Between yesterday and today...
- I left the house a total of once.
- I took several naps.
- I spent approximately four hours on an amount of physics work that should have taken me two.
- I ate more than necessary.
- I despaired.
Why the despair? I have no idea.
See, this is my problem. I hate it when I get like this, but I do, occasionally, and I don't ever know what to do about it except blog, because when I blog I realize how annoyingly self-pitying I sound, and usually that makes me erase everything I've typed and bat out some post about what I discovered looking up Taco Bell on Wikipedia.
I like to write.
But I'm afraid I like to write because I like to talk about myself, and I don't think that's going to work for me, in the long run, if writing is something I want to do, in the long run. Most of you reading this, I would wager, know me, or at least have met me, so I'm hoping my thoughts (about myself) are at least a little bit interesting to you, but most of the world does not know me, and what to do about that?
Answer: Start writing about things that are more relevant to the rest of the world. Universal themes. Pillars of humanity.
I'm seventeen.
That simply isn't going to work.
So I'm stuck in this weird spot where I'm spending a lot of time doing things I'm not interested in doing, and I'd always assumed that time in my life would be my 30s or something, that era of required-career, but no, it's started already, and I can't put my finger on when.
Hell, I'd always assumed I'd be too good for that phase, and I'd breeze right through everything and find my calling and just do that for the rest of my life, and just be happy.
In retrospect, I've been pissed off about people wasting my time since the fourth grade.
I'd rather be pissed off than whatever I was today.
Apologies for the self-indulgent rambling today but honestly, you're reading my blog and this is what I have to say right now, and if you expected anything else then I'm sure there is higher quality reading material somewhere out there on the internet.
Clara
2 comments:
you're silly. nearly everything you have to say is interesting..and not just to me!! you are a character. it's a fact. people like to hear what you have to say. why do you think so many randoms read your blog, silly girl? as i told you yesterday, you should have a reality show. this blog is the closest you come to that soo..duh it's interesting. keep writing about yourself, because people will keep reading. what you have to say is both INTERESTING and RELEVANT. love you <5
Again, I totally understand you. I know this kind of feeling. You think you are someone who can deal with everything and you are supposed to be happy, then suddenly you realize you aren't. But this time passes and there are always happier times ahead, I promise you ;).
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