rules of the bakery

There is a certain code of conduct that must be observed when bread is being sliced with a knife. I will list the main tenants here.

• A machete, for the purposes of slicing bread, is probably overkill.
• On the other hand, a Swiss army knife on a keychain is pretty useless if it doesn't at least get to the center of your bread roll.
• It does not matter how big your knife is, if you have no bread to cut.
• If you have no bread, you may sharpen your knife yourself, but don't brag about it.
• You may not slice previously-unsliced bread if that bread is soggy. Soggy knives are not especially useful either.
• Slicing soggy bread is okay if you have sliced that bread before. If the bread has been sliced, but by another knife, things become ambiguous.
• You may eat soggy bread but it may not be appetizing.
• You may poke at soggy bread if you so choose.
• Buying pre-sliced bread is lazy and crude.
• Buying unsliced bread is also lazy, and probably more expensive. It is classier to bake your own bread. It is more effort, but the bread ends up being more satisfying.
• Do not cut bread that has any sort of fungus on it, and do not use a knife that is moldy (nota bene: bread that you buy often has fungus)
• Different kinds of bread suit different kinds of knives. For example, it takes a large knife to slice the darker kinds of wheat bread.
• Always keep your knife clean.
• You don't really slice a tortilla.
• Yellow bread is difficult to cut, or so I hear.
• Sword swallowers are incredibly talented.

Those are the rules of the bakery. Comment (here or on the facebook page) if I've forgotten any.

Love always,
Clara