12.31.2008

Demetri!

So yesterday we went to this restaurant on the mountain, and we had to take like, a sleigh to get there. Our sleigh-supervisor man was this guy.
At first I thought he looked like Ed Westwick
Then he introduced himself.
"My name is Demitri, and I am from south africa, and I have wrestled a lion with my bare hands... No I haven't; I'm not that tough"
HIS NAME IS DEMITRI.
As in Demitri from Anastasia.
Or Demetri Martin, my future husband.
So I was excited.

Then, today, guess who is on our chair on the lift?
DEMITRI!
So after a couple minutes of awkwardness and trying to subtly take a picture, I comment that we're fifteen chairs from the top. Because I'm a dork and when I sit on chairlifts, I do chairlift math. I tell Victoria this. And, as I had secretly hoped, HE JOINS THE CONVERSATION.
And we had a fifteen second conversation about how I figured that out, and how if I'm REALLY bored, I time how long it takes for one chair to pass to get an estimate of how much longer I'll be on the lift.
He understood.
We're getting married.
And he snowboards!
And he's hilarious. 
And I'll never see him again... Alas. I want Vivian to know though, I found my demitri. Demitri the south-african charming snowboarder who likes numbers like I do.

Love always,
Clara

12.30.2008

Watching The House Bunny

Victoria says... "Oh, I have those shoes"

Real conversation from last night by the way...
Me and Victoria: *gossiping about seventh grade and hilariousness*
Victoria: Oh, the memories. There was this one really great time, but I don't remember
Shane: Must have been quite a memory.

Love always,
Clara

Life in the west

Went skiing this morning. Super fun but crowded.
Victoria boards. She's way faster than I am. That's fine by me, hoping it doesn't bother her though.
Then we came in, I showered, we had lunch, etc.
At lunch (with her mom and Shane, who I think is officially her mom's assistant) they were discussing liposuction. Kind of awkward?
Apparently, of all sorts of cosmetic surgery, lipo is the most painful. No one present knew from experience, but Shane said his friend's mother has had it all, and she says that liposuction was definitely the worst.

Something about the altitude exhausts me. Shocking, I know. What? Altitude makes people tired and thirsty and whatnot? No way!
But I'm definitely experiencing that firsthand.

Love always,
Clara

12.29.2008

Flashbacks!

Last time I was in Beaver Creek, my technology of choice was a pink Gameboy Color. I played pokemon on hot cocoa breaks. 
Now we're watching Family Guy and facebook stalking.

No one on the corner got swagga like us.

Love always,
Clara

Greetings from Beaver Creek!

I'm here in snowy Colorado. And it is AMAZING.
I love it here already.

The flight was a drag.
First I proved that I am a complete spastic idiot by spilling very hot coffee on a seat that wasn't mine. Thankfully it was empty, but still. I felt stupid. And why does Dunkin Donuts make its coffee so hot? And why do I always try to get coffee at Dunkin Donuts?
Answer: Muffins. Good ones
Then the second flight. O'Hare is amazing. As our pilot said, it is the "second busiest airport in the solar system." We got stuck in Chicago for a couple unnecessary hours... Some plane part wasn't working and they had to replace it.
I also got to sit next to an infant. Adorable... until he cried. Not exactly fun.

But then I got here and went hot tubbing and everything was good. So here I am with Victoria, watching Family Guy, and blogging it up.
You know how I do.

Love always,
Clara

12.28.2008

And I'm done!

Packed, prepared, jacket washed, phone charging, totally 100% ready. Sure, I'm going to realize at 5:14 tomorrow morning that I forgot something crucial... but for now I'm solid.
Now I'm trying to make a good airplane playlist. Downloading some songs...

I Know I Know I Know - Tegan and Sara
Adelaide - Old 97's
Ashes - Embrace
Smoke It - The Dandy Warhols
On Your Porch - The Format
Sway - The Perishers
Black Like Me - Spoon
The Underdog - Spoon
Legally Blonde - Legally Blonde: The Musical
Chip On My Shoulder - Legally Blonde: The Musical
What I Got - Sublime

Randomly enough, a lot of these songs came from a playlist of "Songs on Veronica Mars"
I don't watch Veronica Mars.
Although now that it has pretty great music, I might start...

I'm not sure to what extent I'll have internet access out in the frozen west, so this may be goodbye. 

Love always,
Clara

The packing process...


Step two: Make a complete mess of things.

Love always,
Clara

Packing


If anyone ever doubted the extent to which I am OCD...
This is what I do.
Note the drawing of the neck thing at the bottom. What are those called anyways? And who says I don't have a career as an artist?

Love always,
Clara

Oh, the friend of the small one.

She's downstairs.
Butchering Fur Elise. 
It's kind of killing me.

Last night I had this dream that my mom was at my old preschool (which was a church) talking to the church women (sort of like nuns, but not quite). She told me to set up a table outside with fruit or something. I stood outside for a moment contemplating the sidewalk, then ran back into the room and started yelling at my mom and the nuns. And I threw myself at a beanbag chair.
Then the nuns tried to look up my *old* blog (the secret one) by searching all of these phrases that they knew I would use (like 'Legit' and 'stupid idiotface') and they ALMOST found it.
Then my dad showed up across the street in his Kia and helped me get out of there, with my laptop. He was on my side.
It was a really weird dream....

Love always,
Clara

12.27.2008

Puppy thinks I'm weird



He's like our little space heater.
Also featuring: My mom's leg.

Love always,
Clara

Technology hates me.

I just spent too long fighting with this stupid dvd machine.
Watching 'Love Actually' with the girls. 
I'm a little bit lazy feeling today.
Hehehehehehehehe red tea-induced delirium. 
Don't mind me... I'm just over here rambling to myself... bleghhhh

Love always,
Clara

Maryland

We're at the summer house.
Grace is here with a friend of hers.
Mom is trying to solve our plumbing emergency (Note: Do not mess with water valves unless you know what you're doing).
Dad's at home with Kathy, but he'll be here soon.
Myself? Photoshopping things, facebooking it up, the usual.

It's cold here.
My room in particular tends to be cold.

Brrrr

Love always,
Clara

12.26.2008

A long build-up

A few years ago...
More specifically, a few summers ago, my room was really hot. To be honest, my room gets tremendously hot in the summer. Not so much now, because we got a new AC system this year, but whatever. I live on the top floor and it causes problems.
A few summers ago, it was while my sister was still living up on the top floor with me. She had a lot of fans. I couldn't sleep with fans on. They were noisy. Duh.
So I would sleep on the couch in the old family room (which is now my sister's bedroom). It was great. I could watch TV until 1 AM and no one would care as long as the volume was low. 
That was the room with the TV, stereo, DVD thing, video game thing (possibly two- we may have still had a gamecube in those days), etc. Lots of little lights.
I found that I like to make number patters out of the time, if it's really late at night, I'm trying to sleep, and semi-random numbers are thrown at me.
Example, right now-
10:01
It's a binary palindrome! awesome!
Anyway, the point is, this comic sure strikes a chord:

Love always,
Clara

Aunt Kathy on my education

Kathy: You're just sitting in there being quiet aren't you?
Me: Yep
Kathy: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing.
Kathy: Well what are you doing then?
Me: I'm reading a webcomic.
Kathy: Is it for school?
Me: ...Not exactly.
Kathy: You would do it for school, miss princess.

Love always,
Clara

I'd tap that.




Sometimes, when I feel like indulging my inner dork, I spend... oh, say, a couple hours... don't judge... looking at xkcd.com. I've seen every single one.
This has to be among my favorites though.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. if you can't see the last frame, make your window bigger. It's worth it.

Aunt Kathy is here

Mom is trying to sell her some board games.

Expect some pretty great quotes in the near future.

Love always,
Clara

flowers and flash cards?

I had a weird dream last night.
I was at school, doing something with the musical, or my english class, or something. They'd split the cast of the musical into two groups and we were studying for an english exam. Ms D, my english teacher, had given out flash cards to the other people, but not me. And they weren't flash cards, they were playing cards.
So I went with her to get my own deck of cards, but Carolina the freshman ended up showing me this random greenhouse in the english hallway. Apparently the flower I had planted didn't do very well. I was like "Oh, did I plant it last april? That makes sense then. I was angry last April"
Then I went back to the crossroads (a place in my school) and sat on the floor with the other musical people to study for this stupid english exam (which was going to be really hard by the way). We were all frustrated.
One person was sitting on the floor across from me. He said: Hm, we make sense together, don't we?
I said: Yeah, you've noticed that too? It's really annoying. It pisses me off.
Then my english teacher whisked me away again. I started running/flying down the english hallway for just about no reason at all. In fact, I kind of wanted to stop, so as to not weird out/intimidate my english teacher.
Someone was in a room that they weren't supposed to be in. I remember that too.
Dreams are so strange.

Love always,
Clara

12.25.2008

Interesting phenomenon

This morning, the facebook statuses were mostly "Merry christmas!" or "yay new iPhone! need your numbers!" or "loving the holiday spirit :)"
Generally happy holiday-oriented statuses. There's the odd athiest/jew/other random non-christmas person, whose status is like "very cold" or random song lyrics or something completely related, of course, but in general, happiness.
By the end of the day, say, 10 PM, the statuses sing a different tune.
"Emily has an extremely disfunctional family"
"Kelsey is wishing she liked her family more"
and the most dramatic...
"Liam is man f*** my family, f***ing drunkass passive agressive [sic] f***ers"

So I'm kind of getting the impression that the holidays are getting a little old...
Just an observation.

Love always,
Clara

Late Last Night...

IM conversations on christmas eve are fun...

"Maybe he doesn't want baby vishnu to know either?"
--Me. Can't really explain.

Real Conversation late last night:
[redacted]: Why cant he be a normal unconfusing boy 
[redacted]: and that would be that?
Me: hahahaHAHAHAHahahaha
Me: Boy?
Me: Unconfusing?
Me: what world are you LIVING in?

Love always,
Clara

NEWS FLASH

Facebook saves lives.

Wow. What a magical thing. It makes me want to facebook even more. I am an addict.

Love always,
Clara

Gotta run, but...

Downstairs, my mom is trying to reason with the dog.
"Now Chili, pretty soon people are going to come through the door. I don't want you to jump on them, okay? No jumping. I need you to be good, or I'll put you in the cage. Okay?"
Oh dear...
Anyway,

T-minus twenty six minutes

The christmas party countdown has begun.
Is this number three or four?
...counting...
Four.
And Five is tomorrow night.
And then I'll be done. But then there's New Year's, basically a crazy afterparty holiday. I'm excited about it. Although I'm going to be in Beaver Creek and have no idea what my plans are.
Regardless, something will be fun.
2009 will be fun.
This family madness, approaching in 25 minutes, is going to be fun. In its own crazy family christmas party way.
Later, christmas elves.

Love always,
Clara

I love christmas

Yayyyy!
Family stuff commences in an hour and a half. For now I'm stalling, trying on new clothes, etc. 
This morning we put eggnog in our coffee. It was delicious.

Random musing:
I'm on bumper stickers on facebook. There's one that says:
"There's only 
1 Way
2 Say
3 Words
4 You...
I Love You"
Is that seriously implying that the best way to confess one's love is facebook bumper sticker?
What is the world coming to?

That book of cryptograms I bought at the spy museum is actually really hard. But interesting. And I'm going to have some pretty freaking awesome synapses when the rest of you bitchesss have Alzheimer's. Oh snap.

Love always,
Clara

12.24.2008

CHRISTMAS EVE!!

I hear reindeer on the roof
Life is good.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Love always,
Clara

Christmas movies

Mom and I are watching a really dark christmas movie in french. Un conte de Noel. Very artsy. Very interesting. Not exactly jolly.

Dad's workout routine is kind of more intense than I had expected it to be...

Christmas party #3 tonight. Wish me luck facing the masses. Not that there's anything for me to face. I just don't like being surrounded by that many people. I don't know.

Love always,
Clara

Christmas eve

I just woke up. My dog was jumping on my head.
What a cutie.

Then my dad came upstairs.
Dad: We're going to church at 3.
Me: Since when are we religious?
Dad: Christmas. Remember?

I still need to buy some gifts, I realized recently, so I should go out and do that.

Love always,
Clara

12.23.2008

going through old things...

and this is what I find?



Love always,
Clara

Welcome to the holidays

Christmas party number two is coming up in a little bit.
I just picked up some holgapics. I'm kind of in love with that little black box.
Daphna went home. Vivian's been home since yesterday, and she had school today, because she's a loser. But then a pipe broke at her school or something so they got to go home. Which is pretty cool.
I'm pretty sure I'm seeing Vivian this weekend anyway so it's all good.

I just had a tall sugar-free vanilla soy latte. From starbucks. I have so many adjectives describing my coffee choice. I'm kind of proud of it. It's my drink.
At the Starbucks that I go to before school, where I meet Sasha so I can give her a ride, they know my order. It makes me feel special and important. I'm not ashamed to say that it validates me. Like the world is one big friendly thing wanting to accommodate me and my tall sugar-free vanilla soy latte desires.

Real conversation of the day:
Me: We're going to be late. Ooh, if we took a left here, we could go see Isabella
Daphna: Oh cool
Me: Except that to go see Isabella, we would have to drive to Florida actually. And then we would definitely be late.

Love always,
Clara

I have no desire to go to the dentist.

But, alas, I must.
Daphna has desire for me not to go to the dentist.
She's rambling about whether that's the opposite or not.
Regardless, it's messing with what used to be our awesome plans.

So we will go get lunch in Old Town and then go to the mall and then I have to go to this christmas party... Life's busyness is getting old pretty quickly. I'd rather chill in Georgetown as was the plan.

Whatever. I'm chewing gum and happy about it, and I'm going to drop off film, and everything is going to be good.

Love always,
Clara

STD charges apply?

I just set up a twitter for daphna. It's exciting.
Her friend with a really cool name said "No! Don't! She talks too much already!" but I think it will be a nice outlet for some of her random thoughts. Makes sense, right? Right.
Anyway, we set up the texting function and it sent a text back.
The text said that twitter was set up but that standard charges applied.
Daph reads the reply message and looks up.
"STD Charges apply"
We had a laugh.
Now she's twittering, apparently.

Love always,
Clara

12.22.2008

You mean sex?

My computer was having drama. Forgive my recent absence. But honestly I wouldn't have had time to blog today anyway.
9AM- Woke up
11AM- Went to the mall because I'd realized my computer (or rather, my charger) was having significant issues. Daphna and Vivian went to find a christmas gift for Phil, a camp friend who tends to find himself surrounded by girls (funny how that happens...)
1PM- Took the metro from the mall to dc. Met Phil at the metro stop, went to urban outfitters, went to the Spy Museum gift shop. Vivian bought handcuffs. I bought a book of cryptograms. I told them (Phil in particular was making fun of me) that when everyone was stupid and couldn't do cryptograms, they would have to come to me. Went to the Spy Museum Cafe place and drank LENINADE, which is like communist lemon soda but red. Then we walked to Union Station and went to Victoria's Secret. Phil was picking out things for Daphna to try on. I'm not joking. It was hilarious.
5PM- Went back to the spy museum, where Phil's mommy was picking him up. Ate chips at the Cafe place. Had dinner, the three of us, minus phil, at the Austin Grill. Viv had to go home. Daphna and I take the metro back to the mall and I drive home from there.
8PM- Returned to the mall to exchange my computer charger and not pay eighty dollars for a new one. Went shopping (just a little).
10PM- Went to CVS and the bookstore. Yum.

It is another very busy day

Daphna bought these really great chocolate truffle things at the mall. When I ate one, I said "This is sex".
We've been calling them sex ever since, and making some pretty dirty statements. Like, "Sex feels so amazing in my mouth" or "I wouldn't bring my sex to school, because everyone would want some"
You really need to try Lindt truffles- Stracciatella
YUMMY.

Love always,
Clara

12.21.2008

Busyness is sometimes really great.

Generally when that being-busy is due to super fun winter break things, and not like, homework, which is usually the cause of my being busy.
Today I'm busy because I took a train back home (with Vivian and Daphna who are now staying at Viv's house), saw Legally Blonde (the musical) at the kennedy center, and am now getting ready for this like, society Christmas Dinner/Dance. It's going to be fun if not a little pretentious. Whatever. I have a green dress to wear, so basically I'm happy. 
But I don't know who else is going except a couple people I'm not that tight with, so it might be just a little awkward.
I hope not. 
I hope I have fun and meet someone named Demitri. That would be hot.
Then after the party we're picking Daphna and Vivian up from Viv's and taking them home too so that we can all go into the city tomorrow for Daphna's birthday and meet up with other people (who better be coming, by the way), and have lots of crazy fun, and then continue the crazy busy christmas process.
For which I am really excited.

Legally blonde was great. Elle Woods reminds me of myself... The blonde bubbly person who's smarter than you would think based on first impressions? Yeah. Welcome to my life.

Love always,
Clara

12.20.2008

Real conversation at 10:14 AM

Me: Daph your phone is confusing. I tried to touch it but it wouldn't let me.
Daphna: So it's like men?
Me: No, men let me touch them.

Love always,
Clara

I wanna wake up where you are

I woke up to a giggling Vivian. She was reading Cosmo.
Now we're talking about Daphna's school and PSAT scores, and how Daphna's parents love vivian and I.

"Vivian, he says you're all elbows"
"What does that even mean?"

Quote without context-
Daphna: I should go to cover-stealage rehab! It's not funny!

The crazy text conversation I was having last night continued in craziness and interesting unexpected twists. It was good. But we were all very tired and so I'm thinking that we were also less inhibited.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Crazy things happen when I'm very tired

Daphna- I love when clara tries to speak german, and I like when vivian makes sketch comments
Vivian- I don't make sketch comments, I make truth comments!

Love always,
Clara

12.19.2008

I am with the coolest people ever... again

Vivian and I are at Daphna's house.
It's freaking awesome.
Vivian stole my phone on the train and had a tremendously inappropriate conversation with a certain ex of mine. I usually wouldn't disclose that information, but it's important for context. I try to separate my internet life and my personal past dramas.
Real (absolutely real) conversation of the day:
Me (but not): No i was legit serious
Him: I'll take you up on that
Me (but not): When im back from jersey?
Him: Exactly. When and where, babe.
Me (but not): My house. Things can be arranged.

He claims he knew it wasn't me. But who can be sure?

Quote without context:
"You'd say, 'yo, digs, drive in the hood, yo'"

Ann was on our train, randomly enough. she was going to a squash tournament. Vivian didn't know squash was a sport. It was funny.
The people on the train thought we were crazy. They were probably right.

I have a giant chart of who has herpes...

Love always,
Clara

12.18.2008

Alone in the library.

Does that make me the biggest loser ever?
Don't answer that.

Conversation of the day:
Person: Wow. Do you ever just like, love yourself? like think, Self, I am so awesome!
Me: Are you serious? ... Yes. Yes I do.
Note that this was not so much flattering, as the guy was talking about himself. I hadn't realized until I typed it that it looks like it could be interpreted differently. It wasn't.

I have another hour here... Anyone know a top-notch way to waste time?
What am I complaining for? Wasting time is kind of my number one talent. I'll think of something, and I'll enjoy it, damnit.

Love always,
Clara

Quotes without context

"Oh what luck! I'm always getting clothes" ---Anneka Wilson, age 6

Love always,
Clara

Winter Lights

We basically just had our winter/christmas/holiday assembly, and it has filled me with tremendous love for anything and everything related to the people who just crossed that stage and the notion of the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty thoroughly secular, but I'm still just about dying for it to be christmas already. Who says you have to believe in god to believe in santa?

We just had very short musical practice, because half the people decided not to show... or rather, Mr. R told some people that there was no practice.
Some people had soccer practice.
We made fun of those people... Well, that's the way it goes. If you're going to play soccer like that, you have to anticipate the consequences.

Quote without context: "You guys, if you go to soccer practice over winter break, be sure you wear your protective gear" -- Mr. B

Now I'm sitting by the fire in my school's giant living room. Some kids are playing ping pong. I feel warm. Seniors are around doing senior things... essentially, nothing. I'm jealous.
Not that I'm doing much either. But I wish I could be a nothing-doing senior.

All the alums are back. I want to go and hug all of them but instead I'm making eye contact with none.
That's a lie. I just tried to wave to one. And shouted his name. And I don't think he heard me, or just ignored me, and so I'm going back to my admiration-from-afar.

I'm wearing a santa hat and a feather boa. Life is good. 

Just tried to wave to the alum again. It is making me very insecure that he won't respond.

Love always,
Clara

12.17.2008

Procrastination is my best friend

I like random indian lentil dishes. Random indian chickpea dishes, on the other hand, are very spicy. Although to be honest, I like them too.
And spicy food stimulates your metabolism, so what now bitchessss?

A little bit ago my dad and I decided I was going to run in the special election for the general assembly (our guy just resigned).
Turns out you have to be a registered voter (a.k.a. over 18). Damn.

Real Conversation with my dad just now:
Dad: So you could have easily won that election. (The turnout was really low)
Me: Yeah it's a shame you have to be a registered voter to run for general assembly.
Dad: Psh, yeah, what a silly rule.
Me: One of the many times I've wished I were legal... Oh to be a voter!

I DO NOT WANT TO DO MY SCIENCE HOMEWORK.
So I will take a shower and sing about wassailing. 

Mr. R told us today to talk to ourselves in haitian accents. I plan to do this as well. Maybe I'll write my science lab in an accent. That would be cool.

This kid Conrad who is legendarily smart says that when he's writing labs, he puts secret messages in them. He inspires me.
Maybe I'll do that. Anything to make the job a little less tedious.

To be honest, it might make my work better. A thing in creative writing I learned is that when you have constraints (such as meter, acrostic, secret code, etc), it makes you more articulate... you have to get to the point.

So. I'll do that.

Love always,
Clara

real conversation at 8:14 AM

Mama Latin: You're the papa, I'm the mama. I'm hugging you emotionally
Otherkid: I like... French soldiers

Love always,
Clara

12.16.2008

TV on the internet

Yeah there are ads, but it's everything in one place for internet-tv junkies such as myself.
And I've heard some people can't watch House online because the Fox player doesn't work for them?
Hoping this will help ;)

Love always,
Clara

weirdness.

Oh, it's that time of year again.
I love this kind of thing.

Love always,
Clara

Home.

I Have A Sinus Infection.

Make of that what you will.
I'm sitting around at home though... which is exactly what I have been needing. As if I didn't get enough of that this weekend. But I am a person who needs time to do very little.

Although now I'm getting antsy. I am contemplating hitting up target for some christmas shopping.
Maybe not. It's kind of rainy and I feel lazy.

Love always,
Clara

12.15.2008

She's at it again...

Julia Allison has insights.
Or a stunningly familiar lack thereof.

Love always,
Clara

Hand back day

is a day filled with stress and emotion. It really drains me. 
I try, legitimately, to avoid stress and excessive emotion about the whole thing. But then the people around me get stressed out and emotional and it gets to me. Can't help it.
So ugh.
I got four exams back today. They were four that I hoped to do well on. The two I get back tomorrow are a little more questionable. Latin I'm sure I did fine, or it can't bring down my grade too much anyway, but English I need an A. And I'm not sure I got it.
Well, I'll find out. Tomorrow.

There is a lot of stupid drama regarding that chem lab that may or may not have been due today. Whatever. I've done most of it, so worst case scenario I can get it to him tomorrow and be late like the other half the class. No big deal.
At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

Real conversation of the day-
Shivani: I'm so hungry, I could... eat something.
Mr. H: Wow.

Love always,
Clara

12.14.2008

This week...

...is going to be completely pointless. After exams, before winter break, what could we possibly learn? Nothing. We'll forget it all.
But doubtless some teachers will try... poor, misguided souls.
I'm hoping there's just going to be a lot of holiday spirit. Abundant jingle bells, CANDY CANES, et cetera.
I'm thinking, actually, that there was supposed to be some kind of candy cane community service sale thing that should be starting up right now. Exam week probably threw it off. But I'm excited about it so it better still be happening.
Think Mean Girls candy cane sale, but without all the crazy psycho drama.

Today there was evidence that people read my blog. I mean, I put a link on facebook, so it shouldn't surprise me that much, but regardless it was a good feeling.
I said something once about making stickers and sticking them places. I think I'll do that.

Love always,
Clara

Dreams are peculiar

I had a dream last night. It was weird.
In this dream, I was again in the presence of a person whom I had been missing a lot yesterday. But things were kind of weird, although he said that as long as clouds were white and we were together, we could be... together. Which makes sense in the context that I'm not giving you.
Then I went to the Gap outlet in princeton with Daphna and tried on dresses that just didn't function the way dresses are supposed to. And the guy at Gap was hitting on us.
My dad explained to me how he intended to rearrange the gym at princeton, to maximize the space for one thing or another. I don't remember.
Isabella and I were on a train, and we moved from one car to another.
Then I got married, to a different person than before. And I was like "Wow, we're married. I can't imagine it... but at the same time I can". I remember adding the last part because I didn't want to give my new husband the impression that I was unsure about our holy union. But I was. The whole time I was looking around the church, wondering where this other kid was.
It was curious. All very curious.

Love always,
Clara

12.13.2008

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Saw that with the fam tonight. I was going to go to the basketball game, but then decided not to. We lost anyway, I heard. The movie was exciting, if not the epitome of logical plot development.
My dad and I were joking around the whole time...

Movie: *FBI team descends on astrobiology professor's house, needing her help on a super important top secret mission*
My dad: That's what happens when you major in science.

Love always,
Clara

Rasa Boxes

Theater thing this morning... intense.
8 emotions with crazy sanskrit names- Raudra, Vira, Karuna, Hasya, etc 
Anger
Love
Comedy
Strength
Sorrow
Fear
Disgust 
Surprise
Try going through each of those 100% all in a row. Over the course of like, twenty minutes.
That's what we did.
It was great, actually. It made you really completely dedicate yourself to that one emotion, even when other things were going on (other people were doing different ones at the same time).

But emotionally exhausting. 
Now I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week video- december 08


Song: We are birds - Chris Ayer
He went to my school, actually. Came to sing for us last year. Every girl in the room fell in love. 
Anyway, this is what I do.

Love always,
Clara

12.12.2008

Exam week: Part five

THEY'RE OVER!
YAY!

Today was fun actually. Chem was not bad. The first problem was not kind. The following eight or so were just fine.
Two hours of chorus is strangely relaxing in the morning, especially when you get to sing raucous drinking songs.
"Wassail and wassail all over the town
Our cup it is white and our ale it is brown
our cup it is made of the good ashen tree
and so is the malt of the best barley!"

Or rather, "happy holidays! Give me alcohol!"
In jolly song form.

Just watched 21. That is a good movie. I enjoyed it. 

Okay bye. Stuff to do tomorrow. Need sleep.

Love always,
Clara

12.11.2008

Secret of the dy

I hte my mom's computer becuse it cn't type the letter 'a' unless you hit the key relly hrd. But it's kind of stisfying knowing mine doesn't do tht.

Love always,
Clara

Christmastime is here...

Just assisted in the tree-decorating process. Love that process. I do the gold strings of beads: they're my specialty. 

We do this thing where we wrap lights around the star. For some reason, it doesn't have the same effect this year. Real conversation:

Grace: *puts star on tree, covered in lights (and green wire- I think that's the problem)*
Mom: It looks like Auschwitz.
Me: Wow. That was the worst Christmas simile ever.

We spent a solid four minutes discussing how incredibly wrong it was to compare our christmas tree star to aspects of a concentration camp.

Later, my mom is trying to pinpoint what is wrong with this decoration she tried to make. It's holly or something in a vase filled with water. Real conversation:

Mom: It's like a fetus in a jar.
Me: Wow, that was the second worst Christmas simile ever.

Sometimes I wonder whether she has like, Alzheimer's or something. That woman...

What chem exam? I'm watching the office.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part four

Physics and Latin were today. Physics legitimately took me 45 minutes (out of 2 hours) and after checking over several times, I drew something elaborate. I'll upload a picture of it if I get a chance. I was proud of my handiwork.
Latin wasn't too bad either. I wrote like, four pages (about catullan poetry, no less) and my hand wanted to fall off. The thing about me and writing is that I write big. Which means my hand has to exert a lot of energy. But if I try to write smaller, I end up tensing up my hand, and that makes it hurt too. So... I just scribble.
Curiously, my hand doesn't cramp up when I'm doing elaborate doodles.

I just watched a bunch of my footage from yesterday and today. Legitimately, watching my grade do nothing and screw around like that gives me faith in humanity. I'm not sure why, but I find myself giggling like crazy with tears in my eyes when I watch this stuff. 
Especially the old ones. I have a nostalgic disposition, I suppose. But watching the exam week video from freshman year, I almost always get thrown into some kind of crazy mental state.

Tomorrow I am among the nerdy few who have to take a sixth exam. Actually there are a lot of us. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. And if that weren't cool enough, I get to go to a two-hour-long chorus practice in the morning.
At least I'm going to get bagels with the Strings kids. That should be fun. I like bagels, and I like the strings kids.

Love always,
Clara

12.10.2008

Real conversations on the phone

I should have been sleeping. Or studying. But I was on the phone.

Isabella: He friended her sister?
Me: Hm. Well, I friended Daphna's sister, and we're getting married in sea world.

Love always,
Clara

Ironic?

I just figured out the etymology of 'procrastination' all by myself.
pro- for
cras- tomorrow
I was procrastinating on facebook (I know. But it's being nice now. So I've forgiven it), and I started thinking about... I don't even know. And suddenly it jumped out at me.
Ironically, procrastinating has lead me back to studying for latin.
Curious. The world is probably trying to tell me something.

Love always,
Clara

lolcat just learned the meaning of 'nefas day'


This cracks me up, mostly because it reminds me of myself when my allergies go crazy.

Love always,
Clara

OH FACEBOOK!

I am pissed off. I will not go into why. But for those who will understand what I mean, the anger stems from a blatant disrespect of vegetarians from certain meat products.
That's right.
I shouldn't blame facebook. I'm shooting the messenger. I brought this on myself, thinking "oh, I'll just take an innocent study break, I wonder what [person] is up to at college?"
Oh dear.
Whatever.
I feel like Maggie the fictional character from my novel. She once said "Facebook will be the death of me"
I am her.

Funny thing happened today. Sam called me a dork. I was twittering, and he said, "Clara, I'm beginning to think you're a dork. I mean, you twitter, you have a blog, you write novels... if you were a guy, you'd have glasses and your name would be Francis"
I couldn't exactly argue. Except that if I were a guy, I'd still have perfect vision.

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part three

English- done. rocked it.
I love it when they give you an essay question you can get excited about. Like, "Oh snap, Dimmesdale DID want to be caught on the scaffold! He would prefer ignominy to torturous guilt! You go Nathaniel Hawthorne!"

Took more interesting video today. This is going to be an exam week video to go down in history.

Latin and Physics tomorrow. Tomorrow will probably be the hardest day. I really ought to get to studying, but I'm too busy reading Julia Allison and thinking about college. Not that I think about college. Because I'm a junior.
But... I want to go. Now. Please. High school is retarded.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living on "The Hills". Life is so much more dramatic than it needs to be. Ugh.

Went to Madison Deli today. Or rather, drove to Marvelous Market thinking "Oh, I'm going to the sandwich place that begins with the letter M. Of course it is Madison Deli" and then arrived wondering why I was in the wrong place. Then I realized I'd never even been to Madison Deli and had no idea where it was. Cath and the GPS to the rescue!
We made it, but Isabella and Katie thought we were retarded.
I'd rather be retarded than a McLean native. I'm sorry. I would die if I became any more familiar with that place.

Love always,
Clara

12.09.2008

Oh wow. That woman

Real conversation with a woman who is clearly not my mother, or fit to be anyone's mother at all-
Me: Oh no! House and Gossip Girl are scheduled to be on at the same time in January! Alas!
Strange Woman: It will be like... an orgy of multiple affections!
Me: ... wait, what?

I've decided on the song to use for this winter's exam video
We are birds - Chris Ayer
I was thinking Love Today - Mika, but this one fits the theme better.
The theme being: There is something in the world better and more interesting than exams, but this is what we've got, so we're going with it and enjoying it if it kills us.

Maybe I shouldn't pluralize. I might be the only one. This worries me.
My generation has a lot of stress. I want to like, snap them out of it. But I'm kind of powerless at this point... which is incredibly frustrating.

Love always,
Clara

The thing about school...

... is that it gives you a sense of cycles. You get stuck in this theory of loops. Years repeat. Every fall is more or less the same. Every winter is more or less the same. Every spring is more or less the same. Every sentence is more or less the same. You see?
But what happens when circumstances are irrevocably changed?
I have this weird impulsive thought that says: this winter is last winter is the winter before.
But it's not.
It's definitely not.

The shuffle function on my ipod knows too much about my personal life.
It makes me a little nervous. How does Apple get this information?
Are the computers safe?

Love always,
Clara

Exam week: Part two

History- not bad
Math- not bad either
English- tomorrow
I'm one-third done with my exams. Usually at this point I'm 40%, but this year I'm taking 6 classes... which means six exams. Chem is on friday afternoon... but it won't be that bad. Not to be annoying or anything, but I'm pretty good at chemistry.

Besides the exams, today was kind of bad. Is that backwards?
I wanted to go home at like, 2:30, so I went to the transportation office to see if I could get a ride to the junior parking lot (which is like, two miles away... I'll explain in a sec) and not only does the transportation guy say no (which I would understand), but he laughs at me. Not cool. So I was like "oh okay sorry" and turned around and walked back and I kind of wanted to cry. I hate it when people are randomly mean to me. So I got back to the building and I was like "I HATE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT, SO I'M GOING TO STEAL SOME PEANUT BUTTER FROM THE PANTHER PIT". Which I did. It wasn't really stealing, seeing as the peanut butter is free, but usually it's assumed that you're going to buy something with it. I didn't. I just took the little cup of peanut butter and left.

The thing about the parking lot:
My school is in a neighborhood. Or actually, a neighborhood was built around my school. School was there first. Used to be surrounded by farmland, now surrounded by moderately-priced homes. All well and good. Except that the people who built the houses next to the school don't like the fact that there is a school next to their houses. So they complain about the traffic to the city. If we were a public school, the city would say 'okay deal with it', but we're not, so they can get mad at us, instead of the whiny residents. 
So they set a limit on the number of cars that could drive onto campus each month. And we failed. Consistently.
So now the juniors have to park at this church a couple miles away and take a bus to school from there. Which usually isn't that bad, but sometimes the shuttles decide... not to exist. And that's when you're standing in the cold for twenty minutes trying to get a ride to your car that should be on campus anyway. Or wanting to go home because you have no reason to be at school, and being laughed at by the mean transportation man.
Grrrrrr.

Whatever. House is on tonight. I should study for latin before that happens.

Love always,
Clara

12.08.2008

Exam week: Part one

I just wrote a song in the style of 'Robot Love'. I can't tell you exactly what it says, but I can reveal that it has to do with boy scout camp, pedophilia, and things in common.

Today was review day.
i.e. stress out about exams day.

Tomorrow the real fun begins. APUSH (history) and Acc Precalc. Sweetness.
I'm going to make a video, like I always do. And it's going to be awesome.
Any song suggestions? I need something that says: Hey we all think we're going to die, but the thing is we're not, so let's chill out.
For the video, of course.
Although if you have random music suggestions too, I would very much like that.

Here's my plan for tonight:
4 to 4:30- waste time
4:30- study for history (go over old notes)
5:30- eat dinner
6:00- study for math (retake parts of old tests, finish making notecard)
6:30- study for history (go over flash cards)
8:00- watch gossip girl
9:00- take shower, go to bed, get good night's sleep

Which gives me half an hour of math studying and two and a half of history studying.
If that's not enough, it's the teachers' fault, not mine.
I should be retaining this stuff. Otherwise what is the point of education? If the information couldn't stick with me for two months, there's no way it's going to stick around for the rest of my life. Hell no.
I'd prefer to get something meaningful out of my education, thanks. like, idk, knowledge?
So we'll see. I can't imagine exams will be that bad.
They're overhyped.

Today in the car, I listened to the first car-mix-cd I made this school year. It was a lot of songs from nantucket and other such things. It put me in a glorious summer mood. I plan to keep that cd in my car for possibly the next week.

Love always,
Clara

12.07.2008

Things I have learned today

I am Strawberry ice cream, a Realistic Romantic, 32% nerdy, the Ace of clubs, 79% creative, an Intense kisser (really?), 12% Capitalist, a Blueberry popsicle, and a Frappuccino.
On top of that, my true love's name is Chad and I should learn Swedish.
Chad always kind of reminded me of Chucky's dad's name on Rugrats. Maybe his name was Chaz. But still.

Internet quizzes=best procrastination ever. No question

Love always,
Clara

P.S. Is it ironic that instead of studying, I took the "Could You Pass High School" quiz and got an A+? I think it proves studying would be a waste of time. I know what I'm doing!

Thoughts on Secrets

The other night Isabella told me to tell her a secret. I almost wanted to get my laptop, pull up my blog, and say 'read'.
I don't have many secrets that I can keep. I can keep other people's secrets pretty well. My own, not so much. I don't see the point.

I have a vivid memory of this conversation in third grade
Me: *says something to myself*
3rd grade crush: Are you talking to yourself?
Me: ...... yes....
3rd grade crush: *gives me a really weird look*
Me: *turns approximately the color of a tomato*

Secret of the day: I talk to myself all the time.

It was at that point I realized it probably wasn't normal to talk to myself, and should try to keep it to a minimum. It's really hard though.

It's that impulse to write. To document. To remember. I remember things better if I can say them out loud. Speaking, writing, it assigns a certain chronology to things that could have bounced around in my mind, orderless, for days.

Love always,
Clara

Games

I have found that the older I get, the less I feel the need to play the games.
When the games are silly social structure things, that's great.
When I accidentally classify exams as games (which they are), it's not so great.
There will come a time when I can write off exams as silly games. That time hasn't come yet. I need to remind myself of this.

Love always,
Clara

12.05.2008

Pre-studying sleepover!

Yayyy!
I'm at isabella's. We were going to go see Role Models but ended up seeing Four Christmases for a variety of reasons. I thought it was going to be terrible but... I really enjoyed it. It was funny. I was laughing. It was stupid, yes, definitely, but it was funny.

Then we came home and watched youtube videos of the guy who plays Jacob in Twilight.
Every male in that movie is dead sexy.

The extreme academic party starts tomorrow. At 1 PM. I swear. to. god. This must happen. Right after I go to the bookstore and CVS and maybe the toy store to buy a stuffed dog to keep in the drawer in the chemistry classroom. There's this drawer on the table at which I sit, and about a month ago, I thought (and of course immediately said out loud), "Wouldn't it be great to have like, a little puppy to keep in this drawer?".
Mr P said today that he was glad I wasn't stressing out about exams. He said I'd be fine, probably. As much as that's great to hear, it doesn't ease the fear that I'm not stressing enough.
Is it possible to stress out about your lack of stress?
Does that even make sense?

Mr P also said today that his daughter thinks I'm nice. He said I'm giving off good energy or something. Which is awesome. I'm glad people think I'm nice, especially awesome freshmen such as Mr P's daughter. I've decided it's important to be nice to freshmen (except the obnoxious ones) because they are the future.
Or something cliche like that.
Point is that I don't want them to hate me, because they're the ones who will basically be our legacy. There's a certain bond between the 2-year-age-difference years. Like, my grade and the seniors last year, we were tight. And those are our freshmen.

Love always,
Clara

i am hungry

And I'm sitting in history class.
Then I have physics.
Then I have to wait for the other lunch block kids to eat while I talk to Mr. P. 
And there are chocolate letters being distributed, and I bought one, but I haven't been able to pick mine up yet.
And I want one.......

Grr.
I'm going to see a movie tonight though.
Then studying for exams.

Love always,
Clara

12.04.2008

What an interesting drive home...

So I was thinking about big scary storms, because in musical practice we had just done this exercise where basically you run around in the dark listening to thunder noises.
And in relation to that game, a friend of mine told this really intense story about a rainstorm (can't go into detail) and how that's why he's religious.
So I was thinking about God too. Or something.
And I was thinking about college, because we got our PSAT scores yesterday, and another friend of mine says she doesn't want to tell anyone where she's applying until like, june of senior year. At first I thought that was silly, but today I realized, that's the kind of thing you have a right to keep private. It's your future
So I was thinking about my future, and I was freaking out. Like, I was driving, but I was basically paralyzed. Eyes on the road, breathing in and out, all I could do. And I see these leaves blowing around in the road the way they do in the wind, and with the headlights on them they looked like... spirits or something. And usually I'm comforted by the community of the road, but today it was like all the brake lights were angry at me.
So I was freaking out.

When I freak out, I go existential. It's all up to my perspective. So I thought, 
Don't stress about your future. Tell yourself it doesn't matter.
But then I thought,
Hey wait no! I want my future to matter!
And then I thought about God again, because I had religion on the brain. And I thought,
If you perceive God, he exists. For you. And from an intangible thing like God, that's all you can ask I guess. Maybe I'll try this. Hm.
So I tried to say something to God. (Yes. That's right. I talk to myself in the car. All the time, actually). So I said "Hello God. Are you there? I don't think so... Oh well."
But then I realized, I'm not a christian. So that wasn't going to work. But I am a secular humanist, and I believe in the general goodness of the human population, with very few exceptions. So I figured I'd talk to that.
"Hello, good thing. World. Hey there. We've got some issues. I think you're pretty cool, this is established, but I have... a list of demands.
one- Please tip the odds in my favor. That would be greatly appreciated.
two- Listen to me. This is really for  your benefit. I have some pretty interesting things to say. So give me a medium, please?
three- Get your act together. I can't be happy, no one can be happy if people are dying and polar bears are melting or whatever. So that's not okay.
four- Find me love, please. You put me here in this weird weird position of high school. Fix it.
Overall, I trust you. I do. Really. But you need to step it up, because I'm expecting a lot from you. You can do all this."
I don't think people are that confrontational to God. God would get pissed. I have a general inclination, though, to think the world can't hear me, so I'm just about safe from its wrath.
I guess the internet is the world.
Maybe all of these two hundred some posts so far have been prayers. Prayers and bulletins.
The blog is my friend. The world-good-thing is my best friend, who I can be mean to occasionally, only if it's being an idiot. 

That may have been more of myself than I wanted to reveal... but it's too late now. I've typed it, I thought it out, and I am not ever going to hit backspace on that little rant.

Love always,
Clara

Secret of the day

Sometimes it makes me nervous how well particular people know me.

Love always,
Clara

Grapes!

Real conversation. As real as it gets
Isabella: I hate soft grapes.
Me: Me too. I like them hard
*We giggle*
Me: I only eat them if they're hard
*We giggle more*
*Isabella looks at me with disappointment*
Me: Oh, I love doing that... MAKING COMMENTS, I mean
*We laugh for like, half an hour*
Isabella: *snorts in laughter*

This is what happens when we eat grapes.

And this is what happens when we get crazy in latin class (which is every day):
Mama Latin: *writes on board*
Mr C: Fas and Ne fas?
Mama Latin: Yeah, I've just appointed myself pontifex maximus

later...
Mr C: What do you find between an elephant's toes? Slow-running Romans!

Now I'm sitting in the crossroads and the students are diffusing in the space like gas molecules in a vessel. If it weren't so cold in here, we would have an increased temperature.
Exams are next week. Prepare for some hidden studying in the form of excessively nerdy comments (like that one).

Love always,
Clara

12.03.2008

Almost nine

It cannot only be wednesday. I am exhausted. This is not fair.
And exams are coming up. Shoot me please?

Today in musical practice we played several games including near-excessive physical contact. At first I was like "hey this is weird" but then I realized we are a family. Or, we will be, by the time Mr B's done with us. And that's what I love about it. So yeah, two guys were on top of me... at once... but it's all in the name of ensemble building.

Real conversation
Tom: I'm hungry. Clara, are you food?
Me: Only to cannibals, and I'm almost sure you don't swing that way.
Tom: I'm really hungry though. Can I eat you?
Me: Hm. I'd prefer you didn't. But you can eat Kylie if you want.
Kylie: Hey!

So I was sitting on the bus to the parking lot writing on a post it note various notes to myself, such as what to blog about. The list was pretty weird without context. Here is the list:
-Wednesday
-Physical Contact
-Cannibalism
-Weirdness of List

Love always,
Clara

Problem solved

On November 12, I wondered what the third line of Elgar's "As Torrents in Summer". Well, as if to answer my prayer, Mr. R has decided to have us sing that song again this year. We sang it today. The third line, the one I couldn't remember is "Half-dried  in their channels".
I love that song. So much. It is among the most sunny hopeful songs I know.

What just happened (I'm sitting in History)
Ms. M: James, you have a big smile on your face.
James: Is there something wrong with that?
Ms. M: No, I was just wondering
James: It's afternoon in America, you know?

And just now:
Ms. M: They began sexual division of labor. Oh wait, I should rephrase that.

We laughed.
Also, Mr. R brought up "suddenly rice" again. I cracked up, just like I did six months ago... the last time he made a sudden-rice joke.

Love always,
Clara

12.02.2008

Secret of the day

Homework? What homework?
I did none tonight. Not that I wasn't assigned any, I just didn't do it.

Love always,
Clara

Real Conversations in Chem

Mr. H: What can excite electrons?
Person1: Heat
Person2: Light
Person3: Electricity
Grier: Jill's hot looks.

Love always,
Clara

All in the family

I spent an unusual amount of time hanging out with the sister today. I had one requirement, or I would threaten to go upstairs and (shock and horror) do my homework. She had to sit. She likes to pace, but it makes me nervous and it's hard to hear her and I can't tell if she's paying attention. So I made her sit.
She did.
Then I explained some chemistry to her and we talked about how to build a bomb.
Hypothetically. And I feel like that's a dangerous thing to say on the internet.
Disclaimer: I did not intend to actually build said bomb. We were just discussing what would happen if you turned on all of the gas faucets in the science wing and lit a match... which only sounds more suspicious... point is, we aren't actually going to do it. I promise.

Mom made a blog today. Or rather, I made it for her, but it was her stylistic input, so she gets a little credit.

I was at school for all the daylight hours today. Drove over in the blue hour, drove home at dusk. It's a strange feeling, knowing you might be wasting your life reading The Scarlet Letter and reviewing trigonometric identities, hidden from that daylight.
But I must admit, driving to school before the sun rises is an amazing feeling. I don't know why, but it is definitely the highlight of my tuesday.

I was looking at colleges' websites the other day, and one mentioned getting up early to walk to class in the snow, and how sometimes that sucks. But I kind of think it would be cool. I got an image of myself stepping out of the dorm and seeing snow on the ground, the sun coming up, and grabbing a bit and eating it, because I'm a five year old, and then giggling.
Just because that's how I see myself. And I doubt I'll grow up that much before college.
I may be destined to be something of a five year old forever. I don't mind.

Love always,
Clara

12.01.2008

Julia Allison says interesting things that inspire me

Quote from http://julia.nonsociety.com
"The Starbucks lady at the airport had [her nails] done with little green mistletoe painted on them. That was pretty awesome, and I told her so"

People should do that kind of thing more often. I try to.
Just a thought.
Make the world brighter.

Love always,
Clara

The Playlist.

It's been a while since I've done this...
The music of the month:

Before the Worst - The Script
The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
Falling Faster - The Love Willows
Move Along - The All American Rejects
Human - The Killers
Another Way to Die - Jack White and Alicia Keys
Lost+ - Coldplay feat. Jay-Z
White Horse - Taylor Swift
Breakeven - The Script
Manic - Plumb
The Show - Lenka
Don't Let Me Fall - Lenka

Love always,
Clara

hahaHAHAHAhaha

"Gossip Girl is brought to you in part by Gardasil"
a.k.a. the STD vaccine.
Stunningly appropriate? I think so.

And for the record, I'm not hating on Gardasil. I'm protected from HPV too :)

Love always,
Clara

Secret of the day

I used to have an irrational fear of glue guns. Not that I would burn myself, as I was quite confident in my handling skills, but that I would leave one plugged in and burn the house down, killing my family and destroying everything that was dear to us.

Love always,
Clara

December...

Expect my posts to be longer, more interesting and thought out, and overall better.
I'm in writing withdrawal, so all of the interestingness that used to go into my novel is now... here.

I'm done with my homework and have already taken a shower (plus, tonight I decided to do the whole exfoliate-shave-tanning moisturizer thing even though it's winter. so this shower process was time-consuming) ALREADY. Usually my first thought would be "Okay cool, time to go work on the novel", but there is no novel to be written. 
I plan to edit it, of course, but that is happening in January. I need to distance myself for a little bit. To gain perspective, you know.

Today I found myself pretending to play hackey-sack (how do you spell that?) with a random bunch of guys in my grade and freshmen. I hadn't intended to. I had intended to find Kayla and whoever she was hanging out with in the East Building. But I found hackey-sack instead of kayla, and was given an opening in their large circle. Which was cool until the guys in my grade started being INCREDIBLY MEAN to me.
Okay, not really. They're sexist jerks, whatever, I thought it was funny. But of course, to protect my dignity, I acted shocked and appalled.
Then Kayla and Nikki showed up, so I had an exit.

I have this weird feeling that every day I wake up with the same delusion, and by the end of the day I'm proven wrong. Time and time again, I'm disappointed by reality.

I wonder if Five Guys has veggie burgers. Probably not.
Why am I thinking about that?
I suppose it's because I was thinking just now about my vegetarianism and how I can't imagine eating meat again, except the occasional bite of turkey at thanksgiving, which I intend to make a tradition. And I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can probably never again eat mashed potatoes.
(If you factor in all of the past and present code names in that last sentence, oh it means so much more)
But literally it's true. And so I was contemplating other circumstances under which I might be tempted to eat meat... the only thing I could think of was Five Guys. I've resisted so far though.

This post will probably prove the uninterestingness of my novel, to convince all of you who think it is a thing worth reading that you are horribly wrong.

Love always,
Clara

11.30.2008

I have this idea

I don't know what it would be used for.
But what if you took a camera and approached random people on the street and said:
"Tell me a lie"

What would they say?
What would it reveal?
Could it be super interesting?
This is what I have been contemplating.

Love always,
Clara

BIG HUGE SECRET

I'm a little nervous about putting this next secret on the internet.
But I have vowed to be 100% honest with you, dear random internet reader or close friend of mine, either or.

Secret of the day:
I don't actually have a headache. I made that up.

Love always,
Clara

11.29.2008

Family parties

Two parties tonight. With the lovely parents.
At the first, I knew no one. It was a scene out of gossip girl, with the exceedingly attractive and sophisticated high school kids from the all-boys' and all-girls' schools being corrupt, and of course there's the mysterious girl who's "a family friend". I'd like to think I was mysterious. It's possible I was just awkward.
At the second, I had heard everyone's name in stories of my mom's adolescence. So that was cool, putting the pieces together. My step-uncle steve is a creeper. It was funny, all of it.

Secret of the day:
I actually haven't started my homework at all. I've been conveniently forgetting about it all break. Tomorrow is the last day of national novel writing month. I'm kind of half-screwed.

Love always,
Clara

11.28.2008

Friday

I'm so tired.
We went shopping this morning. Mom, aunt Gail, and I. It was epic.

Secret of the day:
My second (third?) cousins are kind of weirder than I had imagined they would be.

Love always,
Clara

black friday

I woke up at 5 :45 this morning.
Went shopping.
I think it was worth it.

Love always,
Clara

11.27.2008

thanksgiving secret

I see way more of my dad in myself than of my mom, but I see a lot of my mom's sister Gail in there too... I'd rather be like my dad.

Love always,
Clara

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

It's turkey day and I'm reading twilight for maybe the third time and feeling quite depressed about my love life. I've said it before and I'll say it again- my edward cullen better show up pretty soon, or I'll wander off with Mike Newman, and everyone will be sorry.
Not that there's even a Mike in the sad sad life that belongs to me.

Okay, enough self-pity for the one day of the year supposed to be entirely devoted to thankfulness. I am thankful that...
-I have warm boots on right now
-My cousins are cool
-I have little homework over break
-My nails look really funky right now
-My dog is the cutest thing alive, and if you disagree you're wrong
-I have a generally good life, compared to some others out there
-I don't have to take the SATs again
et.
cetera.

They always say though to focus less on yourself on thanksgiving... that seems a little counterintuitive to me, just because if I'm being thankful on the behalf of others, it would end up sounding like:
-I'm thankful that Paris Hilton's hair is so nice
-I'm thankful that Kanye West is still successful
And so on.

I figure people probably mean "Be thankful and realize that other people can't ramble on as long as you can about how great their lives are"
Which is a good sentiment.
I don't know. I'm usually in it for the turkey and mashed potatoes.
Until this year.
Two things I'm NOT thankful for
-My dysfunctional inflammation-affected body that can't really handle simple carbohydrates or fats
-My sudden distaste for rotting animal flesh (otherwise known as the fact that I'm a vegetarian)

Love always,
Clara

11.26.2008

Secret of the day

I was kind of mean to Linda today, and implied that my uterus was going to explode.

Love always,
Clara

Real Conversation about Wet Sinks

With two friends of mine, one of whom was very confused as to what we were talking about. Hereby referred to as D and W to protect their privacy... they wouldn't want this conversation on the internet, I don't think.

D: Don't you hate it when in the bathroom the counters are really wet?
Me: Oh my god I do! 
D and Me: *chat about this*
W: (just joining the conversation) And you have to wonder what the liquid is in the first place...
Me and D: Um... Yeah...
W: You know what it is? Butt sweat. 
Me: *laughs for a million years at that image but simultaneously wants to throw up*
D: *does likewise*
Me: I don't know what experiences you've had with this, but D and I were talking about like, on the sink counter, when people are really messy washing their hands.
W: ..... oh. that's not what i thought you were talking about.

That might be the crudest blog post I have ever written.

Love always,
Clara

Today I'm going to write about 7th grade

Caroline Furnace, to be specific. Which is the trip we go on during the first month or so of school to get together, look at animals, learn how to read a map, eat bad food, and bond.
During all of this, you have to keep a journal-type thing. 
I just found mine.
Can I just say that my personality has not changed since seventh grade? Maybe the way I show it has, but not my real personality. example- when we were asked to write "I helped my group by..." and "I could have..." for this stupid/fun team building thing, I wrote
"I helped my group by getting people to listen to the other people.
I could have taken it a bit more seriously"
Still frustrated with people who don't listen. Still not taking it seriously.
Then we did this thing where you had to sit in the dark with one other person, and then write about it. I wrote a very dark poem about being the perfect target for like, a rape/murder, but also about how silly that thought was.
Skip to the back of the notebook, which was essentially our entertainment on the three hour bus rides to and from this place. Mash games, Orange games, doodles, quotes, etc. Apparently I've been compulsively writing quotes down for a long time. Notable quotes in the back:
"Cibus est crappy (besides cake!)"-- I had been taking latin for about a month. Cibus erat pessimus.
"I'm bisexual! He can get an implant!"-- Someone actually said this in a game of Mash when he was paired up with a guy. 
"Happy Chickens"-- I don't remember how this relates to Caroline Furnace, but I remember that this one time I was driving down the highway with my parents and saw this truck of chickens being transported. And they were NOT happy chickens. And I was really pretty upset by that. It made me want to be a vegetarian.
Of course, now I am.

I'm getting all these caroline-furnace related memories. Like, before we went, I wrote a newspaper article on it (I was one of four people on the newspaper staff that year. I loved it). And I asked a number of people what they thought it would be like (what we would do, what the food would be like, etc etc etc). Well, I asked my old sixth grade teacher, Mr Bloom, who I am still 100% in love with (and I mean that) about the food and he said:
"A little charcoaly. And it probably tastes like Caroline"
And I laughed for like, twenty minutes straight.

I read that notebook and saw so much of myself in it. It's funny how I would have been good friends with my seventh grade self, once I got her to stop frontin' (for lack of a better word) and just chill out.

Love always,
Clara

11.25.2008

Vampires and love

I just saw Twilight with my sister. We loved it. Sure, if I were being rational and really analyzing the movie I would say that some parts were a little unclear and there wasn't nearly enough Alice for my liking, but I am being a teenage girl, so my only coherent thought is: Where the hell is my Edward Cullen?
My sister and I were debating whether he needs to be a vampire or not (I said "ooh i want one" and she said "a vampire? you want a vampire?" and i said "no, i just want... that" and off we were).
She says that if he were human there would be no plot.
I agreed, but said that the real story was in his devotion to her, and her completely retarded (in a beautiful way) trust in him. That was the part I wanted. Although there wouldn't be a plot.
I then argued that one needn't have a good storyline for a good life. And for example, we know this family whose life could be a lifetime movie, complete with plot twists and red herrings, but I would NOT want to be them.

My puppy has decided he wants to play with me. There's this yellow plastic key that he keeps trying to get me to throw for him.
He is the cutest thing in the world. I do not exaggerate when I say this.

Love always,
Clara

Secret of the tuesday before thanksgiving

Although I am a vegetarian, I make exceptions.
I intend to eat one bite of turkey at each thanksgiving dinner I attend this week.

Love always,
Clara

School is crazy

I'm sitting in the crossroads losing wiki-wars. But only because Sam has evil wiki-voodoo that makes him win.

I had two normal classes, three tests in a row, and then lunch/chorus/free period. A weird blocky combination.

School is crazy.
So is the next comment:
 
I LOVE TOFU
says the highlighter.

But she's lying. the highlighter doesn't know anything about tofu. the highlighter, however, knows that vegetarians love tofu. Highlighters love the confederacy, for lack of a better word.

Love always,
Clara

11.24.2008

Secrets Secrets

Secret of the day:

I was speeding on the way home. It took me 25 minutes. I didn't regret it.

Love always,
Clara

Erzulie, and thanksgiving

I am the love goddess.
Fitting, right? Considering how I'm so undyingly optimistic (or is naive the word? I can never tell)...
Well, regardless, Mr. B cast the musical (before you get any ideas as to what else that might mean), and I am so excited.
This year might be among the best ever. Better than Oliver. Possibly better than By Jeeves (although By Jeeves will be hard to top). Just generally amazing all around.

I have two tests and a quiz tomorrow. Tests in math and chemistry, quiz (which truthfully will be more like a test anyways) in APUSH (the cool abbrev for AP US History).

I have not been writing as much as I should be. This saddens me, but gives me less incentive to keep going. But no, I will persevere. I will sit down and write.

You know what sucks a lot? Being a vegetarian avoiding carbohydrates on thanksgiving. Turkey? Just one bite, for the spirit of the thing. Mashed potatoes? Stuffing? Hell no. I am limited to like, green beans. And salad, only if I'm lucky.

Love always,
Clara

11.23.2008

A quote from the old blog

"I had something to say yesterday, but I don't remember what.
ah, toasted butt. there's something."

Felt the need to share.

Love always,
Clara

Secret of the day

Yes, this will be a daily feature.
And the secret of the day for thursday, although I didn't have an opportunity to post it, was:

Cath hid Will's jacket.

Friday and Saturday didn't have any obvious secrets that I can think to post, because I wasn't paying attention.
Secret of sunday:

I actually miss Model Congress.

Love always,
Clara

Motion to explain absence

Point of information: Where have I been?

I'll defer that to the author.

Model Congress 08 baby. Amazing. I loved it with the burning passion that tends to overtake me when I get to fight about something political for three days straight. My bill failed (that auto-industry bailout thing killed me), but it was way close. And I talked a lot, which was fun, and amended bills A LOT, which I personally love doing.

I was in full senate with Paul and Will (whose names I'm not sure they want on the internet because usually I ask, so feel free to forget those names), which was one hell of a dynamic. We were an army.

Fall concert was friday night. Madrigals was... eh. Chorus was... better. All those crazy a capella groups were amazing, and so congrats to any of you guys reading this. You rock :)
After that the Model Congress/Concert people went to get pizza in the city (yes, at like, 10 pm) and I swear I have not laughed that hard in a year. I was slightly slap happy, and we did the raucous teenager thing, but way classier because we are very classy people, we model congress/concert kids.

The Congressional Ball (aka wild slutfest) was... as it is. Fun but in the end a little disturbing. You know how that goes, yes? Not so much my scene.

And now I should be studying for one of the four test/quizzes I have in the next two days, but I felt compelled to blog.

Love always,
Clara

11.20.2008

Sitting in latin

On tuesday, I was walking to my car and felt compelled to write a short poem.

Giant glowing yellow tree,
what have you to say to me?
Will you blow away in the breeze,
or whisper with your shimmering leaves?

Love always,
Clara

11.19.2008

tired.

College night=yesterday
Headache=now
Model Congress=tomorrow
Homework=ubiquitous, goddamn it.

That's my life right now.
PMC 2008 will be the sickest thing ever. But I better not get sick or I will actually kill someone. Possibly myself. Or whoever happens to be standing near me when I SNAP.

Secret of the day: I haven't read Sense and Sensibility. But Ms. K thinks I have.

Love always,
Clara

11.18.2008

Snow! And conversations relating to my mom

It snowed today. It wasn't hardcore snow, but it was enough to be exciting and make me really happy. I love the snow so much.

Real conversation with my mom:
Mom: So dad's having a lot of fun at **newboringworkplace**
Me: oh yeah, that sounds like a blast
Mom: Shizizzle.
Me: wait, what?
Mom: Or, you know, whatever those rapsters say.
Me: Rapsters? Shizizzle? (dies quietly inside)

Real conversation about my mom:
Everyone on earth: Your mom looks like Hillary Clinton
Me: I know. I live with her.

Real conversation between my mom and someone else:
Mom: *orders dessert*
Waitress: Oh, we don't have that, but we have chocolate chip cookies.
Mom: Oh... do you have oatmeal raisin?
Waitress: (confused)... Would you like raisins on the side?

So this probably means I've been hanging out too much with my mom.

Love always,
Clara

Alone. At school. Again.

Real conversation between myself and an elevator just now:
me: *sleeping*
elevator: hello i am going to open and close because I am both haunted and obnoxious
me: Oh, come on elevator, really?

Talking to isabella now. We're talking about traffic.
I was able to speed this morning. I blasted the new James Bond theme song (Another way to Die-Jack White and Alicia Keyes). It was great.

Apologies for not posting yesterday. I was otherwise occupied with musical auditions, which were way fun. Mr. B. and Mr. R. together make a brilliant combination of artsy-theatrical-fun. I love it.

I'm also laughing about a particular conversation I had last night about that one time I was a breakfast pastry, and what constitutes pedophilia.

Love always,
Clara

11.16.2008

Ohh dear

Life is fun,
and then it gets crazy,
and then everyone around you loses their mind,
which reminds you that your mind's been gone for quite a while now.
And suddenly you're Elinor freaking Dashwood.

I'm in a mood. My apologies.
I should go to bed, or write, or stop thinking so hard.
That's it. I need to think just a little less.
Thinking got me into this mess. Although I know others whose messes are due to non-thinking. I would suppose there's a necessary balance.
But what's the fun of that?

Note to self: burn the old blog. it makes you unhappy.

Love always,
Clara

this is my procrastination

I have an english essay and Chem lab due tomorrow.
Haven't started doing homework.
I opened microsoft word to start the lab, but got distracted by my novel and instead wrote three hundred words about Georgia and her chem class and how she didn't feel like doing her chem lab. Just now she's started hers, and I'm still here.

I read about people procrastinating from writing their novels in NaNoWriMo. Writing is my procrastination.
There's a forum called "NaNoWriMo ate my soul" mostly occupied by people dreadfully behind schedule or otherwise unmotivated. NaNoWriMo didn't eat my soul, it's eating my life. I'll let the rest of it slip if I can live a little while longer in my fictional world.
I love fiction.

Oh, yesterday I decided I was going to make documentaries for a living. It's going to be fun. I look forward to my future now. I'm looking at colleges now with film studies majors. Wouldn't that be so awesome? I mean, you know I make videos (click the videos tag on your right). And right now they suck but if I worked at it I could make good ones.

I found my hooker boots yesterday too. So if filmmaker doesn't work out, I can be a hooker.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND PROPOSED. THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED. FOR REAL.
I am so beyond excited it is INSANE.

11.14.2008

in the library

It's a friday afternoon. And I'm sitting in the library. This place sucks out my  soul. But it's also something of a wonderful hiding place, you know? I can do basically whatever I want on the lovely laptop and people will assume I'm 
a) doing work
b) writing. 
And usually they're right. but 
a) IT'S FRIDAY AFTERNOON 
b) I GOT TO 50,000 WORDS TODAY in the great american novel, or the crappily fantastic string of words that has reached an epic length. either or. 
So I'm not inclined to do either. And I'm blogging instead.

I am under the impression that terrible, terrible things (previously referred to as 'unthinkable' although thinking has been taking place indeed) are happening at this moment. I most sincerely hope not, although it is really quite ironic, all of it, and I don't know why I'm even typing this because I genuinely hope only a small handful of people will know what I'm talking about.

I'm seeing James Bond tonight. Hot, although I heard a very unofficial rumor today that Daniel Craig plays for the other team. A shame. But a small victory for the men that way inclined.

This kid made a snake game on his calculator. If calculators can ever be super cool, it is definitely super cool.
if not, it's incredibly dorky (with only slight undertones of coolness).

Maybe I think it's cool because I'm a dork. That is very possible.

Love always,
Clara

P.S. everyone around me has lollypops. where are they getting these?

11.13.2008

Laying the smack down

You know those days when you have too much stuff to do and you end up wasting most of that time during which you should be doing things stressing out about the stuff you have to do, and then taking it out on the people around you and eating chocolates left over from halloween?

Yeah.

I told my mom today that she had too much fun, and that I didn't have nearly enough fun, and she was fifty one and I am sixteen, so that is incredibly backwards. I should be having insane amounts of fun at this stage of my life. She should be doing dishes and looking at me and sighing and saying "oh, how wonderful it is to be a teenager in the 21st century!"
But alas.
No, she goes off to fundraisers and whatnot and I sit at home fuming about 
a) the fact that she's off having fun
b) the fact that I have a latin test tomorrow
c) the fact that school in general kind of sucks the life out of me.

It shouldn't be doing that, anyways.
Sometimes it is way fun. Then they assign work. And it becomes way less fun.
But I still watched The Office tonight, and realized that Keira and Connor in my novel have a relationship similar to Jim and Pam in that the girl is kind of joking around all the time and the boy is totally smitten.
They make me smile. I want one.

I realized that: I'm one of those girls who really likes having a boyfriend. So hey you, Jim/Connor/whatever equivalent, you need to show up here pretty soon because I am bordering on legitimate unhappiness, and that just won't do.

Love always,
Clara

11.12.2008

What a peculiar day

I have a prediction:
in the next couple days, I will get a headache.

I'm retarded today. And I'm talking really loud, and I feel little twinges of this future headache. It's allergy season. 
I want the damn thing to just come already, so I can take an advil and be done with it. But no, the headache monster likes to turn me into a (loud) babbling idiot before it does its real damage.
One might say that the idiocy is the real problem.
Who can tell?

Today, sam fell asleep in physics. it was really funny. And for the purpose of keeping him asleep, we were probably the quietest we've been in that class all year.

And today I realized I can't remember the second line of Elgar's "As Torrents in Summer"
I know this bit "As torrents in summer *something something* in their channels suddenly rise, suddenly rise" etc. but it's the *something something* part that's killing me.
Why do I care so much about this song? I mean, really? It's a song we sang at the end of the year in chorus, and I liked it a lot and its pleasant hopeful message, and yeah occasionally I sing it to myself in the shower, but I'm really quite annoyed that I don't know this line.
It's a disconnect I guess. Disconnected from last spring.
Although I'm not sure I want to be connected to last spring.
Well, I am a person who lives without regrets, and therefore I would like to hold on to all parts of my life, including that one, which I suppose is why it distresses me that I can't remember this line.

Today was funny, probably because the damn allergens floating around are like drugs for me, so I'm basically walking around high on leaf mold.
Great.

Love always,
Clara

11.11.2008

"get under the covers, i'm going to tell you about newton"

Today my physics teacher was joking about how he could teach physics to his son (who's in kindergarden) in the form of bedtime stories. I thought it was all hilarious but vaguely familiar.
Then I realized he was describing my childhood.
My dad isn't a physics teacher. He's just... like that.
But to be honest, I did retain a lot of it.
I intend to do the same thing to my kids. Tell them all kinds of interesting things about chemistry and biology and physics, and algebra and triangles and maybe i'll work in some american history. Give them a full high school education before the age of 6.

I'm going to go write/watch house.

Love always,
Clara

11.10.2008

"The Unthinkable Happened"

hahaha overstatement of the century.
It's a LG15 reference, if you know what i mean. Which you might, if you're one of those people.
But something interesting happened today, which I will not go into.
And this thing had put me in a weirder mood than I would have probably anticipated, had someone asked me hypothetically yesterday. 
This is a mood that makes me talk a lot. Which is probably bad for the rest of the world around me, but just great for the novel
(which is coming along marvelously, considering i broke 40K yesterday)
I'm on the phone now and Daphna and I are talking about anteaters and reverse psychology and the general angst that is being a teenage girl.
Grr. Silliness. There is such a tangled web of spiders and you just need to be an anteater. 
*eats some ants*

I haven't started my homework OR my writing for the night. this is a sad, sad thing.

Love always,
Clara

11.09.2008

i need to figure out my plot

and soon.
I had had so much planned out, the beginning, bits of the middle, and the end. there was just a big chunk in the middle that went "AND A LOT OF STUFF HAPPENS".
i'm at that part.
A lot of stuff is supposed to be happening right now.
And I can't think of any stuff or how the timing will work or anything. I'm thinking i'm just going to fast forward and skip this bit, and go back to it in a flashback once I figure out what the hell happened.
Sounds like a plan?

(And for those completely confused, I'm referring to my novel)

Love always,
Clara