i can't cook

I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm sleeping in an unfamiliar bed lately or what, but I've been having some crazy dreams.

Last night I dreamt that I was in a field crowded with cars, and there was a party, and I had to leave, and my parents were there? And someone was selling food from a van, or a trailer, or one of those things you see at carnivals, but I had to get to Brown, so I was trying to leave.

It was weird.

Dreams are really hard to describe.

I read a bunch today, and helped make a flourless cake. By "helped", I mean, whisked a bit, and cracked 6 eggs into a pot, managing to get shells in the mix, which Isabella then fished out with great urgency.

Just a day in the life.

Chris used to say he wouldn't trust me to make him a sandwich.

I do tend to do horrible things to sandwiches, though, so I guess it's fair.

I once had the brilliant (seeming) idea to toast my bread before making a peanut butter and jelly on it. I'm sure there's a way to do this without it being a complete failure, but I don't know that way. Did you know that peanut butter melts?

So that was a drippy mess.

I really didn't even know it was possible to mess up PB&J before that day.

One day, there will be a family relying on my skills in the kitchen, and that family might starve. I'd better marry someone who can cook. Or learn.

I do like cooking, but I do everything haphazardly. That's just my style- haphazard. And it works in a lot of ways, but I feel like cooking requires some precision or attention to detail or caring-whether-some-little-egg-shells-fall-into-the-batter. Some people breathe with precision. I'm not one of those.

Nick taught me how to marinate/grill shrimp last year. That was fun. And that didn't take much precision.

Maybe my family won't die. Or be horribly malnourished. That would be good, if I could avoid that.

Isabella's house has all of these "health-revolution" types of books in it now, due to her senior project.

I'm willing to bet none of the weight-loss-oriented books mention set-point theory. You know why? You can't make money telling people that if they're at a relatively healthy weight, and they eat in a reasonable way, they're probably going to stay that weight. I feel like culture has an idea of "good looking" which is on the thinnest end of healthy, and then an idea of "fat" which is definitely not healthy, and there is definitely a healthy range in between that sort of gets ignored except when these people are being recruited as "plus size" models, when they're not overweight.

That annoys me.

So there are all of these essentially-healthy people who think they need to lose weight to be "good looking" and it's a waste of time. And then there are actually overweight people, and I don't think they're reading books about green-foods-diets.

That's because I just assumed that all fat people are stupid.

I should stop criticizing society, when my own thoughts are so reprehensible.

But anyway, what I'm going to pretend I meant by that, is that generally if you're actually overweight, there are ways to cut down on food intake before you have to snap straight to drinking green smoothies (which, I will admit, are really good, if they're made right) with every meal. The ones who want to do that are likely eating pretty standard amounts to begin with.

This conversation just got awkward. I'm out of here.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. "Conversation"? Who the hell was I talking to?

P.P.S. "To whom the hell was I talking?" would be more grammatically correct.