let's be honest with ourselves.

Senior year sucks.
I remember last year, I was so excited to be a junior. I took the role (of being something of a role model but still not in charge) on with vigor. I wore it like a new pair of boots.

Senior year feels like a big sweater that you know makes you look bad, but you have to wear because it's cold and you really have no other options.

We work. And we apply to colleges. And then the colleges look at us and they judge us and they decide whether we're good enough for them when the real question should be- are they good enough for us?
My mom really only applied to one college. I think my dad applied to three.
Right now my list is around thirteen, but I know I'll be cutting that down to six. Although there's always that little tiny chance that mystery-college-x will decide I'm good enough and I won't have to think about it anymore.
It's ridiculous. I look at the early-decision acceptance rates for these various schools- they tend to be around 25%, right? I feel like a college is just going to split me into quadrants and take the top left. That would actually be my best case scenario, because I could keep my heart and my logical attributes.
Although I would miss my right brain too.
Hm.

Anyway, my point is that this whole process has an uncanny ability to undermine your self-esteem, even when you've told yourself a thousand times that it's all arbitrary and it doesn't matter and you'll be happy anywhere anyways.
What a giant downer, right?

Halima is also applying early to a selective U.S. college.
This is her plan: When we find out, if one of gets in, we'll party. And if both of us get in, we'll party doubly hard. And if neither of us get in... we'll drown our sorrows.
I like this plan.

Love always,
Clara