on getting older

I turn nineteen in seventeen days.
This somewhat blows my mind. Nineteen isn't one of the important birthdays, but it's the last teenage birthday I'll have, which is very weird. I'm not sure I want to grow out of teenage life.
Luckily, I've heard that the early twenties are pretty fun too, and that society is allowing us to act less and less mature at older ages as time goes on. Thanks, society!

Yesterday Cara and I were sitting in Starbucks writing, and I pulled up my old secret blog for inspiration (Raymond Carver said that autobiographical stuff can still be fiction if you play with it enough, I swear!).

It turns out, I was a total crazy person in ninth grade. Of course, this should surprise exactly no one, especially if you knew me in ninth grade, but I was taken aback by some of the things I was willing to say on the internet.

• "i've decided to develop multiple personality disorder. or maybe not DISORDER, but habit."
• "he's such a GUY thoughhhhhhh"
• "UGH WHO IS THIS GIRL? WHY DOES SHE EXIST? i naturally friended her after that."
• "i wish i were allowed to be a badass slacker in a cool way. but no."
• "and i ask X for his number and he gives me his number, email address, picture, and clever nickname. and possibly even social security number. lovely."
• "what i wore today- it's a metaphor i swear"
• "4 girls, 1 guy, 1 couch. It was quite a party."
• "I think I'm going to invent my own religion. It will be called... wisdom."

I'm pretty sure I was serious about all of these things. Also, I was so boy-crazy back in the day (these particular days being mostly from the second half of freshman year). They say you grow out of that too but I'm not so sure.

Love always,
Clara