i am tired

I went trick or treating with the thirteen year old. I was going to go with, you know, actual friends, but they decided to get dinner somewhere and my mom wanted me to stay in town... they said they'd call if they got back at a reasonable time, but because i'm taking the S.A.T. in the morning, a reasonable time is unreasonably early for this little flintstone.

Wish me luck tomorrow- the world of standardized testing and the world of insane novel-writing happen to share a birthday...

That'll be fun.

Good side: after this test, I'm going to a coffeehouse to meet up with other writers for NaNoWriMo. Way awesome, I anticipate.

Love always,
Clara

Halloween!

Two things I have discovered today:

I hate wearing a wig

I love halloween

Sitting in english class. Gatsby is fun

Sam is a Ceiling Fan.

As in, a fan of ceilings.

Love always,
Clara

Politicalisms

My history "homework" tonight is to read up on the election.

Hello, that's what I do to PROCRASTINATE.

So this is the first time in a while that I've actually thoroughly enjoyed doing history homework.

Yesterday John Casey came to talk to us. He wrote Spartina. He read to us from something else he wrote, The Half-life of Happiness.

He read about a little girl whose dad was running for Congress. The little girl hated it. She was 11.

My dad ran for governor when I was 5. I don't remember much of it. Parades and speeches. My parents going out all the time. My mom says that one day my dad went on a bike ride and I shouted out the door after him, "Don't forget to come back!"

She also says that I once called him "Uncle Don"

We didn't win. That was so fine by me. It meant I didn't have to move, although I wouldn't get to live in the pretty pink house (a.k.a. the governor's mansion).

The combination of the impending election and that reading made me think about that a little bit today. It's kind of weird to think that that happened. I was too little.

Another interesting political/familial thing:

Today Mr. Rich, the chorus man, made a reference to something not happening because the inauguration will be that weekend. I had an outburst of excitement, and quickly corrected it by saying "Well whatever happens, it will be exciting. It won't be Bush anymore"

I thought I'd avoided stepping on any toes (as if they don't know where my affiliations lie), until I realized that Dick Cheney's granddaughter was in the room...

Oh, freshmen.

Love always,
Clara

I hate book groups.

I do. I really truly do.

With all of the passion in my heart.

Or at least two thirds.

But I'm done with mine for this week. So I am happy.

I should do the rest of my homework, but I am basking in the glory of finishing my prompt on time.

It's funny- usually I thoroughly enjoy writing prompts. But in these 'usual' situations, it's fiction.

I like fiction more than nonfiction. I like fiction more than analysis. I like fiction more than... really anything else.

Which is why saturday will be maybe the best day of the year. The first day of National Novel Writing Month. After which point I will write fiction for a couple hours, at least, every day. I am looking forward to this like no other.

I am also basking in the glory of Team Cumulus, a.k.a. the beautiful puffy team. For the last couple days of Outdoor Ed, we split into three teams and compete. My team wins everything because we rock.

Today was a good day for balance and relative normalcy, particularly before noon. I have decided that I am now living in a Golden Era of Clara's life. As of today. 

It's nice to have a positive outlook, no?

Love always,
Clara

Real latin conversations

Mama Latin and Papa latin, two seniors in my latin class, and another kid just had this conversation:

Other kid: this is like one of those marriages where the husband and wife live together, but the mistress lives in the house too.

Mama Latin: Is there something you're not telling me?

Other kid: Oh, was i not supposed to say anything...?

Mama Latin: Wait, Papa Latin, is he your boyfriend? Is he MY boyfriend?

Love always,
Clara

today had one moment of absolute greatness

The scene: English class

[Distinctive phone beep]

Ms. D: Dori, was that.... your brain?

Dori: Um... Yeah.

Other than that one glorious moment I am not thrilled with the way this night is turning out- it is 11:17 and I am just finishing this stupid speech assignment on Robert Owen, which I didn't think I had to do but then realized that I did...

Grrrrrrrr.

And I had advisory dinner tonight, which was fun but eats time voraciously. And I learned that Chicken Out is a tough place to be a vegetarian who shouldn't eat starches. I managed to get by with spinach and green beans (and yes, I had a biscuit) (and stuffing) (Yes, I know, starches. Shut up. Don't judge me).

Love always,
Clara

It is too early

for me to be tired like this. Come on, it's 9:51 on a tuesday. I have another three days before I can really sleep. I can't be tired.

So much stuff is going on that I think I might crash soon.

I'm just trying to find something soft to crash into...

Last year that kind of worked itself out on its own, but this year I shall have to take initiative to make winter not suck.

Winters are cold and dreary, and this is a fact.

But I like the cold weather. When you can feel the air in your lungs, that's a good feeling. Reminds you that you're alive.

I don't know. I'm more inclined to like it if I'm generally in a good mood anyway.

I guess I'm usually in a good mood. I don't know.

All I know is that the procrastination monster ate my life and now it's all kind of going to hell... or so it feels. I'm sure it's not that bad; it never is. 

But I am sixteen and am therefore entitled to my dramatic moments.

Blegh I'm tired.

Love always,
Clara

driving in the morning

I drove here in the rain and the dark. 

I can't decide whether it was really scary or absolutely beautiful. 

It was like all the ghosts were out.

Breakfast club was intense today, and wicked fun. 

And then we got into a conversation about whether Obama is a communist. Socialist?

No no no, silly conservative people.

Wealth redistribution is NOT socialism.

It is every tax plan in recent american history.

Whatever. We're 9 points ahead in Virginia right now.

Love always,
Clara

I made a sticker!

It is a cool sticker.

My puppy is legitimately the cutest thing in the world. I am not even exaggerating. He just decided (as i was going to bed, of course), that he wanted to play with me. He always decides it's Clara-play-time when I'm trying to sleep, actually. So he runs upstairs and starts pacing outside my door. So I open up to see what he wants and he just sits there in front of me just, looking at me. 

So I pick him up to put him on the stairs so that he'll take the hint and let me sleep. Because as much as I want to play with him, I have to get some sleep because I'm getting up early tomorrow. But as I pick him up, he starts licking my face. All grossness is completely cancelled out by the cuteness.

This continues for a few minutes, me trying to get rid of him and then being won over by his puppyish charms.  I finally asked dad to call him down so that at least he wouldn't be sulking there alone.

Chili=Love

Tomorrow I will be at school for like, 12 hours. Breakfast club+extended outdoor ed=insanity.

Why do I do so much again?

Because I am crazy.

Love always,
Clara

New Project

I'm going to make a roll of stickers on like, customink.com or something. And I'm going to take this roll of stickers with me wherever I go and stick these stickers on things, and take a picture. And these stickers will say "lovealwaysclara.blogspot.com" or something

And then people will come to the blog and see the picture of the sticker they saw and say "Hey, I was just there today and so was she!"

That is my brilliant plan.

First I have to write an essay about dreamlike imagery in chapter 6 of the Great Gatsby.

Love always,
Clara

Your Bottom

I'm on this website wiki thing that describes TV stereotypes, cliches, and plot devices.

I just discovered that there was a show called "Bottom" that was originally going to be called "Your Bottom", simply for the double entendre. 

"Oh my god did you see Your Bottom last night? It was so good"

"I haven't been watching Your Bottom much lately... I don't have time"

"Your Bottom is on tonight!"

or...

"Your Bottom looks pretty good, but I haven't really been able to get into it"

I really like that. I laughed for like, ten minutes straight. 

Love always,
Clara

Another thing that makes me giggle

Yesterday, I bought a LIME GREEN snow jacket for five dollars.

No joke.

It's really warm too :)

Love always,
Clara

Something that makes me giggle

Sarah Palin

Parasailin'

Love always,
Clara

W.

Saw that movie tonight.

I'm one of those latte-drinking lefties, but in the movie, Karl Rove was adorable. It was kind of creepy because he was doing all these bad things but you kind of wanted to give him a hug anyways.

Or maybe that was just me.

The woman who played Rice pissed me off though... I don't know why; she was just really annoying.

Suck up.

The issue is that W. was only president, it seems, because he had something to prove... like "Oh, daddy will only love me if I'm president like he was. And if he did it, it can't be that hard!"

Ooh that makes me nervous.

Another nervous-making thing: 10 days until the election. Yes, things are looking pretty good, but that can change and I'm still nervous.

I should stop negating my good thoughts. That one I was having the other day, the one I kept negating subconsciously? Yeah, no need for negation. I felt silly.

But the fate of the country, and plausibly the world, is not something I want to jinx by saying it looks good.

Love always,
Clara

The way romance works in books sometimes

"Oh, you're alive and breathing!"

"So are you! And you're the opposite sex!"

"We're in love."

"Yes."

Courtesy of the brilliant people on the NaNoWriMo forums

Love always,
Clara

New Rule.

When in decision-making situations, someone should always ensure that Clara is not tired. Clara cannot be trusted to do this on her own.

Love always,
Clara

The Young and the Outdoorsy

We played capture the flag in outdoor ed today. It was intense.

That is such a fantastic game.

Also, a person very much like Michael on The Office and a person very much like Holly on The Office, hereby known as "michael" and "holly" had a very michael/holly moment (with michael saying something incredibly offensive trying to be funny, and holly getting upset, and michael falling over himself to apologize, saying "it was a joke!")

And at the same time, I was having several crazy moments with a person who... isn't like anyone on The Office, but somehow still manages to be cool. Somehow. I'm not sure how that happens.

Maybe he's a little like Jim. I don't know.

Point is, outdoor ed was a little insane.

And then I started gambling.

I've discovered I'm kind of okay at blackjack, and shouldn't bother with much else.

It was a casino-themed sweet 16. Very fun. Chillin with sophomores=my hobby.

I am so tired... and I don't know whether to go to Fall Frolics (carnival thing at school) tomorrow or not, because it's supposed to rain.

This is my dilemma.

Fall Frolics was so fantastic for a variety of reasons last year, and so a part of me says that if I go, that will happen again and my life will be awesome, but then there's a part of me that says that the circumstances that led to this wonderful Fall Frolics last year were pretty rare and not likely to be replicated.

So... I'll see.

Love always,
Clara

I am weird.

I cut my leg shaving tonight.

And it turned me almost immediately into a four year old.

At first I was my very mature cool sophisticated teenage self, and said "oh crap that hurt ow shit", or something to that effect.

A couple minutes later, I was saying things like "Ooooh, blood. Owwww. It's coming out of meeee. Nooooooooo"

And when I finally got out of the shower (doing everything else takes longer when you're coping with SERIOUS EMOTIONS like "oh... boo boo"),  I started looking through my bathroom sink area for a bandaid.

Which immediately distracted me from doing much of anything else. There is some interesting stuff down there. Like velcro, and this cool body brush/exfoliating thing/circulation increaser. 

So I continued this toddler state for like, twenty minutes, chillin on the floor with my long-lost bead set and random nail polishes I didn't know I had.

Good times...

Tomorrow is friday and I am going to a party. Yay for parties. And fridays.

I am having too many pessimistic thoughts. I had this one great thought about this party I'm going to, and then have ever since then been subconsciously trying to depress myself by negating this thought. And this was a thought that I really quite liked.

Don't you hate that?

I also hate when it's 11:01 and you decide you might as well stay up until 11:11 so you can make a wish about this thought that you keep negating.

Or rather, 11:02.

Love always,
Clara

Thought

It's short, I swear.

There's this test prep place called "Prep Matters".

Prep DOESN'T matter.

Just had to get that out.

Love always,
Clara

I am female

Therefore, I have mood swings.

For example, right now I have the hiccups. And that PISSES ME OFF.

It's just a particular frustration of mine.

I need to recognize this fact and deal with it.

Anyways, the mood swings are apparent in my blogging, aren't they?

I need to stop seeming so unstable over here. I swear I'm not always like this.

Funny story of the day:

So I'm walking to math class and I'm talking to this kid. And he says "How are you?" and I say "I'm good... no wait, I'm actually in a really bad mood" in a pretty cheerful voice (because I guess that's how I talk). So he's like "Really? This is you in a bad mood? I'd never know"

It was pretty funny. I guess you had to be there.

I don't know. I was there. I thought it was funny.

I'm thinking of Jon Hoh. And now I'm thinking of incest. And big groups of nerd people and strange smelling staircases and grass and fireflies and getting locked out and it is not really the kind of thing that I want to be thinking about right now, to be completely honest...

I miss camp.

Camp>School in every way.

Love always,
Clara

Notes to Self:

1) Go to bed clara. You'll be tired in the morning

2) Stop thinking about handcuffs clara. People are going to think that's a little weird

3) Don't type note #2 clara. You already did. You're an idiot.

4) Don't look at camp pictures when you have other things like sleeping to be doing

5) End this nostalgia, but don't. I don't know.

6) Do not stress about school, because it's not worth the drama.

7) Get your act together.

8) Stop criticizing yourself. Oh crap. No, stop doing that! Endless cycle!

9) GO TO SLEEP.

Love always,
Clara

the school experience

Why are tests and quizzes hard?

Just took a latin test and then an english quiz.

Ugh.

Whatever... not fun.

i'm typing in english class!

yay!

Ok bye. all my blogging is taking place during school now. life is busy

Love always,
Clara

i hate school

yesterday was busy

today is busy

i kind of want to die

i've stopped capitalizing things.

you know that it's serious when i'm writing in lower case.

*cries*

basically i'm in a really super insane bad mood today.

and insane isn't an adverb

and i hate myself and want to die

(which is a nanowrimo reference, but also kind of true)

Love always,
Clara

homecoming!

yayyy

i was at the actual dance for like 45 minutes.

but it was fun while i was there.

and before was fun

and after was fun

and everything was fun

and i like polyptetons

and i'm on the phone

and i'm telling daphna that if she can't find a three sided coin, she should paint three rocks and pick the one that lands most to the north.

"Define your rocks before you paint them"

Love always,
Clara

words and pictures: bonfire

My favorite part of homecoming: spirit day and the bonfire.

Absolutely amazing.

"Give me a P! Give me an O!"

There was a pep rally. The little kids cheered and whatnot, the Senior Athletic Committee dressed up as Tartans, and everyone was generally amused. The weird part is that our mascot isn't the Tartan (which I learned today is a scottish tribe), it's the Panther.

"Um, those are green. I don't think they're going to burn"

So then there was outdoor ed, in which we tried to build a fire but most thoroughly failed. I blame the sophomore kids who didn't know how to use a lighter and wouldn't listen to the Boy Scout. I've developed a general distrust in Boy Scouts, but when it comes to fire, they know what they're doing. Some one told me once that all they do on Boy Scout trips is set stuff on fire. Hearing that kind of made me want to BE a boy scout. More on that later.

"JUNIORS! KILL THEM! GO GO! WE'VE GOT CJ! RUN! ooooOOOOO"

The night began with the junior-senior powderpuff football game. We lost, which is not surprising, and we'll win next year by the sheer virtue of being seniors, but damn we played well. Or rather, I cheered well.

We looked so badass too. We had black shirts that said "CAUTION" on the front in taped yellow spray paint, and then with "X"s on the back. I totally came up with that actually, the Xs. It's because we're class of '10, and the roman numeral for 10 is X. 

And just the fact that X is a really badass letter.

"I'm freaking freezing"

There was food after the game and everyone put on as many layers as possible. It was cold. There was pizza. I was happy (even though i'm not supposed to eat pizza, for health reasons... whatever. It was warm and yummy).

Bands played. Not my favorite, the band formerly known as the Imaginary Friends, now called Fortune 500. I was disappointed, but they insist it was for the best. Regardless, some others played and they were pretty good for high school people, you know? I basically just chilled out. It was good.

"I love fire" "Ah, a woman after my own heart"

Then came the lighting of the fire. We outdoor ed kids actually built the little wood teepee that would ultimately be consumed in flames, so I had a particular sense of pride. I love watching fires. It's like they're alive. Tonight I actually said, out loud, "I love watching the sparks. They're like little bugs flying around, but they're glowing and made of fire"

"Lean on me, when you're not strong

I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on"

They started playing bonding-type songs and everyone just basked in the warmth of the love and the fire

"'cause I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl"

Then they put on crazy music, and yes, we danced.

Why is it that we will have lost this dancing enthusiasm by tomorrow night? No fair. I love this stuff.

Love always,
Clara

Irony

It's funny how two posts ago i was like "I HATE LIFE" and last post I was like "This week is GREAT"

I think I have mood swings.

Honestly, this week has been a strange combination of crazy stress and crazy fun. So I'm hoping there will be less of the former and more of the latter in the future...

Love always,
Clara

This week might be my favorite.

I mean, I've had no free time, which sucks. But tonight i got dinner on the way home from school, went to target with grace, and watched Barack Obama make a really hilarious speech. And tomorrow is spirit day.

And today I decided I have mixed feelings about platform shoes.

Pro: I feel tall. I like being tall. 

Con: I couldn't walk by the end of the day

So that's that.

I need to do my history homework. And go to bed. And make a mix CD. Life is complicated. And busy.

Love always,
Clara

short post.

No time.

hate life.

jkowfjsofnieoahjiewopfjofjoefdkjsofidsjfghionwvionomciohwruibnvo.

Love always,
Clara

blogging in history

Sitting in history.

Should focus.

Sorry about last night.

I was stuck in a canoe for 3 hours.

Ugh.

Took PSAT this morning.

Yippee.

(But really, it wasn't that bad)

(except everyone keeps asking everyone else what 'supercilious' means)

Ok test tomorrow.

Bye.

Love always,
Clara

A day for irony and openness

I think that was a hendiadys. 

Just googled it. It was.

Curious, you silly non-AP-Latin-takers? Google it yourself.

On the note of latin smugness, did you know that Newton wrote Principia Mathematica in Latin to keep the stupid people from reading it?

Yeah, Newton was a friendly guy.

Anyways, on to the point.

I'm glad I've been distracted by my fantastic literary device, because I've been overwhelmingly tempted to spill my innermost feelings today. Mostly the recipient of this soul-baring has been my car, Zola, but she's getting tired of me repeating myself. So I keep wanting to type it here, but then the smart part of me says "No Clara, bad idea, you are on the internet".

It comes down to a lot of things being ironic though, and me discovering a pattern of idiotic Autumns that culminates in the ever-therapeutic National Novel Writing Month, during which I can purge myself of these inner ramblings.

I look forward to November.

The temptation to type out some of my weirder thoughts today is almost getting the better of me, but I will stay logical, as I tend to do.

Love always,
Clara

An experiment of my own

It may seem I'm a little fixated on this 'We Feel Fine' adventure.

Okay, maybe a little.

I did an experiment on my blog though, to see what I'VE been feeling... Here's what I've got:

"I feel like because I'm a junior I'm allowed to depart from the traditional 'nice, possibly sparkly, homecoming dress' idea a little bit, which is nice"

"I feel happy and tired and simultaneously hyped up on diet pepsi max which has more caffeine than normal pepsi, which is the last thing i need right now, but it might be what saves me."

"I feel kind of incomplete"

"What's great is that I can walk around my town in a "stop genocide" t shirt with zero make up on and not feel awkward."

"I was talking about this with someone a little while ago, saying how I never FEEL anything change."

"I feel like I've entered suburbia when I visit"

"It's only been a moment, but I feel comfortable already"

I HAVE been doing other things. For example, today I went to Ross and got the most amazing plaid pants you will ever see. Decades day might be the highlight of my week. Above Homecoming.

Love always,
Clara

Playing Dress-up

So next week is Spirit Week. Thursday, we juniors dress up as 70's people. So I decided I would raid my mom's closet to find 70s type things.

Most fun I've had in a while. She has very... eccentric... tastes sometimes. And I will be thoroughly prepared for Decades Day.

I've also found what I'm going to wear next year. Blue dress, wide shoulders, very 80s. 

It's a little scary how much of this stuff my mom owns and actually wore at one time in her life. I remember when I was little I loved dalmatian dogs. And she had this oxford-type shirt with black spots that became pictures of dalmatians. I loved it.

I saw it in her closet tonight. Oh my god. People wore that?

But i remember that she did, on a fairly regular basis. And not just to humor me.

I tried to find a homecoming dress with isabella today. Forever 21, Macy's, Bloomingdales, Express, fail fail fail. Finally ordered one online from Urban Outfitters- tried it on in two of the wrong sizes, hoping that the middle one will fit.

That's it right there. I rather like it. I feel like because I'm a junior I'm allowed to depart from the traditional 'nice, possibly sparkly, homecoming dress' idea a little bit, which is nice.

I like the idea of doing it a little bit differently. And it makes your waist look tiny, this dress.

I like it.

Love always,
Clara

from We Feel Fine

An example of what is found on this website:

I liked that one.

Love always,
Clara

We Feel Fine

It's a super cool website i found

Basically, it searches blogs for the words "I feel" or something like that and compiles those sentences and has a bunch of awesome statistics about who is feeling what in which cities.

I'm trying to figure out whether anything I've written would be on there... I'll have to search my posts for "I feel".

I feel happy and tired and simultaneously hyped up on diet pepsi max, which has more caffeine than normal pepsi, which is the last thing i need right now, but it might be what saves me.

Love always,
Clara

Freaky freaky freaky

So remember how this morning I wrote a post about my dream? And how in this dream a freshman was 'chirping'?

This frosh who was chirping in my dream is in outdoor ed. Her name is Grace.

Today in Outdoor Ed, we did solos, where you sit in the woods for like, half an hour, by yourself. It's quite nice. And then afterwards you talk about your experiences.

Well today, about 12 hours after I had this dream, we're all talking about our solos. And Grace starts talking about the birds that she made friends with. And...

She starts chirping.

So of course I shout out, "Oh my god Grace I had a dream about you CHIRPING last night! Savannah, you were there too!" (Savannah being another freshman who was in my dream and is in outdoor ed).

It was quite freaky.

Then we were on the topic of dreams, and this girl Shannon started telling us about one of hers.

Shannon: So the alien took me back to his home planet. He was green. And he told me the ways of the world, but I didn't tell anyone else about it.

Mihir: Did this actually happen? (clueless)

Everyone: YES (sarcastic)

Tory: Which explains why Shannon is the way she is today...

Too funny.

More real conversations from Outdoor Ed today-

Savannah: So this one time I was fishing with my dad... (tells story about seeing deer) The deer were this close to me! And they walked around me in a circle like I wasn't there

Mihir: Were you on a boat?

Mr. Morgan (before solo): I want you to make a friend today, be it with a bird or a frog or a bug crawling around.

Joey (after solo): I made friends with a female mosquito. She landed on my hand and decided to suck my blood. Then she told her friends about me and about five or six of them showed up. Then Mr. Morgan came, after they'd had a nice drink from me.

Shannon: Well, I tried, but no one wanted to be my friend.

Joey: I should introduce you to mine. They're a nice group of ladies.

What a strange bunch I associate with. But then, at the same time, it is quite wonderful and fantastic and among the only places I can say "super awesome" "civil war" and "dodgeball" in the same sentence.

Love always,
Clara

waking up

After tagging all my dream posts last night, I got thinking about recording dreams on here.

Last night, I went to Lohhman's in my car with my mom and her friend on halloween, and forgot to take my SAT in the morning. And I blamed my dad.

Then I went to the home of my director for the musical, and I mostly just fumed at my dad but occasionally, this freshman would show up and announce that someone was "chirping" downstairs so we would all have to go check it out.

And someone borrowed a sweatshirt from me at a baseball game.

I'm just trying to get the vague details I can remember. I read somewhere that if you write down your dreams, you're more likely to remember them. And despite the trouble it causes me, I like remembering dreams.

Love always,
Clara

Songs I like right now

Warm Whispers - Missy Higgins

Madly - Tristan Prettyman

Love Love Love - Tristan Prettyman

Fool - Marie Digby

What I've Done- Marie Digby

All Over You - The Spill Canvas

These are on my driving CD.

I listen to them when I'm driving.

I HAVE THE HICCUPS AND THEY ARE DRIVING ME INSANE.

Love always,
Clara

Weird dreams, water pressure, and smells.

Last night I had a dream about LG15. No joke. It was one of several dreams. I was with Jonas and Bree and a bunch of others and there was this girl that we knew was an orderite. And we were going to decide what to do to her, and I gave Bree and Jonas a hug. And there was a rope, and I told Jonas, "Whoever we choose (to punish the order girl), you're going to want to do it. Don't feel like you have to". It was very reassuring. Then I climbed out the window to explore, and found a waterslide in the back of the hotel in which we were staying, but it was an awful waterslide. And from the top, I could see the Boat Club, although I knew in my dream that it couldn't be the boat club because we were somewhere far away. So I figured it must be a place that just looks a lot like the boat club. And then I couldn't find my way back, and I wandered around the lobby.

I have been having so many dreams recently, and weird ones.

I should do my history project or email my lab or do something productive, but here I am blogging. 

No, blogging is productive. I read somewhere that to become a good writer you should write every day, even if it's just poorly-explicated autobiographical ramblings. So I try to blog every day. It's important.

My water pressure is fantastic now. This is new. I rather like it.

Do you ever realize how people have smells? Not like, bad ones necessarily, but just the smell of their shampoo or laundry detergent or whatever that you just associate with that person?

I had basically forgotten about that until today, when I *smelled* someone for the first time in a while and thought, "oh yeah, that's what that person smells like"

**Note: I wasn't like, sniffing this person. And I don't recommend sniffing people in general, because people will find it creepy. This person was just near me.

Love always,
Clara

I am a pendulum

I had a dream last night that threw me off for the beginning of the day. Then I realized the reassuring implications of this dream, and was a little ambivalent about whether i wanted to be so reassured. Then... I realized, not for the first time, that I am a pendulum.

Last year I was one way.

Then after things that happened last year, I became not at all that way.

And then this summer other things happened, and the freefall is kind of putting me back where I was before.

But I don't want that. So I'm fighting gravity here.

I just swing.

Somehow all of this means that it appears I haven't changed much at all. Sometimes I think I haven't, but then other times, like these times, it's pretty obvious to me that I have.

Curious.

Love always,
Clara

Our Ghost

It likes to turn on the stereo, take showers, and occasionally pull books off the bookcase. It doesn't cause much trouble. We have a mutual tolerance.

I just had a conversation with it.

Me: *climbs stairs*

Ghost: *turns on Norah Jones music*

Me: Hello.

Ghost: *ignores*

Me: Nice. Norah Jones. Very 2002. I like it.

Ghost: *continues to play music*

Me: *continues up stairs*

That's pretty typical.

Love always,
Clara

Once on this island...

is the musical this year.

It's very Caribbean. Which would be cool, unless you know my school.

We try to do diversity, I swear. We just fail. Pretty badly.

I've been listening to the songs though, and I like them. I just can't see our wonderfully jewish director doing it. Or Mr. Rich, our fantastic chorus director. 

Although he did pull off Tshosholoza (an amazing song that the guys had to sing for this cathedral concert).

I should have more faith.

I missed Breakfast Club this morning (due to laptop drama yesterday). That's probably why I'm so faithless today.

This aforementioned laptop drama is what kept me from blogging yesterday too. On Patrick Star, my beautiful macbook, the cd disk drive got squished shut and TRAPPED my mix CD. So lots of exciting things happened  resulting in me driving to the Apple store in the middle of the night (8PM is late for me, okay?).

I'm watching the debate now, and should be reading the Great Gatsby.

Somehow, Fitzgerald reminds me of a 1920's version of Vonnegut, minus the science-fiction bit. Just the way he writes, as if he's a peculiar person talking. I really like it.

Love always,
Clara

A good weekend

Vivian and I wrote a song last night. About Jon Hoh. Who is a person we know. And someone we wish we were. 

It's called, "I wish i were jon hoh"

And it's about jon hoh and incest and dead babies, and it's quite fantastic.

Went to Lohmann's with mom later. Looked for a homecoming dress. Failed to find one... But got a couple new shirts, so i'm happy.

By the way- If I know you and I live near you, want to go homecoming dress shopping next weekend?

Then went on a bike ride with dad. Sunny day, beautiful, marvelous. I've been needing to actually work out too. Outdoor ed isn't quite the same as say, field hockey. Where we had to, you know, run and stuff.

So overall a productive weekend. Lots of parent-chilling, but that's not bad.

And now I've proven to the world that I can drive to Vivian's house (which is kind of far away, but not as far away as everyone seems to think). So my world has kind of been opened.

Love always,
Clara

With vivian

At vivian's house. Drove here. And it wasn't hard, despite my parents both thinking that I was going to OMGDIE.
We're chillin, yo. Vivian is excited because Tom Morello has a new album. Which is good news
We're trying to see if we can hang out with Gu, who may or may not be with her boyfriend/family/someone else.
Vivian is describing to me how she abuses the ones she loves.
That about sums it up, actually.

Bleghhhh i am tired. but it is saturday!
Saw Eagle Eye last night with Dad and Grace. Shia=Hot, even though he was on Even Stevens. Fantastic plot too. Keeps you mildly confused, but in a pleasant suspenseful way.
Ok bye then.
ADDness takes over.
Incomplete sentences

Love always,
Clara

it's the weekend!

Thank god. Free time was hard to find this week. 

But now it's friday afternoon, I have no plans, and life is really good.

My math teacher is growing a soul. It's really making me happy. For example, today, he was checking homework and I made a little "tada!" noise when I opened my notebook (because i just ooze math enthusiasm), and i suppose he misheard me. So as he marks down that I did it, he says, "Huzzah!"

Needless to say it was maybe the funniest thing ever. He just needs to lighten up a little bit and have more moments like that.

My toes are cold.

I almost went camping today, and then this morning i woke up and thought to myself,

"Why the hell am I going camping?"

So i bailed. Oh well. That's life. And life is good.

Love always,

Clara

watching a video about jefferson

Sitting in history class.

this video isn't that interesting.

Thomas jefferson had three daughters.

Monticello was pretty.

I'm so glad it's friday. This weekend will be fun.

Love always,
Clara

I think i'm at school more than most people

Because I'm finding myself here, essentially alone, for the second time this week. This time, it's because I'm going to dinner with my advisory tonight, but that doesn't start until 6:30 so it makes no sense at all to try to go home or do anything else with this time. Alone. At school.

It's really not such a bad thing. I'm one of those people who really can be alone for a long period of time and not be bothered by it. And my school is a nice place to be. Nice design. I've come to appreciate it. As long as the associated institution isn't killing me with work, I'm happy. And it's not right now.

At this moment most people are on their late busses. The football team is still around, but they're up in their locker room doing whatever it is that guys do.

I'm sitting on this bench out here in the hallway. It's a weird kind of nostalgia, because I used to spend a lot of time sitting on this bench waiting. And here I am, doing it again, but in a completely different context. Very strange. It's like, I had forgotten that this used to be a habit of mine until like, today.

But today was rainy, and you know what i think about that. Strange things can happen.

Here I am, at school. I should do homework, but my history textbook is at home... I should figure out where we're going to eat... it's either kabobs or random greek diner place. Yum.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. Confirmed: Kabobs