Reminiscing...

Earlier this week (friday+saturday) I was feeling... exuberant.

Now not so much.

My brain is exploding.....

I'm being confronted with crises of uncertainty in more ways than one.

Unfortunately, music's healing powers work best when I'm alone, which isn't happening much this week, what with the wonderful and illustrious Isabella living with me.

I love Isabella, I just also like aloneness* 

I also like being able to talk to myself in the car.

Which is weird when there's someone else present. I'm totally comfortable talking to myself as long as there's no one else I could/should be talking to. In that case it's pretty weird.

I want to go back to Italy. 

Or back to freshman year. Despite the ambiguity of everything (I was always uncertain about everything that year), I loved it. There was so much innocent fun, that wouldn't interest me anymore, but at the time it was so incredible.

Every year I pendulum between thinking "this will be remembered as a good year" and "this will be remembered as a terrible year". 

Freshman year, ironically, I remember thinking "wow, I will look back on this year and think 'that was terrible, thank god it's over.'"

But it's the total opposite.

I guess at the time I was unhappy or something? But then I changed my mind?

Oh god, I'm not making sense.

By the end of freshman year I was a little further out of my shell, anyways, so I was happy, and all's well that ends well.

Sophomore year I suppose you could make the same argument, that all's well that ends well, and thus it's worth revisiting, but I think the best thing that came out of sophomore year was the summer afterwards.

That's what I want right now. Summer. And certainty.

Apologies for my vagueness regarding the certainties. It's a thing.

(And apologies for apologizing with more vagueness)

Love always,

Clara

*See, luddites? Technology hasn't murdered my appetite for solitude!