my neck. I need a massage. Right now. But no time for that. I need to do work!

But I've been working for three hours and I'm burned out and I just want to print this thing and we're out of paper anyways.

I'm seeing a movie with people tonight.

That'll be nice.

Love always,
Clara

the red light's really just a suggestion

Me: Mom, the light was red.

Mom: Only if you're going left.

Me: We're going left.

Mom: Well, we are now.

The only other way to go left was to turn straight into a building. I think mom has some trouble with traffic laws.

I'm going ice skating today! I'm so excited. I love ice skating. I'm not especially good at ice skating, but I like to do it, and that's what counts!

I wish I were in lower school again. My philosophy fits in so much better there.

Love always,
Clara

what do i want to be when I grow up?

I was hanging out with Matt the other day, and we got to this topic. He wants to be a policeman.

But what a terrifying question.

A list of things that I can see myself doing happily:

• I could own a business. Preferably something cute. Cupcake bakery. Bookstore. I'd love to be like that girl in 'Stranger than Fiction' with the anarchist bakery (although I'd have to become an anarchist)
• I could be creative. I love photography. I love writing. I love music (but I really don't see that going anywhere, unfortunately). I could write a column for a newspaper. I could write a book. I could write columns, and then put these columns into a book, accompanied by my original photography! So many options!
• I could teach. I like kids. I especially like smart kids, so I'd have to teach the advanced classes or something. I feel like I could pull off teaching english or math or something. There was a point in my life when I wanted to be a high school guidance counsellor but I can't remember why.
• Going into advertising could be fun, but it could also be frustrating. I'm not a huge fan of working with other people (or, rather, relinquishing control to the less-qualified-by-my-standards) (yes I know how terrible that sounds).
• Honestly, I'd be happy with a few kids, as long as I could write at the same time, teach them things, and possibly put them to work in my cupcake bakery. I'm really excited to nerdify my children.

All of this is coming from a girl who would have told you ten years ago that her favorite subjects were math and science.

Yikes.

Too many options.

Not enough clear choices. No sure-bets.

This is like the college search all over again. I'm probably getting started too early, and falling in love with a lot of great options, and having no safeties, because I refuse to settle for anything less than what I deserve.

It worked out okay in terms of college.

In terms of a career, I might be screwed by my high standards for my own happiness.

Oh well. Better than the alternative, right?

Love always,
Clara

just you and me.

Edward Burger: Let's see if we can do some fantasy math here. No one's around, it's just the two of us.

If Edward Burger were anything other than an online math teacher, I'd be sketched out by that comment.

Yesterday I went over to Danny's house with some people to watch guys play video games and then watch The Hangover. It felt very John's-Basement, which was nice. Danny's 9th grade brother even hung around, just like old times! Except no one else understood why that was a sort of nostalgic coincidence for me.

Emily (my fellow american, whom everyone calls a 'beaner' because she has some Mexican roots) went to the military base in Germany yesterday. She told me all about it.

Emily: CLARA YOU HAVE TO GO. It's the greatest thing! There's a Macaroni Grill!

Me: A what? Like, a grill? That grills macaroni? Whattt?

[Emily explains that it's a restaurant]

Emily: And there's a Chili's! And a taco bell!

Matt: Haha! The beaner is excited about taco bell! Food from her homeland!

Emily: Um I didn't even eat taco bell. I did have fajitas at Chili's though...

I really want to go to this base now. They have all these American stores and restaurants and such, and I'm sort of craving that at the moment.

Love always,
Clara

dinner with some canadians and brits

I went to Chris's house today. We had dinner with his family. His father has a cold. It's hilarious.

Mr. W: The thing about [redacted] is that he didn't travel well.

Mrs. W: That makes him sound like pottery shaking around in its box.

Mr. W: Well yes, and then when he got here he stopped shaking around so much. [redacted], on the other hand, was always just fine.

Mrs. W: Well you know why? He had packing peanuts! The other one just had bubble wrap!

Me: Of course!

At this point in the conversation, Mrs W and I were cracking up and Chris and Mr. W were staring at each other completely bewildered.

Mr. W: I'm an artist.

Mrs. W: Have you seen one of your drawings?

Mr. W: No, I think I... I transcend that kind of thing.

Me: I had a headache like that one time.

I always get a little artsy and metaphysical when I have headaches. That, or bitchy and unpleasant. Or all of the above.

Me: Desmond Tutu spoke at my sister's graduation. She went to University of Pennsylvania.

Mr. W: ... isn't that where the ferret is or something?

... later...

Mr. W: Nah, I really like Desmond Tutu. He's my main man.

Love always,
Clara

ski days video!

Song is Giving Up the Gun - Vampire Weekend

Love always,
Clara

patrick is freaking out

Here's a fun game (for some of you). I'm taking Patrick the white 13 inch Macbook (bought in 2006) to the apple store in Zurich.

He's sick.

If one of you can figure out what is wrong with him before I leave the apple store, I'll give you a prize and an awesome shoutout. (Note: the prize might be the shoutout)

• Patrick makes a weird clicking noise persistently when waking up from being asleep. He always made those laptop-opening noises, but these are LOUD and have led the boys in the student lounge to believe my Patrick doubles as a vibrator.
• The CPU has panic attacks every once in a while. I have the Activity Monitor icon on my dock showing me my CPU usage (Note: I have no idea what that even means), and sometimes the whole thing is covered in green and red and Patrick gets a fever.
• My battery lasts about ten minutes. It pretends it's not about to die, and then it dies. I've had to use Patrick plugged in for the past couple weeks.
• The disc drive doesn't work. It won't take CDs. It's like there's physically something blocking it at one point.

I did the software update which helped for like, a day, and I thought that would be the end of this story, but all of the problems came back. I'm really not a fan.

So that's my big mission for the day. Patrick may get a baby brother or sister, that's how dire the situation seems to me right now. It's been a good three years.

Yesterday was a funny day.

Lyna: Clara, I saw you!

Me: (confused) Um... I see you now, Lyna!

George: Hehe avatar. I see you.

Me: Ahahaha oh yes, I see you Lyna! I see into your soul!

George will always be there with an Avatar joke.

George always tips his hat.

Love always,
Clara

more music from thomas

I feel like such a musical anglophile right now, although I'm not sure all of these bands are British. Regardless, I just had an iTunes moment (at school, no less) and have downloaded the following, based on Thomas's recommendations.

I Felt Stupid - The Drums
Airplanes - Local Natives
Norway - Beach House
Black Wax - Dananananaykroyd
Modern Girls & Old Fashion Men - The Strokes & Regina Spektor
Someday - The Strokes
Laura - Girls
Rainbowarriors - CocoRosie
2080 - Yeasayer
Ambling Alp - Yeasayer
Little Shadow - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Skeletons - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Also just downloaded, on David's recommendations,
Paris Nights/New York Mornings - Corinne Bailey Rae

If you want more of David's music tastes, predictions, and insights, he's started a blog of his own that I highly recommend. Legit, it's in my bookmarks. And that's legit, yo.

In closing, let me share a quote from my psychology textbook.

Indeed, the more a person's baseline frontal lobe activity tilts left, the more upbeat the person typically is. (When you're happy and you know it, your brain will surely show it.)

Love always,
Clara

that closet is intense

A real conversation with the school P.E. teacher.

On friday we legit-student-council kids painted the smaller kids' faces on the ski train, in the name of school spirit.

Mr. P: Oh Clara, I still have the face paint from friday. What should I do with it?

Me: Um, I don't really know. I think it was Mr. C's. Rashmeen got it from him.

Mr. P: Oh yeah, that sounds like one of his party games...

Me: Yep, he's got a lot of interesting things in that closet.

Mr. P: [eyebrow raise]

Mr C, for the record, is the one who helped us set up for the 80's dance. He has this closet full of things like inflatable guitars and plastic cups and such. Just saying.

Love always,
Clara

some things to blog about

Here are some things I plan to blog in the near future.

• Thomas has sent me another truckful of music. I plan to preview all of these and probably download at least half, so you'll hear all about that.
• I'm going to do another interview, probably not with Percy.
• A review of the school Valentine's Day Sale (and festivities)
• I'll probably complain a lot about things I could prevent, like sleep deprivation.
• Random nostalgia (which has been hitting me lately. I've figured out that Matt D. reminds me of Samlet, and thinking about Samlet gets me thinking about america, and then we're back at nostalgia.)

Speaking of Matt D...

Today, during Art class, I made signs for the valentine's day sale. I'll post pictures of them tomorrow. I'm pretty proud of them. Thomas told me he wasn't going to buy anything for Emily but then he saw my awesome poster and changed his mind. I am so influential.

Anyway, I ran around hanging these signs after art, and Matt stole one and ran around with it for a while. I finally chased him into the D building, where I'd intended to hang that sign. And then he hangs it crooked and starts sticking me with tape.

I was like "You are so frustrating! You are just like Sam!"

And he was like "Who the hell is Sam?"

And I was like "Um... he's cool. Except when he's frustrating."

That was today.

I also discovered that there's a coffeeshop in Muri.

Love always,
Clara

that poem is such a whore

This is a 100% real conversation. We were in english class, saying how in order to do an oral commentary, it's more important to prove that you know about the poem than say why you like it.

Mr M-T: You don't have to like the poem, you just have to know how to talk about it.

Mariam: That feels like gossip.

Me: Yeah, but you're just saying facts. You're not like "Oh, did you hear what that poem did last night?"

George: Hmm, well... Did you hear what that poem did last night? ... It got lyrical!

I cracked up at that. I really did.

Tomorrow, student council begins our valentines day card/flower sale. I plan on sending a lot of cards (mostly anonymous). Can't say who I'll send 'em to though. Wait and see.

For now, I'm trying to help Robert figure out what to say to his potential lover on her valentine's day card.

clara

idk, don't use words like "enjoy" and "half term"

Robert

what's wrong with them?

clara

they're just not sexy

Robert

"It's sexy spending time with you. I'll take you to the movies when I return from Singapore"

clara

YES.

I like that wording much better.

Love always,
Clara

thanks, kiosk man.

This story of human connection is in two parts.

Part 1: last week I had some time before my morning tram, so I went to the Kiosk to buy some gum. I was probably stumbling through my German pretty badly, because the Kiosk man asked me, "sprichts du francosich?" or something like that, to which I (sheepishly) said "nein... English."

He smiled and told me to have a nice day.
That is part one.

Part 2: today, again, I had time before my tram, and I was out of gum, so I went back. That particular Kiosk is close to my tram stop, so it makes sense.
So I go and buy some gum and a diet coke and I pay and everything and at the end of the transaction, the guy says "Have a nice day!"
He then explained (in English about as bad as my German) that he recognized my headphones (which are pretty recognizable).

Highlight of my morning? Yes. I'm on the tram right now but I had to blog this. It was beautiful. People rock sometimes.

Love always,
Clara

rat sex.

Narrator: But first, he told me I would need a crash course in rat sex.

I'm watching a video for psychology. This week's chapter is on sexual motivation, and the aforementioned video is entitled "Homosexuality and the Nature-Nurture Debate."
The answer is pretty conclusively nature, by the way, even though identical twins can be different things.

Narrator: So does the fact that [twin] Steve is gay and [twin] Greg is straight prove that it's not in the genes?
Scientist: Well it proves that sexuality isn't entirely genetic.
Narrator: (pleased with herself) Well that brings us back to the mother and father!
Scientist: No it doesn't.
Narrator: Yes it does! That's the environment!
Scientist: No. We're talking about the environment in utero.

The narrator has an agenda, clearly. She's some trashy blonde aging woman in denial, in the late eighties (from what I can tell).

Anyway, one of the ways they know that these things are mostly influenced by biological factors is that they can manipulate rats' sexual orientations. And that's what brings us to the quote at the top.

[Edited because this narrator is definitely high]

Scientist: The more older brothers a man has, the more likely he is to be gay.
Narrator: Say that again!
Scientist: The more older brothers a man has, the more likely that man is to be gay.
Narrator: Is that true!?
Scientist: That is absolutely true.
Narrator: Absolutely true?!?!
Scientist: Absolutely.
Narrator: ..... Wait a minute....

Also, here's a funfact. One of the sexual-orientation scientists' names is Dr. Breedlove.

Love always,
Clara

this explains so much.

I'm talking to David. We're talking about Anaheim or something.

David
allstar game is in annahiem
(clearly i have given up spelling for this convo)
clara
oh who the hell knows how to spell anaheim?
David
we'll just pretend its for lent or something noble
true true
clara
wait i think it's antietem
or something
with random Ts in it
or is that something else?
David
clara, do i need to tell your mom to take away your crack pipe again?
aneheim does not have ts!
just looked it up
its anaheim
clara
damnnn
what am i thinking of then?
David
too much german if you ask me
clara
probs
reminds me of some civil war battle though
so lost in life
that is me
David
anteitem?
clara
not the same thing as anaheim?
totally thought it was an alternate pronunciation

I seriously had no idea that these were two different locations. I feel really silly.

Love always,
Clara

ski days: episode four

I thought the weather was bad last week. I was very wrong.

Today was sort of interesting though.

I got to stare into the abyss.

It snowed today, but more relevantly, it was foggy. I mean like, can-hardly-see-the-lift-chair-in-front-of-you foggy.

Skiing in that was exciting at best. You never knew when it was going to be steep or flat or packed snow or powder. And you couldn't go too slowly because you would lose the group. At one point, the people in front of me looked like ghosts. And all I could see was white-grey and some shadows in the distance, and I thought, "This is probably what death is like," because I'm morbid like that, and I was cold and sort of feeling like death anyway. I had a headache.

So that was interesting.

Me: I have never wanted to eat this badly in my life.

Natasha: Really?

Me: No, that's probably a lie.

Now I'm having about a thousand conversations on msn and facebook chat and whatever else, and it's getting complicated, so I'm going to go try to manage my social life.

Oh speaking of, I'm going to school to work on yearbook tomorrow!

The fact that this qualifies as "social life" is sort of sad, but I don't mind because I really like working on yearbook.

Love always,

Clara

in a rock-ish mood

Probably has to do with walking around a music store that sells almost exclusively hardcore metal. I didn't really run into anything there that I liked... or even recognized.

Well, that's a lie.

Me: "Anthrax"... "Anorexia Nervosa"... It's like they go through the dictionary looking for words with negative connotations.

Chris: Oh hey, that's a good band!

Um, who is this kid?

Anyway, I was feeling adventurous and tried to check out some of these bands that I was told I should know of. I didn't like most of it, so I went back to my Jack's-Mannequin-comfort-zone of rock-type music. But it's not British, so I'm considering it a change from my last music episode.

Cell Phone - Jack's Mannequin

Sand In Your Shoes (acoustic) - This Providence

New York (Saint In the City) - The Academy Is...

Magnolia - The Hush Sound

Paper Chase - The Academy Is...

Do You Feel - The Rocket Summer

The Running Free - Coheed & Cambria

These songs are reminiscent of my ninth-grade music obsessions, actually. Ninth grade was when I discovered Jack's Mannequin and The Academy Is... and The Hush Sound. The first two I was introduced to on the field hockey bus. Isabel and Jenna listened to them (hey guys, not that I stalked or anything, but we all do crazy things freshman year), so it was the cool thing to do, and then I realized I liked both bands a lot.

And The Hush Sound was my own very independent discovery, probably with the help of Pandora or something. Same with The Rocket Summer.

My favorite song in ninth grade was "Brat Pack" by The Rocket Summer.

This ain't where it's at

My friends will second that

And I gotta admit, sometimes it's pretty sad

But it's like we're our own brat pack,

We're always kicking back,

Nobody can take that, that's that,

It's like it's all we have

It reminded me quite vividly of the time spent under the stairs in the East Building. We were sort of lame. We knew we were sort of lame. But we were playing Extreme Heli Boarding and listening to the mango song and laughing our asses off all the time, and it was a good place for me to be.

That song still takes me back. I very distinctly remember jumping around to it in my room one June evening.

So maybe later today I'll know

What I will do with my life as I know it

Maybe for now I'll drive back

to that place where I belong

And hope to god it hasn't changed...

I remember that night so clearly. It was shortly after Darfur Night, I think.

What a crossroads of life that was. I am just now realizing how interesting ninth grade was. I feel so removed from it, but it was only three years ago. I feel like a different person. But also the same person.

I mean, I'm still loving The Hush Sound and The Rocket Summer. I can't have changed much.

The way I act has changed a bit.

Who I am has not changed.

My core is my core.

But my life is a completely different animal.

Love always,
Clara

creativity-action-service

The CAS things are due tomorrow. Everyone is freaking out about signatures and supervisors and hours and reflections and such. I literally just started using the online-manager today. It's dandy.

This blog is "evidence" in several cases.

Honestly though, I have an issue with CAS. I don't like the idea that you have to have a supervisor for everything. I would have thousands of creativity-hours if I didn't need a supervisor. National Novel Writing Month? I think that's creativity. Holgapics? Definitely.

Although creativity isn't my issue. My issue is service. That's my own problem, I suppose, and I'll accept that.

I still hate the fact that the system assumes we are incapable of being productive unless someone signs off on it for us. It's all so condescending. Another flaw of the IB system though- Ms C could probably take our words for it that we don't just sit like potatoes all day after school, but the International Baccalaureate headquarters don't know us.

Everything is so impersonal.

One of the things I've realized I value the most about Potomac is that we're judged in context. Improvement is noted. Circumstances are u|nderstood. The IBO just looks at your paper and says "Well, that isn't good enough. Criteria!"

I hate the word "criteria." It's everywhere here. And it's generally some kind of nebulous thing pretending to be specific. "Understanding of Key Terms."

... What?

Gah. School. Life. Whatever.

Love always,
Clara

interview #1

I interviewed Percy tonight. It was enlightening. I plan to ask other people this question as well, just by the way. And this all took place over msn.

clara

oh hey can i interview you briefly?
Percy
Yea alright
Go ahead
clara
okay
this is for the blog btw
Percy
Alright
I like sex
Its nice:P
clara
hahaha okay
that's not the question though

Although it's an interesting point to note.

clara

what's been your most embarrassing/stupid moment?
Percy
Hmmm def yesterday when Tessa told me she has a lil crush on me
clara
okay yeah that was hilarious/awkward. ummm okay did that make you feel connected to the larger world?
(I guess that follow-up question fits better with other people's embarrassing moments)
but if you ahve any insights, feel free to share
Percy
No... actually not
Wait
Thats a lie
Now i know how it feels to be liked be tessa. Whne other guys told me they were traumatized i laughed at them. Yesterday was traumatizing for me as well
Haha

So there you have it. Percy likes sex, unless it's with Tessa, in which case the mere thought is traumatizing.

None of these revelations are especially surprising. But in our next installment, maybe we will find more nuggets of wisdom.

Love always,
Clara

lockdown, and a bad mood

We just had a "lockdown" at school, in which we simulate some crazy person with a gun and a lot of anger coming into the school. We have to close the windows (?), shut the door, and hide under the (bulletproof, clearly) tables.

We managed to survive. Somehow.

I'm in a bad mood this morning. My class is loud. The student lounge is essentially a zoo. The school doesn't respect us and we don't respect it and when our computers are broken, no one fixes them. And because our computers are broken, people feel like it's okay to throw keyboards across the table, because, hey, it's not working anyway. And then the school says "Oh look how little they respect technology! Let's not fix their computers!"

And they don't fix the printer either, and going down to the library to print is a giant waste of time, as I learned this morning. It takes ten minutes to sign in, another five to pull up what you want, and then another five for the computer to tell you that something is "unconfigured", at which point you are already late for english and will have to wing your presentation without notes because this is not going to work.

And then after english you go to the student lounge and everyone is shouting and such and you play Bejeweled for an hour because you don't want to deal with it. And people complain about Mr B for whatever reason, when they don't realize that he's one of the few teachers at this school who actually respects our opinions.

(Although he could pay a little more attention to them.)

(Or make an effort to change the general attitude toward us. Maybe he's trying. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.)

Also, facebook is blocked. This is not okay.

I'm really frustrated with the school and the class and most of the people I interact with. Maybe the problem is me, maybe I'm just in a bad mood lately. I don't know.

I'm trying to keep my sanity. I shouldn't be freaking out. there really is no need. But it's one of those days where I feel overstimulated and everything needs to stop.

Now I'm listening to Tegan and Sara.

Sigh.

I haven't done my German homework either.

I should get on that.

Love always,
Clara

das* haus ist eine polizei-staadt

We're practicing oral exams in German, now that the mock written exams are done with.
The oral for Ab Initio (otherwise known as idiot-german, otherwise known as my class) is to tell a 3-minute story about a picture. You have to use all of the tenses and appropriate grammar and complex sentence structure and the like, which means the story needs to be vaguely interesting.
(Related: I like being a show-off in German)
The picture I had to talk about was of a family in a kitchen. The father was coming in from playing golf and the mother was baking things and the daughters were ironing and doing dishes, and the son was writing something.
I turned it into a crazy horror story of a family in dysfunction. The father was a business mogul who firmly believed that women ought to stay in the kitchen. The wife wanted to start a bakery, but it was forbidden. The older daughter had a boyfriend, whom she was going to sneak out to see at eleven (future tense!). The younger daughter wanted to set the house on fire. It was madness.

Herr M: [Laughs] Okay... any comments? Tips?
Boyuan: She talked a lot.
Herr M: Yeah, she tends to do that.

Um... thanks.
Now he's probably reporting my family to the authorities. I'll be in foster care by the end of the week.

Victoria comes today. Or rather, she's already here, but I'm at school, so I haven't seen her yet.

*Edit: This post was originally entitled "der haus ist eine polezei-staadt." A reader pointed out that I even got that sentence wrong. Houses are not masculine or feminine. Obviously, a house would be neuter. Which means the pronoun would be "Das."

I mean, clearly.

I really need to get better at this language.

Love always,
Clara