Want to hear a funny story? I have a subscription to Seventeen magazine.
See, as you may know, back in the olden days when I lived in America, I used to go to CVS a lot. Sometimes every day for a week. Sometimes more. Usually I'd walk out with one or two cheap items (which is why 95% of my makeup says something like "WET AND WILD!!" on it, but it works fine so I don't care much). Sometimes one of these items was a trashy magazine.
And so reading Seventeen every month (don't judge) became a sort of ritual, a thing to do on saturday afternoons when I didn't want to start my homework and wanted fresh air and wanted iced tea (another frequent CVS purchase).
[Tangent- I found a place to buy Arizona iced tea here!]
So when we moved, my dad said to get subscriptions to all the magazines that I read and enjoyed (besides the ones that they were ordering for themselves), so I did. That was Wired (which I really do enjoy, because I'm a dork like that) and Seventeen.
(I'm feeling really parenthetical today. I'm not sure why. Sorry about that; I know it makes my sentence structure even harder to follow than usual.)
Now, when Wired comes every month, I'm generally pretty excited. When Seventeen comes... let's just say I never quite know what to expect. I'm just going to make a list of things that ticked me off reading it today (because, yes, of course I read it still. I just have stopped enjoying it in any [authentic OR ironic] way.)
- Whenever they talk about making clothes "work for you," they assume everyone has one of three body shapes: Tall, Petite, or Curvy. What if you're a just-taller-than-average person with curves but not overweight? Or a flat-chested normal-height person? Or anything else that an actual person would be?
- They always find the most wholesome couples in the world to give like, "date ideas." They're like, "Oh, invite him over with your friends to play bingo with jellybeans that you made yourself because you're so domestic, and he'll think that's sexy... um... I mean... cute!"
- Real Headline: "Change your hair, change your face!"
- 21 pages later: "Find your beauty peace! beauty peace treaty!" Also, one of the celebrities they got to sign their "peace treaty" is Beyonce. I'm sure she feels really insecure, so I'm glad the editors of Seventeen can be there for her.
- Question: What would the editors of Seventeen say if Beyonce told them she wanted to change her hair and change her face? Would they give her advice, or would they point her toward the "peace treaty"? Or both?!
- Be eco-friendly! Buy more things! That's how it works, right?
- There is an inexplicably placed ad for "Splat rebellious colors: long lasting, semi permanent hair paint" right next to a Britney Spears/Candie's spread. Good job, marketing department.
- I couldn't bring myself to care about the cover story, about the actress in The Vampire Diaries. I'm sure I know some people who really enjoy this show, but it seems like jumping on the Twilight bandwagon, and I'm not a huge bandwagon person. (Wait, what? I invented jumping onto bandwagons! All I want in my day is a good bandwagon to jump onto. Hm. I'm going to have to explore this contradiction.)
- "New Trends!" that I've been doing for a while were all over this issue. Leather jacket with florals? Try this November, fools!
- Related- I think the "trends" discussed above fall into one of two categories: Obvious or Ridiculous.
- 17 New Things to do with your Hair! includes "Rock a side braid" (been there), "Straighten out" (done that), and "Supersize your bow!" (didn't buy the t-shirt myself, because Julia Allison invented it)
- I did not hate the "Traumarama" section. Nothing can ruin that for me. These stories make me want someone to die (depending on the story, either the author, or myself). Highlights: Someone let a girl go a whole party (one of those bowling-with-blacklights affairs) without telling her that her Powerpuff Girls bra was glowing through her shirt. Someone's dad catches her making out with her boyfriend at school, and she seems to be more embarrassed that she forgot her lunch money. Someone took a crazy stalker picture of her "crush" and made it the background on her phone... it ended badly.
So that's my girly rant.
Here's a haiku about godzilla to make you change your mind about me.
Clara
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