I am kind of angry.

I can't give the full details on why I am angry, because I learned many years ago that blogging about one's personal life is generally a bad idea.
On the other hand, I need to write something about this, so I'm going to try to make it as general and non-specific as possible while still making my point.

Let's say this:
There was a guy. I liked this guy. He sometimes seemed to share the sentiment.
However, it turns out he didn't. That's fine. These things happen.
Here is the part that makes me mad: apparently, I was considered an 'option'. As in, he was fairly certain he could try something with me at whatever time he wanted and I would be more than happy to oblige. It was probably true.
But this makes me angry.

I'm not mad at him so much as I'm mad at myself. Guys think that way, and sometimes girls think that way, and it's sort of arrogant but everyone does it at some point.
But I completely went along with it.
I was so obvious and agreeable and all of that, with this ridiculous hope that he would stop fighting for the heart of this other girl, and take what was right in front of him. It was just a stupid mindset. Like I'm the bird in the hand and the other girl is the two in the bush.
When in reality, I'm two birds!
(On that note, I just watched The Notebook and loved it.)

My point is that I have been selling myself short, yet again, and I need to stop doing that. I need to stop thinking "Well she's gorgeous and wonderful but I'm right here" because that's a terrible mindset.
My best attribute is not my availability. It's who I am. I'm smart, and I think I have a nice sense of humor, and I have this enthusiasm for life that's unusual for a high school senior, and I think I'm pretty interesting (although there are people who might disagree, and screw them), and some guy at a bar last night told me I was pretty*. Clearly I have a lot more than willingness going for me, but I'd forgotten that, which led everyone else (i.e. this guy) to forget it too, or not even realize it, which is just ridiculous.

I'm not saying these things to be arrogant.
I'm saying them to remind myself.
And I'm blogging this so that you readers can harass me about it later.

So that's how I'm feeling right now.
And I know I've made this resolution before, but this time I mean it: I will epitomize dignity and standards.

Love always,
Clara

*And another guy just walked up to our table and handed me a piece of paper with his number on it. It was very smooth, quite flattering, and only slightly creepy. It's not like I was going to call (among other things, my German probably isn't good enough), but it's always kind of fun to know someone's interested.