saltines and michael buble and this is my life

Billy is eating some saltines.

Teddy: Mm, those look good. I'd do anything to get one of those. I'd even show you my genitals.

They're trying to convince me to do all kinds of things for these saltines. I don't know where they even got the idea that I want any of their saltines. I'm not even hungry.

Me: Where is the incentive here? I don't really want your saltines. Or to see Teddy's genitals. Sorry Teddy.
Billy: Why not?
Teddy: This is all just an obvious ploy to for Billy to see my genitals. You could just ask.

Now they're telling me that my life is not quite as sad as it appears.


Billy: Some Michael Buble to get you through the lonely nights.

I love hanging out with bros. Honestly, they are some of my favorite people.

Teddy: DTF? Delta Tau Fraternity?

The DTau boys bought shirts that say that on them. I was impressed. I didn't realize that they were so clever over there, but in retrospect I shouldn't be surprised. They're banterous lads, after all.

Teddy: Word! I love saying word. It's my favorite word.

Love always,
Clara