Today was my last day of a lot of things. It was my last day of working on the yearbook (although not my last day of stressing about the yearbook), my last day of what-I-call-school, my last day in this country for a month and a half. It was the last time for a while that I could sit up at the park and watch the metalheads walk by and listen to Chris identify the songs.
It was a good day. A good night.
It's been weird, being here. And now it's weird leaving.
I feel like I'm being released from prison, assuming that I would make friends in prison. It's... complicated. Bittersweet.
One thing I've always had trouble with is the fact that things change. I remember talking about this in tenth grade with Will one day. We were walking around the school holding hands or whatever the kids do these days, talking about random things.
Me: I can't grasp the concept of change. I always just assume that things are how they always have been and how they always will be, even though I know that's ridiculous.
Will: I've never had that problem.
Me: I don't know. I just can't get my head around things changing.
It's been an issue for me; usually I'd just pretend everything was the same, no matter how absurd that seemed. Moving to Switzerland was a change that I really couldn't ignore though. And so I adjusted, and I made it my home, sort of.
But... America is still my home, really. I lived there for the first 17 years of my life. Virginia is my home. And that's where I'm going tomorrow.
I'm leaving home. I'm going home.
I'm sad about leaving. I'm happy about going.
It's a bit like before I moved; I was excited to come here, but not at the expense of everything I knew. And I put on a braver face than was honest with most people.
Those of you who saw me at my worst can vouch for that.
The thing about that though was that Switzerland was this great mystery and I really had no idea what it was going to be like. This time, I know almost exactly what I'm coming home to, and I love that, and I couldn't be happier about that.
Except that I have to leave here.
Not that I like it here.
And we're back to the prison analogy now; I'm happy to be out of this place but there are some things I'd rather not leave behind.
I don't even know what's going on. My tweets were incomprehensible tonight and I'd bet my blogging isn't especially coherent either.
Also, this was self-indulgent.
American kids: See you soon!
Swiss kids: I'll miss you. But I'll be back soon enough!
Clara
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