I'm such a loser it's almost funny.

I just almost cried at a Taylor Swift music video.
Well, at least this time it's not over something vaguely related to moving.
No, this song speaks to me.

Quite honestly (probably more honest than I should be on the internet), I remember being fifteen really clearly. That was the spring of thinking that maybe maybe maybe a guy who I liked (i.e. liked liked, in Hey Arnold terminology) liked me back, which is kind of life-altering when you're a freshman, and having a lot of fun with the idea.
And then after that there was the summer of existentialism and late night text message conversations and drinking coffee every day and literally running away from boys who set up chairs outside my dorm (which is a really long story).
And then it was the fall of supreme awkwardness, and my first semi-successful novel adventure, and hating field hockey with a passion.
And then there was winter which was cold (mostly due to the ice) and I get this terrible feeling that I was really distant to 99.5% of the people in my life (and overly open to that other .5%), and I don't even know why I did that, except that I have this tendency to be completely naive about life in general. I wish I had more to say about that winter, but that one thing was my winter. Yikes.

And then I turned sixteen, which was a completely different story.
Sixteen was a lot of anger and joy and enthusiasm. More adrenaline-filled highs and lows, less of the complacency.

My point is, Taylor Swift is right again. You go, T-swift. Being fifteen sucks because you can only see about five feet in front of you, and the rest is a complete mystery, but for some reason you think you've got it totally figured out.

On the other hand, I can see a whole seven feet in front of me now, and thus, I know exactly where my life is going.

Hm. Maybe what struck me about the song is that I wish it ended at sixteen. Because fifteen did suck, and the years since then have only gotten better (quite honestly, I think fourteen was the worst), but the not-having-a-clue thing hasn't gone away.

Oh well. So it goes.

David: And my dad took the lord's name in vain several times.

We're skyping.

David: And I thought "Go blonde haired blue eyed people!" So then I thought, "Who else says that, besides Hitler? Clara does!"

This is true. Not that I have much else in common with Hitler.

Love always,
Clara