you're watching afn

I've been watching a lot of TV lately, basically because summer is the only season that I have the spare time.

Watching TV here necessarily means watching AFN. We have like, 15 channels, which isn't bad, but they're pretty bizarre channels. Although, as long as I can get my fill of Law and Order SVU and trashy movies (currently watching: The House Bunny), I'm solid.

The commercials are all military-interest, which means they're all low budget and fairly strange. They advertise things like army chaplains or online courses or saving water, and they use comic sans ms with zero irony.

(There is, of course, a time and a place for Comic Sans MS. That time is 2008, and the place is my AIM default font, in magenta. That is all.)

I'd say the most bizarre part of all of this though are the ads that sort of, declare the channel. You know the ones, that are like, "You're watching this channel!" which are completely redundant, by the way, because who doesn't know what channel they're watching these days?

Anyway, they have these ads that I can only describe as absurdist.

Example 1:

A man is standing far away in a field. He runs up to the camera (stationary) and, panting, says "You're watching AFN!"

Example 2:

A man in a military uniform says something incomprehensible and then says "and you're watching AFN." There's a subtitle at the bottom of the screen, and it says, "whattheheckisthisguysaying?"

Example 3:

A man (dressed in plain clothes) approaches a man in a scuba suit and asks him, "Hey, which way to the commissary?" The scuba man says, "It's just that way," and the normal man thanks him and he's on his way. And then the scuba man faces the camera and says, "You're watching AFN!"

Just try to make sense of this.

Love always,

Clara

congratulations!

OMG

Dear Clara:

Congratulations! You have been placed in the following course(s) in the
first round of the CAP/FYS lottery:

PHIL:0250:2010-Fall:S01 (Curricular Advising Program)
LITR:0110A:2011-Spring:S04 (First-Year Seminar)

Translation: I'm taking "The Meaning of Life" first semester and Fiction I second semester. And my advisor is going to be a philosophy professor. COLLEGE IS GOING TO ROCK.

Love always,

Clara

out tonight

That's where I went.

Actually, first I went to work.

Then I went home for all of ten minutes.

Then I went to the pool, and got lost on the way there, because some people give terrible directions. I asked for help from a Swiss woman.

Me: Scuzi, wo ist... muribad? aarebad?

Woman: Oh! Yes, straight ahead, and to the left!

My german is so unconfident these days. I need to get back into shape. That is, if german constitutes physical activity (and have you heard those consonants?).

The pool was fun. The water was freezing. Robert sort of threw me in. I say "sort of" because once I knew I was going in, I just jumped in. I'd rather enter the swimming pool on my own terms, thanks.

Then a bunch of us walked down the river a bit and grilled. This sounds like a poorly thought out plan, because it was, but it was also fantastic. Kajus had a bunch of chicken, Matt brought a bratwurst, and Chris had a couple small (but delicious) steaks.

Essentially, what guys think when they think "Let's go grilling!" they think, "What do we need? Meat and flame."

Things such as tongs, plates, silverware, any food other than raw meat, or even a proper grilling surface were considered completely unnecessary. Thank goodness heat kills germs, because there was probably a lot of nature happening* on that outdoor grill thing near the river.

So we lit a fire under this grilling surface, because Kajus is the fire-master, and discussed all that is life, and I was the only girl there (which you know I relish).

Then we headed into town and chilled.

And watched the game, which was kind of sad. I wish Switzerland had made it further, if only because I like the drama of being in a country where people care and the team is doing well. I wish I'd been here when we beat Spain.

Anyway, it was a great night. I need to get film for Diana Mini, because I feel like she would be a good companion on these nights. She's got a flash.

We saw a Danish flag somewhere.

Thomas: It's a Danish flag!

Me: I honestly wouldn't have known that.

Thomas: What? Clara, I thought you were smart!

Me: I know, I'm ashamed. I'm not good with flags.

Thomas: I love Denmark!

Me: Me too! I'm going there this summer! I'm going to Copenhagen!

Thomas: That's awesome!

Me: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Thomas: What? That's insulting!

Me: It's shakespeare!

That basically sums up this night.

Love always,

Clara

*Yeah, that's right, nature happens. It's an event.

alexander graham bell

This is a real conversation that took place while the kids were playing soccer. Emily and I were TOTALLY HELPING (and by that I mean, standing on the field, having a conversation).

Oren: Oi!

Me: People don't really say oi in America...

Emily: Kyle says 'Ahoy' to me. On Facebook chat.

Me: Did you know that Alexander Graham Bell wanted people to say 'Ahoy' when they answered the phone?

Kyle: (running by, playing soccer) Yes, he did!

Me: Do you think Kyle is trying to emulate Alexander Graham Bell?

Emily: Maybe. Let's ask.

Me: Kyle, do you admire Alexander Graham Bell?

Kyle: No.

Me: Kyle, do you have disdain for Alexander Graham Bell?

Kyle: No. I have nothing for Alexander Graham Bell.

Me: So you're apathetic toward Alexander Graham Bell?

Kyle: Alexander Graham Bell is nothing to me.

Me: That sounds like disdain!

Kyle: No!

... Later ...

Me and Emily: Ahoy!

Love always,

Clara

remember the light across the sky

remember the light across the sky, originally uploaded by csb324.

Is this not gorgeous?

Today was cool. I've come to the conclusion that my job is awesome.

Also, the ISB kids got their yearbooks today! Is that not the greatest thing you have ever heard? I am so thrilled. It looks beast.
I flip through it and I can tell who designed each page. Like, some are straight Mariam, and some have Halima written all over them.

And then there are mine. Which are all over the place, by the way, because I spent an absurd amount of time working on the yearbook.

They cut out a lot of the text, which is probably ok because no one really reads it anyway. Struck me as interesting though.

The reason I know this is that I went to school today at like, five. Why? No reason really. Chris called and was like "Come to school" and I didn't really have anything better to do.
It was fun. Emily and I played soccer with the guys. We were Team Awesome.

Anyone: [scores goal]
Us: Yeah, that's us! Team Awesome! Another point for Team Awesome!

It was the pinnacle of intensity.

Now I'm going to eat tortellini and play guitar.

Sorry the blog's been a bit mundane. My life's been a bit mundane in the greatest way possible. I'm long overdue for some kind of incredibly awkward experience though, so keep reading. I promise, it's coming.

Love always,
Clara

ipad: useful for reading boobs

Yesterday was fun. I've decided this summer is going to be fantastic. I don't know why it took me so long to come to this conclusion, but I'm glad that I have, and I think that's all that matters really.

There was a water fight at school, so I turned up to take some pictures, which didn't turn out quite as well as I had hoped. It's hard to catch the action, interestingly enough, when thirty kids are running around a blacktop with water balloons and you're trying to stay out of the splash zone.

Then I hung out for a bit, since I didn't have much else to do.

Chris was around, but he had basketball practice, so he sort of had an excuse to be there (unlike the rest of us).

Chris: What are you guys still doing here? Don't you have lives?

Me: Well, it's chill out here or go home and play with my dog.

Anine: Yeah, it's chill here or go home and play with mySELF!

[weird looks are exchanged all around]

I don't remember what they (Emily and Anine) are theoretically pointing at in this picture. I just remember that they wanted to make that face.

Hm. Very questionable.

Then I came home and talked to David. He has successfully captured his father's iPad.

David
AND its how i want to read the newspaper next year, which means I won't have to ask for a weekend subscription to the nytimes for my birthday
THRIFTINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me
hahaha
ipad=thrifty
David
AND i will read boobs on it!
BOOKS
Me
hahahahahahahahahahahaha

b and k aren't even near each other on the keyboard. I really don't know where he was going with that.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. Google Analytics tells me how people arrive at this site, and I'm hoping some really bizarre search terms lead to this post.

i didn't take this photo

In fact, it's definitely not a photo at all.
It's one of Nick Cueva's profile pictures.
And it cracks me up like no other.

I just took a 4 hour nap and missed like, 3 phone calls, and completely screwed up my sleep cycle. Now Mom is calling me for like the fourth time and I'm not answering. Yes Mom I know you're reading this. Mom, I ignored your call because I am tired and your calling kept waking me up and now I resent your telephone presence.
Ohhh snap.

Now I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. I really need to drop off film, but I'm fairly certain I slept past the closing time of most places. Although it's still broad daylight, at 7:18, which never fails to astound me. Late June is the greatest.

Anyway, I'm just here to raise my hands into the air and flail them about, as if there were no repercussions.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. What are the typical repercussions of raising one's hands in the air and flailing them about. What repercussions are we failing to acknowledge? That sounds like the basis for some bad policy to me.

i'm back

I knew I'd missed the swiss kids, but I hadn't realized how much I'd missed the swiss kids until today.

These kids are hilariously dysfunctional in what I consider the best way possible.

I started work today, but they didn't know what to do with me, so I theoretically left early. Except I ran into Peter, and he was like, "Want to help me smash computers?" and I was like "THERE IS NOTHING I WOULD RATHER DO"

So we smashed computers for a while. It was pretty cool- you have to mostly take them apart first, and then smash the important parts with a hammer.

Then I hurried over to school because what I've realized (speaking of dysfunctional) is that these kids could not organize themselves for coffee unless I personally escorted them to Starbucks.

Well worth it.

Thomas was having like, issues with ice.

Thomas: I don't know what to do with this! It's melting!

[someone]: Put it in your mouth.

(Thomas tries, but drops it or something)

Thomas: Who knew ice was so slippery!

Also, the greatest quote without context I have ever heard-

Chris: I wish we'd bought a hamster from the Japanese.

After coffee like, half of us left, and the other half were cool and ran through the fountain and walked down to the bear pit. The bears aren't in the pit anymore; they've got a whole hillside to wander on. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen-- a mama bear and two baby bears. They reminded me of Chilidog.

Who is sitting on the couch with me right now, by the way.

I love that dog.

Oh, also, I took a million pictures. Turtle and I are really getting along.

Love always,

Clara

"he's a handful"

Me
what a weird expression btw
"a handful"
Phil
yea like
if a child was literally a handful
if he was that tiny
he'd be easy to manage
Me
hahaha
Phil
also a handful of anything is always better than just a few
oh god put down that handful of jellybeans it must be awful
no one ever says that
Me
hahahaha
i love jellybeans
maybe if you hated jellybeans
then it would make sense
Phil
but who hates jelly beans?
Me
or like, "put down that handful of spiders!"
but no one says that either
bc we don't really measure spiders by the handful
hmmmm
Phil
ah
quite a poignant observation

Presented without comment.

Love always,
Clara

airplanes

I'm back in Bern!
In other, unrelated news, I'm jetlagged.

In other, completely and genuinely unrelated, news, I've been talking to Phil.
I'm pretty sure that when I started this blog, it was during the week or so during the summer of 08 that we called ourselves "dating" before he cheated on me at boyscout camp or something equally absurd. It's cool that I've been keeping this blog for almost two years and Phil and I are still buds.

Phil
yea i call him jbrenz
no i dont
but i wish i could
thatd be sweet
Me
hahaha
i always have nicknames for people in my head
that i don't use much in real life
but sometimes i do and people are like "wait who?"
Phil
haha
why do i feel like this happens alot to you?
Me
because i am completely and transparently dysfunctional
this should not be news

It's a fact of life, really.

So you know what is completely inexplicable? Signs at the airport, when you're on the road approaching it, saying "ARRIVALS" and "DEPARTURES". Think about it. Either you're arriving at the airport, only to depart from that city several hours later, or you just arrived at the airport, and now you need to depart. No one remains at the airport; everyone arrives and departs. So how are you supposed to know whether "ARRIVALS" means "I just arrived at the airport and am about to fly somewhere" or "A friend just arrived here, and I'm picking them up, from the airport"

I was telling dad this yesterday.

Dad: You should blog about that.
Me: I'm going to.

Love always,
Clara

fun with turtle

the house is lit up, originally uploaded by csb324.

(This picture is actually from the grad party a couple nights ago)

I've been being a camera whore all night.
We had a birthday party for Dad. My family is gigantic and wild.

Dad: I was worried mom would turn this into a surprise party, but I don't think she did. I think it's just the family.
Me: Yeah, just family. Think about how many of us there are though. It's going to be a party.

I took a billion pictures. Literally.
Or, literally, figuratively.
But don't take that figuratively!

Then we came back to my aunt and uncle's house. We were talking about college shopping.

Mom: Theresa told me how to get things from Bed Bath and Beyond. You go in with a gun...
Me: What?!
Mom: Yeah and you say "look, bitch, I want sheets."
Me: And you have a gun, so they give it to you.

Actually, what happens is you go in with this laser gun and you shoot it at things you want for college, and you do this in your local store, and then when it's time for college you can go to the Bed Bath and Beyond near your school and they say "Oh shit, it's the girl with the gun; we'd better give her what she wants!" and all the things you wanted are like, in a special room for you.

Is that not the coolest thing in the world?

These are the things that I get excited about when I haven't had enough sleep.
Et. Cetera.

Love always,
Clara.

graduation, etc.

Above: Proof that I graduated.

Yesterday.

And yet it still hasn't hit me. I definitely don't feel like a college student. Maybe I will once I get to Brown. But no promises.

In my unable-to-process-abstract-ideas mind, the highlight of the day was going out and buying a graduation present, a Nikon D5000. It is essentially the most wonderful camera in the world and I am in love with it and his name is Turtle. So we've bonded.

It's funny how some of my items have names that just immediately come to me (i.e. Turtle the DSLR, James the point&shoot, Cecilia the swiss iPhone) and some take longer (i.e. Steve the MacBook Pro, Zola the car).

Also, it's funny how much I just name-dropped awesome technology.

I think my life is several standard deviations from the mean.

So today, I was told that I had to go to the pediatrician* to get my meningitis vaccine. So I drive all the way there, only to be told that I actually got that vaccine in 2006, and I can go home. Which is a bit frustrating but not a huge deal, until there was insane traffic and construction on the way home and this entire pointless ordeal took an hour and a half out of my day.

My goodness.

Now I'm trying to pack, because we're moving in with my aunt and uncle for a couple days and then I fly back to Switzerland. Looking forward to that.

Love always,

Clara

*Am I not a little old to be going to a pediatrician? I think so.

baccawhatt?

Baccalaureate was tonight!

It was super. Mr. C. gave me a nerdy shoutout. Being the attention freak that I am, I loved it.

Wait. Rewind.

The last day of school was today. I literally sat around and signed yearbooks all day. It's hard to come up with clever things to say. I hope I erred on the side of clever and not on the side of creepy (a side with which I am not unfamiliar).

Regardless, that was fun.

Then we had that interminable assembly in the gym with the whole student body, and Yar and Marie gave awesome speeches, and IS bells played "Chasing Cars" which was surprisingly fantastic, and the band played the Harry Potter theme.

Isabella: Are they really playing Harry Potter at the closing assembly?

Me: Yep.

Isabella: It makes me want to go to Hogwarts.

I got that feeling too.

So then I got coffee and that was really great because I love coffee, and then I came back here and did whatever it was that I did, and then I went to baccalaureate. Magnifessence (Mag 7 + Quintessence - seniors = actually quite good) sang "And So It Goes" for us and I almost cried. They are amazing and I love them. Facts of life.

The dinner was pretty great as well. I wish SAGE dining services had prepared that kind of meal for us every day, throughout the four years, instead of just stepping it up when we become imminent alumni, and, thus, soon-enough-money-donators.

It can't be that hard to throw together a meal of sliders, salmon, roast beef, cheesy potatoes (I know there's a word for this), and bread rolls. And then a dessert platter with cheesecake-on-a-stick (I know, right?). They should be able to pull this together every day.

But no.

Alas.

Anyway, at some point between coffee and baccalaureate I got the worst migraine of my life, and I spent a lot of the dinner running around in some kind of headachey haze. It was wild.

Tomorrow is graduation.

Holy shit.

Love always,

Clara

red vs. blue

Today was red blue day. We (blue, of course) dominated.

I was about to make some snarky comment about how we always dominate and then I realized this was the first time we've won in like, 4 years.

So maybe it wouldn't be justified.

Blogging about red blue day reminded me of vlogging about red blue day and so I'm going to embarrass myself

Feel free to check out the comments on that beauty... they're priceless.

Speaking of random flashbacks, Daphna and I just had this conversation on facebook-

Daphna

i was going through random old things and apparently you said this at some point in time: "Oh I have a hilarious story about Hannah Montana and nihilism and my friend's brother by the way."

Me

hahahahahahaha
i think i remember what that was about
no joke. beginning of sophomore year.

It had to do with John Gee, High School Musical 2, and the fact that I'd just come home from existentialist camp.

I feel like I'm catching this nostalgia bug that's been going around. Justifiably so.

Tomorrow is the last day of school as I know it.

Yikes.

There's always Phil to take my mind off things. He does so by engaging me in fascinating discussions about the purpose of organized religion.

Phil

god invented confession so christians could run around and have wild orgies with midgets and animals and not feel bad about it

Me

I see, I see

Love always,

Clara

the pre-graduation frenzy

Did I not blog for two days? Maybe it was just one. In any case, I feel very guilty for that. Two days ago my parents came back into town, so I stayed in that night and chilled with them. I definitely could have blogged two days ago, and I'm just not sure whether I did, so, if I didn't, that's why.

Yesterday was full to the brim with shopping for dresses and getting one's nails done (in a beautiful turquoise color) and going to graduation parties. So that was chill but a little bit insane in its own way.

Today there was a brunch and I ate a fantastic waffle.

Tomorrow is red blue day and red is going down. And we'll get our yearbooks.

Tuesday is the last day of school, of high school, or even k-12 school, ever. Which is completely mind-blowing.

And then there's Wednesday. Graduation day.

That's essentially what's been going on. Apologies if I'm missing in action a bit. There are a lot of real-life obligations that I have to attend to first.

Love always,

Clara

oh, potomac kids.

Merritt: Sorry about my brother.

Me: Oh, don't worry about it. I was there when your mom was pregnant with this kid.

Wyatt: Really?

Me: Yep! The world did exist before you were born, hard as that is to believe.

Wyatt: Well it must have been awful...

Me: Spoken like a true Potomac student.

Keep in mind, this kid is ten. Maybe.

The rest of the senior project presentations were today. It was phenomenal. I was going to say, who knew Potomac kids were so talented? and then I realize that oh, wait, we all did.

I love our hubris though. I really do.

Senior project presentations, in general, were pretty great. Or, at least, they led to some pretty awesome quotes with minimal context:

Matthew (having worked on a vineyard): I'll be there this summer. I know none of us are of age but.... If any of you guys want to come out and... have a glass of water... it's a great place for a glass of water.

Brian did his project on squash training. It seems he basically worked out and stretched and ate all the time. Cool? (Athleticism in other people will never cease to astound me)

Taylor: Was that like, fun?

Brian: Well, I mean, sitting on the foam roller for like, an hour got boring after a while...

David: You mean the massage was the not fun part?!

My thoughts exactly, David.

Some of the people in my group blogged about their projects! If you want to see the stunning diversity in senior projects, check out these links (and a video!)-

Taylor's Blog

Cat and Amelia's Blog

My Book Blog

Love always,

Clara

the damp tuxedo

I had my senior project presentation today. It was super. Then I bought some shorts that aren't booty shorts.

Me: I'm really glad I found these non-obscene shorts.

Cath: I'm sure I speak for my entire family when I say, I'm glad you found them too.

Apparently the shorts I was wearing last week (because I had been trying to get a tan! My god...) deeply scandalized Sam. Puritains these days.

Now I'm talking to David.

Me
have you heard from mfost?
David
haha yeah nice nicknamae
Me
(i call her that in my head sometimes)
David
cool, do you call me dwi?
Me
i call you the damp tuxedo
David
WAY BETTER

Oh, so, I got my graduation dress altered. And today they called me to say that it was done and ready (and I love it that much more now) but I didn't pick up, so I got these two mysterious missed calls on my phone.

So I called back.

Phone: Mclean Cleaners

Me: Sorry?

Phone: Mclean Cleaners, can I help you?

Me: Oh, I understand why you've called! Okay. Never mind. I get it now.

Phone: What?

Me: I had a missed call from this number...

Phone: Who are you?

Me: Clara Beyer?

Phone: Oh, your dress is ready.

Me: I know!

I don't know why I made that so awkward/difficult. The guy was clearly very confused. I could have just carried on like a normal person.

But why would I do that?

Love always,

Clara

summer songs

I've been downloading music left and right.

By left, I mean iTunes, and by right, I mean various music blogs discovered on hype machine.

Feel it in my Bones (feat. Tegan and Sara) - Tiesto

Playground Love (Air cover) - Phoenix

Opposite of Adults - Chiddy Bang

Everlasting Light - The Black Keys

The Difference Between Us - The Dead Weather

Rill Rill - Sleigh Bells

My Radio (AM Mix) - Stars

Sunlight - The Harlem Shakes

Generator (First Floor) - Freelance Whales

Rebellion (Lies) - Arcade Fire

Death to Death - Stars

The Kids - B.o.B

I"m Not Your Toy - La Roux

Also, the Eclipse soundtrack leaked. The news about this made me curious so I checked it out. I'm realizing with a little bit of joy and a little bit of horror that it's got all of these artists that I love on it. Metric? Florence and the Machine? Vampire Weekend? What?

I'm not pretending I own Florence. But think with me, for a second, about the implications of this. My sister loves Twilight and all things related. She's going to listen to this album on repeat for at the very least a week. And suddenly she'll be introduced to the amazing musical sensations of hearing Metric for the first time (the doctor, the writer, the garbage collector, fingerprinted waiting for the train, lord lord mother, we're all losing love, lord listen lover, we're all missing mama) and what if she likes it?

One part of me says, of course she'll like it. It's great.

Another part of me says, if she likes it, she will have stolen my taste in music by means of trend-following, which I cannot respect.

And a third part of me says that she might just pretend to like it because it's got Robert Pattinson on its album art, and maybe she'll keep on listening to Green Day or whomever it is she likes these days, while proclaiming that The Black Keys are brilliant.

Which, by the way, I've decided they are.

Ugh. This awakens a whole new set of dilemmas.

On a lighter note, check this out:

Love always,

Clara

lottery time

I just entered the lotteries for First Year Seminars and the Curricular Advising Program next year! I'm really excited about the ones I signed up for so I'm just going to post them right now.

First Year Seminars

1. Fiction I (Literary Arts)
2. Exploring the Fourth Dimension (Math)
3. Empowering Youth: Insights from Research on Urban Adolescents (Education)

Curricular Advising Program

1. The Meaning of Life (Philosophy)
2. Personality (Cognitive Sciences)
3. Digital Art (Modern Culture and Media)

Essentially I entered a lottery for every major I might be considering.

Doesn't it all sound so cool?

College is going to be the greatest thing ever.

Aside from the awesomeness (yeah my vocabulary is definitely Ivy League material thanks for asking) of studying the fourth dimension, college is going to be phenomenal. I'm so looking forward to not having to check in with parents or foster parents or whatever. If I want to come home at 2AM, I will. If I feel the desire to go to the library at the crack of dawn (these are all hypotheticals, obviously), I can do that.

Hooray for college.

So excited. But right now, I should be reading. So I'm going to do that.

Love always,

Clara

the basketcase

I'm talking to Daphna about the mess that is my life as of right now.

Me
i'm a basketcase
seriously
i should be institutionalized
Daphna
a cute basketcase
or ivy league institutionalized
Me
haha
maybe brown will be my institution
like, my mental institution
as well as ivy league
maybe it will be both!
Daphna
im sure they have good mental health services
just saying.
it worked for lena chen.
Me
good call, good call
Daphna
oh god, not that shes an example to model your college life on.

For those unaware, Lena Chen is the author of Sex and the Ivy and the Ch!cktionary. She's actually one hell of a feminist, but also a bit of a slut, which is not the route I necessarily plan to travel.

Here's a thought- narratives. Such as, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Memories, of course, aren't actual transcripts of events-- our interpretations are pretty influential in how we end up recalling things. So the way we tell ourselves our own stories shapes our reality.

But what happens when your narrative and reality simply don't correspond in a meaningful way?

We choose our narratives a lot based on what's easiest to believe. Which is a healthy human psychological phenomenon- it's part of the unconditional positive regard for ourselves that most mentally stable people have. (Lack of the unconditional positive regard is a symptom of depression, as I understand it).

But what if your narrative and reality differ in such drastic ways that people end up alienated?

How to resolve the narrative-reality dissonance?

Changing the narrative is inconvenient. It means you have to reevaluate your life, and all of the events between the time you formed this narrative and the present. That's a lot of work and a lot of thinking. But... what if you have to?

This is what I've been thinking about lately. Narratives are interesting. I want to know more about them- their adaptive qualities, and their destructive qualities. Flip sides of the same coin.

I like pretending my own life is some kind of microcosm for the world, be that in psychological terms, or moral terms, or whatever other terms.

Maybe that's because within my narrative, I'm the center of the world? And what is real in my world is real for all of the world, because all of the world is my world?

Maybe I'll be a philosophy major.

Love always,

Clara

cool links! boring blogger

I'm just going to post some links to things, because today was decidedly uneventful (except that I had a turkey burger at Chicken Out and read a bit. Oh wait, that's not an event.)

You Are Not So Smart

A blog about cognitive biases and other things that make you not so smart.

Tea Party poetry

Sarah Palin, unedited.

Word Disassociation

It's like word association, but the opposite, and hilarious. I'd almost forgotten about this song.

Glee's Lack Of Friendly Homophobes Outrages Conservatives

Reasons I love Jezebel, episode #73

Erm that's it. Sorry I'm Boring.

Love always,

Clara

in which i use the word 'integrity' twice

I had a dream last night that I'd just arrived at Brown and I was rushing for a sorority, and they gave me all these forms with really stressful questions on them, and then once I finished the forms they told me that I'd filled out the wrong ones.

Then something happened with ladders. Or windows?

Dreams are hard to remember clearly and even harder to explain in any coherent way, but here I am trying.

I essentially spent the whole day out reading. Started at Greenberry's, stayed there for a while, then walked over to the Subway near there. The guy at the cash register was cute. We flirted briefly. I felt like an eighth grader. Then I sat in Subway and read for about an hour. At which point Eleni texted me and invited me to work with her at Java Shack, so I hopped in my car (his name is Benny, by the way, and he's a white volvo S40) and headed over.

We sat there for a while in relative silence, me reading, her taking an "Integrity Quiz" on which she scored 100%.

And then there was a thunderstorm, and I drove her home, and then Mackenzie and I had dinner or appetizers or something.

I've had good luck with my mix CDs lately. I think this one is charmed, and I'm going to hold on to it for situations where I need a charmed mix CD.

I believe in some pretty crazy shit. Such as charmed mix CDs and cars with names and personalities. But all of it has worked for me so far.

I also believe I live a basically charmed life, like that song that was popular in like, sixth grade, but my life is less saccarine than the song.

Also, for the record, I've been called naive and blindly optimistic.

Just so that I can present both sides of the story.

Journalistic integrity is totally my forte.

Love always,

Clara

"seize that pile of crap"

I'm talking to David about Senior Project presentations.

David: Clara, you and I have been blessed with many talents, the best of which possibly being the ability to ramble on about bullshit for extended periods of time.

I'm thinking I'm going to dedicate a slide of my slideshow to the fact that I've become a regular at Greenberry's.

I spelled Baccalaureate right on the first try in my calendar, which led me to wonder about the etymology of such a word. And here is where I landed.

Me: So they used to orate... sermons. Like Mr. C.

David: I would love him to be my minister.

Me: Me too. If I had a church, it would be the church of Cobb.

I finished a book in one day today. It was A Short History of Women and I highly recommend it if you are a woman of if you are into women or even if you are a gay man, maybe you would like it anyway. Point is, if you ever encounter women in your life, you should read this. And for those monks who haven't seen a woman in years because they meditate all day, they should read it so they know what they're missing.

David: I don't want to say we were thrifty because we stayed at the Ritz.

Hanging out with Vivian and Leo the other night was awesome. They are a great family.

Leo: They have a bad reputation, but there is so much cargo potential in airships! They sort of missed the boat, no pun intended, on passenger travel, but they can lift so much. I'd just need some money to get the idea off the ground, so to speak.

Me: *giggles* That was an awesome pun.

Vivian: I don't get it.

...

Me: I'll be sure to invest in your Hindenburgs.

Leo: I resent that.

I love living in a house where the 7th grader correctly uses the word 'incorrigible'. I feel like that wouldn't happen in Switzerland. I hadn't realized how privileged I was over here until I left.

Regardless, people with big vocabularies are great.

Love always,

Clara

viv and I singing again

Raymond.

That is all.

Love always,

Clara

breaking and entering

That aside, my weekend was great. Actually, I guess it wasn't a weekend. More of a Thursday-Friday-Saturday. Which is funny because other people had to go to school.

Driving down was awesome. There's something about highway driving that I just love. Especially when there isn't traffic. It's sort of calming.

We relied on my awesome sense of direction to navigate, because I was confident that I knew the drive like the back of my hand, until we got to the right neighborhood, at which point I had written down the names of the relevant streets (but not which direction to turn on them).

That worked well.

We ended up seeing a driveway that Katie and I were certain was correct. As we were driving down, we kept saying how familiar it looked, and that one time in eighth grade, Isabel drove down this very driveway, because it was so long and isolated that letting a 13 year old drive was a totally okay thing to do.

We figured we were early when there was only one other car there. It still seemed weirdly quiet. I think Isabella knocked on the door.

After about a minute, an elderly gentleman stuck his head out of another door.

Man: Come on in! We're over here!

We all assumed, perhaps this is Isabel's grandfather. We walked around and came inside, to this man's study.

Man: So, what brings you here?

At this point, we're assuming he's senile. We all introduce ourselves, and he asks where we're from. We answer. We make small talk. Eventually, someone asks, "Where are Grier and Isabel?"

Man: What? Forgive me, I can't hear you.

Katie: Grier and Isabel?

Man: Speak up.

This goes on for a while. Then his wife comes in.

Wife: Hello! Welcome! What are your names?

If we had doubted that we were in the right place before, now we knew. She was so welcoming; of course she was Isabel's grandmother or something. She was just so happy to see us! Until...

Wife: So, what brings you here?

At which point, we all realize that we are not in the right house, and that we've spent ten minutes making small talk with complete strangers, who have welcomed us with literally open arms into their home.

They were lucky we weren't crazy criminals or something. If they were robbed, they'd probably be excited to have the company.

So that was awkward.

We managed to get out, and down the right driveway. Eventually.

So much for my awesome sense of direction.

Me: Where would we be without floors?

Love always,

Clara

(both him and the lingerie)

That clause was just typed. I will not provide context, because it will only be disappointing.

Daph and I are talking. Which is always awesome.

I've taken to being vain about my last.fm profile. It really annoys me that Ke$ha is on my most played artists in the past 6 months. I know that as soon as we're six months from January (the era of the 80s dance) that'll drop off, but it bothers me regardless.

So right now I'm listening to Jack's Mannequin essentially so that they can usurp her place.

And because I like Jack's Mannequin.

Tomorrow I depart for a far away land, where I won't have my computer, so don't expect me to blog.

First, though, I have a doctor's appointment in georgetown. Which means I'm going to Georgetown Cupcake and getting their free flavor. I love being thrifty.

I just made an epic mix cd for the purposes of my long drive tomorrow. It's a great mix.

These are all sort of non-sequiturs.

I finished a book today that may or may not have contained a tiger. It was a great book, although I have no idea what was really going on. It's wild. Chronic City, if you're interested.

Also, I went to dinner near Tenleytown today. I am feeling so competent at navigating DC. Even without Garmin!

Being competent is great.

Erm that's all.

Love always,

Clara

old things

I'm listening to "I Want You to Know" by Chantal Kreviazuk right now. I loved this song in eighth grade. Actually, most of my music taste in eighth grade was very heavily influenced by the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants soundtrack.

I am just remembering this now.

At the end of eighth grade, I had a sentimental streak. I started making all of these tribute slideshows to my friends, and I never showed any of them to anyone, but windows movie maker and I spent a lot of time together. I don't think I even saved them when I got Patrick (freshman year). Shortly thereafter, my old IS laptop died, and I think with it died those videos.

That's a shame. I'd have loved to watch them. Where was I even getting pictures of people? We weren't on facebook in those days.

I used to stay up late talking to people online.

Oh wait, I still do that.

But these were like, pleasantly random people, people I never talked to much in real life, but always sort of wished I had.

I was weirdly sad to see eighth grade go. I was pretty sad to see ninth grade go, too. Tenth grade, I was just done with, and I wanted it over, now. Then I dragged my feet as much as I could last year, mostly because I was moving, and didn't want to, and now I'm at the end of high school, and I feel like senior year has already ended and now we're all in this weird pre-graduation limbo.

And I hardly recognize my eighth grade self.

And I started that recollection in eighth grade, because seventh grade feels way too foggy to say anything relevant or true about. So that's pretty trippy.

Except obviously I still have a sentimental streak, because right now I'm listening to Chantal Kreviazuk and blogging about the old times.

Hm.

Love always,

Clara

new music monday!

My mentioning the day of the week in the title of this post seems to imply that I'll have new music every monday. I assure you, this is not the case; I simply have a fondness for alliteration. Actually, I realized today, that it's been almost a month since I've had a real, serious, music binge.

First, let me link you to this. Listen to it. Right now.

Gin and Juice (Florist Mix)

I invented that name for it. Where I found it, it was called the a capella version, but that is misleading. Also, it reminds me of music one would hear at a flower shop.

Also, I downloaded a big bunch of music between yesterday and today!

Cello Song (Nick Drake cover) - The Books

Don't Think Twice It's Alright (Bob Dylan cover) - Metric

Tipsy In The Sun - The White Panda

Praise Outkast - The White Panda

Don't Break My Heart - B.o.B

Not Lost (Feat T.I.) - B.o.B

Toxic (16 Bit Dubstep Remix) - Yael Naim

Punkroses - Daft Punk + Outkast

A Juicy Intro (Ha! Yes Remix) - Notorious B.I.G. + the XX

Islands is the Limit - Notorious B.I.G. + the XX

Bad Romance (Lady GaGa Cover) - Lissie

Gregory and the Hawk (Protohype Remix) - Boats and Birds

VCR (the XX cover) - The Antlers

Buzzin Ft. Wale (DJ Skeet Skeet & Cory Nitta Remix) - Shwayze

And, of course,

I Gotta Feeling (Black Eyed Peas Cover) - I Am Noxious

Basically, I've got a cover/remix fetish (or I've been spending all of my time listening to hypem). It's awesome.

Love always,

Clara

crazy shit like that

I'm just going to go ahead and quote this:

Reverend Sylvester Graham was a Presbyterian minister living in New Jersey in the 1820s. And, naturally, he believed people were way too horny. (You know how it was in the 1820s. Floozies walking around with their necks showing and shit. Not even a ragin' bout of consumption could stop all the courtship.)

-via 11 Points

I've been reading this website, 11 points, compulsively lately, once I felt like I'd run out of good material on Cracked.com.

I should be embarrassed at how good I am at procrastinating. I'm not.

Regardless, that made me laugh aloud. Figured I'd share.

Love always,

Clara

prom!

Last night! Prom! T'was fun.

The dinner beforehand was hysterical though.

Jessica: My sister told me good luck before I left. I was like, "for what?" and she said "You know, so you don't embarrass yourself."

Me: My sister said good luck too! Although she didn't go that far. I don't know what she meant by it. She was speaking through my father. It was a seance.

Will: She's dead?! What?

Also, the limo ride. That was a blast and a half (on the way to prom. On the way back, it was a car full of vaguely cranky people attempting to power-nap, except Sam).

Did you know that an acronym is only really an acronym if it spells a word? If you pronounce the letters, (e.g. CIA, UPS), it's an initialism. Sam was illustrating that point.

Sam: [seeing "SIEU" on the side of a building] SIEU. That's an initialism. Service industry...

Me: How do you know it's not an acronym? Sieu. Actually, that's not an acronym or an initialism or anything. That's a name.

Sam: No, it stands for service industry something union, I think

Me: Um, Sam, I know that guy. Jon Sieu. He's a friend of my parents and he owns that company. It's an energy firm of some sort, I don't know the details... I knew their offices were in the Dupont area. I guess this is it.

Sam: Really? I'm not sure whether to believe you.

Me: [giggles]

I've become a pathological liar. Also, a kleptomaniac.

I got a whole four and a half hours of sleep last night. It was fantastic. I slept from 6:30 to 11 AM. Then I hung out at Katie's house and tried to revive myself, and then Cath and I had coffee, and then I came back here and hung out in my sweatpants all day. Or, rather, all afternoon/evening, but it felt like the whole day to me.

Now my sleep cycle is crazy weird- it's 9:30 and I feel wide awake (for the first time all day).

Hm.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. The song in that video is a cover of "I Gotta Feeling" by I Am Noxious.

prom prom prom

is tonight.

That'll be fun. I was telling my foster-mother Ms. V my plans for the night... she seemed actually slightly horrified. Her oldest child is thirteen, though, so it makes sense that she's not used to the idea of kids out past midnight, or past 2 a.m., or past any reasonable hour.

I can't wait until I'm in college and no one's waiting up for me. While I fully understand the reasons behind her wanting me to call every time I go somewhere, it'll be really great not to have to.

It occurred to me last night that high school is the same length as a presidency. I am definitely ready for this term to end.

Yesterday, Eleni and Jess and I got coffee in Arlington and did some work. This particular coffee shop, apparently, is where Eleni spends 99% of her time outside of school, so the regulars recognize her (I suppose she's a regular too).

Me: Knowing people is really cool.

Eleni: ... Yeah...

Which reminded her of a conversation she had with her mom on the phone the other day.

Ms. Z: That sounds so nice, going out, having friends...

Eleni: Yeah, having friends is nice, mom.

Anyway, I'm reading for a bit now, and then I'm going over to Isabella's and the prom madness will begin. And then it will not end. For 12 hours or something.

I'm going to need a lot of caffeine though. Last night I told myself to get a good night's sleep, but then I stayed up until 3 am for no good reason.

Whatever. Now I'm listening to Miley Cyrus. Soooo life is good.

Love always,

Clara

i can't cook

I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm sleeping in an unfamiliar bed lately or what, but I've been having some crazy dreams.

Last night I dreamt that I was in a field crowded with cars, and there was a party, and I had to leave, and my parents were there? And someone was selling food from a van, or a trailer, or one of those things you see at carnivals, but I had to get to Brown, so I was trying to leave.

It was weird.

Dreams are really hard to describe.

I read a bunch today, and helped make a flourless cake. By "helped", I mean, whisked a bit, and cracked 6 eggs into a pot, managing to get shells in the mix, which Isabella then fished out with great urgency.

Just a day in the life.

Chris used to say he wouldn't trust me to make him a sandwich.

I do tend to do horrible things to sandwiches, though, so I guess it's fair.

I once had the brilliant (seeming) idea to toast my bread before making a peanut butter and jelly on it. I'm sure there's a way to do this without it being a complete failure, but I don't know that way. Did you know that peanut butter melts?

So that was a drippy mess.

I really didn't even know it was possible to mess up PB&J before that day.

One day, there will be a family relying on my skills in the kitchen, and that family might starve. I'd better marry someone who can cook. Or learn.

I do like cooking, but I do everything haphazardly. That's just my style- haphazard. And it works in a lot of ways, but I feel like cooking requires some precision or attention to detail or caring-whether-some-little-egg-shells-fall-into-the-batter. Some people breathe with precision. I'm not one of those.

Nick taught me how to marinate/grill shrimp last year. That was fun. And that didn't take much precision.

Maybe my family won't die. Or be horribly malnourished. That would be good, if I could avoid that.

Isabella's house has all of these "health-revolution" types of books in it now, due to her senior project.

I'm willing to bet none of the weight-loss-oriented books mention set-point theory. You know why? You can't make money telling people that if they're at a relatively healthy weight, and they eat in a reasonable way, they're probably going to stay that weight. I feel like culture has an idea of "good looking" which is on the thinnest end of healthy, and then an idea of "fat" which is definitely not healthy, and there is definitely a healthy range in between that sort of gets ignored except when these people are being recruited as "plus size" models, when they're not overweight.

That annoys me.

So there are all of these essentially-healthy people who think they need to lose weight to be "good looking" and it's a waste of time. And then there are actually overweight people, and I don't think they're reading books about green-foods-diets.

That's because I just assumed that all fat people are stupid.

I should stop criticizing society, when my own thoughts are so reprehensible.

But anyway, what I'm going to pretend I meant by that, is that generally if you're actually overweight, there are ways to cut down on food intake before you have to snap straight to drinking green smoothies (which, I will admit, are really good, if they're made right) with every meal. The ones who want to do that are likely eating pretty standard amounts to begin with.

This conversation just got awkward. I'm out of here.

Love always,

Clara

P.S. "Conversation"? Who the hell was I talking to?

P.P.S. "To whom the hell was I talking?" would be more grammatically correct.

lefties in canada

I had a dream last night that some of the swiss kids and I were in a band, and someone offered us a record deal or something, but we had to make it to this party in Canada that someone was throwing for us. And I was in New York City with my family, and I figured, maybe I'd take the bus to Canada, but it's hard to find a bus to Canada. I wasn't even sure I was invited to this party though, so that was sort of awkward.

Then, for some reason, I had to become left handed, or maybe my mom did and I was just accompanying her, but in any case, we were sent to left-handed-training-camp, which involved... I don't remember. Climbing up something.

We learned about a boy who didn't have a left hand or something, or he couldn't be turned upside down, and something was going on with his teeth. I was told that his conversion to left-handed-ness took a lot of dedication.

There were magazines.

Love always,Clara

cougars

Me: Mom! I have standards!

Mom: Have you seen this show, Cougars? ... There's this mother on it, and she's always saying these horrible things to her son, and it reminds me of us.

Mom really didn't want me to blog that. Hah. We just skyped for a while. It was chill.

I just told David the story of why Grace should never have gotten into kindergarden. To get into kindergarden at our school, you have to know your phone number. I knew my phone number, so I got into first grade.

My mom knew that this was part of the standard rigorous-admission-procedures, and clearly she wasn't completely secure in my sister's abilities to really impress on this test. So she taught my sister a song of our phone number.

And in that critical moment, she hummed it.

And that, my dear readers, is why Grace got a good education. Lies and deception.

Quote without context-

David: Tiny David should have been a tiny-baby-model.

I'm telling David that I'm going to marry this kid I'm living with, since he's about the most adorable thing on the planet. Such a gentleman. He's in fourth grade.

David: I've dated my share of small children. But that was when I was a small child, so it was chill. Not like your situation.

So um, that's been today. I also finished my second book? Hooray for that.

Love always,

Clara

your rules do not apply to me

I'd talk about today, but I spent five hours at Greenberry's taking a math exam. So... there really isn't much to say. Except that there was a problem about the rate at which a coffee shop sold cups of coffee, and I giggled to myself, because I too was at a coffee shop, not drinking coffee.

I just wasn't feeling the coffee thing today.

I actually started the math exam at the school library, since I needed a heavy-duty printer to release the 32 pages of madness that is my final. I figured I'd stay there for a bit, since it is a good working environment. I started listening to music on my phone, too, just for entertainment and morale's sake.

Fifteen minutes later...

Librarian: Hi, what are you listening to?

Me: *Flashes phone. It was on pandora. I had essentially interpreted her question as a friendly gesture. So I was not expecting what happened next*

Librarian: Oh, I see, well, you can't listen to music in here.

Me: What?

Librarian: Yeah, you'll have to take your headphones off.

Me: Oh... Okay.

So... I left.

Seriously, what was the point of that?

I had no obligation to be in the library. If I don't like their rules, I can leave. And honestly, who am I bothering by listening to music? It's not like I was using those horrible earbuds that blast sound everywhere except the intended listener's ears (I've begun to hate those).

I think she took issue with my flamboyant headphones, actually. They're turquoise. And awesome.

I'm a senior anyway. Didn't the rules stop applying to me like, a week ago? Or like, a year ago? Do I even go to this school?

And that's why I went to Greenberry's.

Anyway, tonight was our induction into the Alumni Association, although we are not yet alumni. It was a pretty chill event- good food, some charitably brief speeches, a chocolate fountain. You'd think I'd be so over fondue, after living in Switzerland for shy of a year, but... no. No I am not.

We also filled out these surveys that we'll get back at our five year reunion. A time-capsule of sorts. I'm looking forward to it.

I feel like there were a lot of time-capsules that we've put together over the years, and I'm hoping that at least one of them is revealed at graduation. I love that kind of thing.

Speaking of time capsules and things that are similar, I found this website a while ago that lets you write emails to your future self, and they deliver it at the predetermined time. It's pretty sweet.

Now I'm going to watch the Gossip Girl season finale and go to bed.

I like senior projects.

Love always,

Clara

letting go

Reminds me of that Avril Lavigne album. Good times. Fourth grade.

Tonight was the "letting go" seminar, mandatory for seniors and "strongly recommended" for parents. My parents are far across the ocean so I am essentially a sad lonely orphan, but it was a pretty chill experience nonetheless.

They separated us into kids and parents at first, and had us all talk about what we would miss about the others, and what we wouldn't miss, et cetera.

Some highlights of that:

(parents will be in this color, seniors in this one)

Looking forward to...

• Getting my life back
• Eating the vegetables that I want to eat
• Getting L _ _ d

That last one was articulated by Mr. Y as "finding new ways to be intimate with others."

Afraid of...

• Big phone bills
• I hope my wife still likes me
• The "know it all zone" between 19 and 23

Sam: That's been my whole life!

John: We know, Sam.

• Homesickness
• Starving
• A bed that is too small
• Eating meals alone (an image that struck me as... poignant)

Going to miss about kids/parents...

• Trying to give advice to you
• Being kept up to speed on technology
• Someone to watch reality TV with
• Gossiping
• Mom's cooking and fine choice of vegetables
• Free money
• Pets

Not going to miss about kids/parents...

• Not having to cook vegan meals
• Texting
• "Rolling of the eyes"
• Unexpected visits with nothing to say
• Personal accountability
• False accusations
• True accusations
• Hugs (harsh...)

Advice for the kids/parents...

• Be attuned to life-altering changes
• Do not share a toothbrush
• Call your father every day
• Don't call all the time
• Get a hobby. Or a puppy.
• Get off my sibling's back
• Don't buy a house near school (only at Potomac...)
• Don't expect to hang with us when we're back.
• Don't get facebook.

Essentially, we students want to say, "Stay the hell away from us."

Thanks for...

• Having my back
• Gas money
• not sending me to NCS

Then we all wrote down things on index cards that we wanted our parents/children to know, and they were all anonymously read out loud. It was more sentimental. Except David's.

"I just want you to know... that you can't touch this. (Da na na na na na). Also, I love you"

Just brilliant.

Love always,

Clara

musicality

I realize my last.fm has been dead for the past few weeks. I've been mostly getting my music fix in the car lately (I'm back to making mix CDs! It's always reassuring to discover that some things have not lost their allure back here).

Anyway, I know you're devastatingly curious as to my music habits as of late, so here's a sample!

So yeah, that's what I've been into lately.

I acknowledge that this was a lazy blogpost.

Love always,Clara

universitat

I've been stalking my "Admitted Students, class of 2014" facebook group.

I'm loving it.

Isabella and I went to see a movie today, and found ourselves at Nordstrom's. She always recognizes the designers, knowing what's a rip-off of what, and all of that. She's got very expensive taste.

I have pretty cheap taste. Or, rather, I hope I don't look cheap, but I get so much more pleasure out of buying my gorgeous prom shoes at Marshall's for $30 than spending more money and taking the easy way out.

Anyway, we started talking about college, and how awesome it's going to be. Something about high school is very judgmental, she said. And I agree. Although, I pointed out, judgementalness doesn't end in high school. Crazy social constructs always exist, and probably always will.

That said, there's just something about high school.

I think I said that in Switzerland, I wasn't worried about people judging me.

And then I think I took it back, because obviously that would have been a lie.

More accurately, I had to be content with their judgments, because they were judging me based on the present. Whereas I feel like a lot of people at Potomac judge each other based on the past. I still remember who slighted me in seventh grade, and I'd like to say I don't hold it against them, but every once in a while... I don't know. Some people don't seem like they've changed.

But I'm sure they have! I know they have! And the only reason they don't seem like it to me is because I keep perceiving them the way they were!

So that's my fault.

And we're all victims of it.

I showed up here in first grade, and to some degree I'm paranoid that Dori still thinks of me as that girl in Ms. Hirsch's class who peed her pants.

Because I totally did, and I know first grade was probably too old to be doing that sort of thing, because Dori sure set me straight.

And I don't hold it against her! Really! But, for the unacquainted with K-12 schools, imagine having a whole lifetime to build up little insecurities.

When I was in lower school, I had this (seemingly valid) hope that Potomac would sprout a college, so that I wouldn't have to leave.

Can you imagine what a nightmare that would be?

So here's to college, and to being judged based on who we are (and not who we were), so that we really have no right to complain.

Love always,

Clara

homeless (with a harmonica)

I went to Old Town yesterday. Really don't know why I did that. Spent fifteen minutes pondering whether to break in to my old house (fools left their gate unlocked. Or rather, only locked on the old lock and not the new lock, so that I could open it if I stuck my arm through the bars. It's the way we used to do it, too. It's a good thing most criminals don't have bony wrists like mine and my mother's).

Knocked on the door instead. Had coffee.

It was weird.

I felt like a hobo, wandering in off the street. At least I was wearing a sundress. I don't think many hobos wear sundresses.

That happened to us once, a few months after we moved in. I was eight or nine, and we were moving something in or out or something, and the door was open, and this woman just wanders in. Said she owned the place. Very obviously didn't; she looked homeless or something, but she insisted that she used to live there, that it was her house.

I think the police were called, but I really don't remember.

Anyway, that was a weird experience. There's a 12 year old girl living in my room (the room that I redesigned, when I was twelve. Hot pink suits that age). They have a big dog. They have all our furniture.

I don't know why I expected it to look different. It didn't. It looked the same.

But it was someone else's house. I couldn't make myself comfortable there.

And that pisses me off. It's my house, goddamn it. I spent the better part of my conscious life there. I kept looking at the walls, thinking "Is this where I lived?"

Switzerland isn't home either, though.

And living in a basement in McLean certainly isn't.

Although all of these places are nice.

I'm basically homeless. I'm bouncing off of other people's houses. I don't like it.

Funny. Last year, around this time, I had my "I just want to leave everything and ride the rails" phase (that phase where everyone told me I would get raped. It was a great phase).

I was basically asking for this, but this isn't what I had in mind.

Bought a harmonica today, my third. I somehow forgot to pack one, and I've just been feeling the urge lately.

Me: Do you sell harmonicas?

Music Store Guy: Yeah, right over here. What'll you be using it for, mostly?

Me: Oh, you know, just those moments when you want to whip out a harmonica.

MSG: Alright, I know those moments.

I wasn't aware there was another use for a harmonica. I guess if you were in a band, you could use a harmonica in that band, and then you'd want something more serious than the six dollar "Pocket Pal".

I have a more serious harmonica. I just found it in my desk drawer one day last spring, after I'd bought my first harmonica at Barnes and Noble that time I didn't want to come home.

There were a lot of times I didn't want to come home. And now I want to go home but it isn't there.

Regardless, now I have a harmonica for use in the states. Hooray for that.

Oh, hey, you, after listening to my melodramatic rant, do you want to help out a friend of mine? Vote for this thing (click "gibt deine erste geborn" or something)!

Love always,

Clara

epic awesome indian food

It was an incredibly slap-happy evening. That's really the only way to describe tonight's events.

Eleni and I met up at school to drive over to her neighborhood (which I could have found with my Garmin, had I a Garmin in my new car, whose name is Benny, by the way. He's not actually mine; he came from the dealership. But we like each other. He's quite agreeable).

We end up meeting up with Claire and Jessica and Jill and going to get Indian food. I really like indian food. This worked well for me.

Jill had this really large umbrella.

Really large.

There were all of these hysterical can't-breathe-laughing moments at dinner, and all of them are escaping me. But I do remember that the sinks in the bathroom were brilliant. The water essentially cascaded down this glass disk, and then it felt like a massage on your hands. I have never encountered a sink about which I have had such strong feelings before.

(I realize I just went far out of my way to avoid ending a clause with a preposition [about], only to end the sentence with a preposition [before]. I really can't figure out a construction that avoids that problem without even more cumbersome awkwardness, so you preposition-nazis can just deal with it)

Jill revealed to us that she doesn't know what to do when people cry in front of her.

Jill: It's so uncomfortable! I'm like, 'Emotions? What am I supposed to do with this?'

Then we walked to this gelato/coffee/tea shop.

Jill: jananajajanajana

Me: What?

Eleni: Didn't you hear her George-of-the-Jungle story earlier?

Me: Oh yeah! Sorry, yeah, I was listening to that. I just didn't put the two together. It's so awkward when that happens and then the person is like "Oh, I guess you weren't listening." I have this purse... I got it at H&M...

Claire: What?

Me: Well... It's more of a clutch, I guess. I brought it to school for a while.

Claire: Oh, a purse! I thought you said... a curse! So I was like... H&M?

Claire had some problems with her hearing in general. And I had some problems with redundant statements.

Me: I like hoodies because hoodies have hoods!

Then we went to Barnes and Noble and sat on the floor and read books. I found one that helped me express my love for Jill as a daughter.

Me: Daughter, You are so special to me. Every time I see you, my heart is filled with joy... You are a very special gift.

Jill: ... Thank you.

(later)

Jill: I should get one of these so that I can express my emotions.

Then we read books about astrology.

Eleni: Clara, you and I would be a fiery passionate match.

Aries and Leo apparently are good for each other, although I really can't picture myself getting fiery and passionate with Eleni.

Me: THIS BOOK LOVES ME! THEY THINK I'M AWESOME! THEY'RE SO RIGHT!

Eleni: This book thinks I want an ornate Venetian mirror. Hm.

Katie and I used to read this intense horoscope book that she had when we were younger. It said that she and I, Scorpio and Aries, were both prone to head injuries. It was interesting.

I thought most of the descriptions of my birthday-horoscope were pretty spot-on though. The book said that my greatest challenge was "coming out of my shell" and that I was endlessly optimistic and fiercely independent, and that I didn't want a "submissive lover". Also, I tended to be detatched, and at my worst, I'm stubborn and a bit of a workaholic. I think that's true more for things I'm passionate/stressed about (e.g. Yearbook) and not so much for things that I see as frustrating wastes of time (e.g. Physics).

Very interesting stuff. I don't think there's anything to it, except the power of suggestion, but at the same time... it is a little bit uncanny, because those descriptions actually suit me pretty well.

All in all, a hilarious night. I'm enjoying this whole end-of-high-school thing.

Love always,

Clara

i better stay away from that plant

Yesterday I was looking at my genetic profile (thanks dad!) and discovered that I have higher than average odds of becoming addicted to heroin. I told Eleni this.

Just now, the Bio kids came out of their last class.

Eleni was carrying a plant.

Me: What's that?

Eleni: It's a poppy plant!

Me: Are you going to make heroin?

Eleni: Yes! And I'm going to give it to you, because you're so likely to get addicted!

Me: Oh no!

It was sort of the quintessential Eleni-Clara conversation.

I talked to mom this morning. They still have guests up to their ears. Including:

• Our old neighbors
• A woman who served on a board with dad, who was 80 years old, and got the flu while she was there.
• My aunt's friend from high school (?)
• The man who used to sell my dad clothes (??)

I really don't know how they're doing it.

I'm so happy to be done with APs. The latin kids are still stressing out about their last one. That was me last year... hah. AP Latin.

I still have a math exam though. Not an AP exam. Just an exam. Apparently the internet has dehumanized me to my online teachers, so they have no compassion for my senioritis-induced laziness.

Blah.

Love always,Clara

"darling I know what you are thinking- NO BLOGGING THIS"

This is essentially going to be a blogpost of things I'm technically not supposed to blog. First is a great quote from an email from my mother. They hadn't realized that if you invite a million people to stay at your house, you end up with a million people at your house.

Mom: We spend our days and nights whispering plots in the hallways and bathrooms figuring out how to get rid of the guests...

Last night we had the "Health, Safety, and Beyond" seminar. It was riveting.

The first hour was basically two alums telling us that college is awesome.

Alum: Drinking can be really really really really really... fun.

Then they took questions.

Taylor: So what are the weeknights like? Like, if you don't have work, you're not going to go to a strip club on a tuesday night...

Alum: Don't make assumptions.

We did talk about some pretty serious issues, though.

Person: What do you do if you don't like your roommate?

Alum: Kill 'em.

Then Ms. H and Mr. Y came out and told us that we should all get credit cards but shouldn't use them, and that we shouldn't drink in college, or that we shouldn't make "bad decisions."

That was all pretty enlightening as well.

They told us to keep what happened there confidential, but I'm not sure why. I don't understand why people want to keep things they say private, unless they're saying bad things about someone else.

Which I guess they shouldn't be doing anyway.

Love always,

Clara

i'm free!

At 11:50, I entered tutorial room 208. And at 3:37, I was done with high school physics forever.
Could not be happier right now.

John: I saw your golden sunglasses and immediately identified you, Clara.

I'm wearing my gold sunglasses today. I think they're pretty fly.

Jonathan: Look at you with your gold shades and your gold hair and your gold... sandals.
Me: And my toes! I'm matching!
Tom: You've always been golden to me.

I have missed my completely weird/dysfunctional relationship with Tom.

Tonight we've got a health and safety seminar for the college-bound among us. That's sure to be a bucket of laughs.
I'll keep you posted.

So happy.

Love always,
Clara

busy day!

Sorry for not blogging yesterday. Or the day before.

Friday I didn't have much of an excuse, except that I went to dinner with Cath and Isabella and Eleni and we were too busy eating hummus for me to blog. And I didn't bring my computer to school. I should do that.

Yesterday I had an awesome excuse, because I was literally at Isabella's house for about 2 hours between 9 am (when I woke up) and 10 pm (when we got home).

I woke up at Cath's, actually, which was chill. I drove over to Isabella's (I'm feeling so capable lately, with all of my driving around DC) and then we went to Tyson's and I bought a dress at Forever 21 that is blue and strapless and too short to wear to school. I'm considering that to be a good thing. I have quite enough dresses that are long enough for school.

So then we rolled back over to Cath's and I tried on said dress and Sam judged me but that's quite alright.

And then we had iced cappuccinos at Open City and freaked out the waiter with sketchy conversations and that was cool too.

And then Isabella and I went to Pasa Thai and ate dinner and then we went to see a horrible movie with some hilarious moments.

"The Back-up Plan" was based on a trashy novel. I know this for a fact. There was a brief period of time, that summer my family went to Spain, when I read a few trashy chick-lit novels, and they read exactly like this movie. The main character was sort of perfect but yet sort of annoying, and she had vast amounts of money that weren't really explained, except that she used to work in "the corporate world," except that it didn't fulfill her, and so she bought a pet store. Animal rights are discussed. Puppy mills are bad. Et cetera.

This morning we watched The Hills.

I feel so weird watching that show. It's sadistic, really. At the beginning, it was just watching random people's lives, which I found a little weird. Now, it's all about watching what happens to someone's life when you watch it; we're only seeing the effects of the reality show on these people, on the reality show. I feel like by watching, I'm helping to fuck up these people's lives.

What are they going to do when people stop watching?

Anyway, that's what I've been up to. I promise that when APs are over, I'll have more time to blog, and more to say. My reading starts soon, so that'll be nice.

Here's what I'm reading: The 10 Best Books of 2009

Love always,

Clara

munchkins?

My blog was plagiarized today.

Also, David and I went to the mall. It was insane. First we went to Urban Outfitters and looked at books and such and that was chill.

Then we decided we were hungry.

So we went to a place called "Fruity Yogurt."

We should have known that this place, with a name like that, would be an all-business yogurt store. We were far too frivolous for the liking of the yogurt-man.

David: Okay, how do we do this? The sign says 'Select your cup size'. I've never done that before!

[giggles]

David: What's the next step!?

[more giggles]

[visible eye roll from yogurt-man]

He was a bit hostile, honestly.

Then we went to Bloomingdale's and he bought a shirt, and the man ringing up the shirt asked whether we were dating. We're most certainly not, but we sort of look alike, which is why the man thought we were dating, apparently. He went on to say that he and his fiance look alike.

And then he went on to say that someone looked like a munchkin from the Wizard of Oz. We had to gather that this person was a guy, and his fiance.

So... he was a gay munchkin.

That's the story of my trip to the mall. Also, I bought white sunglasses. You know, the usual.

Love always,

Clara

problem: solved

There are some things that my parents are better at than I am. One of these things is throwing bitchfits. I think it's my mom, specifically.

I told them my AP situation.

And I took the BC Calc exam, at school, this morning.

Hooray. My rant was for naught. I'm not even disappointed for the sake of the rant; that's how happy I am.

(I will admit that sometimes when something bad happens, I rant about it here, and then if it's resolved, I'm a little bit sad because I liked the rant so much. This is not one of those times.)

The exam itself wasn't that bad. I wrote the college board more letters. I've stopped capitalizing their names.

dear college board,

I will not capitalize your letters. I can even spell things wrong. This may be childish, but I just need to convey how little respect I feel for you.

sincerely, Clara

I also drew some things. A banana, and a chicken hang-gliding over Lake Geneva. I wrote, "this is Switzerland. You should go there."

dear college board,

it is sunny outside and you may not ruin my mood.

sincerely, Clara

I spent the afternoon outdoors, chilling with a pretty random crew. Then I went into a tree to read Nietzche. I found it strangely fitting.

I had so many funny conversations today, but I can't remember any of them. It's a shame; I wish I could recount them here.

Oh, here's one.

David: It would be like yelling at a panda.

Me: Oh, why would you yell at a panda?

David: Because he's my AP Stat teacher.

Me: Oh.

Me: Douchetastic Senior isn't much like Douchetastic Junior I don't think. Douchetastic Senior is just like, 'oh yeah, there isn't a lot going on in my life' whereas junior is like "I AM SPECIAL!"

I really can't elaborate on that one, unfortunately, but I really liked those nicknames.

Me: Nick, do you not understand code words at all?

Nick: I do, but what would 'sex' be a code word for?

Me: No. [redacted] means sex. Seriously?

Nick: Ohhh.

There are so many more Real Conversations at this school.

Love always,

Clara

pissed off

So I came to this country to do APs.

Or, I came to this country to see my friends, under the guise of needing to take APs. I even arrived on saturday, so that I'd be semi-over my jet lag by tomorrow, the date of my first hypothetical AP.

Except, oh wait.

Someone in the bureaucracy did something wrong (shocker of the day). And now my APs start on May 20th. And end May 26th.

What the fuck?

Can I just say that I had no intention of knowing anything about physics or calculus by that point? I had scheduled a brain-erasing appointment on May 14th. I was excited for it.

And now, they insist that I keep my brain going for another two weeks?! Are they insane?! I can't retain this information. Its weight is bearing down on me already. It's going to fall, and I could either struggle to hold it up or I could let it drop now. I think that's what I'm going to do.

This is how I feel. This is how I am going to handle this.

Senior spring has been too hard and I am tired of putting myself under this pressure and I want to stop so that's what I'm going to do.

Anger anger anger. I legit wanted to cry when I got this new schedule. I told people I had to sneeze (which was also true) to explain the legitimate tears in my eyes.

Love always,

Clara

party in the u.s.a.

I'm back in my country!

Sorry for not blogging yesterday. I did a wee bit of babysitting before passing out at 8:30 or something. It was super.

Today was a lot of wandering around tysons, and getting a phone. I spent almost two hours in the at&t store. It was insanity.

Of course, I brought it on myself by not calling the bank and letting them know that I'd be in America and not Switzerland; their brilliant (usually wonderful) algorithms decided I'd been the victim of fraud and froze my credit card, so I had to call them and explain. It was super. I got to share all of this personal information in the middle of the at&t store.

Now I'm living with Isabella which is marvelous. We had dinner with Eleni and Katie tonight.

Katie: The beltway is really good for going from far places to near places.

Me: Yeah... Roads are great.

We went to a vegetarian restaurant.

I'm coming to school tomorrow.

Hooray for lots of things.

Love always,Clara