chamomile tea really helps

Today I found something called Health.com. I wish I had known about this in time for my healthcare final. It would have been epically useful.

And by that of course I mean not useful at all.*

"The material in this site is intended to be of general informational use and is not intended to constitute medical advice, probable diagnosis, or recommended treatment"

While WebMD should be banned on the grounds of feeding hypochondria everywhere, Health.com should be taken down off the internet before people begin to think that any sort of health is about "Looking Slim while you Swim" or "Miranda Lambert is Having a Moment!"

I stumbled across this article and decided that some elements needed some addressing.

10 Things to Say (and 10 Not to Say) to Someone With Depression

• What to say: Do you want a hug?

I actually think everyone should say this to everyone else always because I think that the answer is more often than not, yes.

• What NOT to say: So you're depressed. Aren't you always?

Yeah, stop being such a fucking downer.

• What to say: We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

Also, speak exclusively in aphorisms that employ overwrought wordplay. Depressed people love wordplay. The pharmaceutical companies don't want you to know this, but the number one treatment for depression is wordplay.

• What NOT to say: It's your own fault.

On this note, you might also want to avoid saying, "FUCK YOU, DEPRESSED PEOPLE!"

• What to say: I love you. (Say this only if you mean it.)

This isn't atrocious but reminds me of It's Kind of a Funny Story which is a great movie by the way. I haven't read the book but I'll assume it's even better because that tends to happen. Anyway, there's a bit in the movie where one of the men in the institution tells the kid that the way to solve any problem with a woman is to tell her he loves her. It's funny because hijinks ensue.

• What NOT to say: Have you tried chamomile tea?

Chamomile tea helps even more if you present it with some wordplay. For example, all sadness goes away if you walk up to someone and say, "Be careful with this chamomile tea! It might mug you!"

Seriously though, don't tell anyone I told you this because there's a lot of money to be made in the mental health industry.

Anyway, I'm glad I could clear these things up.

Love always,
Clara

*Keeney had a fire alarm about an hour ago, and I talked to Ricky about being so sarcastic that even you're not sure what you really mean. What if my entire personality has been a sarcastic parody of myself for the last several years? This seems plausible and frightening.